Today had been a good day so far. Ezra told Arcann he knew about the bay then next thing he knew he was being hugged to death for not judging him. M on the other hand had been teasing him all day about a certain crush he may have had. DJ and Thexan talked to him about stories of life before this all happened. Then the night feel and he heard a lot of things. Things like. Death. Killings. Murder. Blood.
All these things and more were found in Starkiller's God dean stories. Ezra felt his body tense up a bit looking at the male. Starkiller seems to be close to smiling under his helmet. Well at least he sounds like he was close to smiling to Ezra. Maybe he didn't like hearing these things. Ezra had no idea. Yet, he knew not to say anything to get him mad that night.
"Well, that's a nice story bro. I'm headed to bed." M yawned climbing over to the fire. Her brother sighed as he tried to think of something else to say. The twins yawned as the went to bed as well. Thexan was snuggling with Dj. As for Arcann, he was put like a light sleeping as close as he could to the fire without getting any flames on him. Ezra sighed as he laid down on the floor trying to go to bed.
The key word in that was trying. He didn't exactly seem to want to sleep that night. Well he was tired, it was that his body just didn't wanna got to bed. It just wanted to stay awake all nigh long. It was just like it knew something was going to happen that night. Something important.
Sure enough a few hours pasted of the male struggling to go to bed before he noticed something. Starkiller wasn't in the cave anymore. He was once again looking sitting on the outskirts of the cave eyeing the outside world with his back to his friends. Yet, there was one thing different then all the other times this had happened. Well other than the fact Ezra was awake. His helmet was laying on the ground next to his sister who was currently hugging the thing to her body like it was a teddy bear.
Ezra sat up quickly when he felt something through the force. It was a mixtures of multiple emotions. Pain. Hatred. Worry. Pity. Sadness. Depression. Everything Starkiller had been holding back that day. He pulled his legs to his chest holding back any urge he had to break down. He had to be strong. After all that's what leaders did. They were strong for others. Ezra on the other hand decided to try and speak with him.
"Hey, you okay?" Ezra asked walking over to him. Starkiller jumped a foot in the air into a large pile of snow outside of the cave. He was covered in snow and was fearing cold a few seconds later as he tried to pull himself out of the snow pile. Which did work out..........about a minute later after Ezra used the force to help him up. That was when he got a glare as cold as ice from a set of eyes he hadn't seen in a while.
Starkiller's eyes were unsurprising a bight shade of yellow and looked like they'd belong to a rabid Loath cat. He had a very masculine looking face along. Surprisingly he had the same shade of brown for hair that Kanan had. Yet, his was shaved down to a bear minimum. There was also a few cuts on his checks. The second he yellow eyes landed on the boy, the old emotions turned to pure hatred. Yet, it didn't seem to be directed towards Ezra.
"What the actual fuck man? What the hell are you doing?" He snapped standing above the male. Like always he used his hight to try and stand his ground around the Ezra. He seemed to be trying to do it again. Yet, with what Ezra was getting a hint of through the force, he wasn't gonna stand down.
"I was trying to sleep but, the force kept me up. Has anything happened yet?" Ezra asks looking as innocent as he could. Meanwhile he was trying to read his mind without him knowing. Through he was praying Starkiller wasn't reading into anything that was going on in his mind.
"Well I say you get your weak ass back into bed before I put you there myself." He threatened glaring again. Ezra jumped a bit as the male took a tiny step forward revealing the large bags under his eyes. It looked like he hadn't slept in days. Then again, he probably hadn't which was why he wasn't even bothering to try and hide his emotions from him. He was to tired to do anything right now.
"Well, maybe you should go to bed instead." Ezra mumbled as the male turned around to face the cave exit. He felt anger through the force as the male spun around revaluing a pissed off look.
"What the hell did you just say to me blue boy?" He snapped glaring. Ezra gulped. Then he did something he had been wanting to do for seven days now. Stand his ground.
"You heard me. It's obvious you haven't slept in days now. You're so tired you can't even use the force to block your emotions from other Jedi! So get your butt to bed and I can take watch for once." Ezra snapped glaring right back. Starkiller took a deep breath making his chest puff out a tiny bit and made him a few more inches taller. His yellow eyes were glaring at him.
"Oh really? Well then what the fuck am I feeling now then? Huh? Or are you not even strong enough to sense that!" He snapped squeezing his hands into a fist. He began trying to calm down by rubbing his thumb over his fingers on his left hand. Ezra meanwhile sighed as he read the male's mind. In his defence he knew he felt hatred. He just didn't know who it was for. Yet, once he did know who it was for, he kinda wanted to hug him.
"Like he really care. No one cares! Nobody. Jonny cared and I fucking killed him! I'm the reason he's dead! I'm a fucking ass! I mean I know I have no one and the I know I don't deserve anyone to care for me! I just deserve to go lay in the snow and die! I deserve to die! I'm just a pathetic good for nothing murder who just should go die in a hole!" Starkiller's mind was screaming all these things at once. Hearing it made Ezra's heart break as his eyes filled with a look of shock. He sighed as he looked at the male with not a look of pity but, a look of understanding. The male knew what it was like to feel unwanted. What it was like to be depressed. He felt like that when Kanan lost his sight. Sure he got over it but, it took a long time and a lot of support from his family to get over it. Starkiller had no one. He refused to let anyone know about it or help him with it.
"You're feeling self hatred......" Ezra stated. The smirk on his face he had to try and intimated him disappeared. It was Stella with a look of shock before a frown. His eyes were full of so much hopelessness for a second as everything he had been his,into back broke through a barrier sending so many different waved through the force. It made Ezra sad. Meanwhile Arcann winced a bit while remaining fast asleep behind them as his child moved sensing something wrong.
"Okay. You got me. I- I'll just go to bed." Starkiller sighed helplessly as he walked back in the cave. He curled up on the cave ground around the fire. Yet, he didn't sleep. His eyes remained staring at the fire as it crackled. Ezra sat at the cave entrance. He glanced over his shoulder to see the male looking into the fire.
"You know, you should talk to someone about this. I doesn't seem like it now but, it'll help in the long run. It really will." Ezra states looking over at him. Starkiller sighed as he glanced over at the male.
"What ever you say blue berry." Starkiller yawned as his eyes finally closed. Ezra's saw dropped open realizing he had used a normal non hurtful name to address him for once. He was just about to say something a few second later when he heard the male snowing. Ezra chuckled a bit as he looked back outside of the cave.
"What ever you say cat eyes." He smiled as his eyes traveled up to the two moons in the sky. Little did he know, someone had kicked the handcuffs he usually wore into the fire on his way to bed.