I step inside the graveyard. This place feels more home to me than the house, I think to myself and laugh. What a weird thing to think.

Mom, dad and Teddy are buried beside each other. The places near to them have filled up. I feel sad because I know I would never get to sleep forever with my mother's warmth.

The flowers I brought two days ago, still sit there as nice as new. The ones I brought before that haven't dried up either. The place looks crowded and I make a mental note to myself to not bring flowers for a few days, so as to not suffocate my poor dead family.

I feel cheerful today. I don't feel like crying like I usually do. I can feel my mother in here. Her smile brightens up the whole place and makes it a lot lesser. I hug myself, as the cold wind envelopes me. Teddy would want a sweater, I think to myself.

I sit down between mom's and dad's graves but do not talk. The silence is my way of apologizing for all the hurt I have put them through when they were still alive.
There is a lump in my throat and I am afraid I will cry again.
So I move over to sit beside Teddy's grave. It is smaller and every time I look at it, it reminds me of the young age at which he had to bid the world goodbye. He didn't live when he deserved to.

I live when I don't deserve it.

"Whats up, Ted? You annoying my mom and dad? I am sure you are annoying the crap outta them."

I can imagine him flashing his toothiest grin at me. Its contagious so a little smile appear on my emotionless face too. "Are you having fun up there? Do you have new friends? Wait, you don't have a new sister, do you? I hope not. Do you still play the piano with mom? Improve your singing, okay?"

I shower him with all kinds of questions. The same questions I ask on all my visits.

The questions I know I would never get an answer too.

But asking them makes me feel better.
I sit there for almost an hour. When my feet have grown too numb, I get up to leave, bidding my quick goodbyes to the three of them.