I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO FEEL ANYMORE, BECAUSE SOMETIMES I FEEL A WHITE HOT ANGER AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A BLACK HOLE HAS BEEN PLUNGED INTO MY BODY, ROBBING ME OF ALL EMOTION. AM I DEPRESSED? THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I DON'T THINK I AM, BECAUSE I CAN FEEL THESE EMOTIONS IN ME, NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY ARE. BUT THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING AND I AM LAYING IN MY BED STARING AT MY CEILING AND I AM WATCHING A SPIDER BUILD A HOME THAT I COULD NEVER HAVE. I AM WATCHING THE SPIDER BUILD WHAT WE COULD HAVE BEEN, ONLY TO BE DESTROYED IN THE MORNING BY MY FEAR