I was in the nurses office

even though I was okay 

even though the panic attack had passed.

I insisted

that I was okay

that it happened all the time

but apparently

that was the wrong thing to say

because that happening all the time

was a sign that I was

in fact

not okay

especially because

I had been ditching the counselor

the past couple of weeks.

It wasn't like 

I got in trouble 

for missing the counselor,

but it just meant

that my counselor kept calling

and leaving messages

at the house phone.

I always erased the messages

as soon as I got home

because I didn't want

to get in trouble 

even if they probably 

wouldn't do anything

about it.

The nurse made Grace

go to her class

while she sent me

to the counselors office.

He kept asking questions

about everything

but I refused

to talk

I just sat there

and sat there 

and sat there

until he finally let me go to class

sighing as I left.

I felt bad in a way

because both my sister and I 

have gone to him 

and he hasn't been able

to help us

or make us talk to him.

But I don't want to be

just another project

that he can try to fix.

I'm not some broken thing

people can just magically make better.

With that thought in mind

I left without feeling bad anymore

and as much as I didn't want to

I headed to English

which I had

with Presley

and Mary

and everyone else

who took part

in videoing me while I was drunk.

This was going to be 

so

much

fun...

Not.

After school

I finally caught up with Shane

and he said he would visit Daiha

which made me smile

because Daiha deserved to have him there.

He said he had visited her a couple times

in the past few weeks

which I didn't know.

I guess

we never visited 

at the same time.

Then, 

Shane asked 

if I wanted to go to youth group with him.

It seems like

almost everyone I talk to now

is Christian...

aside from Jax.

But Jax had something 

against Christianity 

and I wasn't sure what

but I wanted to know.

I wanted to know more about him

because he knew everything

practically

about me

but I didn't know much about him

and I wanted to

and I was going to ask him.

"Delilah!"

I turned,

and Grace walked up..

"Are you okay?

What did the nurse say?"

She asked.

"Oh,

she said 

I should probably talk to my doctor

about what's happening,

and then she sent me

to the counselors,

but everything is fine,

really"

I tried to smile

and I could tell 

that she didn't believe it

but Shane didn't need to know

that I wasn't okay.

He had enough to deal with

with Daiha

at least

if she woke up.

I bit my lip

and looked away

because thinking about Daiha

made me want to cry

and I wasn't going to cry in school

I refuse to.

"I didn't know

you knew Delilah"

Shane said to Grace 

and she smiled at him.

"Yeah,

we met a couple of days ago.

I didn't know you knew Delilah?

Oh wait! 

Ohh! 

I remember you talking about Daiha

at youth group!

It didn't click until now."

Grace said

and I was confused 

and I must have looked like it

because Shane turned to me

and said,

"We go to the same youth group"

and then it clicked.

"Hey guys"

and then there was Ingrid

and it was like everyone 

that ever cared was all in one place

except for Daiha

and Jax.

"Are you talking about youth group?"

and they all nodded.

"so, 

Delilah,

are you coming?"

Grace asked,

and they all looked at me 

expectantly

and I couldn't say no.

How could I?

"Yeah,

I guess so"

I said

and they all got really excited.

I smiled at them,

and then Ingrid had to go somewhere

and Grace had to go to work

but she said she could take me

to youth group.

Shane had to leave to

and before he left,

he said,

"I'm really glad you're coming.

Your sister would be so happy

to know that you're coming to youth group"

and that confused me

because I didn't think

that Daiha believed in God.

"Wait,

Shane, 

what are you talking about?"

he stopped walking

and turned back to me.

"Delilah...

Right before the..

accident..

Daiha wouldn't go back inside.

It was like something came over her

I don't really know what it was"

he smiled

"I think it was God

just pulling at her heart strings.

She wanted to pray

and become a Christian.

What was it she said?

She said she wanted 

to go in the cellar 

as a Christian.

We prayed

and she became a Christian.

But 

right as we turned to go into the cellar

she got swept up 

by the wind

and she couldn't get any purchase

and she fell.

I was able to find someone

from the coast guard

and they found her

down at the beach 

just in the knick of time.

I thought you knew?"

"No...

no I didn't"

and it was as if

everything around me

was crashing to the ground

and burning 

in a fiery blaze.

Daiha was a Christian?

that wasn't even the part

that was making my blood run cold.

no,

it was the fact

that Shane was the last one

to be with her

before everything happened,

that it could've been Shane

not Daiha

that was swept away.

I just

why didn't I know this?

"Um,

hey Shane?"

"Yeah?"

"Did my...

did my parents know about this?"

I asked.

"Yeah, 

they knew

as soon as Daiha was put in the hospital."

and everything just stopped.

why didn't they tell me?

I had to find everything out 

about Daiha from the doctor.

the doctor.

Why couldn't my parents

ever be there for me?

what did I do

that was so bad

that they would barely talk to me?

the other day

at the hospital

with my mother...

she didn't really care.

Why didn't they care?

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair...

Maybe it wasn't my fault

that Daiha was in a coma..

it was theirs.

all

their

fault.

Daiha wouldn't have starved herself

she wouldn't have cut herself

she wouldn't have made herself throw up.

maybe I could've prevented it

but it was their fault

for moving here in the first place.

their fault

their fault

their fault

"Delilah?"

I broke out of my reverie 

to find Jax.

I paused

and shook my head

and smiled at Jax.

"Yeah.

Yeah I'm fine.

um,

so do you want to go get coffee?

I figured since you know 

a lot about me,

I could learn more about you?"

I said timidly, 

feeling weird 

asking him to coffee.

he smiled,

and said

"actually,

I was thinking 

we could go to the park 

to talk instead.

I kinda have a lot to tell you"

I nodded,

and he took my hand

which made my heart beat

faster 

and 

faster

but in a good way.

His smile

in my direction

made me push 

thoughts of my parents

into the back of my mind.

Enough about me.

Time to focus on Jax

instead of me for a change.

________________

A/N

hey everyone! I just wanted to let you guy know how thankful I am for all of your support, and your comments which I love reading:) and I also wanted to tell you guys something! So, Smile has a sister story, called A Forgotten Whisper, written by my best friend, Bigchick7. It's written in Ingrid's point of view, and you get to see Daiha from Ingrid's point of view, and a more descriptive look into Ingrid and Daiha's life. The story is still in it's beginning chapters, but I want you all to go check it out because it is fantastically amazing! Seriously, go check it out:)

I love you all!

~ Kim ~