The rapid thudding on the other side of the door made Eddie's heart skip a beat. It was loud, obnoxious, demanding attention in the rudest way possible. There was no rhythm to it, nor was there any explanation why anyone would know her and Maverick's hotel room. Housekeeping wouldn't knock like that, nor would the room service Maverick claimed he'd ordered before jumping into the shower once again—no music this time, Eddie had noted. Either a good thing or a really bad thing and she'd ask over dinner.

That didn't solve the knocking, though. It hadn't actually stopped in the time it took Eddie to think of all the possible ways she was going to be murdered by whoever was on the other end of the door.

She stood on her toes to look out the peephole and frowned—a ball of that much hair could've only been one person. Unlocked the door and opened it gingerly. "Hi—"

"Do I have a fucking bone to pick with you, Yamaguchi." Axel didn't waste any time getting past her and in the hotel room. Her guard was down, sue her. He still smelled like the bar and his eyeliner was smudged.

"Um." Eddie looked around for a moment before closing the door and turning to see him. Pacing right in front of her bed. "Come in?"

"You ruined my fucking life, do you know that?"

Something in Eddie's chest sank into her stomach. "I'm sorry?"

"I just—I can't." Axel threw his hands up. "I can't live like this."

"Did something happen—Are you okay? Did you get papped—" Eddie looked in the peephole again. Nobody she could see. "Did they follow you?"

"God, no, not like that." Axel scoffed. "They don't care about me. Who the fuck do you think I am to anyone?"

Eddie turned around again. Axel stared at her both like he'd never seen her before and like he'd known her his entire life. She wanted to be someone who could say: you're everything and have him believe her. And she didn't think either version of her that he was seeing was allowed to do that.

Eddie didn't know if she was allowed to approach but did so slowly. "Can I just warn you that Mav—"

"They care about you but, fuck, Eddie—so do I."

"You—huh?"

"Like hell you didn't know."

"I asked for time—"

"And I did my fucking best to respect that, but I don't know what the fuck you did to my brain but it's like I go to sleep and you're behind my fucking eyelids and when I finally get to sleep you're all I dream about and when I wake up I'm sad you're not there. And I thought I had it under control but then you went and came over and wouldn't let me smoke because I don't know maybe you cared about my health more than I did in the moment and I haven't stopped thinking about kissing you on the balcony maybe because it's been plastered everywhere and that's not your fault but then you had the fucking audacity—"

Eddie raised her eyebrows. "Audacity?"

"—To put that fucking nicotine patch on me and I wanted to tell you then but I was so fucking depressed that it didn't feel like the right time but then shit hit the fan and then there was no time because you wanted space and, fuck, I tried my best. And I feel crazy and I know I'm drunk but I was so ready to tell you today because seeing you brought everything back that I thought I had a hold of and then you sat as far away from me as possible don't think I didn't notice—" Axel took a shaky breath. Him yelling at her in a hotel room in Chicago was not on any bingo card she may have created but lo and behold, it was happening.

"Are you cryi—"

"So I questioned whether any of this was what you wanted because, god, obviously your opinion matters if we're going to start a relationship and that's a five dollar word to take to the fucking bank because we haven't even really discussed that directly, oh my god—" Axel said. He looked liked he was having a panic attack about a panic attack about his confession. "But then you fucking put your hand on my leg at the bar and what am I supposed to do with that if I'm not allowed to kiss you in public or maybe at all because that was just fucking cruel, Yamaguchi. Fuck you for that little nugget of whiplash you fed to me. Bullshit. Bullshit. And that was after Moxie told me not to fuck this up and I didn't have the balls to say I feel like I already fucked this up and even before her there was Cruella—ohoho, fuckin' Cruella Queen—said you don't see the way she looks at you, do you? And I said you hadn't been fuckin' looking at me all day and she fucking laughed and told me I was acting like such a boy. And apparently you've been giving me a look and I missed it which is exhausting when I don't really spend much time looking anywhere but you—even when I'm not around you, I can't get the fuck away from you no matter how hard I try. Because I made the mistake of becoming an artist and god forbid that gives me peace when I've been editing photos of you for the last three months of my life so no fucking wonder it feels like I'm in l—No fucking wonder it feels like I'm fucking nuts."

Axel only stopped to take a breath and it wasn't even long enough for Eddie to remotely process anything he'd yelled at her before he continued on his tirade. She had to respect the stamina of his frustration.

"And I know you said you had to make a decision but I thought it was obvious that the decision was to be with me, Eddie. Wasn't it?" Axel asked. He gripped his stupid blonde hair like he was going to pull it out and Eddie didn't know if she was allowed to touch him to prevent it. "I haven't had a singular moment to myself in months because I can't get you out of my fucking head because I know how lucky I am to even get to be in a sliver of your life and I still can't fucking believe my own audacity that I let you walk away on your fucking birthday to have a pity party by yourself that is so entirely fucked up and I'm so sorry—"

"You really don't have to apologize—"

"—But I can't wait any longer for you to make a decision because it's making me physically ill not talking to you because I want to hear about your shitty days as much as I want to hear about the days where you feel like you're on top of the fucking world because I fucking care about you and I'm sorry that I can't stop doing so but I didn't think I was being stealthy about it then I got anxious that I was being stealthy about it and my therapist literally made fun of me for that because he's met you once when I was there and he could tell which is fucking embarrassing but that's not the point—" Axel threw his hands up in the air and decided that wasn't enough so he pointed at her like she wasn't the only other person presently in the room. "And I can't believe I had to fly to fucking buttfuck Boston to contain myself because I couldn't breathe in San Francisco knowing I wasn't allowed to talk to you and now somehow you're here and I'm here and it's like I'm fucking suffocating again so can you please say something before I pass out?"

Eddie paused for a moment. "Are you actually going to let me get a word in?"

"That's the first thing you have to say?"

Eddie tried not to laugh. Tried. Operative word. She slapped a hand over her mouth but the snort rattled out anyway. In her weak defense, she had also been drinking.

"Don't laugh?!"

"I'm sorry."

Axel pinched the bridge of his nose. "Jesus Christ. I'm gonna be sick."

"Do you need to sit down?"

"God, no, I need you to say something in relation to anything I just said." Axel put his hands on his hips and Eddie wanted to laugh again. Maybe the laughter was relief. "Anything, Eds. Please. You're killing me."

"Is that actually why you were in Boston?"

"Why would I make up something that pathetic?"

"It's not pathetic."

"I went and complained about you to my dead mom."

"You what?"

"You heard me," Axel said, waving his hands around like it proved his point any better than just raising his voice at her. "I flew to Boston two weeks early, drove to my fucking mother's gravesite for when the fucking cemetery opened, and yelled about you until I was politely asked to leave because someone was being buried not too far away and the family wanted—I don't know, fucking peace or something. And so I had to drive back to my fucking hotel and sit there and pretend that my mother was still there listening because like fucking hell I was dragging myself to my father's house two weeks early so I sat there by my fucking self and cried about you and my dead mom at the same fucking time," Axel said. "Now look up the definition of pathetic in the dictionary and you'll find a photo of me in that fucking hotel room sleeping on the floor because I couldn't stomach sleeping in the bed without you."

"Oh."

Axel practically doubled over. "Can you please say something?"

"I don't know," Eddie said. "You don't seem like you're done yelling yet."

"You're fucking killing me," Axel said. "Oh my god."

"Are you done yelling?"

Axel crossed his arms. "Well. Maybe. Yeah. Sure."

"I'm sorry that my timeline took longer than expected," Eddie said. "But I would like you to recognize it's been two weeks. So, I'm also not sorry."

"That's... fair. Sorry," Axel said, "for being impatient."

"I forgive you," Eddie said. "Clearly I'm irresistible."

Axel sighed loudly. "I might go walk into traffic—"

"Axel."

"Sorry."

"I think at this point you owe me dinner. It's only fair. I paid for it last time."

"For yelling? Or like for a date—"

"Oh, for yelling, obviously." Eddie leaned against the wall beside Maverick's bed. Crossed her arms across her stomach.

"Oh."

"Axel?"

"Yeah?"

"You can't actually think I'm being serious."

"I—Oh." Axel thought about it for a second. It actually looked like the thinking was hurting him a little bit before realization dawned on his face. "OH."

"So," Eddie said. "Do you want me to yell back or are we cool?"

"I mean I poured my guts out to you, I'd love something back that isn't mocking me."

Eddie pushed herself off the wall, kept her arms crossed. Eyed him for a moment.

"I don't know how you think staring at me like that is going to do anything other than make me want to kiss you more than I already did."

"I didn't say that wasn't what I wanted." Eddie tilted her head a little to the side, raised an eyebrow.

"Respectfully," Axel said, crossing his arms, "you haven't said anything you wanted."

"Can I say—" Eddie made a face. "—something?"

"Not if you're going to be sick about it."

Good. What a time to confirm that her and Coach had the same facial expression when it came to talking about feelings. He was exactly who she wanted to be thinking about right then.

"That article really fucked me up," Eddie said, and walked over to her bed and sat on the edge of it. Knit her fingers together in her lap and looked up at Axel. Tried not to tear up again thinking about it. "And I don't think I have to explain that to you. But I need to acknowledge it because, I don't know, someday I want to forgive myself for the fact that it exists. I'm... trying to. Working on it. It'd be nice. But, um, it scared me. It scares me. I know he's just an asshole, and he'll always be an asshole. But... I mean, they were at your apartment. I don't like that that picture's on the internet for everyone to see. And it's not because I'm embarrassed that I was kissing you—it's because that made me feel like every moment I let myself have is for everyone else as well. Like I don't get a minute to be myself versus be what the world knows me as. And it made me feel like maybe he wasn't bluffing about having other photos of us, and other people I've slept with. I've never been ashamed of sex, but that doesn't mean I want it posted fucking everywhere. I feel like I have to watch over my shoulder to make sure there's not a camera there."

Axel gave her a small, questioning look at the spot on the bed beside her and Eddie nodded. The bed lulled beside her as he sat down.

"I'm sorry that I said what I said to you," Eddie said, "I was trying to protect you. From whatever he has on me. I thought that being alone was the best way to do that but all it did was make me feel fucking lonely. I'm sorry that I hurt you because I made a decision against everything you've ever said to me. That wasn't fair. I thought I'd only hurt myself and that was okay, but I didn't think about anyone other than myself even if I told myself I was thinking of others."

"You're really mean to yourself," Axel said. Voice the calmest it had been since he entered the hotel room. "Do you know that?"

"I'm working on it," Eddie said. She sighed and swallowed her pride. "I just—I really like you. To the point that I'd rather give you up than have him take you down for being associated with me. That's not okay and I know firsthand how shitty it feels."

"Can I?"

"Can you?"

Axel blinked, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "Kiss you, Eds. Can I?"

"After all that?" Eddie asked.

"I've kissed people in a lot worse states, remember?"

"I'm not joking."

Axel smiled, put his hand on her cheek so softly it took her brain a moment to register the touch. "Nobody else is here."

"That's not—"

"This one would be just for us."

"I can't stop him from writing bullshit rhetoric—"

"I don't care."

"You should, it's your life."

"If the worst thing he can say about me is that I'm your rumour," Axel said. "That's fine with me. Nothing he says matters. At the end of the day, it's words and he's a bully who doesn't really know how to use them."

"What if he says—"

"Eddie," Axel said. "It's okay. I meant it when I said the shitty days too."

"There are some... really shitty days," Eddie said.

"If you'll let me," Axel said, "I'll be there through them all. You can't scare me. If that's what you're trying to do."

"I'm being realistic."

"So am I." And she searched those stupid hazel doe eyes for any semblance he was lying to her. Of course he wasn't. Axel Canterbury and his dumb smile and silly neck moles and ridiculous blonde hair had never lied to her. Never given her any reason to treat him as anything other than one of the most genuine people she'd ever met.

Call Eddie weak and she'd say only for him. Call Eddie stupid and she'd say only for him. Call Eddie anything and she'd drown it out if she got to kiss him as peacefully as that over and over again. Call her a fool when she blushed at the realization he'd let her kiss him as peacefully as that over and over again.

His heart of gold beat hard when her fingertips grazed his chest. Pulling away was worth it to see his smile and the flush on his cheeks. Even better was that Eddie now had the knowledge that Axel had a lovely little smile when he got what he wanted and it was different than every other smile she'd seen in his collection of silly smiles.

"I really need to tell you something," Eddie said.

"Is it that you have a crush on me?" Axel asked. "Because that's embarrassing and you should keep it to yourself."

"I'll keep that one locked up," Eddie said. "You'll never know."

"Good," Axel said. "Because then I might have to tell you the same."

"Wow," Eddie said. "Keep that under wraps. I don't want to know."

"I'm going to kiss you again," Axel said. "Not because I like you or anything."

"Why would you?"

Axel tucked her hair behind her ear. And smiled. "I'm sure I can think of a couple reasons."

"Okay, but I really need to tell you—"

"I'm so sorry if I'm interrupting something but it got really quiet in here and I don't want to be in here if this is escalating—" A loud bang as Maverick walked bisexually into the bathroom door frame. "Ow, motherfucker—"

Axel's eyes widened. Cheeks went bright red in an instant. Eddie let out a small laugh and gave him a quick kiss. "Has he been here the whole time?"

"Hey—" Maverick walked into the room with a hand over his eyes. "—I heard her try to warn you. Multiple times. Piece of advice, listen to her. She probably knows best."

"Mav?" Axel said.

"Yeah?"

"Clothes are on."

"Oh." Maverick took his hand off and tucked both of them into the pockets of his new sweatpants. "I'm so sorry but I waited as long as I could."

"Sorry you had to hear that," Axel said.

"No, you did great, man," Maverick said. "I—Where's your hotel?"

"Down the street."

"Can I have your room key?" Maverick asked. "I—well. I assume you're staying the night."

"That's up to—"

Both of them looked at Eddie.

Eddie rolled her eyes. "Guess you can stay."

Axel dug his hand into his pocket and threw his room key across the room like a frisbee. Which was a stupid thing to do to someone who, one, had just run into a door frame, two, was as unathletic as Maverick was, and three, was not wearing his glasses when he very much needed them. Needless to say, he scooped it off the floor quickly after it nearly hit him in the face.

"Thanks."

"Thank you."

"Okay," Maverick said. He darted into the bathroom and came out with his glasses on. Good timing. "Well. I'm gonna go. Um. Have fun. Happy for you. I won't tell anyone until you do. Actually, that's a lie, I already told Everleigh because she's my favourite person. But nobody else. Except also Stevie. Because she's my other favourite person. But I told them not to tell anyone. Uh. Love you both. Love this. Yeah. Great."

"Mav," Eddie said. "Get lost."

Maverick laughed as he slid on a pair of shoes. "I paid for this hotel room, I should be kicking you out."

"Bye."

"Wait," Axel said. "Mav?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for telling me the room number," Axel said. "Next time maybe mention you're rooming here too."

"I'm rooming at a hotel down the street," Maverick said. "But okay."

"Thank you."

"Bye." Maverick made his exit without walking into the doorframe, and he yelled a very loud "Fuck you," to Eddie and Axel when they applauded him for it.

Axel laughed into her shoulder. And kissed it. "Was it just me or did he give himself a black eye—"

"Oh, no, he definitely needs to ice that," Eddie said.

Laughing felt good. Felt right. Felt lighter, like she really needed it. And she did. She could admit that. Then Axel kissed her again and she was allowed to smile because it was just the two of them and he smelled like the bar but he also smelled like sandalwood and it was the most magnificent concoction of Axel Canterbury that she wanted to drown in.

Axel moved his mouth down to her neck and Eddie let a small breath out. "You're sure you're okay with making headlines—"

"I don't care." Axel barely paused his kissing to reply. A hand under her shirt didn't even distract her from her anxiety.

"I just—" Axel kissed her again and Eddie was ever so patient to wait until he was done. "I don't want it to be too much—"

"Eddie." Axel pulled away. Hand moved to the small of her back and his thumb rubbed gently. "I don't care."

"You say that now—"

"Want me to go yell it out the window?" Axel stood up from his seat.

"No." Eddie grabbed at the side of his jeans to keep him in place and she must've had his attention because he didn't even look down at her hand or make fun of her for it. "Are you still going to not care when you're sober?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"I have an album coming out in a couple weeks that details a lot of my life," Axel said. "Including feelings for you."

"Embarrassing."

Axel snorted out a laugh. "If I can give that to the world before I even kissed you, why the hell would I care about a headline that said I went on a date with you?"

"That's not the headline I'm worried about."

"Oh no." Axel gasped dramatically. "People will know we had sex? Scandalous. Call the fuckin' presses. It's fine, Eddie."

"What if it becomes... not fine?"

Axel shrugged. "We deal with it together."

"How can you be this relaxed about it?"

"Because I'm in a hotel room with a stunning woman who has driven me crazy for the last couple months and she's just admitted she has the same feelings for me as I have for her," Axel said. He leaned down and put his hands on either side of Eddie's hips. Face close enough Eddie could feel his breath. "And those feelings mean that anything anyone else says doesn't matter to me. Especially right now."

Eddie grabbed his t-shirt with her fist. "I'm going to kiss you now."

"Good."

"And I'm gonna do something else to you right after that."

"Even better."