Another tear falls on the freshly turned dirt. I don't know how long I've been sitting on Zara's grave. Grave. The word is still foreign to me. My head hasn't fully wrapped around the idea that's she's actually gone. 

"Zara, I know it's too late to tell you this, but I wanted you to know that I may not have known you for a long time, but it was a great time," I begin. "I tried to save you; from your mom, from our classmates, from yourself. I tried, and I failed. And I'm sorry for that. Now you're-well, now you're dead, and there's nothing I can do about it."

I pick up a handful of dirt and run it through my fingers. "I wish things could've been different. I wish I could've done something. But most of all, Zara, I wish I could've gotten the guts to tell you I loved you."

My tears fall faster and faster. "Instead, I'm sitting at your grave. And I-I don't know what to do."

I draw a heart in the ground with my thumb. "It's my fault; you said it yourself. I forced you to tell me things I shouldn't have. I got mad at you over something stupid. I should've been there for you instead of pushing you away."

I trace "Z+J" into the center. "If I had just been a better person, maybe you wouldn't have killed yourself."

A leaf falls on the heart. "I'm sorry, Zara. I'm sorry you had to go through all that pain. I'm sorry I didn't help you. I'm sorry this is what happened."

The wind picks up the leaf and blows it deeper into the cemetery. "Most of all,"

I stand fast enough to disrupt the loose dirt. "I'm sorry you're gone."

My foot lands on the drawing and I dig it in. It's my fault. I deserve this pain. I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this.

A/N: I know, more of a teaser than a real chapter, but I hope you guys like it! This book is way overdue, and I'm sorry for that. The plan is to update it twice a week. Thanks for reading!