When Initiation Day arrived, Lilith Ovard was more nervous than she cared to admit. Her stomach was constantly flipping, making her feel as if she would throw up if she had any food, and her hands shook in antecipation. She'd nearly dropped her hairbrush, earlier that morning, making Peter glance at her and release a scoff. The brunette had given him the middle finger, narrowing her eyes in a glare, before finishing braiding back the front pieces of her hair. If she looked put together, no one would be able to see how truly anxious she was, and that was a good thing, in the faction of the brave.

The past few days had been hectic. Lilith had actually put some work into delving deeper into her fears and coming up with ways to face them and, even if she had no idea if her methods would work, they made her slightly more confident about the final test. When she wasn't doing that by herself in the roof, either Nate dragged her to spar or the Dauntless borns invited her along to their plans. Between all of that, Lilith also had given herself the task of avoiding Eric at all costs, quickly exiting the cafeteria whenever he entered and sneaking around the compound to not be seen. Once, she'd even gotten to the extent of hiding behind Nate, making the boy shake his head and mock her for a solid ten minutes after. 

But Initiation Day was upon them, and Lilith couldn't hide any longer.

Tris was fast asleep on her bed when Lilith returned to the dorm, after lunch. The rest of the transfers were either still having their meals or milling around the compound, as the Dauntless borns went ahead and faced their fear landscapes first. In normal circumstances, she would be up there watching them and trying to pick up tactics that she could use, once it was her turn. But Eric was obviously present, and she didn't feel prepared to face him just yet. Lilith kept silent as she walked to her bed, reaching under her pillow for the napkins she had used to scribble down her possible fears and techniques to move past them. They'd be evaluated on their time, so she wanted to make sure that she took as little as possible.

Minutes ticked by and, as much as Lilith racked her brain for more answers, she couldn't picture any more of her possible scenarios, nor answers to how to react to them. Her dark eyes skimmed the words on the pieces of paper, and she was so focused on trying to memorize what she'd written down that she didn't notice Nate approaching her bed and furrowing his eyebrows at the notes on her lap.

"You do know that you can't study for this one, right?" he questioned, the girl jumping slightly at the sound of his voice.

She gave him a nod, "I know. I just..." Lilith paused, shrugging her shoulders as Nate sat down beside her, "It makes me feel more prepared."

"To each their own, I guess," the boy grinned, his eyes lingering on the napkins for a few more seconds. When he held out his hand to grab one of them, Lilith noticed his bloody knuckles, and instantly furrowed her eyebrows. Her friend's fingers hadn't looked so drastic since Phase One, and they were certainly not covered in dried blood the last time she'd seen them. Before she could ask, Nate spoke, "I needed to let out some stress. Might have mistakingly punched the wall instead of the punching bag," he shrugged, "It doesn't hurt anymore."

A few seconds of silence passed, "Hey, Nate?" the boy raised an eyebrow at her, "Thanks for being my friend."

His lips twisted into a smile, "Always, you lame butt."

"My butt is great, for your information."

Mischief took over the blond boy's face, "I can think of someone who would agree."

Lilith released a huff, before gathering her notes and shoving them under her pillow once again. Most of the other initiates had already packed their belongings, since they would either move into apartments above the Pit or in the glass building, according to their position. The unlucky ones would be joining the factionless, and Lilith didn't want to waste time thinking that some of the people she'd befriended could very well be out of her life, at the end of that day. Her friends were her family now, and she would hate to see any of them go.

"There you guys are," Christina's voice sounded, and Lilith looked over her shoulder to see her friend entering the room, her skin shiny with sweat. The girl gave them a glance as she bent down to shake Tris awake, "Time to go."

Lilith had barely gotten up from her bed when some of the other transfers piled into the room, making some last minute adjustments to their appearances or quickly going to the bathroom before the test. Nate left her side for a few minutes to relieve himself as well, and the girl's eyes drifted to Peter, who was doing a good job pretending as if he wasn't nervous. His ragged breathing betrayed him, however, and Lilith noticed how he dropped his shoelaces a total of three times before he managed to tie them. She was way too anxious to feel remotely angry, but she hoped he'd fail. He deserved it.

They all left the dorm together, Lilith finding herself between Nate and Will. Her hands had reached a new stage of trembling, and the girl found herself clenching her fists as they started going up the path to the glass building above. She vaguely registered the voices coming from the crowd that had gathered to watch their final test, and a sick feeling took over her stomach when she looked up and saw that everyone in the faction seemed to be there. Exhaling through her nose, Lilith reminded herself that the only people she needed to impress where the leaders and, after a few seconds, she moved forwards with her head up high. Even if she was dying inside, she would never let those people see it.

However, the Dauntless members barely looked at them, as they watched Marlene on the screen that someone had put up on the wall. Though she looked distressed, Lilith could tell that her friend was doing well, and the fact that the blonde calmed down and moved onto her next fear in seconds was encouraging. She didn't linger, following the transfers into a room adjacent to where Marlene was. There was a larger screen on the wall, and the leaders were all sat down in front of it, their eyes glazed over. Lilith looked away from  Eric instantly, thankful for the fact that they hadn't entered the room between tests. Silently, the transfers settled down on the chairs behind the leaders, and she offered Uriah a smile. He was the last Dauntless born in the room, and he didn't seem nervous in the slightest. As she looked at the screen again, Lilith found herself wondering about the rest of her friends. 

Marlene didn't take long to finish her evaluation and, after a few seconds, the leaders too seemed to be aware of their surroundings once more. All of them rose to their feet, Max opening the door that led to the fear landscape room, and Lilith's gaze met Eric's when he looked over his shoulder, before following the other leaders outside. Even though it had been a look void of any meaning, her heart had still started to beat a lot faster, and she folded her arms over her chest as she looked down at her feet instead. 

"Transfers," Four's voice cut through the silence. Lilith hadn't even realized that he was there. He continued, "The order in which you will go through the final test was taken from your rankings as they now stand. So Drew will go first, and Tris will go last."

A sigh immediately left her lips. She had remained in the third place ever since the end of Phase One, so she'd be going right before Tris. She'd been half hoping that she could just get the test over and done with, so she'd be free and she didn't have to spend too long looking at Eric. Apparently, the world was against her.

So, as Uriah was called, Lilith decided that she'd take the time before her test to go over her fears once again.

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It wasn't long before Lilith calmed herself down enough to be able to watch her fellow initiates go through their fear landscapes, managing to ignore Eric's presence as she looked at the screen in front of her. She only noticed most people's timings, the lowest being ten minutes. When it came to her closest friends, Christina and Nate, Lilith tried to understand how they felt, after they were done. The blonde boy had been hyperventilating, sweat making his strands of light hair stick to his forehead. Still, Lilith hadn't expected him to as well as he did. Christina, on the other hand, had looked like she was going to throw up, covering her lips with her hand as the leaders went to congratulate her. She'd done it in twelve.

"Lilith."

She looked up from where she'd been fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket, exhaling through her nose as she got up from her chair. Eric was the one waiting by the door to the room where the test would happen, a syringe in his hands, filled with the same orange liquid that Lauren had used during their first experience with the fear landscape. Lilith closed the distance between them, not meeting the leader's eyes as she pushed her hair away from her neck. Her heart started pounding against her ribcage as she felt the liquid entering her veins, and her gaze finally drifted to Eric's face.

At the sight of the anxiety on her features, Eric's stoic expression softened, "You got this," he mumbled, before pulling the door open and moving to the side to let her through.

Lilith licked her lips as she made her way to the center of the room, taking advantage of the few seconds before the serum started to work to regulate her breathing. She couldn't have done anything more to prepare for the evaluation, and she believed she had every mean to come out of it on top. There was no use being nervous about something she was sure she could do. The muffled sounds she could hear from the outside of the room suddenly faded, and the brunette looked around with furrowed eyebrows. The door to the room where she'd been injected was now wide open, and Lilith muttered a quiet what? to herself before she walked in that direction.

As soon as she reached the doorway and looked inside, she came to the realization that the room was empty. Tris wasn't there waiting for her turn anymore, and the leaders weren't looking at her test. Her heart pounded faster as she went to where the rest of the faction had gathered, quickly noticing that the building was empty. Her boots thumped against the glass floors as she moved forwards, looking for someone, anyone. But the compound seemed to be completely empty, and Lilith's breaths had become more ragged as she crouched down to all fours, taking a look at the desert Pit down bellow. Suddenly, it clicked.

She was alone. It was terrifying.

Lilith closed her eyes, before sitting down on the cold floor. The silence was starting to become deafening, and she started humming a song Hortense used to sing to her when she was younger and their parents were arguing. Gradually, she felt her heart rate return to a normal pace. She'd barely opened her eyes when the ceiling on top of her collapsed, and water filled the building at a rapid speed. There wasn't time to run away and avoid being submerged, and so Lilith took a deep breath before she was under the freezing water. Her primal instincts were telling her that she should try to find a way to reach the surface, but as she looked up, she quickly realized that there was no surface to get to.

So, she swam deeper. Her lungs burned and her vision was getting darker around the edges, but Lilith refused to stop, finding herself heading into the depths of the body of water. The further she swam, the more her heart seemed to slow. One second she was surrounded by water, the next one she was standing on the dining hall, gripping a tray with food tightly in her fingers. Her eyes scanned the area, noticing how it was filled to the brim, before she looked down at herself. She was dressed like usual, with the exception of her jacket, that looked a lot more like the ones the leaders wore, far higher quality than the ones given to the rest of the faction. Furrowing her eyebrows, she gazed at the table where the leaders were, and she noticed that the only free seat in the dining hall was among them. It was hers.

Lilith didn't stall any further as she made her way to the table, feeling calm until she noticed how everyone seemed to fall into silence as she walked past them. Most of the Dauntless members seemed to regard her with a mix of disgust and fury, and she didn't understand why, not until her eyes landed on Peter and Nate, who were sitting together, by some miracle. The coldness in Nate's eyes made goosebumps rise in her arms, but she chose to glare at Peter as he scoffed.

"She doesn't deserve any of it," she heard him mutter to Nate, "She didn't put any effort into doing good in Initiation, and now she's a leader? Please."

The blond boy chuckled, "I know, right? Hey, do you remember those suspicions you had, at the start? They were right," she could feel Nate's eyes fixating on her as she walked past the table, "She's only a leader because she traded her honor for it."

The whole room seemed to be now staring at her, and Lilith closed her eyes, pursing her lips together. Whispers started echoing through the tables, words of how she'd only become important because she'd sold herself off to buy her position. She found herself not being able to take it for much longer, and she released her grip around her tray, allowing it to clatter to the floor with a loud bang. Silence reigned over everyone after that, and Lilith spun around, closing the distance between her and the two boys.

"I'll have you know that I am where I am because I put all my effort into being the best," she started, her eyes moving between the two of them, "Everything I have done since I came here was work to make sure I achieved my goals. I put my blood, sweat and tears into Initiation. I trained during my free time to make sure I was good enough," her lips spread into a smile, and a chuckle left her lips, "And the leaders seemed to think I am. So, fuck you."

The image of Peter's shocked face was still fresh in her mind when she turned around, only to crash against a wall that hadn't been there before. Her nose seared with pain and she took her hand up to it, only to feel hot blood running through her fingers. Still, that wasn't her concern, not after she noticed that the walls were closing in on her. It was yet another thing that she didn't have a solution to, so, after taking a deep breath, Lilith sat on the floor with her knees pressed up against her chest, doing her best to keep her heart rate steady. It seemed like only a second had passed before she started to hear water dripping, and she opened her eyes to see the cave where she knew spiders were waiting for her.

She'd trained for this specific fear a total of three times during Phase Two, and what she had to do had become ingrained in her brain. She moved swiftly through that scenario, allowing the arachnids to fall on top of her when the time came, and quickly swatting away and crushing as many as she could, doing it fast enough to avoid becoming overwhelmed and to keep her heart rate at the same rhytm. It felt like she'd only been rid of the spiders for a moment, before a familiar voice echoed, screaming for help.

"Scott!" her brother's name left her mouth, and Lilith found herself running through the streets of the Candor part of town, looking around for the younger boy.

It didn't take her long to find him, cornered in an alley by a group of Erudite boys who looked slightly older than him. Scott's lip was bleeding and there was a bruise forming on his left eye, and rage took over Lilith as she saw the bruised knuckles of one of the boys. Her hands were clenched into fists as she moved closer to the boys, grabbing one of them by the shoulder before roughly pulling him backwards. The rest of the boys were surprised by her sudden appearance, and Lilith placed herself between them and her brother, who was sniffling on the ground.

"Go," she simply said, folding her arms over her chest, "Before I do worse to you."

The blue cladded boys quickly scampered away, and Lilith waited for them to be out of sight before she turned to look at her brother. But Scott wasn't there anymore, and Lilith's eyes widened at what seemed to be some sort of list. The brunette took a few steps backwards, finally spotting the title in bold letters at the very top of the list.

FINAL RANKINGS

Her heart beat faster once more as she looked straight at the first line, only to see it occupied by a name that wasn't her own. A ragged breath left her lips as her eyes travelled further down, and Lilith finally saw her name, on the fifth spot. She felt an urge to laugh and to cry at the same exact time, and tears were quick to brim her eyes as she collapsed to her knees. All of her hard work had been for nothing. All those years saying that she would be the first initiate, and she was actually the fifth. She felt like a goddamn joke. 

Tears streaked down her face as she simply sat there and, eventually, she found herself calming down. She'd always assumed the world would probably end if she didn't get to be the best initiate, but everything was the same. Her eyes moved to the list again. Her name was still next to the number five, but she was still Lilith. She was still Dauntless, and she still had worked her ass off to even be a member. She'd done it. And she was proud.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks, feeling sort of ridiculous about the way she'd reacted. A laugh left her lips as she pushed herself up from the floor but, instead of finding herself standing, Lilith found herself laying in a hole dug in the ground, grey could swirling in the sky above her. A faceless person appeared on the side of the hole, a shovel filled with dirt in their hands. Quickly, she realized what was about to happen.

"No, wait!" she exclaimed, pushing herself up into a sitting position, "I'm alive! Help me out!"

Lilith held out her hand towards the person, but they didn't seem to hear her as they dumped the dirt straight onto her lap. She huffed into frustration, before getting up to her feet, and trying to jump out of the improvised grave. Her fingers wrapped around a root sticking out from the dirt, and she mustered all her strenght to raise herself from the bottom of the hole. Her eyes widened as she spotted several other people with shovels around her when she managed to look at the surface, all of them waiting to throw in more dirt. She didn't have time to notice anything else, before dirt fell on top of her head, making her eyes burn and a disgusting taste enter her mouth. The people kept dropping more and more soil on top of her, and as much as Lilith tried to drag herself out of there, she couldn't.

She closed her eyes to avoid more dirt entering them, keeping her fingers around the root as she waited. Her body was gradually being buried, but Lilith ignored it, up until the moment that her heart returned to it's usual rate. The dirt ceased, and she found herself at her old house in Candor, standing in her room, wearing her workout clothes. Sweat clinged to her skin, and she found herself wanting to take a bath. Lilith kicked off her shoes and grabbed a new towel from one of her drawers, before exiting her room and making her way to the bathroom. She'd barely reached the door when she noticed that there was water pouring into the hallway, coming from the bathroom. Her heart started to pound as she quickly pushed the door open, her eyes instantly finding her father's dead body in the red stained water.

Lilith closed her eyes, walking backwards as she put some distance between herself and the bathroom. The urge to throw up overcame her, and her head was spinning, but Lilith ignored all of it as her back hit the wall, and she found herself sliding down and sitting on the carpet. Her breaths had barely returned to her when both Nate and Christina's voices called for her, and her eyes snapped open as she found herself in the same empty room she had become familiar with. Both of her best friends bled profusely from wound in their abdomens, and she rushed to them before she even thought about what she was doing.

She clawed at her sleeves for a few seconds, before her focus turned to her shirt, and she didn't hesitate as she ripped off her sleeves. The person closest to her was Christina and Lilith got to her knees on her side, placing a hand on her friend's sweaty forehead. She showed one of the sleeves to the other girl with her free hand, before placing it on the wound, and grabbing Christina's hand, gently pressing down on the wound with it.

"I need you to keep pressure on that, okay?" she raised her eyebrows, and Christina nodded, "It's gonna be okay. But I need to help Nate too."

She left Christina to control her own injury, turning to Nate and placing the other sleeve over the blood that was gushing out. It wasn't necessary for her to say anything for the boy to place his hands on top of hers, applying pressure to his wound as he gave her a thankful nod. Lilith did her best to give him a smile, trying to pass on the idea that everything would be just fine, but her focus was drawn away from her friends as a door appeared on the opposite wall.

This was her chance to ask for help. Lilith scrambled to her feet and ran as fast as she could torwards it. The moment she stepped through the threshold, however, she found herself in the fear landscape room, without a single drop of blood staining her hands and her clothes fully intact. She placed her hands on her knees, smiling to herself as she attempted to catch her breath. It was over. Her eyes moved to the door as it opened, and the leaders walked into the room, neutral expressions on all of their faces.

"Congratulations," Max was the first one to speak, offering her a nod. Though he still creeped her out, Lilith grinned as she returned the gesture, "You've officially reached the end of the evaluation, Lilith."

"Thank you," she simply said.

"Your ranking will be announced in," Eric paused, glancing at the watch on his wrist, "Around two hours, at the banquet," his eyes met hers, and even if he didn't show it, Lilith could tell that she had made him proud, "Best of luck, Lilith."

As she walked out of the room, she couldn't help but smile to herself. 

The leaders knew her name.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello!
Special tuesday update because I'm gonna be busy tomorrow, have a dinner date with my bf during the time in which I usually update, so after asking y'all on my message board, I decided to update earlier this week! Updates in the next few weeks will still remain on wednesdays tho!
I can't even begin to tell you how much time it took me to come up with Lilith's fears, like some of them are pretty obvious, and others are more metaphorical, and I'm just really proud of them, and how she faced them. Obviously she hasn't mastered all of them, but she is capable of controling herself in front of them!
Any guesses on Lilith's final ranking?
Anyways, I'll see you guys next week! Hope you enjoyed and please don't forget to leave your feedback!