The heat consumed my body as I stepped into the dimly lit apartment that belonged to our allies. The cold winter air was locked outside, along with all of my troubles.

The only light in the room cascaded from a single bulb that dangled from the ceiling, and it swayed from the breeze of the heater. The old, worn-down exterior of the place could have fooled anyone, but the interior of the Northside lair was lavish.

The walls were a pristine shade of white, and the open concept floor plan allowed for plenty of space for the large number of bodies that were crowded into the room. There were people talking, and loud rap music, booming with bass, played from two speakers beside the T.V. The soft hum of the heater overhead could only be heard whenever the music changed.

The party was in full swing as I followed Cam, who pushed between bodies to get away from the door. As we walked, I caught a strong scent of weed and turned my head in the direction of the smell. Smoke raised into the air as a white guy in a beanie exhaled it from his lungs.

"Where's the liquor at?" Cam asked, and my head turned to him.

He stood, arms folded, in the middle of the brightly-lit kitchen. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the contrast from the darkness of the living room. The kitchen had dark wood cabinets and marble stone countertops that matched the island in the middle of the room. The Southside had never had this appeal. The Blood splashed their cash when it came to their living quarters, not sparing one expense. Someone took the time to design a place that was meant to feel like home.

Cam was speaking with two other Blood members that leaned against the counter. One of the guys raised a Coors Light bottle to his lips while the other drank from a red solo cup. As they caught sight of me, their eyes narrowed. To them, I was an outsider.

Cam smiled as I approached. He walked around the counter to the large refrigerator and pulled it open. "What do you drink, Spence? The selection is endless." He let out a laugh.

The other two guys headed off to rejoin the party, and the uneasiness in the room disappeared. I leaned against the countertop and smirked at him. "Whatever you got, bro. Surprise me."

Cam shut the fridge and turned to me, holding a bottle of Hennessy. He set two red solo cups down on the table and unscrewed the top to the bottle. The amber liquid flowed easily from the bottle into the cups on the counter.

I watched in silence before he pushed the cup over to me. I took a long hard sip of the drink and winced, feeling the burn at the back of my throat.

Cam chuckled as he took a drink. He set his cup down on the counter. He looked at me from across the island. "You want to tell me about it?"

His dark eyes were on my face, and my stomach tensed. I sighed and took another drink. "Not really."

"Come on, Spence. Get it off your chest."

My eyes flickered to him across the bar. "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is always a good place," he offered as he raised his cup back to his lips.

My lips curved into a small smile at his statement. "I was promoted to YG a few months ago."

He tilted his head at me with a wide smile on his lips. "Congrats, my guy. That's impressive for a guy who has been in less than four years."

"Thanks, Cam."

He leaned against the island. "No problem, but I'm assuming there's more. James death must've caused a stir south of the tracks."

I swirled the liquor in my cup. "Damn, man. You have no idea. Cayden took the reins without hesitation, but he's out for blood. He's using his position in the gang for revenge on chief Jackson. The chief left him to suffer at James' hand, and he can't let it go." I sighed as I glanced down at the liquid in my cup.

"Cayden has always been rough around the edges. He doesn't know how to hold back, but it isn't his fault. James had a hand in shaping his mind." He finished off his drink.

And now, Cayden had a hand in shaping my mind. What did that mean for me?

I sighed heavily, gripping my cup in my hand. "Cam, I've let Cayden guide me. I viewed him as the father I never had, but he's lead me down a path of darkness. I just wanted a chance to get out of the streets by making money, but it has become so much more than that. My loyalty to him and the Southside have led me to kill someone, and my guilt has tortured me every day."

Cam's eyes were soft when I glanced back at him. In an unspoken way, he was telling me he understood. He reached for the bottle of Hennessy, unscrewing the lid to pour another glass. "It happens."

"What happens?"

He took a sip of his drink. "The guilt eating at you. Turning into a monster. The struggle in these streets is rough. It's not for the weak of heart. You do what you have to do to survive, and people who were blessed with lives without struggle will never understand what you're going through. You were put in an unfortunate situation, and Cayden took advantage of that. He tried to turn you into something you're not, but in here," he said, touching his chest. "You're still Spencer. You'll live with what you've done for the rest of your life, but you can't let it overcome you. Your past brought you to this point in your life, but your choices today decide where you go from here."

I stared at my hands as I thought about his words. For so long, I was determined to be a lieutenant in the Southside gang because I thought that was all that was left in this life for me. I didn't see myself anywhere other than with Cayden and the brotherhood. The Southside gave me everything I had been denied growing up: acceptance, strength, protection.

However, I didn't have myself. I was a shell of the person I used to be.

Cam's dark eyes rested on my face commanding me to look back at him. "You must decide the man you want to be, Spence. You can't let anyone else decide that for you. Do you want to continue along the path you're headed, or do you want something new?"

"Are you speaking from experience?"

Cam smiled and hung his head. "Yeah, man. I've lived this life longer than you. I've done things that are unimaginable, and I've carried guilt around on my shoulders for years. There's not a day that goes by that I don't question my choices, but I've also come to terms with the fact I can't change my past. All I can do is strive for a better future."

"Is that why you help guys get off the streets?"

He took another sip from his cup before giving me a swift nod. "Every brother I help eases the guilt a little because I know that's one guy who won't end up like me. My goal is to provide a safety net that a lot of these kids need in their life. Don't get it twisted, I still am the leader of a gang, but I use the resources for something good. It's not just power. There's a purpose behind it."

At first, there was nothing. Then, all at once, there was anything and everything. His words gave me a hope that I had lost for a long time. There was a fire burning inside me, one of pure motivation. I still had a chance to better my life, but it wasn't by walking the path I was on. Even if it took the rest of my life, I could still be the guy Adrienne deserved.

Extending my hand forward, I held my cup out to him. "Toast?"

He smiled at me and reached his cup out to touch with mine, the liquid sloshing around inside. "To you, Spence. To the new you."

I flashed a bright smile. "To you, Cam. Congrats on your empire."

We tossed our heads back as we downed the rest of our drinks. I set my cup on the table and slid it across the counter to him. Without hesitation, he poured us another glass. His eyes were fixed behind me, causing me to turn as an intoxicated stranger entered the kitchen.

He was tall, with light caramel-colored skin. Brightly colored tattoos littered his biceps and forearms. He stumbled with his arms draped over two beautiful girls. One was a redhead with bright green eyes and dream catcher tattoo covering her right arm, while the other was a brunette with hazel eyes that reminded me of a lioness.

The brunette scanned me like she was hunting for prey in the savannah. I tore my eyes away from them and looked over to Cam, who had rounded the corner of the island. He handed my cup to me as he stepped closer to them.

His large hand gripped the plastic cup, threatening to crush it. "What's this?" he hissed.

There was an awkward tension in the room, but I couldn't figure out why. The guy with the girls looked up to Cam, but his eyes were still half shut. He had a lazy smile on his face. "This is Jessie and Bekka. They were just escorting me to a room, Cam. No big deal." He leaned his weight on the shoulders of the girls, and without them, he would tumble to the floor.

I took a sip from my cup as I watched the situation unfold. Cam stepped over by the dark-haired girl and tilted his head so that his lips were close to her ear. He whispered something to her, and she bit her lip in response. She seductively smiled before helping the intoxicated guy toward one of the bedrooms. Cam's eyes followed her as she left, and then he turned his attention to me. He raised his cup back to his lips before he motioned for me to follow him.

The party was raging in the living room, and the music had reached maximum volume. Bodies clashed together in rhythm to the music as we pushed our way to the black leather couches. A strange smell of sweat mixed with alcohol and illicit drugs filled my nose as we passed through the crowd.

Cam found an open spot on the black leather couch in front of the T.V and sank into it. His eyes focused on the basketball game as the other guys in the room threw their hands up at a bad call. Curse words filled the air. Cam propped his feet on the coffee table in the center of the room and took another drink.

I mirrored him by taking a sip from my own cup, but my mind was still busy processing his words from our earlier conversation.

If I wanted to earn Adrienne's trust back, I had to prove I could change. I was done being an emotionless, cold-hearted pawn in Cayden's game. Risking my life for someone who kept secrets and murdered innocent people to get revenge was not the path I wanted to continue on. The motivation burned even hotter as I thought about the innocent lives I had seen lost. I would live the rest of my life in their memory, or die trying.

I tossed my head back and downed the rest of my drink. Sweat beaded on the back of my neck, and my body became hot beneath my jacket. The brunette from the kitchen appeared from the crowd of people. She whispered in Cam's ear as her hands ran down his chest. She tilted her head just enough so that her golden eyes met mine as she flicked her tongue against Cam's ear. Was she flirting with me?

"Spence, this is Bekka," Cam mentioned lazily.

Bekka smiled in a warm way that forced me to shift in my seat. "Nice to meet you." She settled into Cam's lap.

"Feeling is mutual."

They had to be an item. The way Cam wrapped an arm possessively around her waist cemented it. I glanced away as I thought about Adrienne. I would do anything to have her in my arms again. I sighed and stumbled to my feet.

"I'm going to grab another drink. Does anyone need one?" I flashed a look at Cam.

He had closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch with Bekka straddling his waist. She finished off his drink for him before she pressed her lips to his in a swift motion. She whispered something to him, and he raised his hand up to give me a thumbs up sign.

It took me no time to disappear into the crowd. I was eager to put distance between me and their affectionate display. Watching them together had left an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Even the alcohol couldn't erase the pain I felt at the thought of never talking to Adrienne again.

A wave of disappointment washed over my body when I arrived in the kitchen to an empty bottle of Hennessy. I pulled open the fridge to find another drink.

There were loud, excited shouts and a sharp thud as a body crashed to the floor. My muscles tensed to hold me in place, but curiosity overtook my mind as I shuffled to the noise.

The bystanders had formed a small circle to contain the fight within. I shoved through their arms and froze when I saw the scene before me.

A young, scrawny kid, no older than twelve, cowered on the ground while a large, muscular man with a sharp face and a long chin kneeled over him. His knuckles snapped forward. They made contact with the kid's face. A loud cracking noise followed, and my jaw locked.

There was no reason this type of beating should be put on a child. This kid had his whole life in front of him. I wasn't about to let him lose it.

I stepped into the circle, grabbing his assailant by his arm, and yanked him away from the young boy. My body was a barrier between them.

My eyes narrowed. "What the hell, man? He's just a fucking kid," I snarled.

The circle of people around us started yelling again, and a couple of girls sloshed their drinks out of their cups onto the floor.

"I'm just teaching him a little fucking lesson. It'll make him stronger," he growled, his thin eyebrows pushing together above his deep-set eyes.

I clenched my fist as anger swelled inside my chest. Those were the words that Cayden had said the night of my initiation into the Southside. It was after those same words that I lost my life to Cayden and the gang.

I slipped out of my jacket and dropped it onto the floor. "Why don't you fuck with someone your own size?"

"You're an outsider here, bitch. This is the home of the North," he snarled as he lurched forward to grab me.

My body was thrown across the room, and a breath was pushed from my lungs as my back slammed against the wall. I scrambled to my feet as he approached me and ducked out of the way of a hard fist

With a quick undercut, my fist connected with his hard jaw, and his head snapped back. He tilted his head down and spit out blood as he rubbed his jaw.

He cracked his knuckles. "I'm going to fucking kill you." There was a vicious glint in his eye.

I positioned my body between him and the kid. "Then kill me, but leave the kid alone."

He ran forward and swung at me again, but I dodged the blow. I countered with a punch of my own, but his strong hand caught my fist and twisted it behind my back.

He shoved me to my knees and kicked my lower back, sending me crumbling to the floor. He turned his attention to the kid, who had regained consciousness and started to pull himself across the floor. The guy smirked as he watched the kid struggle.

He grabbed the kid's ankles and pulled him back into the middle of the circle. "I'm not done with you yet, little guy."

No. The kid didn't deserve this. I pushed up and rushed forward to tackle the guy to the ground. With a quick swing, I landed a punch to his face as I got back to my feet.

I glared at him. "I said leave him alone," I barked.

He snagged a knife out of his pocket and stood again. He smiled as he realized I was unarmed. "You don't tell me what to do. You aren't my fucking boss." His long fingers gripped the hilt of the blade.

There was a hush of the crowd as a deep voice filled with authority spoke.

"I am."

The crowd parted and Cam stepped into the circle. He assessed the situation, and his eyes flashed between us. Josh lowered his head in respect to his leader.

Cam's eyes were dark as his usual charm was replaced with sternness. "What the fuck are you doing, Josh?"

This is was not the same Cam I had been talking to earlier. This was Cam who ran the Northside with an iron fist. His presence commanded respect, and nobody dared defy him. My eyes flashed to Josh, who had dropped the blade, causing it to clatter against the floor.

"I'm sorry, Cam. I was teaching the kid a lesson. He wa—" he started, but Cam cut him off.

I dropped down on my knees next to the young boy. I lifted his head in an effort to keep him awake.

Cam's eyes narrowed. "This is not the time for excuses. If I didn't give you orders to teach him a lesson then you don't. Is that too hard to understand?"

Josh shook his head.

Cam motioned his hand to the hallway. "Get your ass out of here. We will deal with this later."

Josh stepped past him, shoving through the crowd. Cam flicked his fingers after him and signaled for two guys to follow. "Watch him. Make sure he doesn't do anything else stupid." He stepped over to me.

He kneeled next to me and helped prop the boy up. His eyes softened as they ran over his face. "Bryce, what the hell are you doing here? This is no place for you. You're too young," he whispered with a strained voice.

Cam didn't want the young boy in danger either. We both knew the troubles that came with being in the streets at a vulnerable age. Bryce tried to mumble something, but it wasn't audible. Cam started shouting orders at some of the people standing around him. I took a step back and grabbed my jacket as I let Cam take over.

This young kid was already willing to give up his life to the gang. He wasn't even old enough to drive, but he was old enough to die. My chest tightened, and a realization hit me.

I saw myself in this young boy just as I had seen myself in the young boy begging in the streets. He was alone and confused just searching for acceptance somewhere. He thought joining the gang would give him that, and it would, but it would also consume him.

Just like the Southside had consumed pieces of me. I took a few steps back and staggered down the hallway. My hands fumbled along the wall until I found a door. But Adrienne had reminded I was more than the Southside. I was Spencer King. She had helped me find myself again, and along the way, I had fallen in love with her.

I shoved the door open, and the darkness welcomed me.

I was in love with her.

My stomach flipped at the thought. My breath caught in my throat. I was exhausted, and my body couldn't wait to feel the comfort of a bed. I felt around until I found the mattress. My body sank down into it. My eyes closed. I let out a deep breath as sleep hovered over me.

After some time, hands ran down my chest. Soft lips brushed against my ear. "Hey, Spencer," her voice whispered to me in the darkness. Her breath was hot against my skin.

Chills ran down my spine as she straddled my waist. "I want you back, baby girl." I tilted my head to rest it on her shoulder.

How did she get here? I ran my nose along the skin of her shoulder to her neck. I inhaled to take in her sweet familiar scent, but that's when it hit me. This was not Adrienne, and this was not a dream.