It took time.

It took time for me to get over the tears.

It took time for me to get over the pain.

It took time for me to realize that I just opened the Pandora's Box.

I opened the chapter again. Once again everything came back to me. And it's not the slow pace but like a full speed truck, the pain hit me again. It's been years but I never really forgot about it. It was always buried deep down.....and the incident was enough to give rebirth to it.

And he heard it.

Stellan heard the end of it. But lords what is it only the beginning. I knew I had to finish what I started. I could do that. I had gone over those memories so many times, that it's not really new for me to refresh the wounds and bandage them again.

But did he deserve it?

Did he deserve knowing that he had been caring for me all along, a person who killed her own father? Or did he deserve knowing that I wasn't just Ophelia Hale? I had been Lilith long since. I had been her all along.

But somewhere in my mind, I knew he deserved knowing everything. Every bit of it. I trusted him to keep it all to himself. To listen till the end of it. And I knew I would tell him anyways....sooner or later.

And the I have ripped the bandage so often enough, that it really doesn't matter any more. I have learnt to live with it. And I have learnt to get over it time and again, and keep up with my normal facade. Keep up with life.

And when the wounds are open already, let's put the pressure right away.

For Stellan would listen to it all but he was the judge of his own and whatever would happen after all this....I had no idea. He might be the same or he might be disgusted.

It won't be new again then. I have seen enough faces my whole life to remind me that I wasn't supposed to live.

But here I am, breathing and surviving. And while I searched for any reason to not let this happen, to not tell him the truth....I couldn't find any.

I had to tell him. It was as simple as that.

With just a few minutes gone by with me shivering within my own self on the bench, I said nothing. Neither did he. He was quiet as the night. Serenely quiet.

The bench was long enough and we could easily share. But the guy was giving me space. Not that he was leaving me, probably thinking what I would do if I was left alone....something reckless, something too far. But I was over that stage.

Finally being able to pull myself back together, I wiped away a few fresh tears and some old ones. With hesitancy still lacing my body, I patted the spot next to me. I pleaded him to sit...with the desperation clear in my eyes and although he told me he couldn't read me, I knew he could now. It was all crystal clear in my brown orbs. I was vulnerable. And I had no fear accepting it.

With a few small steps, he sat down on the lone bench. He wasn't far away from me...but close enough. Close enough for me to feel his warmth.

It was time.

I had to go back. Back to the first few years of my existence. First few years of myself detest.

And I wished for him to just....listen.

To not just hear it, but listen.

I sighed deeply and exhaled a breath. My first few words were bound to be shaky.

"Do you remember the day you were born? Do you remember opening your eyes and gazing at the world for the first time?" I asked him as he looked at me. He slightly shook his head.

I smiled at that.

"Neither do I. But I wish I did. I wish so much......"

I was not going to break just yet.

"I wish to remember the day. To mark out the day that cursed my destiny. The cursed day that I was born."

I wasn't going to look at him. I was scared of the things that his eyes would show and as much as I wanted to know his judgments....his could break me and I didn't want that to happen before I closed it all. I looked anywhere but his eyes.

"I was born in Spade Valley....a small town, 4 hours away from Crystal Lake. And while I don't remember much about the very first few years of my life, I still have a few memories." I bit my lip as it reminded me of my mother.

"I remember how my mother used to cradle me. I remember how she would sing me to sleep. I remember the touch of her lips on my forehead and I remember the outline of her lean body, her clear circular face.....but that's all I remember. They are just a few memories......from the many that I have forgotten over the years. And these are just a few remnants which wait to fade away....but I don't want them to. I j-just....just want to hold on close because they were what kept me going through the darker times."

I looked up at the stars, to see them twinkling effortlessly.

"The earliest memory of my real father is cloudy yet very, very clear. Its funny how I accepted that I had one from that day. It's like he never really existed before that. Its all clear as the day. I could have forgotten it all but I didn't. It's like its etched somewhere in my damn mind. It was just any other day and I was little.....maybe 4 or 3. I don't even remember what year it was. All I remember is the fact that he was drunk. Completely and utterly wasted. He shouted at my mother....and I don't know if that was an everyday thing or it happened for the first time....because I remember crying...I remember crying and I remember mother calming me down....I remember watching the pure anger on his face. I remember mother fought with him but I was crying and I tugged onto him when he hit me. It could be intentional or maybe not but I knew that day changed my life......."

That day changed everything. It changed what I was. Who I was and what I was going to be. I started shuffling my feet ever so slightly as the words left my mouth.

"I woke up....I don't remember any pain but the moment I opened my eyes, I knew something was missing. I could feel it in the air. You could sense it. It was like everything was dead. So I ran around the house....as fast as my little feet could take me. I looked for the only source of warmth in the tiny house. I looked for her. I looked for my mother.....but I couldn't find her. I never did. I searched and searched and I was still I child. I had no idea where my mother was.....I was just waiting for her to come and tell me that it was all okay. I need not worry. I need not cry....but she never came. She was gone....and so was the light from my life."

I bit harder into my lip to stop the sob that clogged my throat. I remember crying all around the house. My cries probably heard by no one.

"My father came back hours later. And he looked torn. He looked lethal and I shouldn't have approached him....I shouldn't have. But I was his daughter. He was supposed to protect me, care for me......calm me when I couldn't understand where my mother had suddenly gone. I called out him, in cracked voices because that was all that was left of me. I took small steps to the only person I knew in the world, the only person I could hold and call mine but I never got the chance. The moment he sensed my presence and the moment his eyes fell on me, his wrath unleashed."

And a sob broke out of my mouth. It was all so surreal still. The anger I saw in his eyes. The fear that ran down my body. It was too much for a child to take but he was my father. I had no one else anyways.

But right now, I knew I had Stellan. His warm hands found mine as my eyes slowly ascended to his. I knew I shouldn't do it but I had to many regrets already. My teary eyes found his blue ones and I knew I would break anytime soon. His being here was just enough, but him actually listening to this all and going through this with me would break me.

Because the pain in his eyes broke me.

I wanted to cry. To cry out everything but it was no use. Not everyone was as keen as Stellan. Stealing away my glance form him, I told him the things that left me scarred forever.

"H-he...he lost control. He s-shouted and screamed at me for all I remember. I just stood there, crying along, and listening to him cursing me out. Cursing the day I was born. Cursing my mother.....his own wife who vanished in thin air. I don't know where she went. I don't even know if she lived or I don't know if my father killed her. All I knew then was that everything that I could hold onto was gone......."

His grip on my hand tightened as his thumbs formed soothing circles on my hand. It was a simple gesture but it gave me enough strength to speak.

"And the days got worst. He would feed me. I knew he did for I wouldn't survive today. He would feed me but I hardly ever ate and he wasn't the one to request. He could have simply thrown the plate at me for all I knew. But that wasn't enough. He used to come home drunk. I would try getting away. I would hide away in the farthest corner as he would sleep away and leave in the morning. Probably for work.....I would stay alone. I don't ever remember going out. And then fact that the neighbors weren't regular residents. Changing day in, day out. But I lived until I day I realized how more horrific it all could be....."

A humorless chuckle escaped my lips as I went back to the time when I was Lilith. The time when I was nothing more than a burden to my father.

"He had come home drunk again. I hid like always but this time....he was....in pain. He was suffering. Calling out to his wife and the thing is....I don't remember my mother's name, but I knew that he was calling out her. Trembling, terrified.....my little feet took me to my father, to look at the man he had created out of himself....and....and I c-cried-d......."

There was no use of letting the sobs down because they were breaking anyway. There are things which simply can't be controlled. I looked down to the grass again.

"He was my father. I knew he was my only family.....for a child like me.....you might think I was too mature.....but it was the circumstances that made me that way. All day I would spend alone in my own thoughts.....making me conscious of just how much I had.....and I only had him. So it might be pity, it might be love or maybe the humanity blooming in my little heart, I went to him. I slightly caressed his tears away and he smiled....he smiled and leaned in my touch."

I gave a sad smile at the nostalgia of those thoughts.

"That second Stellan, I thought everything could be alright. That second gave me hope.....it gave me comfort enough to smile after weeks and months......but my happiness was short lived. The moment he realized I wasn't his wife but rather the kid he never wanted.....he lashed out and-d.....and I rem-member him slapping me hard across my face....so hard that I fell down."

Tears rolled down as I heard Stellan suck in a breath.

It was funny though. I laughed a little at that.

"It was funny that how the person who was supposed to protect me, shelter me from the monsters that lay beyond his warmth was the monster himself. He slapped me again and then left me be. The night went away with me losing conscious in and out.....I wasn't eating much....and it was too much for a weakling like me. The next morning he left and I could tell my cheeks were swollen. They might have had the prints....I don't know...I was too scared to look at my own self. But it wasn't that bad."

His hold tightened on my hands and it wasn't in a soothing way.

It was anything but.

I hesitantly looked at him through my hooded eyes and saw his clenched jaws, his eyes in slits and narrowed on my face.

"Your own father hitting you wasn't that bad?"

His tone was clipped and...furious. He was angry. You could see it in the way his eyes were narrowed or the way he had his jaws set. His hold on my hand was gentle but it let me know enough that I just set off a trigger. Didn't I?

And I knew the Brooke Falls Billionaires were not a force to be reckoned with when it came to the people they cared about.

Now be it any four of them.

And as much as I pushed the thought away, I knew Stellan cared for me.

But it truly wasn't that bad.

Oh no, it wasn't!

Because there was far worse to come. It happened enough number of times for me to shatter apart and hate my own self. For me to wish that I was never born.

"It happened often and then.....it was almost everyday. I did try to fight back but what could I do.....I was a mere 4 year old child. I couldn't do anything....so I took everything. The slaps, the punches and the kicks. They left enough of scars on my body to remind me of my true self. To remind me that I never really deserved living."

I stopped. It wasn't that the past had ended but the present resented too much. I kept quiet as I looked at Stellan who looked at me, putting that one flick of my hair behind my ear. It was simple, yet a gesture enough to give me something to hold onto and him to speak. And he need not say. He need not show his anger or his care. I knew what he meant before he said it. I knew that he was strongly against my last statement.

The fact that I believed that I never really deserved living.

"You deserve everything in this world. There isn't a thing that you cannot be worthy of....." He merely whispered through the close proximity of our bodies. I looked down though I could still feel his cool gaze on me. But it was just the calm storm in his eyes. I did the mistake of looking at them and I had never seen them so dark. Dark like the night. And blazing like hell. He must be having a turmoil inside if his face and then his tight grip on my hand is considered. I sat there as a few more seconds of silence passed by.

"Do you know what Lilith means Stellan?" I did not have to look at him. I knew the answer. Many people would give a negative response. It's not a name you listen every day. After all, why would parents name their child after a demon?

"There are legends related to this name. Many legends but almost all point out that the word means demon of the night. The ones that suck the happiness from you. And....he used to call me that. He used to call me Lilith. For I was nothing but a demon for him.....nothing but the harbinger of sadness and pain. And whenever he would say that name.....it was like he was taunting me. Reminding me of the sins I had done although I barely ever did anything......but I got used to it. Accepted that I was Lilith and the fact that this was how it was supposed to be. This was how it was supposed to end."

Stellan continued to rub the circles on my hand and I loved it. Even though I hated everything right now, I loved his touch.

"That was how I went along. Staying alone....eating things when he would serve me something....the only time that made me think that maybe, maybe he cared for me. He might have because I knew I couldn't survive without him either. Even though he would beat me and leave me like a ragged doll, he fed me food which made my survival possible. And what else do you expect from me, then? I was naïve, innocent, too young to understand the world.....but I knew as much. I knew that I would die at his hand one day. And I welcomed that thought. I welcomed it more than anything. Dying once and for all was better than dying every day."

I would have continued but I couldn't, not when he took our entwined hands a placed a firm kiss on the back of my hand.

"And I can't thank the god enough that it never happened. Can't thank you enough that you didn't once give up."

But I did.

I so did.

It was one of the lowest point of my life and I feared opening about all this to someone. It wasn't easy. It never had been.

"We are born in others pain but we die in our own. And while no one wants pain, it was the only thing that I could feel anymore. I hated it, but I knew death would set me free. Every day I would pray to the lords to do a miracle and give me death. And a miracle did happen....it wasn't death, but it was much more than what I begged for."

I looked at him and gave a small yet genuine smile. I still was crying. I still had tears in my eyes, rolling down my face. I must be looking like death with my smeared make up. But I could care less. Because right now, I was talking about something far greater than me. Far greater than my life. Far greater and kinder than anyone I ever met.

Rose was a miracle for me. She still is a miracle for me.

"That day he forgot to close the door. I don't know how because as long as I was with him, he never left it open....but that day, he forgot. The door was creaked open and the sunlight of the afternoon that came in was just as it should have been. A ray. A ray of hope for me. I knew I begged for death but....that was my gateway. Maybe I could leave him and then I would die anyway. Staying with him would ensure my death....but I knew he wouldn't let me die too soon, but I knew I could die on my own, far sooner than with him."

I looked at him once and almost traced a tear at the corner of his eyes.

He was crying for me.

He was crying with me.

And that made me doubt my views of perfection.

I leaned in further to our closeness. I couldn't resist it. It was too comforting to think about. It wasn't totally wrong seeking his warmth. He was a friend to me and he wasn't shrugging it off, giving me enough reasons to tell him everything. Every single strand of the memories that still remains etched in my mind. I looked at him as mom's face flashed before my eyes.

"Taking the only chance I could ever have, I ran.....I ran like hell. I did not have a good physique but I ran for all I knew. The hope that was blooming with every step I took, the hope that I no longer had to face him, gave me enough power to exhaust myself completely. I ran for minutes or maybe hours....there wasn't a way I could keep a count. It's cloudy of what passed by me as I ran away. I didn't know where to go so I took any direction I could...running like a wild animal before exhaustion took over me and I fell down."

I remember stumbling over a pebble. That fall led me to complete exhaustion.

"I couldn't get up. Too tired to get up, too tired to fight, I let darkness engulf me. I wasn't sure if I was dying but I knew as much that the darkness lulled me to my final destiny. Even if I did wake up, what would I do anyway? Roam around a bit, might be found by him but what after that......I certainly had no idea. And I let it be. Because the darkness was too luring and I lost consciousness."

A croaked sob left me as the memories hit me once again. But these were much more lively, much more happy because for they had something for me to cherish. They had Rosaline. They had my mother. The one who didn't give birth to me but loved me as her own. Maybe even more than that.

I smiled at the mere thought as I recollect the first time I ever saw her. I looked at Stellan.

"Tell me Stellan, what do you think of my mom?" I asked him, catching him off guard. He was sure immersed in my past but I wanted to know what he thought of a woman like her, a woman I aspire to be one day.

He looked at me for a second, getting over his anger and blinking back the tears he was trying so hard to hide. Why was he doing that though? Mom always said crying is a sign of you being a warrior. A victorious warrior.

A small smile formed on his face a bit later.

"I haven't ever met your mother Lia....I have heard sometimes and all I know about her is through you. And I know all that is just a part of a woman she is. A great woman to be precise because I don't see how the other way it can go, if she looked after you and gave birth to the Ophelia I know....not Lilith. You carry parts of her and I know what kind of a woman you are. There is no denying that you are strong, dedicated and a gracious woman. So you see, I don't really need to say what kind of a woman she is. She raised you and I don't need more proof to say that she is just as much strong and caring as you if not more."

That ought to bring a small chuckle out of me.

Even though I asked him about mom, he did praise her without even realizing just how much he was appreciating me. I don't know if that was intentional or not, I sure as hell knew that she was much more than me. She had to be. She gave birth to Ophelia, didn't she?

I released a deep sigh.

"I had no idea where I had taken myself and where had I fallen asleep. I didn't even know what day it was, or what time....all I knew was I slept."

I remember trying to guess the time when my consciousness was on a thread. Might be evening or afternoon, it wasn't too clear but the morning was very much.

"The next morning, the first thing I felt was a comfy bed and a big pillow. The ones you can cuddle with. It's not like I did not have a bed but this one was too comfortable. Too comfortable for my own self. Relishing in those few moments, the memories of last night came back to me and I snapped my eyes open, only to close them back from the sunlight. I somehow got adjusted to the light as I tried getting up...and that's what I did. I tired. The exhaustion hadn't completely gone. My limbs were sore from all the running that I did. It did pain a lot....but in that moment, the only thing concerning me was the fact that I was at an unknown place. It wasn't home, which crossed away the possibility of my father finding me. I was relieved but it wasn't less terrifying to be at an unknown place when all I had ever been to were within the walls of my house. I started looking everywhere frantically, a crevice, a door, an open window or anything. Anything to escape. I never even got enough time before I heard light footsteps coming near the door, indicating someone had come for a visit."

I smiled at the nostalgia of the fear that bubbled inside when I heard those footsteps. I remember taking in labored breathes as I waited to come face to face to a human, someone who could ruin me all again.

"With a breath trapped in my throat, I waited for the steps to come closer. And soon she entered with a small bowl and a smile on her face. She looked so young. She had slightly curly, brown hairs pulled up in a bun with the warmest brown eyes I had ever seen. She wasn't very tall. My dad had been very tall. She was a little shorter than him with chubby cheeks and a grace around her. I had no idea who she was, but my heart forced me to think that I was safe. She had that aura. She would light up the place with care and love. But I still cowered back when she took hesitant steps towards me. She wasn't wrong to do that though, I must be looking like a wild child. But that did not falter the smile on her face. She came near the edge of the bed, keeping the bowl on the small table and sat there.....keeping enough distance between us for me to not freak out. She was considerate, you know....."

She was so much more than that. You can't simply put Rose in words. I have failed so far.

My mind whirled back to the time. The time when I was a terrified child, too scared to hold anyone and the first time I ever met her. The first time I ever felt human. I went back, back to where it started. It was time for a flash back.

Hi guys!!
I hope you liked this chapter. It might have been boring. Lol. Maybe that's why you guys are getting quick updates.

A lot more of her past is to come. And I will be trying to get over with it as soon as possible.

Hence another double update this week. Just wait! You will have one on Thursday!

Yayyyy!

😏😎😏😎😏😎😏😎
#ThugLife #IAmAwe-Some
I am awesome, right?

Part-ay! Part-ay!

Anyways, hope you guys have a blast week ahead.

To all my Indian readers or people who follow Indian culture...

A VERY BIG HAPPY DIWALI IN ADVANCE!!! 😊❤️😊❤️😊❤️

As always, take care and love yourself.

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Ana