T/W: There are themes of past trauma, malicious people, torture, sexual abuse, and suicide in upcoming chapters. This is a warning.

The night felt so devouring. Almost as if it never wanted me to awaken again...which in all honesty, isn't something I would mind. Wait. I need to be there for Shuichi. How could I have forgotten how important he is to me? How could that one thing slip my mind...all of this pain I have been putting myself through is for him.

I can tell he doesn't want to be here either, but I do know that if I'm here he is going to do anything in his power to make sure he stays alive...and that I stay alive as well. Horrible feelings bubble inside my stomach as a small reminder comes into my mind. If anything happens to me Shuichi will blame himself and never be able to recover. I know him too well.

He is--was a detective and being a detective he had to witness and solve many horrendous cases on a daily basis. The one thing I noticed about him is he has a hard time getting over things. He doesn't just move on and try to turn a new leaf...he dwells on the thought and keeps going back to it as a way to torment himself to make him better at dealing with it next time.

School used to be the same way. The teachers used to use fear as a way to motivate the students. Such as making a student come to the office after they ended up breaking one of the rules. The coming to the office part is still the same. The only difference is how the student was handled in the office to try to stop the behavior the student was displaying. Back then the only way to get a child to understand something was to cause them to be afraid. The best way to do that...sadly was to cause them pain.

I'm glad that now--well then the teachers and parents of the world were able to realize that regardless of how well that ended up working, words work as well and even better in most cases. Words, well, language is very powerful. Body language isn't the only way to get someone to understand you...

Imaging the only way to communicate was to move your body...personal space would definitely be out of the question. Dancing would also become surprisingly popular. This being if body language was the only way to speak. By the way, I should add, it definitely is NOT the only way to communicate with other human beings.

While body language may be the best for expressing emotions in a reactionary way...that doesn't mean using only body language is good for anyone. Words are powerful. Tone, volume, context, and even the person saying it all matters. They all add to what the words mean and how powerful they are to the other person.

Take Maki and Kaito for example. I feel bad for using Kaito in this example...to explain something to myself to distract myself from the inevitable feelings of loss and grief that come with waking up. Anywho~ Kaito tends to explain how he is feeling better with actions. Evidence for this would be anytime he wants to show Shuichi or Maki he cares. He ends up hugging them or dragging them off to do something with him, which I might add isn't usually something they want to do, this only shows that he strictly uses body language to communicate how he is feeling. Maki will agree with me when I say this makes him look "like an Idiot" as we tell him all the time.

Maki on the other hand never uses body language as her first go-to for communicating her feelings. She tends to be soft-spoken and makes her words all mean more than just the simple phrases people use daily to tell others how they feel. When she does use her words she is able to communicate beautifully how she feels and on her part, she just hopes that the other person is able to understand what she means. Sadly in most cases, the one person she used her words with the most...was a person who communicates better with body language.

I shook a bit, hating that even that whole ass explanation wasn't enough to keep my body preoccupied with the idea of sleeping. I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. My eyelids were already closed and not showing any signs of opening. Almost as if my body was telling me it needed sleep and was going to get what it wanted regardless of what I wanted. Bitch...

My mind never wants to sleep. Awake at any moment in time and always ready to be fully alert and aware of my surroundings. This makes it hard to sleep...because even when I'm asleep my mind is more than awake. It's almost like it's alive.

I know my mind must be alive because I'm alive, but I mean more along the lines of doing things its own way...even if it's against my will. I feel trapped when I am at my mind's mercy. It enjoys holding me captive and showing me what it's capable of and I absolutely hate it when it tries to show how much of a "Top" it is.

Regardless of that...I tore my focus away from my mind trying to get me to spiral back into my black pool of depression. It always lurks in my mind and I can tell that my brain wants to get rid of me. So, shoving me into the void of all the sadness that weighs me down seems like the easiest option. Only--I'm not that easy to get rid of.

"Kokichi," I heard Shuichi's voice which ended up making me flinch. It wasn't that I feared his voice. More along the lines of it being an unexpected break in the silence. I wish that I was able to open my eyes, but as I mentioned before they were not going to open anytime soon--unless somehow my body creates a harmony between my body and mind allowing me to sleep...

But I know that it is beyond impossible and is incapable of happening.

"I know you are awake...are you feeling restless love?" He asked so calmly. Words soft like a blanket from the softest fabrics. Warm like cake right out of the oven. Sweet like Panta that can always make me smile. "Yeah..." I whispered, feeling my voice slowly fading into the white noise of the room.

"It's okay you don't have to say anything. Just listen to my voice okay?" I moved my head sluggishly. I felt him laugh slightly before his breath shook as he breathed out. "There was a small girl sitting at a long table surrounded by blue walls. Pink plates and cups were placed neatly in front of all the chairs." Slowly the words ended up forming a small story. He knew it helped me calm down when my mind had something to put together or solve. Sure I need to be "resting" but my way of resting is working my brain.

"There were only two people in the room. One tall-looking man and a short teenager who is wearing a party hat. The girl is sitting at the head of the table while the others just stood by the wall." Shuichi used to do this on the nights I was unable to sleep because of the demons of my PTSD coming out of the basement of my mind. Only to drag me back down into the dark memories to live them over and over until their hearts were full of my sorrow.

"The teenager is wearing a white party hat with white clothes while the man was wearing a suit that was white with an undershirt that was an off-white color. They both stood by the end of the table with Rosa, Marie, and Jane. The table was long so they were barely able to see the other on the other side of the table." This is definitely different than I expected from Shuichi--especially knowing it's probably later at night. I don't have time to focus on how he can put this together just on the spot...I need to focus on the details.

"The girl seemed to be smiling. The man was wearing a mask that covered his mouth. The teenager is frowning with a slumped figure." I felt a little odd. I think this is at a birthday party...but who's party? Better question: who is at the party?

"And now that you have the information. I have a question. How many people are at the party? Who is at the party?" He said softly before he went quiet. I assume that means he gave me all the information...so let's think about this...

Wait. Didn't he mention that there were only two people in the room at the beginning? Who could Rosa, Marie, and Jane be? And either the girl, the man or the teenager isn't a person...but who?