ITS MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND LFG
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BESTIEZ

Kryoz: GUESS WHO JUST GOT LAIDDDDD

Four07: THATS WHATS FUCKING UP DUDE HELL YEAH !!!

Four07: wait so like what happened??

Four07: IS THAT WHY YOU DIDNT CALL ME

Kryoz: im sorry bro but if it helps i was like half tempted to call you mid hookup

Terroriser: thats disgusting

Terroriser: no one needs to hear that

Kryoz: being with evan has really rubbed off on you

Four07: old brian wouldve made a sex joke there but new brian is all in love and shit

Terroriser: so john gets laid once and has an ego? figures

Terroriser: what happened with swagger

Kryoz: IM GONNA HAVE TWO BOYFRIENDS

Four07: HOLY SHITTTT

Terroriser: wow thats crazy

Kryoz: evan told you already didnt he

Terroriser: yeah he spoke with swagger last night

Kryoz: damn his stamina is crazy THATS MY MAN FRRRRR

Four07: FUCK YESSSSS

Terroriser: okay well my man ruined some guys life last night so

Kryoz: okay so comparing my mans crazy stamina to whatever crazy shit your man has going on is insane

Four07: yeah brian your sexual frustration is rlly showing rn

Terroriser: im not sexually frustrated  im perfectly content

Kryoz: ohhh so u and evan have like an arrangement for that huh ok i see you brian

Terroriser: what the fuck

Terroriser: okay ignoring the fact that we're even talking about this at all is beside the point but the INSINUATION that evan my BOYFRIEND is in ANY WAY not enough for me is stupid

Terroriser: he is the love of my life and everything we do and dont do together is exactly what i want from my life

Terroriser: these things may seem like obstacles to you but when you find your soulmate(s) you'll understand that they dont matter as much as you thought they did

Terroriser: also your point is moot anyways because the sex is great

Kryoz: okay youre right im sorry

Kryoz: WAIT WHAT

Four07: WTF

Four07: wait but isnt evan like

Four07: i cant think of the word

Kryoz: YEAH HE IS WTH...

Terroriser: im JOKING wtf

Terroriser: who do yall take me for fr...

Terroriser: and even if anything DID happen id never do it unless evan gave full consent and also i WOULDNT FUCKING TELL YOU????

Kryoz: ooohhh he gagged us

Four07: no fr

Terroriser: im glad u and swagger just fucked about it god it was so hard to watch that trainwreck

—

Fuck Witcha

Terroriser: guys john is gonna be the worst person ever to talk to for a while

Moo: y

DaithiDeNoPrivilege: fuck

Kryoz: ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD AGAIN BOYS

Kryoz: speaking of boys actually

Fitz: oh?

Moo: MO WAYAHDKE

Kryoz: GUESS WHO GOT TWO FUCKING BOYFRIENDS OOOO GFY SINGLE BITCHES

Four07: see i WAS gonna be happy for you until that last part

WildHoe: TWO???

Fitz: i havent agreed yet

Kryoz: swags showed me ur texts ik ur already in babe

Jon: WAIT WHATTTTTT

Moo: okay ngl when i said that john was fucking cam i was actually joking but now theyre dating so what the fuck

Kryoz: the haters tried to silence me

Kryoz: WHOEVERS BEEN PRAYING ON MY DOWNFALL PRAY HARDERRR

Four07: what brock wdym you were JOKING

Moo: yeah it was just something i said to change the subject and they just kinda went with it i didnt actually know they were in love

Kryoz: woah buddy lets not get ahead of ourselves

Fitz: you dont love me :(

Kryoz: i just agreed to date you like eight hours ago

Fitz: twelve and a half

Kryoz: ok so he's obsessed with me thats kinda hot

Jon: wait are all three of you at the conference??

Fitz: I WISH

Fitz: cant believe i had to leave the whole thing up to swagger and let him reap the benefits all by himself when its been SO LONG SINCE IVE SEEN YOU TWO

Moo: oh this is a mistake

BasicallyIGetFucked: no i think its sweet

Terroriser: no its not sweet this whole thing has been more stressful than having to move apartments bc my ex is a psychopath

Lui: omg wait i wanna know the drama

Terroriser: ill have to tell you later im kinda at the er rn

Lui: WTF

Terroriser: im paranoid that evans stab wound is gonna get infected so i made him come

RoastMasterV2: insane bc i literally got stabbed with a salad fork not even a regular fork the only danger id be in is if i was allergic to metal

RoastMasterV2: ive been stabbed before i know this stuff

Lui: you WHAT

Terroriser: yeah actually speak on that

Kryoz: guys it was like a whole arc from book 1 how do you not remember

Moo: hey evan long time no see

RoastMasterV2: you.

Kryoz: ohhh yeah ur fucked buddy

RoastMasterV2: glad u and swagger fucked about it i was about to have to do something crazy

Fitz: so scheming for months to get your coworker fired at probably the biggest event of your company ever ISNT something crazy?

RoastMasterV2: cheating on your boyfriend for months then being mad he doesnt take you on a work trip so you secure a date with your sidepiece only to find out your boyfriend wants him too so instead of breaking up you decide that the way to fix your relationship is collectively dating said side piece IS crazy

RoastMasterV2: (love you john youre like my best friend)

Fitz: fuck he got me there

—

LOVERBOYS!

Fitz: how miserable are you without me be honest

Kryoz: i think i might try giving a blow job in a an elevator

Swagger: thats news to me??

Fitz: WTF

Fitz: the craziest thing we did is hookup in brocks bathroom wtf

Kryoz: wait til i get back babe

Swagger: i think we're dating a sex addict

Fitz: idk im into it

Kryoz: this is just like heated rivalry

Swagger: i dont think it counts if everyone already knows we're fucking

Kryoz: okay but they dont know WHERE we're fucking

Kryoz: i could probably get the keys to brians car

Kryoz: wait actually nvm i think id get jumped for that

Swagger: id NEVER do that bro i have too much to live for

Swagger: also the small but possible chance of having sex in the same car as my coworker is too much to handle

Kryoz: im sure most theyve done is make out

Fitz: why are we talking about their sex life

Fitz: why dont you just face time me and talk about ours

Swagger: i have a meeting to get to but you can do that all you want

Kryoz: can i borrow the car keys

Fitz: LMAOOO

Swagger: WTF NO???

Swagger: not without me ;)

—

Now showing private messages between RoastMasterV2 and Terroriser

RoastMasterV2: fuck my life

Terroriser: whats wrong?

RoastMasterV2: okay so like first of all i get to the meeting LATE but like its fine bc i come in with the crutch and like a painfully OBVIOUS limp so no one says anything and it was only like five mins anyways

RoastMasterV2: im trying to pay attention to the meeting which is basically just a recap of what they didnt have a chance to say last night yk but like we're still on the intro part

RoastMasterV2: my leg feels sore but like whatever the meds need a little to work thats on me

Terroriser: im sorry :(

RoastMasterV2: no trust it gets worse

Terroriser: oh god

Terroriser: what happened?

RoastMasterV2: so theyre going over our numbers for the year or whatever not like individual stats but like as a company or ig like each company individually and then our projected numbers now that the merger has gone through

RoastMasterV2: fucking SWAGGER leans over to me out of nowhere and asks me "have you ever had sex in brian's car?" excuse me WHAT THE FUCK

Terroriser: NO FUCKING WAY

Terroriser: wait should we

RoastMasterV2: FUCK OFF

RoastMasterV2: SERIOUSLY WTH IS WRONG WITH HIM

RoastMasterV2: i almost murder him right then and there like i am SECONDS from ripping him a new one when they bring in our new hires bc WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH OF THEM RIGHT

RoastMasterV2: and guess fucking what

Terroriser: oh no do you know them

RoastMasterV2: ITS FUCKING LUCAS

RoastMasterV2: and a few other guys but FUCKING LUCAS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

Terroriser: WHAT THE FUCK

Terroriser: oh ur in hell im so sorry

Terroriser: not even a warning

RoastMasterV2: i zone out the rest of the meeting and i can feel both him and the rest of my table just watching me bc i cant catch a break but atp im SO done like i cant even humor the fucking question from swagger i just glare at him mood instantly DEAD

Terroriser: oh yeah obviously

Terroriser: i wouldnt have the strength to stay

Terroriser: wow wasnt that like an hour and a half meeting ????

RoastMasterV2: YES IT WAS AWFUL IM ONLY LIKE HALF AN HOUR INTO THIS BULLSHIT

RoastMasterV2: fifteen minutes later (45 mins into this fuckery) we have an intermission and the new hires are unleashed upon us and guess who makes a BEELINE FOR US

Terroriser: oh ill kill him

Terroriser: worse than that other guy

RoastMasterV2: i tell swagger point blank that if He asks then you and i arent actually dating and its just for the conference bc if lucas knows then jon knows then rhe whole chat knows bc wtf

RoastMasterV2: he looks at me weird and is like wtf why

RoastMasterV2: and maybe this was dumb but i just say "hes gonna be jealous and idk if thats something i want to find myself in"

Terroriser: yeah naturally ofc

Terroriser: damn swagger rlly is in the inner circle now huh

RoastMasterV2: yeah exactly bc right before lucas got to us swagger asked "oh so you know that guy?" and OFC my dumbass is like "yeah thats my ex" bc WHY WOULDNT I

Terroriser: FUCK

Terroriser: im so stressed for you

RoastMasterV2: so hes Upon us and like everyone is standing except me OBVIOUSLY but like the only one he DOESNT WANT TO SHAKE HANDS WITH AND INSTEAD JUST GOES FOR A HUG IS ME???? im gonna commit murder

RoastMasterV2: fucking pezzy (u dont know him hes in a different group) then says "dont let his [referring to me] boyfriend see you, you'll end up like blarg" and everyone laughs (i awkward laugh idk what to do i feel caught off guard and extremely compromised) and lucas does like a double take at me FUCKKK and then pezzy moves on so like its just me and him (SWAGGER WHEN I FIND YOU SWAGGER)

RoastMasterV2: the break lasts twenty minutes and i suffer through small talk (also he kept giving me this Look???????? bro wth never let me be alone with him) and then we get back to the meeting and GUESS WHOS SITTING WITH US

RoastMasterV2: he keeps giving me weird looks and like whispering to swagger so swagger whispers to me and asks why im PISSY bc LUCAS WANTS TO KNOW

Terroriser: that motherfucker

Terroriser: EMBARRASSING to still be into his ex after dating someone new like im so serious wth

Terroriser: trust you wont be alone with him he cant have you youre mine im gonna kill him

Terroriser: wait so u think he bought that we're faking

RoastMasterV2: well we havent been together around him yet so

RoastMasterV2: i tell swagger to eat shit and go fuck himself in his own car then ignore the group for the rest of the meeting and now im in the elevator hating my life

Terroriser: i ordered room service twenty mins ago it should be here soon !!

RoastMasterV2: i think im in love with you

Terroriser: :D

RoastMasterV2: ugh i think lucas is replacing blarg in my work chat im not checking that anytime soon or like ever again i think

RoastMasterV2: he tried talking to me after the meeting too like asking what happened to my leg so i just said oh the guy youre replacing had a mental breakdown and stabbed me but the ankle thing was a while ago and bro did NOT like that

Terroriser: was he flirting with you

RoastMasterV2: idk tbh but he brought up jon completely unprompted so maybe he was

Terroriser: OH IM GONNA FUCK HIM UP

RoastMasterV2: LMAOOOO

RoastMasterV2: give it a day or two the story from last night'll get around

Terroriser: i wanna drive him crazy with jealousy and rub it in his face that he can never have you

RoastMasterV2: you just keep getting hotter

Terroriser: oh the food's here

RoastMasterV2: i am sprinting through these halls

RoastMasterV2: (not actually im actually going slower bc my arm is sore from the crutch and my leg wants to stop)

Terroriser: where r u

RoastMasterV2: down the hall

Terroriser: coming

—

Now showing private messages between WildHoe and Kryoz

WildHoe: hey can we talk?