The TrapHaus

iMat has been added to the chat.

iMat: oh look you finally remembered i exist

Tobi: we've been chatting in the other chat stfu

Zuckles: yeah maybe dont move out next time

Kryoz: oh hello new person ive never met

iMat: oh hello person who doesnt live with them but is still in the roommate chat

iMat: (this is not at you btw its about my asshole ex-roommates)

Kryoz: (thanks for the clarification i appreciate it its also nice to meet you)

Swagger: we have an announcement

Fitz: ^^^

Zuckles: THE BREAKUP FINALLY HAPPENED???

Jay: thank fuck i was sick of you two fighting

Tobi: no guys its not about that

Swagger: WE DIDNT BREAK UP

Fitz: you wouldve thought you learned your lesson about only saying that

Swagger: FUCK

Swagger: EVERYTHING IS FINE GUYS I TALKED TO CAM AND JOHN AND ITS ALL GOOD

iMat: bro says everything except the fucking point

Fitz: the three of us are dating!!!!!!!!

Fitz: :)

Tobi: LETS GOOOOOO

Zuckles: wow i didnt think swags had it in him tbh

Swagger: fuck you

Swagger: yes the three of us are together and it all worked out and everything is fine

iMat: balls bro. actual balls

Kryoz: dont give him too much credit he needed evan to help him out and even then it only worked bc we were both in fear for what evan might do to us if we didnt listen to him

Fitz: bro was the thing at dinner that bad??

Kryoz: dont bro me tf

iMat: guys you JUST got together

Zuckles: #divorced

Swagger: you guys are such shitheads

Fitz: my bad babe

Fitz: light of my life

Kryoz: yes it was that bad evan had his Evil look on and ive only seen that look maybe like once or twice before which is crazy considering some of the shit we've done together

Swagger: oh like the canada thing?

Kryoz: yes

Kryoz: WAIT YOU WERE THERE FOR THAT???

Swagger: yes? wait YOU were there

Tobi: something about a red string

Fitz: oh so i just dont exist

Kryoz: quiet babe im having a moment with my boyfriend

Jay: wait guys this might be terrible cam and swags are deeply jealous people

Fitz: AM NOT

Kryoz: we havent been dating long enough for me to comment on this but trust i will be coming back and informing the people

Fitz: you will NOT

Swagger: no you wont

Kryoz: guys keep an eye out for me theyre already trying to control me :(

Jay: praying for you john :(

Tobi: ^^^

Zuckles: keeping u in my thoughts mate

iMat: you're so strong man i just met

——

Now showing private messages between FuckBoi and Kryoz

FuckBoi: so like...

FuckBoi: whats the deal with evan

Kryoz: oh BROTHER

Kryoz: why

FuckBoi: i just wanna know like...

FuckBoi: good to know ur coworkers

Kryoz: okay well you know him so

Kryoz: better than most of the people at this conference

Kryoz: fair warning tho if u start telling people ur evan's ex he MIGHT kill you and thats not like a metaphor or whatever im being like serious hes insane

FuckBoi: trust me im not telling anyone

FuckBoi: but ive heard that he's here with brian? whats the deal there

Kryoz: be so fucking for real right now

Kryoz: like deadass wtf

Kryoz: you HAVE a boyfriend

FuckBoi: god forbid a man still has feelings for his ex

FuckBoi: its something me and my bf have in common actually

Kryoz: oh so like ur broken inside

FuckBoi: HELLO?????

Kryoz: omg who said that

Kryoz: the wind is crazy here fr

FuckBoi: okay fuck you its not that crazy

FuckBoi: plus him and brian broke up and we all know once evan dumps someone its like over forever so whatever its not like any of us have a chance

Kryoz: at least hes still friends with brian idk sounds like a you problem

FuckBoi: evan and jon literally had a conversation at a party and they talk in the gc

Kryoz: oh so jons replaced me as evans best friend? okay i get it

FuckBoi: you two arent best friends

Kryoz: what else would we be

FuckBoi: seems like brian is his best friend

FuckBoi: though idk what brian has that makes him like the one ex that evan can stay friends with like he cant be THAT special

Kryoz: oh my god youre BITTER

Kryoz: dw one day you'll get over him and have two hot boyfriends like i do

FuckBoi: once again, fuck you

FuckBoi: wait

FuckBoi: TWO BOYFRIENDS???

Kryoz: uh yeah??

Kryoz: you literally met one of them earlier tf

FuckBoi: I DID???? WHO???

Kryoz: why do you think im on this trip lets get serious

FuckBoi: i thought you worked here???

Kryoz: oh yeah i work at this company but i skip every meeting god think with your head bro

Kryoz: ig theyll hire anyone...

FuckBoi: fuck off

FuckBoi: who's your boyfriend(s)??????

Kryoz: well only one of them is here the other one is in australia where he lives

FuckBoi: so that told me nothing

Kryoz: fuck you bitch im still typing!!!

Kryoz: swagger is my boyfriend

FuckBoi: WHAT

FuckBoi: wait hold on

FuckBoi: SWAGGER WHO I WAS TALKING TO EARLIER AND I SAW HIM TALKING TO EVAN??

FuckBoi: CAM'S BOYFRIEND???

Kryoz: yeah hes my man

Kryoz: one of them at least

Kryoz: im also with cam

FuckBoi: now how the fuck have you managed that

FuckBoi: bc swagger is actually kind of hot

FuckBoi: AND I COULDVE SWORE THOSE TWO WERE LOCKED DOWN??

Kryoz: STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN.

Kryoz: damn

Kryoz: ive turned into one of those

Kryoz: i owe someone an apology now

FuckBoi: I DONT WANT HIM !!!!

FuckBoi: look can i be really honest

FuckBoi: yes i have feelings for evan, but no, im not gonna act on them and make the workplace all weird

FuckBoi: but...thats kinda why i didnt invite jon with me and told him it was just a super last minute thing

Kryoz: new hires get a plus one??? bro how fucking rich is this company

Kryoz: and you didnt invite jon because????

FuckBoi: he would genuinely be chasing after evan any chance he got

FuckBoi: he is NOT subtle

Kryoz: so break up with him???? it cant be that serious

Kryoz: also trust he would NOT make it very far

FuckBoi: so brian is competing for evan's attention too??

Kryoz: he doesnt have to compete he already has it bro

Kryoz: even if they never get back together those two are for LIFERSSSSS

FuckBoi: why do you act so strangely

FuckBoi: seriously how did they date briefly and become best friends to the point they can casually fake date for a work trip??

Kryoz: see this is what happens when you end things on a good note

FuckBoi: but it was like so messy like didnt brian cheat on him???

Kryoz: brian would NEVER stop lying on his name rn

FuckBoi: oh so its for real

Kryoz: ???

FuckBoi: theyre dating for real and you dont want me to know

Kryoz: bro this trip has been too fucking crazy for us to pile some bullshit like that on top of it

Kryoz: like day one i show up and im like totally lost right? bitchless and clueless fr until some crazy shit starts happening in an elevator

Kryoz: evans trying to deal with some shit from work, his ankle injury, and you didnt hear this from me but hes just having a tough time lately, yk? and i keep asking him for advice on my love life so

Kryoz: im serious its like a sitcom over here and its been like four days

Kryoz: not to mention the crazy thing where he drove his coworker to the brink of insanity somehow to the point said coworker stabbed him in the leg and i think irritated his injury more??? then very publicly got himself fired

Kryoz: why add a double bluff on top of all that??

FuckBoi: is that why he was so pissed early?? he looked like he was on the edge

Kryoz: why are you so obsessed with him like genuinely

Kryoz: also evan was pissed off at the meeting bc swagger asked him if he and brian have had sex in a car LMAOOOOO (its soooo not funny but also i cant stop laughing about it)

FuckBoi: if him and brian are like actually together then ill stop

FuckBoi: not trying to be a homewrecker yk

Kryoz: okay fuck you

Kryoz: wait that wasnt a dig at me was it

FuckBoi: are you....calling yourself a homewrecker???

Kryoz: whats it to you

FuckBoi: well now you've just made me curious is all

FuckBoi: are you there??

Kryoz: is this a judgement free zone or are you one of those high and mighty types

FuckBoi: i have straight up told you that i want evan back and so does my bf to the point that i will openly pursue him if hes available WHO am i to judge you

FuckBoi: spill

Kryoz: okay but if you make fun of me for this im gonna get my best friend to ruin your life even tho i think thats probably something you'd get off to so anyways

Kryoz: i may or may not have been sleeping with cam (my other bf) while he was exclusively dating swagger and kind of stole his spot on this work trip....after swagger had already decided to break up with him....

FuckBoi: oh so ur like MESSY messy okay

FuckBoi: but i mean you pulled both of them anyway so whats the problem

Kryoz: i fear you actually cooked there

Kryoz: i cant tell evan about that one thats gonna have to stay between us

FuckBoi: HE WAS TALKING ABOUT ME?????!!??!

Kryoz: oh you want him BAD

Kryoz: he just told me ur a new hire and that you mentioned jon in ur conversation its nothing to write home about really

FuckBoi: HE TALKED ABOUT ME

Kryoz: oh ur crazy

Kryoz: stay out of brians sight just a fair warning

FuckBoi: i should talk to him!!

Kryoz: is this what i sound like?

Kryoz: im booking a therapy appointment ASAP

—

BESTIEZ

Four07: guys is there drama is there tea why have you all gone radio silent

Terroriser: lucas

Kryoz: lucas

Four07: ???

Terroriser: one of the new hires is lucas and he is BLATANTLY obvious that he wants MY man

Terroriser: also he thinks ev and i are fake dating just for his work event bc otherwise it WILL get out of hand

Terroriser: and i cant have that shit going around before we're ready

Four07: holy fuck

Four07: okay but what are the chances of that happening

Kryoz: yk its pretty crazy how we kept scott in the loop and not evans other ex

Four07: i dont want evan like that bro ive actually moved on

Kryoz: oh you want him BAD

Terroriser: evan says (to john) that he wants you to stop telling your boyfriend to ask him crazy sex questions

Four07: whats he asking

Kryoz: i only told him about the car thing what else did he ask

Four07: car thing???

Kryoz: you drive a stick shift you wouldnt get it

Four07: my car is electric??

Kryoz: they dont make those things electric these days?? somethings gotta move the stick

Four07: makes sense why youre broke ngl...

Kryoz: okay fuck you at least i got two rich men to care of me

Kryoz: more than what you can say

Kryoz: where's your man huh??

Kryoz: yeah thats what i thought

Terroriser: evan says that only swagger is rich hes not sure what cam does for work

Kryoz: just put him in the gc already if hes talking shit

Four07: dude him and brian basically share a phone whats the point of adding them both

Kryoz: thats true i mean ive had multiple PRIVATE conversations with evan before and then like the next day brian comes along and asks me about them

Four07: at least he waited until the next day brian was literally texting me TEN MINUTES LATER like "why are you texting my boyfriend do you want him or something" like FUCKKKKK

Kryoz: evan really brings out the "psycho girlfriend" in everyone he dates and yk i can only respect the guy for it

Kryoz: you know how hard it is to get a man to care about you??? fuck dude

Four07: yeah well like youve been telling EVERYONE you have two now so fucking whatever

Terroriser: hey fuck you im not a psycho girlfriend im literally the love of his life

Four07: and hes dead serious about it too bro like hes gonna cuss us out for this later

Kryoz: brian youre a psycho girlfriend but its okay we still love you

Four07: i dont love him that much (in case evan is still reading these texts bro i DO NOT want your man)

Kryoz: yeah bc you want evan bad we know

Four07: I DONT??????

Four07: im not the homewrecker here???

Terroriser: yk actually IM the only one here whos NOT a homewrecker so

Four07: okay and thats why you have a soulmate whos perfect for you and we are in the trenches (john it has been one day since you got into this new relationship you are still covered in trench)

Kryoz: okay so maybe you have a point

Terroriser: anyways guys how should we hard launch

Kryoz: youre gonna make evan start running with his crutches dude

Four07: maybe just get through the work conference rn then worry about all that

Kryoz: yeah bc like you def heard this from me but lucas wants your man BAD

Kryoz: like he didnt even invite his own man on the trip with him bc then the two of them would be in competition for your man bc apparently jon would "chase after evan any chance he got"

Terroriser: oh REALLY

Four07: dude im not on this trip but i am in fear for my LIFE bro wtf is happening....

Kryoz: bro i literally have screenshots to prove it

Terroriser: send them. privately.

Four07: fuck bro thank GOD i dont want your man

Kryoz: wait but i thought you lowkey did??

Four07: JOHN WHAT THE FUCK????

Four07: brian these are lies maliciously blatant lies and im not just saying that bc im scared of you and what you could do to me im saying that straight from my heart

Kryoz: your heart that yearns for a man you once had?

Four07: what the hell.

Terroriser: who would've thought i had to worry about two throuples this trip

Kryoz: i wont cause you anymore problems i promise

Terroriser: tell your boyfriend im gonna put him in debt on the free day

Kryoz: ???

Terroriser: idk the exact details but he promised evan and i a fully paid for dinner and i heard he's booked us a nice place so his bank account is going down

Four07: good then john has nothing to brag about with two BROKE ASS MEN taking care of him

Kryoz: money isnt everything i can learn to cope

Four07: john got two boyfriends and became the Worst Person Alive

Kryoz: wait whats this about a romantic dinner date at a really nice restaurant happening specifically on the day where there's NOTHING planned....

Kryoz: and why is my man not taking me anywhere....should i break up with him???

Four07: PLEASEEEEE

Terroriser: if you break up with him evans not gonna help you get back together you are FUCKED

Kryoz: nah he'd help me we're like best friends

Terroriser: thats so funny bc i am his best friend

Kryoz: youre already his boyfriend let me have this

Four07: oh bc you want him BAD

Kryoz: fuck

Kryoz: he gagged me

Terroriser: guys can we focus

Kryoz: on ilya rozanov's ass? we shouldve done that a LONG time ago

Terroriser: ...who?

Four07: from heated rivalry??? how do you not know isnt your boyfriend canadian???

Terroriser: what the fuck is that

Kryoz: gay hockey show where two rival hockey players are secretly in love with each other for their whole careers and have to harbor a secret relationship that they both know cant go anywhere bc hockey but they still want it so damn bad bc love

Terroriser: ngl i forgot what i was gonna originally ask before that tangent so

Four07: if evan was MY boyfriend we would've watched it

Kryoz: woah

Terroriser: count your fucking days, Scott. ive already got a number in mind

Kryoz: honestly scott u rlly have no chance here bc lets be real evan and brian have been endgame since like chapter 45 or something

Terroriser: why cant you speak normally

Kryoz: okay name ONE (1) person who can be normal about ilya rozanov

Four07: you dont think shane is hotter??

Kryoz: we all know ur attracted to canadians scott this is nothing new

Kryoz: anyways something about an invisible string these two have been written in the stars they are MEANT TO BE

Terroriser: seriously what the fuck are you talking about

Kryoz: ill tell evan about it later so u can watch it together

Kryoz: and you and evan are meant to be so if i see lucas gunning for your man ill tackle him to the ground and start biting him like a feral rat

Four07: why a rat?

Kryoz: bc im not rlly a dog so i cant bite like a feral dog but i CAN bite like a feral rat

Four07: i didnt know rats could be feral

Terroriser: do i have to be here for this conversation??

Kryoz: oh like you got something better to do???

Terroriser: yes i actually do and no im not gonna tell you what because ur already too fucking nosy

Four07: touchy

—

Now showing private messages between Terroriser and Pasta

Terroriser: can i call u rq

Pasta: omg ofc!!! whats wrong??? did something happen with The Thing

Terroriser: no nothing like that everythings fine i just need to talk about something

Pasta: omg yeah ofc