I watched the sun from my window while munching on a granola bar. I surprisingly eat very little and in portions, yes, a cheese burger and ice-cream comes in the portion. It was five in the evening and I don't want to go to the park for having an ice-cream, dreading to meet the infamous brown danger today by any chance, especially after his offer. Sitting inside my own cubicle, I listened to what Alex said in the cafeteria over and over again. It was amusing and different from the usual taunting and pick-up notes. So, what made him say that? He was very good looking and Amber was perfect for him, then what made him look at me differently to pull me out for a coffee? 

I mentally questioned myself with a confused smile and didn't see that I have finished the bar and bit my own finger, wow, already losing my mind to his chocolaty smile and eyes. Watching the sun, I felt refreshing and my mind begged to go out, but, my heart stayed firmed with her decision and it was a big no. I don't want to be another failure and another heartbroken girl. I have already broken my heart with my mom's goodbye and dad forever ignoring me and my brother.

My brother who is working so hard to earn the reputation he always dreamed has high expectation on me. But it was before he saw me, which must be five years back. Of course, he keeps in touch with me, but says he is not ready to come back yet. He said it is too much hurting because everything reminded him of what happened back then. A history he doesn't like to tell me. I have tried so much to get it from him, but no, he didn't share it. Fabian, he was named after a famous musician that my father loved. He left to Toronto in a very young age and became an engineer. He was a very good one with pretty numbers and charming ratios that he was offered high projects over many old big reputed firms and people. Fabian was reaping success in a very alarming rate. I was so proud of him that I was sure mom would have been too.

Before she passed away, she asked him to be successful in whatever he choose to and said to me, especially to me, 'Don't fall in love aimlessly and break your heart, it will leave you reckless." My brother chuckled and I nudged him playfully then.

I never knew she was going away for a final time without any reappearance, I cherished her every memory now as I remember it. I giggled to myself with a small tear for every fun thing that she said and did. She was the only one close to my heart apart from my brother.

My father never had any true emotion to her, and of course they had this huge fight regularly but never raised a finger on her. The most beautiful thing I admire of her was; she remained loyal to him and never looked at anyone else. To this she always said when asked, 'I promised my mother, I would only open to one man, and it was him Angela, it was your father and now that I don't care if he is loyal to me or not, I can't break my word to my mother. I am not stupid and she raised a very obedient and determined girl Angel, once set, my heart never changes. So, promise me, you will do the same.'

I cried softly watching how the light lowered to the ground and specks of light glowed through the town and the view from my apartment was breath taking. My town glowed beautifully and it was calming to watch the chaos down my room. I tried so hard to remove my mom from my thoughts and suddenly I saw Alex smiling at me from the sky, I need to remove him from my thought too, somehow. I slapped myself to show a sweet side of me to this man, who saw through my fat ass. I was model looking like my mom when she was alive, but after her demise and my brother's departure, I gained weight badly and I was happy that guys will not look at me. But once, depression hit hard, I couldn't stop myself from eating, I rapidly gained weight and now, it was so hard for me to reduce my weight.

A slow rattle and creaking of door turned me from the window very slowly. At first I was very scared but then the voice surprised me and I was no longer afraid, "who are you, where's Angela."

"Fabio..." I ran and hugged him real hard still crying. "You didn't tell me, you were coming."

"Who are you...you are not my little sister... Angela, what have you done to yourself?"

"Fabian, you came home tried and now you want to hang yourself hearing me rant?"

"Shut up, Angel, we will talk later, dang! angel, you will not fill into any of the Gucci clothes I brought for you." it was his way of showing love after teasing me a lot, he used to bring me clothes, accessories and everything I could ask for, and now after a long gap, there he is; the charming brother-friend in front of me. Right now, his shocked face means I should explain him everything once we are settled, I only have to fear for the worse. Because when he left me I was this curvy girl with boys constantly hitting on me. Right now, he sees a girl who is insanely fat and I don't blame him. Preparing the dishes and waiting by the table setting it the way mom did made his eyes glisten and I could see him hiding that depressed eyes. I admired his perfect abs and toned muscles and I felt ashamed of my body for the first time, which made me cringe. He grew out to be a handsome young man with so much confidence, but me? I cringed in embarrassment and shame.

"Like what you see? Girl, you have to see those women clawing their fingers to claim me, but, I can't approve anyone without your consent. So, stop staring."

"Fabian...you seriously can't do that, go find yourself a perfect one and I am sure you will pick fine. Plus, you are my brother; I can admire you as long as I want. Your mind is always in the gutter!"

I watched him pull a tank top through his head and sat down where mom used to sit every time. He cupped his arms and closed eyes before digging in.

"Missing someone are we?"

"Angel, I.... there is not one moment I go by forgetting you or her. Her words that said to both of us still linger fresh and it haunts me. I..."

"There...there... I have been doing the same thing before you came here, don't cry. You surprised me."

"You surprised me and I am very shocked to see you and I thought I broke into someone else's house."

Laughing, we started having our food, exchanging stories and catching up with every piece of our life. I told him all about my life and he was in tears hugging me many times in between my story.

"I am sorry potato; I was not there when you wanted me the most."

"Already naming me and you said you are sorry, dang you...so much for being my big brother."

"I couldn't stop myself. So, brown danger, I would like to see him."

"Why?" I was so surprised that he wanted to see something I don't want to set my eyes and mind on.

"Girl, mom said to be careful, that didn't mean you have to push every person away from your life. You gained weight only to shove guys from your life, it backtracked and you are damn fat now. If he saw something beneath this body, then he is real."

"Brother....please..."

The doorbell rang and I looked at him in surprise.

"What, it's your house, I just got here, I am not expecting anyone." Saying that he walked towards the door and opened it, a few minutes passed and there was no words exchanged, I thought it might be some prank bell. Then it hit me like tiny hammers, I heard my brother's deep laugh resonating and a familiar voice stammering. I walked to the door and saw him in person, my brown danger.

"Angela, your friend is here, he thought I was your, umm..." trying hard to not laugh, he pointed to the door and there he stood with an amused smile and red cheeks, looking everywhere except me and my brother. "Come in Alex, you don't want to stand there, do you? I am Fabian, her boy-Brother." With saying that, he laughed and pulled him inside. I got fatter and fatter and wanted to be swallowed by the floor then and there.

There was an eerie silence echoing throughout and I could only perspire, even though the temperature was cool, I felt like I was standing under scorching sun. My brother studied Alex, sitting in his mafia way, slouched in the couch with knees wide apart and one hand on his knees, while the other on his chin. He stared at Alex while Alex tried hard not to stammer in the silent stare.

"So, you are Alex...from her school..."

"Yea, I am sorry for the..."

"Leave it, I am her brother Fabian."

"Where were you umm...before?"

"Leave that, tell me about you Alex."

"We moved from London when I was 3 year old. My father was a legal advisor and he ditched me and my brother Jack for another women, that enraged my mom and we never looked back. My mom started her work here. She was a well versed writer and interior designer. Jack stayed back in London, he was 5 years old. Father chose him and mom failed to receive him as he wanted to be with daddy, he was pretty close to him and that's what my mom said. Anyway, he wanted to get out of his father's abusive and peculiar methods and when he was fifteen, he came back to us. Finished school and set up business. That's what about me, I guess."

"You scared of me?"

"What? No, I mean yea, I mean you are unapproachable."

"Really... I was just pulling ya mate, I..." Fabian was laughing so much that I couldn't help but watch Alex smile sheepishly looking at me. I was beyond confused as he was ranting on about his short life hastily; it was like he was on gun point. What's wrong with him?

"I am sorry, I was just... I like your sister, Fabian. But, it seems like she is not interested."

"Oh my, so straight forward and judgmental, are you not? I met you somewhere around few days back, and you were having fun joking and taunting me and then you started having feelings and then you expect me to love you back, just like that?" I snapped my fingers and asked him furiously, which amused both boys in the room.

"What?" I screamed at them and found both smile sheepishly. What's wrong with them?

"Sissy, I never knew you would break open from your shy shell to be this snappy."

"Well, you saw me, now. Alex... why is you here?"

"To take you out..."

"What?"

"You and your 'what', just quit that word ok." Alex snapped at me jokingly and I can't help but smile at my brother's admiration. He likes Alex.

"Angel, go..."

"Fabio..."

"Angel, I mean it; it's just a small outing, not like someone's going to eat you alive. Don't take it as a date, besides, it would do you good rather than sit here."

"What's wrong with sitting here, I love reading and I have tons of books with me, plus, I don't want to fall in love."

"Who told you to fall in love? Angelina listen to me, you are socially backward and don't stop that fat around you hold you back."

He was just as smooth and daunting as my father used to be, if he called me by my name, it means he is serious and I have no option other than go by his choice. I slowly went upstairs and changed to a flowery dress which beautifully rounded my body and looked like a giant garden cake. I smiled at myself, yet, I had to go prepared, or otherwise my brother would do miracles to make me into a walking terror. I brushed my hair, applied minimal makeup and came down. Alex and Fabio were enjoying with a coke in hand and it seemed like they were friends for life.

Walking out to the chilly night made me shiver inwardly. It was already eight thirty and I wondered what we would do this late.

"So, your brother...he is cool."

"Yea, he is."

"I am sorry for being a jerk to you. I know you were new to Monty High. Where were you earlier?"

"I was in River mouth." looking at him, I saw that he was waiting for me to continue and I had to put my guard down, there was no way I could continue in this eerie silence.

"Why are you being good to me? Like, it was all snappy and pampering me with taunting comments and now you are cool and sugary. Are you trying to umm, make a fool out of me or are you trying to gain my sympathy. Both way, I am cool and I don't want you to try anything bad or good to get my attention."

"Are you finished? Listen, this is not to hook you or something. Have you seen the girls in our school like boys do? Most of them are trying hard to gain themselves a pair and to boast about them. There are many girls trying to get in my pants, you know why? Just to say I had their way. Amber was one of them and she was using me to gain popularity and now she has it. On the other hand I was pulling you real slow, I wanted you to look at me in your mad way, I wanted you to know that I was watching you, I wanted you to know that I like you. Because you seem too original to be true, look at you, you have applied yourself to go out with a guy. I never get to see that often. So, if you just pull your guard down, you may see that the world is not as you paint it."

"I...I am sorry, it's just that, I am not used to it." I could feel the tears coming to me and I was furious. See, this is why I said being in love or crush is bad. I mentally blamed myself and looked at him in the eye. "You expect me to enjoy your love or liking after surviving bad from you and you say you liked seeing me mad, well, maybe the world is not as you seem... you hurt me, and you snickered, like you are being a sadist and I know you are not, but it hurts me. I may snap at you, but come home and smell my pillow; it would gag you, because it's hurt that you will smell. I spray perfume in it all the time, yet, I smell hurt. Why? I cry myself to sleep because of this and now you come one fine day and say you like me and you expect me to throw that pillow and replace a new one to just pour happy tears in it? Well, I am not that kind of girl, who is going to use a minute even if it gives me immense pleasure, I want a millennium of it, and so, if you have any feelings for me, you would be gentlemanly and leave me to it."

"Angelina... I didn't want to hurt you and believe me; I never told you any harsh words, did I? I just used to call you fatty, right?"

"What am I hearing, that is not a harsh word? Fatty is a fine beautiful metaphor that highlight my body and would you look at it, you may love it."

"Angel, I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, you know."

"Please don't call me that, it belongs to my family only and no, you were not hurting me, everything else was. Being fat, being cuddly, eating too much, hearing people snicker when I walk, trip and eat, being different and huge and called by ugly names and knowing each second that I am different and I should come home to the cold surrounding and no mother to console me, no father to encourage me, no nothing, just cold and when its bright and sunny, the words and stares are cold. I am sick of cold... I am sick of being in this constant struggle to guard my pride up and not cry in front of anyone else and be the real badass I want to be, but, I am a person, a real women and I feel pain...why can't people just understand that?"

I was now uncontrollably sobbing to his chest and that's when I knew I was on his chest and he holding me close to his heart and just being silent, silent like the night where there was only voices in the distance as a hindrance. Everything was just like my life again, only now I hear a constant rhythm trying to scream at me, 'I love you.' it was his heart, his heart was listening and crying with me. When I was able to pull myself up, I pulled away from him and he smiled at me, like he understood my pain. I turned away and wiped my tears.

"This is between us, and you were being a brother to me, nothing else. You and I remain distant and I never cried you hear me?"

"Wow, you are as bad as your brother."

I just stayed with him, looking at the starless sky and sighed real hard, like I wanted my mom to hear me.

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I decided to use Jon kortajarena as Den.