Get ready.

"But if there is one thing that I'm guilty of
It's loving and giving when you take too much
If somebody asked how we died
Please look them straight in the eye"

Jungkook walked into his apartment the next day after his shift. It was particularly difficult, filled with a lot of angry customers and a broken air conditioner. It also didn't help that he had gotten barely any sleep last night.

He went straight to his room to barricade himself as usual. After changing out of his work clothes, he decided to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, but as he entered the kitchen, he was immediately greeted by Taehyung.

Jungkook frowned as he grabbed what he came for and started making his way out before being stopped by Taehyung, who gripped the younger's arm. "Kookie..."

Jungkook turned around and looked at Taehyung directly in the eyes. "It's Jungkook, none of this 'Kookie' bullshit." He yanked his arm out of Taehyung's grip, storming back into his room. Taehyung followed him, not caring about the desired privacy of the other.

"What the fuck is your problem, Jungkook?"

"What ever could you mean?" Jungkook crossed his arms, rolling his eyes slightly.

"This is the first time I've seen you in like a week! You come straight home and come to your room! Do you not want to talk to me? Do you not like me or something?"

Jungkook scoffed. "God, you must be really stupid, huh?"

Taehyung took a step back as his mouth hung ajar. "W-What?"

"I fucking like you and I'm trying to not like you because I'll just end up getting hurt and I can't get hurt again. I'm not strong enough. So, please, let me get over this stupid little crush on you by you leaving me the fuck alone."

Taehyung was frozen with shock. Jungkook had angry tears streaming down his cheeks. Taehyung cleared his throat to fill the awkward silence in the air before speaking, making sure to tread carefully on his choice of words. "What do you mean you don't want to get hurt again? Did I hurt you?"

"You're not the one who broke me, but yes, you have hurt me. Way more than you realize."

"H-How have I hurt you?" Taehyung took a step forward, hating the awkward distance between them, but Jungkook responded by taking a step back.

"Let's see..." Jungkook started to count the times on his fingers. "You kissed me and then show up a few days later back with Jimin. You move in with me after breaking up with Jimin only to start seeing Hoseok. I have to watch Hoseok come into work every day covered in hickies, while he talks about what you two did the night before. So, I come home from work every day and lay on my bed and cry because I am in such pain all of the time."

"Who is Yugy?"

The suddeness of the question startled Jungkook, his voice quavering. "H-How do you know about that?"

"The night I moved in you fell asleep and when Yoongi was moving you to your room, you mentioned that you were sorry to someone named 'Yugy.'"

Jungkook hesitated, feeling a combination of sadness and anger boil inside of him. "You have no right to mention him."

"I-I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure you out!"

"I'm not some puzzle you can solve, Taehyung! I'm a human being! A human being with a lot of fucking problems that you don't exactly need to know about. Yugyeom is something for me to deal with on my own. I'm coping. I'm grieving. I'm recovering. On my own. Yoongi helps but he hasn't been through the same situation so he doesn't understand what it's like for your boyfriend die right in front of you because of you!" Jungkook's emotions swarmed him as he rambled out parts of his life that he had been trying to hide. His eyes went wide when he realized all that he had just revealed. He collapsed to the ground as he curled up with his knees against his chest, rocking back and forth.

Taehyung's mind was racing at the new information. "Oh my God."

Jungkook's eyes met the older's for a split second before they looked down at the ground. "Well, now you know. Congrats."

Taehyung risked taking a few steps closer to him, almost making it directly in front of him before Jungkook stopped him. "I don't want your pity. Now, get out of my room."

After a moment of silence, Taehyung finally sighed, turning on his heel and leaving the younger's room, slamming the bedroom door shut.

Jungkook sighed heavily before pulling out his phone, sending a quick text to Yoongi.

Jungkook
Yoongi, I think I really fucked up.

He tossed his phone aside as the recollection overwhelmed him.

*Flashback to (about) one year ago*

Jungkook and Yugyeom walked hand-in-hand from their favorite ice cream shop, on their way to the park they always went to. Jungkook had wanted to tell Yugyeom some news, but kept putting it off. He wasn't sure how the other would take it.

They were sitting quietly on their usual bench, watching the little children play on the playground. Jungkook smiled before clearing his throat. Yugyeom turned his head slightly to show Jungkook that he was listening.

"I have some news for you."

Yugyeom nodded, motioning for Jungkook to continue.

"I-I got accepted into that Performing Arts University last week."

Yugyeom was silent as he stopped eating his ice cream. Jungkook watched as the warm summer breeze slowly melted the ice cream.

"Yugy?"

Yugyeom exhaled sharply through his nose before turning to face Jungkook. "And you found out last week?"

Jungkook nodded, chewing on his lower lip slightly. "I wasn't sure how to bring it up. I didn't know how you were going to react."

"React? You mean you weren't sure if I was a supportive boyfriend or not? God, Jungkook. We've been dating for a year and you didn't think I would be thrilled for you?"

Jungkook ran his hands on his thighs nervously. "It's just that it's back in Busan, but you're in Seoul."

"I would've fucking gone with you if you had asked!" Yugyeom stood up angrily, Jungkook immediately following his actions.

"Y-You would've given up your life here for me?"

"Of course! I love you, Jungkook! Why wouldn't I go with you? Weren't you going to ask me?"

Jungkook froze, his mouth hanging slightly ajar while he searched for the right words, unable to find them.

Yugyeom noticed his silence, his eyes going wide. "You weren't going to ask me, were you?"

Jungkook's heart raced inside of his chest, tears threatening to fall. He didn't know how he felt about Yugyeom still. He thought he loved him, but he wasn't ready to say it. He didn't think they were close enough to live together. They were still so young. "I-It didn't cross my mind, I'm sorry."

Yugyeom took a few steps backwards. "Y-You don't love me back?"

Jungkook looked down at his shoes. He started tasting blood from chewing on his lower lip so hard.

"God, you're unbelieveable, Jungkook. And to think I had so many opportunities to be with other people and I chose you. For what? I don't even know at this point! We've been together for a year and we still haven't even had sex! I could've gotten laid so many times but I denied it all because I was loyal to you."

"Y-You thought about c-cheating on me? All because I wouldn't sleep with you?" Jungkook's voice was shaking heavily now as his sobs started getting progressively worse.

"Yes." Yugyeom's bluntness hit Jungkook like a boulder.

Jungkook finally broke, his voice cracking as he screamed at his boyfriend. "I didn't sleep with you because I don't want to give my virginity to just anyone! And I'm sorry but I don't feel strongly enough for you to take that step yet. And the fact that you thought about sleeping around during our relationship makes me hate you. I want your stuff out of my apartment within the hour, and I want you out of my fucking face." Jungkook spat the last words before his sobs overcame him.

A week later, he received a letter in the mail from Yugyeom. His suicide note. Blaming it all on Jungkook, who had started to hate himself so much he accepted the blame. They had found his body, coated in blood the same day. Jungkook wasn't capable of loving Yugyeom enough, despite the fact that he did love him. His virginity was something he had held onto for the perfect person, and while he had loved Yugyeom, and he knew that now, he knew Yugyeom wasn't the right person.

Jungkook had spent many nights breaking down over the loss of Yugyeom. He hated that he drew the already-depressed male over the edge to slit his wrists, ending his too-short life.

Jungkook had told himself not to let himself fall in love again. It only hurt too much, knowing that they would just leave him like Yugyeom did.

Like everyone did.

••••••
This chapter is hella rushed but it's over 1500 words so it's a nice long one. And we finally figured out what happened with Yugyeom!

You are all beautiful people. I am in no way romanticizing depression. If any of you are struggling and want someone to talk to, please message me. I am always willing to talk. ❤️

Next update most likely won't be for a couple of days.

{edited}