Jamie was going to go with me, but at the very last moment, he decided to ditch the plan altogether, saying he had somewhere else to be.

I tried asking him where but as he drove me to SaintView Hospital, a troubled look settled on his face, brows furrowed in a way that told me something was up. It made me wonder if a part of us would always be this way. No matter how much we convince ourselves, would it always be Cinder Girl and Ice Phantom--the mortal enemies? Would there always be mistrust and the tense atmosphere, despite the kisses and the raw emotions I'd seen so briefly in Jamie's eyes?

"I'll come and pick you up in a few hours." He told me once he stopped the car in front of the old, bustling hospital building. And then as an afterthought, he added, "Will that be fine?"

"Yeah." I fidgeted a little in my seat. "Or...I could just walk back too."

He frowned. "Why?"

"I've been doing that my whole life?" I questioned, then smiled a little, hoping to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere. "Or not my whole life. But since I've been living in that apartment, yes."

Jamie looked away and my gaze followed his hands and the way he gripped the steering wheel. "Is something wrong?"

He didn't reply.

"Is it the...what happened back there?" I asked, straightening a little as if expecting him to agree. I wasn't expecting it to hurt. This was new, whatever this was. I was basically fraternising with the enemy, and Orias, God, he'd do more than just flip if he found out. Yet still, despite all of that, it made me anxious. It had never, not even once, mattered before, but it scared me now to even think of Jamie rejecting me that way.

Scary, I thought. He's still Ice Phantom.

Jamie unclenched his hands from the steering wheel and exhaled. "No. You should go."

I blinked back in surprise and the tiny pit of anxiousness morphed into something bigger, something heavier. 

"Jesus, I didn't...I'm not making this sound any better." He rubbed his face and finally looked at me. "It's not that, Dahlia. I kissed you this time, remember? Why in the bloody hell would I start regretting it out of the blue?"

Because we're on two opposing sides? I shrugged.

"I'm not." He furrowed his brows again and the flash of determination in his eyes was enough to level the anxiety within me. "I kissed you because I wanted to. I kissed you because I've been meaning to since the first time you stood up to me, to fight me. And if that doesn't...if that doesn't reassure you, if you can't trust me with it, then I can promise to bloody end anyone who tries coming in between this. Us."

Us. I nearly smiled, then grimaced. "You don't have to bloody end anyone, Jamie. I get it." I trust you, I almost said. But did I?

"Do you?"

"Yes." I nodded, a little baffled, then tried once again since I was a stubborn fuck, "Where do you have to go?"

Jamie looked away and there was that. The answer. 

"All right," I whispered, then slowly opened the door. "I'll see you in a few hours then."

And maybe it wasn't even just me. Maybe it'd take a lot of him to trust me too.

• • •

"Where's Jamie?" Linda asked. "I thought he'd be coming with you."

Jon perked up at that and I bristled a little where I sat.

"That sounds an awful lot like gossip awaiting my ears." He broke the silence. I glared at him despite how relieved I felt to see him like this. Fine. He was fine. "What? Come on now, don't give me that look."

Linda smacked him on the arm and I gave in to the urge to smile. There was a small fading bruise under his left eye, almost matching the one I had if mine weren't so fairly concealed. That's also where the similarities ended. Jon had a huge white bandage wrapped around his lower abdomen, where he'd been shot. And a stitch on his right temple too. He'd been fairly out of it when I'd seen him first, too concussed and high on morphine. But then he'd woken up an hour or so later and he'd said he felt much much better.

Of course, I didn't believe him. And of course, the shame didn't lessen either within me.

What if I hadn't lost my phone and what if Jon had called me when he was about to be attacked? What if I could have stopped this from happening?

Jon smiled at me then, a bit tired and on the verge of pain, and I sighed. He must've seen something on my face.

"So I see that you both are well past the argument?" He asked.

What argument, I almost asked. But then I remembered. The last time I'd mentioned Jamie, at Jon's bookshop, I'd very recently found out about him being Ice Phantom.

"Yes. Yes, um..." I trailed off, fidgeting with the ends of the crisp white sheets on the hospital bed. It smelled like a hospital in here, no shit, and I felt nauseated.

Linda had been right. I hated hospitals. I've always had.

A hand appeared in my view and I looked up to see Linda handing me a paper cup filled with steaming coffee. I vaguely remembered Jamie being against me and coffee (together) but I still took it from her, glad to have something in my hands.

"Why isn't he here then?" She asked, sounding a tad bit confused.

I took a sip and even the burn on my tongue felt welcoming.

"He had to be somewhere else." I kept my voice nonchalant, and my gaze too. "Or that's what he told me."

"Are you sure?" Jon asked. "It could've been Linda's incredible hospitality. Wouldn't be the first time she chased someone away." That, fairly, earned him another whack. I couldn't help but laugh softly.

"I'm sure," I said, carefully manoeuvring my arm to the bed railing near Jon. "He didn't tell me where, though."

Where? I thought. Where? Where did he go when he wasn't here? Who did he go to? Was there any close relative of his? Not his parents or his aunt, I knew that. But maybe he had someone else. Maybe there was a place that was just his. Like the Agency was mine.

Had, a voice taunted me out of nowhere. You had it. Maybe it wouldn't be your place ever again.

I realised I was frowning until Jon gave a soft flick on my forehead. I looked up and saw that Linda had disappeared and Jon and I were the only ones left. I hadn't even noticed.

"Where's Linda?"

"Gone to fetch one of the nurses," Jon told me.

I grew alarmed. "What? Why? Are you all right? Sorry, I just got a little distracted and--"

"You look like shit, kid." He cut me off and sighed, shifting a little against the pillows. "No offence but you look far more horrible than I do. And I know how I look."

"I didn't get myself beaten up."

Jon gave me a look.

"Sorry, I..." I trailed off, then gritted my teeth. "It wasn't your fault obviously. But...you should've been more careful, Jon. I just--I hate that I wasn't there for you to keep you away from those people who hurt you."

Now that Linda wasn't here and I was alone with Jon, I wanted to tell him how awfully sorry I was. I really was.

His gaze softened and he lifted a shoulder in an almost half-shrug. "You can't always be."

"I know that." I forced it out, placing the coffee aside. "Everyone keeps telling me that. It doesn't make it easier, though."

Jon sighed again and I had a feeling I was tiring him out.

"Sorry--"

"Linda told me something." He cut me off again, and I noticed the furrow in between his brows a little too late. "About you. Jamie. He knows about the Agency."

I grew still.

"And you got kicked out." He was full-on frowning now. He wasn't supposed to. He was supposed to be relaxed. "When did that happen? Is this about the data you asked me to hack? Did Orias get a hint on it?"

I shook my head and he lowered his voice to one that was both stern and soft at the same time.

"Then why did he kick you out?" He asked me. "And why did I hear it from my wife and not you?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't think I could've told him the truth, ashamed and so brimming with guilt, yet I didn't think I could've lied to him either.

"He...Orias was mad at me because...I..." I flailed around for the right words but they didn't come. I couldn't find them on my tongue. I winced because Orias would've lashed out at me if I'd stuttered in front of him.

Jon didn't, though. He just waited patiently as my face continued heating up in embarrassment.

"I-I...took Ice Phantom's side." My voice came out meek and I realised I was scared as I looked for a reaction on Jon's face. He'd lash out at me too, wouldn't he? Tell me how incredibly stupid I was? Tell me how it made me a monster too?

"Took his side, as in..." He prompted.

"Helped him escape when Orias sent a few men after him." I rushed it all out. "He...he was going to capture him. And probably torture him. I thought they...the Agency didn't do that. Using force to...but then I...then I saw those ski-masked people and I...there was this boy on the rooftop and I tried saving him but he fell and he told me that I am a puppet to the Agency like they'd been. Until the Agency tortured them and I saw it! I saw the way the woman's face was burned on one side and it was marred with scars and she told me it was all Orias. But I didn't believe her. I mean, how could I? They're liars and I killed one of them and Jamie...Jamie didn't tell me..."

Jon's eyes were wide, flickering across my face, probably trying to catch up with each and every one of the words I'd just blurted out.

"Didn't tell you what?" His voice sounded clipped. Frustrated.

"That he's...he's..." My throat seized and I nearly screamed out loud in frustration. All that came out was a tiny, strained noise of plea.

"Dahlia--"

"He's Ice Phantom." My voice was a mere whisper, yet I knew he heard it. Jon heard it. His eyes widened even more and I saw the way his jaw went slack with surprise.

Seven (exactly seven) whole seconds passed by in utter silence. I would know since my sick brain counted out loud.

"He's..." Jon finally spoke up, then clamped his mouth shut. "Okay. There's a lot you just said right now and I'm trying to figure out if this is a joke or not, kid."

"It's not." I shook my head.

It was almost admirable, the way he kept his utter surprise at bay. I could see the questions in his eyes, yet he took it slow. He nodded slowly, gaze still stuck on me.

"Okay. This is a bit mindfucking, but I need you to tell me everything, and I mean everything from the very start. Again and a bit slowly, all right?" He spoke up. I opened my mouth but he cut me off, "Start with the ski-masked people."

And so I did. I told him everything from the start, from the first time I encountered the lot of them, to the very last where I'd let a boy my own age fall down to his death. I didn't bother keeping anything out. I didn't even bother skipping the kiss in the boys' restroom and the time I'd found out about Jamie. The truth about Jamie.

Linda still hadn't come back by the time I was done.

"Do you think she lost her way back?" I asked Jon a bit worriedly, glancing over at the door. "Should I go see her?"

Jon was stroking one side of his face, seeming a whole lot dazed.

"Jon."

"Who do you think he was?" He asked me. "The boy who fell to his death?"

I was a bit baffled. "He didn't--I let him fall to his death."

Jon gave me a pained look but didn't try to say otherwise. At least he wasn't telling me that I'd done what needed to be done. 

"He seemed younger than me," I said quietly. "Do you think...he had a family?"

"I don't think any of them do. The ski-masked ones you mentioned. And I think...I do remember the talk about them back when I worked for the Agency."

I stared at him. "Yeah?"

Jon met my gaze. "I think you should be careful, kid. With all of them. Jamie too."

I heaved a sigh and ran my hands over my face. "It's all gone horrible, Jon. I can't...I didn't mean to...I punched River just so that I'd help Ice Phantom escape." Then I laughed because it was still just as bizarre as the first time, hearing that from my mouth. "It's horrible because I-I like him! I like him. Oh fuck, I like him. He's not a monster, I know he isn't, because I see it. I see it in his eyes. His life's been so unfair to him and as much as I want him to hate me, he doesn't. He's a stubborn fuck but he cares. And I...I care too."

Jon kept silent, though I saw the pity in his eyes. 

"I'm going to lose everything, won't I?" My voice fell to a whisper.

"You won't, kid."

"Orias is going to hate me." My voice came out a bit wobbly this time. "I think he...he already does."

Jon laughed and it came out tired and sad and I wanted to hug him. But I didn't. "He won't, Dahlia. You're his favourite. He practically raised you. He can't hate you."

I sniffled. "You think so?"

"I know so." He rested a hand on my shoulder, heavy and grounding. "But we're not facing him right now. Not until I get out of this shithole and we both go through the data I managed to hack. Together. Am I clear?"

"No," I spoke up, alarmed. "I'm not letting you--"

"Kid." He cut me off with a look. "Just because I got myself beaten up doesn't mean--"

"You can't get beaten up again!"

"'Course, I can. That's how one lives his life to the fullest."

"What in the blindfuck are you talking about?" I exclaimed.

Jon laughed. "You're doing this with me, kid. Don't bother arguing or I'm not letting you into my house."

"Jon--"

"Or my bookshop."

"What?"

"I'll fire you if you argue with me." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, almost as if we were done talking.

"Jesus Christ--"

"And I would like to talk to this Jamie one day." It was infuriatingly annoying how easily I was letting him cut me off. Again and again. "Have a long, nice chat with him."

"Why?"

The door opened and Linda came in, smiling and talking with a young nurse beside her. Jon gave me a conspicuous look. "That's for me to know and you to never find out."