Sadness clings to Blake's green eyes as he watches Jude and Tori pull out of the red brick driveway. Blake and I knew having split custody would be tough to handle since he'd taken care of London since birth. Now we're watching her being drive away and it's breaking Blake's heart.

Blake might not have carried London for nine months, but the time they've spent together has been an experience like no other. Not only does caring for a baby change your life, it changes you.

It's an adjustment to go from seeing her every day to every couple of weeks. It will only get harder as she continues to grow. First steps to first day at school to her first boyfriend. Blake and I don't intent to miss a step of the way.

No one said it would be easy, just as no one said how to handle it either. Truthfully, this is a new experience we are all adjusting to. I miss her terribly but I know this is the best thing for her.

I place my hands on my stomach and frown. I've spent so much time caring for London that sometimes I forget she isn't my baby - she's Tori's daughter. I often wonder if that's a contributing factor to why I'm okay with her leaving. Sometimes, I think it's because I understand both sides and that I want the best for her. Whatever it is, I can only imagine the pain he's going through. I hope I never have to experience anything like this.

"Come on." I poke Blake's arm. "We've got movies to watch."

"Yeah, sure." He nods his head.

I wasn't entirely sure what to say either - I miss her too - but with all the words in the world, nothing made sense. There was nothing I could say would make Blake feel okay. Right or wrong, having your child taken from you is the worst, especially on her first birthday.

Sure, London could be a cheeky handful, but I enjoyed every delightful minute of it. Well, except for those poopy nappies . . . I don't enjoy those. You really needed a hazmat suit for some of those changes.

Blake wraps his arm around my waist as we walk down the side of the house. The pebbles crunch under my feet which leaves the atmosphere feeling awkward. As I look towards him, I see the hollowed sadness. I wanted to fix him but I didn't know how.

I open the front door and we wander inside. Blake filters down the hallway while I shut the door behind us. I flick off my shoes before joining the three in the living room. Kyle and Charlotte are already plopped on the couch, bright smiles consuming their lips.

My heart flutters with excitement. Seeing Kyle so happy gives me hope. I often worry about him.

"I'm going to grab some blankets," I start to explain.

"No, I'll grab them," interjects Blake. "You can't carry them, you're pregnant and need to rest."

"Right." I blush. "I forget . . ." Not sure how you can forget about the huge baby growing inside your body, but I manage it.

"Take a seat and I'll organise things," explains Blake.

"But I want to help with things." I pout.

I've never been good at sitting and waiting . . . I enjoy helping people. These are our guests and I want them to feel welcome. That way, next time they're around they can repay the thanks by changing a dirty nappy.

I know mothers say that your perspective on those things change when you have your own child. Poopy nappies are something that's celebrated but come on, you've got to draw the line somewhere! Sometimes shit is just stinky shit that needs it's own bomb squad removal team. Trust me, I work in daycare.

"How about you choose a movie?" offers Blake.

"Um, because I suck at choosing a movie," I reply.

"You don't su -"

"I'll choose something," yells Kyle.

He bounces off the couch and wanders over to the movie cabinet under the television screen. The three of us watch Kyle flip through movies until Blake laughs to ease the tension in the room.

"I'll grab those blankets," announces Blake.

"Okay, thank you." I smile.

Blake jogs down the hallway while I take a seat on the couch. I fluff up the cushions and snuggle in. All I need now is Blake and those blankets, and well, maybe a back rub.

Annoyingly, the back pain has finally set in and I'm not enjoying that part of pregnancy. I'm beginning to realise this is more of a pain fest in an attempt to make you enjoy going into labour. By then, you're over the pain.

Kyle continues to flicks through the movies but doesn't decide on anything. He's torn between a horror movie and a romance comedy. In all honesty, I'm okay with either. I'm in an undecided mood and I don't know how to shake it.

When Blake returns from grabbing the blankets, he snaffles Kyle's spot on the couch. I'm happy because it means I can rest my legs across Blake's lap. Kyle, on the other hand, he pouts at the loss of his spot next to Charlotte.

I snuggle under the blanket and wait for Kyle. He eventually chooses a scary movie I know I'll spend most of the night hiding under the blanket for. I have many fears that stem from watching scary movies and having Kyle as a best friend.

The couch isn't big enough for a fourth person, so Kyle plops on the ground beside Charlotte's feet after putting the movie in the machine. He gets the end of the blanket and some cushions to rest on - it's not as bad as you think. The fluffy carpet is nice to lay on. I've seen London go to sleep there enough.

I also bet he's sitting on the ground so that he can grab my feet or do something stupid to scare us. That's something Kyle's always been good at. I can never catch the bugger to beat him with the pillow afterwards.

The opening credits to the movie begins and I'm already afraid. I have the blanket covering my nose so that if I get scared, I can dive under the blanket to escape the screen. There's some things you just can't unsee. Blake wraps his arms around me which helps remove some of the fear building up inside of me. I know Blake would protect me from the scary monsters hiding in the television and under our bed.

As the movie progresses, Charlotte curls into a ball and hides behind a cushion. Out the corner of my eye, I see Kyle watching us - that sly bugger! When the scary part begins to build up, an evil glint floats into his brown eyes. I move my feet out of Kyle's reach to be extra sure.

As the monster opens the cupboard and yells boo, Kyle grabs Charlotte's leg which earns an ear piercing scream. She grabs the cushion and goes to town beating Kyle's shoulder. He tries to slither away to avoid Charlotte's wrath, but he doesn't get far.

"Don't be an ass," I scold.

"Cheer up." Kyle leans up and grabs my foot. This causes me to flick my foot and collide into the side of Kyle's arm. The thwack noise of the two limbs hitting makes it sound painful. Serves him right, though.

"Ouch," I moan. "That really hurt Kyle."

"It hurt me too," replies Kyle.

"And it's all your own fault," I say.

"It's okay." Blake kisses my cheek. "Let me rub your foot." Blake reaches for my leg and begins to rub over the tender red spot. I glad at Kyle as he sinks onto the ground with a scowl on his face. One day I'm going to get revenge for the horrible things he's done to me.

When the movie ends, I stifle a yawn and look at Blake.

"Let's get you to bed," says Blake. He pats the top of my legs as he shoves them off his lap.

"But." I smile. "We don't have to." I'd hate to be the reason people go to bed.

"I'm getting tired too," confesses Charlotte.

"Okay then." I nod.

Blake turns the lights on and the television off. He packs away the blankets and escorts Charlotte and Kyle to the spare bedroom to sleep. I wave a quick goodnight before tackling the stairs to get to bed. I change into my nighty and snuggle under the warm covers.

A short while later, Blake enters the room and strips out of his clothing. He remains dressed in his underwear. I feel like a beached whale in comparison.

"Are you all good?" he asks.

"Yes." I nod.

"Okay, baby." Blake turns the lights off and climbs under the covers with me. He wraps his arm around my stomach and rubs it. The soft sensation feels amazing and comforting.

"We're getting close," whispers Blake. "Before you know it, we'll have our bub in our arms."

The idea of holding our baby and experiencing motherhood for myself is exciting yet daunting at the same time. I have to squeeze a baby out of my downstairs and there's no denying it's going to hurt. I want all the pain killers under the sun. I don't want to feel anything.

"I'm terrified," I say.

"About what?" he asks. "You're already such a wonderful mother."

"I'm afraid of the pain and that you won't like . . . you know?" Some things just don't snap back the way they're supposed to be after childbirth. What if it's a complete mess and he doesn't like it?

"I'm going to love you no matter what," replies Blake. "And the fact you've given me such a precious gift . . . Ava, I could never hate you for that."

"Are you sure?" I ask. "It's going to be a complete mess. Like, you can say that now, but."

"Don't stress about it, okay?" says Blake.

It's easy enough to say 'don't worry about it' when you're not the one who's going to experience it. Since the time is passing quickly, it's always going to be on my mind. Pft, not worry, hello, do you know who you're talking to?

"Come on, let's get some sleep." Blake wiggles around before finding a comfortable position.

Within minutes, he's fast asleep. I really hate people like that. I feel as if I need to reenact a whole movie in my mind before I even batter an eyelid. Otherwise, I have so many thoughts consuming my mind . . . like the pain of childbirth.

I toss and turn, uncomfortable, worried, and frustrated. Sheep, clouds, and a sexy fantasy pass through my mind before I'm throwing the covers away from my body. Maybe warm milk will do the trick? I'm game for trying anything at this point.

Climbing out of bed, I walk downstairs and towards the kitchen. As I travel through the house, I hear their voices. My ears prick up at the sound. Freezing on the spot, I listen out. I'm not a peeper if I happen to casually overhear it on the way to the kitchen, right?

"Kyle, please, just listen!" I hear Charlotte groan with frustration.

"Charlotte, no, I can't -" Before he can finish his sentence, I hear Charlotte piping in.

"Dammit, I love you, Kyle." Even I gasp at the confession.

Afraid of interrupting their moment, I quickly step back and walk up the stairs. Sure, their relationship might be a little complicated, but they can work this out. Whatever Kyle's going through, I'm sure it'll be okay with the help of Charlotte.

When I return to the bedroom, I softly close the door and return to bed. Blake wraps his arm around me and snuggles his face into my neck. My insides come alive with excitement at the thought of Charlotte and Kyle dating. Well shit, there goes any hopes of falling asleep.

The world is too short to live on ideas of what ifs. Sometimes you have to risk the moments to find happiness in between. I hope Kyle is willing to risk it to potentially find happiness with Charlotte. 

What is Kyle going to do?