"Mom! Dad!" I shout down the stairs, alarmed by Meri's sudden collapse.

Her form is frail in my arms, and she's clearly lost weight since leaving us. Dark circles under her eyes mirror my own, indicating that I'm not the only one who hasn't been sleeping. Her lashes are wet with tears, and her chest is barely rising with each breath.

"Mom! Dad! Come quick!"

They rush up the stairs, worried by my frantic tone. Taking one look at Meri, my father heads for the kitchen phone. My mother checks her pulse, and she looks me over. "What happened?"

"She just showed up on the doorstep. I let her in. She said a few things and collapsed," I whisper, holding her closely and staring down at her pale face in misery.

"She's clearly been through a lot. Let's lay her down in the living room. Your father's calling an ambulance."

I follow my mother into the living room and lay Meri on the sofa gently, cushioning her head with pillows. She's trembling despite her unconscious state, so I cover her with a blanket and sit on the floor beside the sofa. My mother goes to join my father, and I take Meri's hand in mine, laying my head on the sofa. "Come on, Meri. You just came back. You can't leave me now..."

For the next few minutes, I stay beside her, holding her hand and watching her breathe. God, you brought her back to me... I think. Don't take her away again like this.

Sirens wail as the ambulance approaches. They continue to blare for a few moments just outside the door, and then a blast of cold air blows from the entryway into the living room. The paramedics walk in, and for a moment I just sit there in dazed silence. Then I realize what they're going to do.

"No! Stop," I say when they try to take Meri away.

"Look, son," says an elderly paramedic. "We've got to get her to the hospital where they can check her vitals and figure out what's wrong. You'll just get in the way."

"Let me ride in the ambulance with her."

"Are you family?" the man asks gently.

I shake my head miserably, still not relinquishing my grasp on Meri's hand.

"Then I'm afraid we can't let you. But you can follow the ambulance and visit when the doctors say it's okay."

My shoulders droop as they take her away from me. I watch as they put her onto the stretcher and walk out of the house into the swirling snow. Numbly, I follow, standing on the steps as they put her into the ambulance.

Tears fill my eyes when they close the doors on her, climb in, and drive off with the blaring wail of their sirens to herald their passing. I sag against the railing of the porch and slide down it until I'm on my knees in the snow on the porch.

The fluffy snow crunches beneath my weight and begins melting, seeping through my pajama bottoms. Wrapping my arms around myself, I give in to the tidal wave of grief that hits me. Why God? I mentally scream. Why did you give her back just to take her away again?

My father sits down beside me and wraps his arms around me. I turn to him, burying my face in his chest and crying like a little kid. The pain inside is so strong that it sweeps away any shame that this display of emotion might've brought on otherwise. "Why, Dad? Why is God letting this happen?"

My dad stays quiet for a long moment. Then he murmurs, "I don't know, son. He's got his reasons."

It does nothing to make me feel better. When someone you care about is suffering like this, being told that there's a reason never helps. It just makes the questions inside scream louder and clamor for more substantial answers. Unfortunately, there won't be better answers. None of us have them. Only God or Heaven above know what the answers to my questions are. And He doesn't seem too interested in answering me right now.

I huddle with my father on the step, letting out every negative emotion inside until I'm empty of everything.

"You want to go to the hospital and wait for their go ahead to see her, kiddo?" My dad ruffles my hair sympathetically.

"Yeah, I do," I whisper, sniffling.

He gets up. "Come on then. Get your coat, change, and we'll go."

***

"You're Miss Yanamari's family?" the doctor asks, glancing down at his clipboard.

"Well... No. But she was living with us for a while. She left to stay with her stepfather for a few days, and she showed up on our porch tonight. My son let her in. She just collapsed."

"What's wrong with her?" I ask, pleading with the doctor to tell me something.

"I can't reveal confidential information without Miss Yanamari's permission. She is awake, however, and I see no reason not to allow visitors. You can talk to her, but try not to stress her out, please." The doctor motions toward the hallway. "She's in room 108."

I head off before I can hear anything more. All I need to know is that she's okay. Counting down the numbers, I find the one with 108 on the plaque and push the door open. Meri is sitting up in bed with an IV in both arms. Her eyes fly to mine when I step in.

"Meri!" I say, walking to her side and taking her hand carefully.

She squeezes my hand, tears in her eyes. "Milan... I missed you so much."

I rest my head against the wall and look at her in silence for a long moment. Then I swallow back the lump in my throat and say, "I missed you too. I thought you'd never come back. Meri?"

"What?"

"I really need to know... Why did you leave me? What did I do?"

"Nothing!" she says, tears slipping down her cheeks as she squeezes my hand tighter. "I left to protect you."

"But... Protect me?"

"I was sure that if I didn't go, Petre would hurt you for it. So I ran to keep you safe."

"Did he hurt you?" I ask, suddenly thinking of all the ways Petre's depraved mind could've come up with to torture her for holding out on him for so long.

She looks down. "Not the way you're thinking."

"Did you... Did he touch you?" Swallowing hard, I wait for the answer, hoping that it'll be no.

"Not like that, no. He mostly kept his hands off. He said he'd wait until I was eighteen," she whispers. "And he said he'd messed up before. He apologized for it, and he said I'd have the choice. Obviously, I chose you. He brought me back and said I was free to go. He said that he wasn't going to get in the way if I really wanted you over him."

"And do you?" I whisper back, looking down at our entwined fingers.

"Yes, of course! He's done nothing but hurt me. I could never just let that go. And I don't want to be with him the way he wants me to be with him. Perhaps, after a lot of time, I could view him as a father, but he..." she cuts herself off, shaking her head.

"He what? You can tell me anything, Meri. I promise I'll stay and be here for you."

"Well... I... He..." She takes a deep breath, stopping herself from stuttering. "He wanted to divorce my mother to marry me. He told me that he only married her to get close to me. And when I said no, he still pressed for something, even if it was a mistress's position. After that, I don't think I can ever trust him."

I grit my teeth. "He's sick in the head. How has no one realized this yet? He's at least ten years your senior. What kind of depraved wacko marries an older woman to get at her underage daughter?"

Meri shifts slightly, minding her IVs, and she takes my hands in hers. "Milan, it's over, okay? I'm never going to be in contact with him again, and I can live a normal life."

"Yes, you can," my father says from behind me. "Our home is still open to you, Meri. For as long as you need it, it'll be there."

Tears fill her eyes as she looks at the two of us. "Are you sure? I mean, I've caused you so much trouble already."

"Nonsense! You've not been the cause of the trouble. If anyone's to blame, it's Petre." My father gives us both a smile, and then he gives Meri a conspiratorial wink. "Besides, my son has been going crazy without you there. He'd never come out and say it, but..."

I glare at him. "Dad!"

He laughs and raises his hands. "Okay, okay... He can tell you himself."

"Seriously?" I mumble.

Meri looks at the two of us uncertainly. Then she frowns at me. "What happened while I was gone? You look as bad as I do."

"Gee, thanks..." I scowl at her half-heartedly. "Way to make me feel loved."

"A real friend tells you the truth," Meri says, smiling. "Now... Spill. What have "Now... Spill. What have you done to yourself?"

I hang my head, ashamed. Min warned me that she'd be upset by my appearance and obvious disregard my health. "Can I lie and say that I moved on?"

"No!" Both of them glare at me.

"Well... Fine, then." I sigh and sit back in my chair. "I was a complete disaster. When you left, I thought I could handle it. I thought that I'd be able to deal with the repercussions if you truly wanted to be with Petre." Hanging my head, I refuse to meet her eyes. "Instead, I was a wreck. I'm sorry, Meri."

She shifts on the bed and takes my hand, tugging gently. "You didn't do anything wrong, Milan. If anyone should apologize, it's me. I made a horrible mistake when I went back, and it hurt you instead of protecting you."

I lift my eyes to hers. "You thought you were protecting me?" I ask. "I thought you were just delirious earlier. You were serious?"

She nods, tears slipping down her cheeks. "I meant it. That's why I left, but I failed."

I sit on the bedside, careful not to disturb the IVs, and wrap my arms around her waist. She leans into me and buries her face in my shoulder as I cradle her there. "You didn't fail me or anyone else. Maybe the choice was a bad one, but you're back, and you learned from it. I just wish I could've helped or stopped the bad things from happening."

Meri just starts crying as she lets me hold her, and I'm not sure if she's happy or sad right now. Probably sad. Her heart rate monitor starts to make noise and setting off alarms as her heart rate spikes due to her sudden distraught state.

The doctor rushes in and glares at us. "Young man, this is a hospital room. Get off the bed immediately, and quit distressing my patient."

"But..." I start, but when my dad shakes his head at me, I close my mouth and get up carefully.

"She's in a very fragile state right now, and I don't want you hurting her more," the doctor huffs, going to check on Meri's equipment and vitals.

"Sorry," I mutter, wishing he'd spit out the truth and tell us what's wrong.

"Doctor, my son is old enough to know what is going on and what it means. Will you please explain it to him as well?"

The doctor shrugged and turned to me with a distasteful sigh. "Your friend hasn't eaten much of anything in the last four days. She barely touched whatever liquids she had access to. From what Miss Yanamari has told me, it was self-induced. We're keeping her here until her body has recuperated. She's severely dehydrated, and she needs to regain the weight that she lost. From what we can see, she didn't have much weight or muscle tone to lose prior to this, which puts her in a more dangerous situation. Thankfully," the doctor sighs, shaking his head. "Her heart is still in good condition, and it hasn't been damaged. When she comes home, you need to be sure that she's eating properly and isn't starving herself."

I glare down at the floor. Meri isn't anorexic. She doesn't need to be watched twenty-four seven to be sure she's eating like she should. When she was with us, she ate everything we gave her, drank lots of water, and, after she got used to us, she never had qualms about asking for seconds. But I keep my mouth shut. If Meri didn't tell him why she wasn't eating or drinking normally, then she wants it kept a secret. I won't be telling.

My father lays a hand on my shoulder. "Come on. We'll let Meri get some rest. I'll talk to you further in the car."

I take his hint and shuffle reluctantly out of the hospital room, head down and shoulders hunched. So much for her being home. She just goes from one confinement to the next. All I want is to see her happy, but every time I turn around, someone or something seems to mess it up.

Walking out of the hospital, I stand in the snow for a few minutes, letting it flurry down and dust me in a heavy coating of white flakes. Then I sigh and finish the walk to the car. Once there, I brush the snow out of my hair, open the car, and climb in to wait.

***

"Meri will have to stay at least a week to make up for the weight loss. If she's doing well, they may be able to send her home earlier," my father says.

I wrap my arms around myself with a sigh and rest my head against the ice-cold window.

"She'll be fine, son. We both know she doesn't have an eating disorder. I talked to her for a few moments when the doctor stepped out."

"Yeah?" I mumble. "What wasn't she telling him?"

"She was trying to kill herself," he says, not pulling any punches.

I exhale softly and rub my hand across my eyes. "I had a feeling she was."

"She was sure she'd never escape Petre, and she thought suicide was the only way. He stopped her when she tried pills to finish it, and she didn't have anything else available."

Pain rips through me at the thought of her feeling that helpless. I hate that I wasn't able to help or be there for her.

"She says not to blame yourself, and she gave me a bundle of notes she wrote to you while trapped. She wanted you to have it." My father hands me a small stack of folded pieces of paper.

I take them, my fingers trembling.

"Read them at home if you're more comfortable doing it in private," my father says. "You don't have to share if you don't want to."

I tuck them into my pocket with a small nod as he pulls out onto the road.

***

I stare down at the letters as I sit on Meri's bed. Her handwriting is steady on the first one, but after that, they get shakier, and tears stain the paper. After a few minutes, I pluck up the courage to read them.

The first one is dated for the day after she ran.

Milan,

I know you won't understand fully why I ran. You're probably scared and angry right now, and I don't blame you for that. I bet you're probably blaming yourself for what happened too. Well, you shouldn't. I didn't leave because of you; I left because of Petre. I left because I knew deep down that the problems between me and my family had to be resolved before you could be free from the disasters they represent. If that meant leaving, I knew I needed to do it. I know it's causing you pain, and I'm so sorry for that. You have no idea how sorry I am. It hurts me to think about how hard this will be on you. Whatever you do, please don't blame yourself for any of this. I hope we'll cross paths again despite Petre's determination that it'll be otherwise.

Sincerely,

Meri

My fingers shake as I set the note aside and start on the next one. The more I read, the more emotion wells up inside. I've never considered myself to be a terribly emotional person. Yeah, I'm protective and usually considerate of others. I try to be compassionate even when it's tough to do so. But I'm not typically the sort to cry or display any signs of pain outwardly. In the last week, however, I've been crying more than I have in my life, and I haven't been able to hide the emotions that keep tearing me apart. Meri's letters are helping to assuage the guilt a little, but they cause another emotion to root deeper inside: a protective instinct.

I've known since I laid eyes on her that I loved her. It wasn't some overwhelming emotion or anything. It was just a plain, simple choice that I did. It was the decision that her well-being mattered more than mine. The choice was made for many reasons, but the biggest one was that I knew how much she needed it. I saw her suffering, and something inside of me just wanted to fix everything.

Shaking my head, I move on to the next letter. This one is from the next day.

Milan,

I want out so badly, but I can't leave. Not only does he lock me in, but I know he'll hurt you if I try to run. I tried. I tried to kill myself because I thought that maybe if I was gone, your life wouldn't be tainted by this mess. But he stopped me. He stopped me and locked me up here.

It confuses me. Petre, I mean. One minute he's acting all caring, and the next he makes it obvious that he wants something from me. I never know what he really thinks. But I can only believe that he's acting when he's nice because he wasn't nice before. He says he wants to keep my presence in the house a secret from my mom, and he told me today that he loves me. He says he will leave my mom if it means having me.

I can't even describe the darkness and depravity he possesses. The thought that he would abandon my mother, who loves him dearly, to force himself on me is sickening. I promise you that if I could escape this by running away, I would. But instead, I have to resign myself to this, and I've resolved that I'll die before he can make me wed him. If not by overdose, then by starvation.

My only regret is that it means we won't ever see each other again... And that is a heavy regret indeed.

Love,

Meri

The next one is more doleful in tone.

Milan,

I don't know how to express how much I wish things could be different. This choice has shown me just how much you mean to me. It's true that you don't know what you've lost until you lose it. If only I had seen what I had before I chose this. Still, even if I had, I would do it all again to keep you safe. This is, in a way, the only method I know to fight for what I love. To fight for whom I love.

After all, would I be able to bear the guilt that I would bring upon myself if I allowed Petre to hurt you or your family? I think we both know that the answer's no. I'd be miserable — more than ever before — should I be the one to fault for your pain or destitution by another's hand.

Know that you're with me in my thoughts and dreams constantly. I spend most of my days locked away in my room per Petre's orders, but I have found a way to cheat him even there. My dreams provide escape from the misery this place exudes. And it is in that place that I find solace because you are there, providing a bright, happy future full of love and friendship. Perhaps it is only my imagination, but it does provide some comfort, especially in lieu of the fact that we'll probably never meet again.

Well, if these letters ever make it to you, know that I will be content with my lot so long as I know it keeps you and your family safe.

Love,

Meri

Splotches on the paper and running ink towards the end tell me that she was crying as she wrote it. My chest tightens, and my stomach clenches as I think about what she went through at his hands. It wasn't just physical damage; it was emotional.

I open the second to last letter and begin reading that.

Milan,

It's my birthday today. You have no idea how much I wish I could spend it with you, celebrating for the first time in seven years just like you promised we would. Instead, Petre insists upon celebrating it with me. He broached the subject last night when he brought up dinner under the pretense of working in his study. My mother never questions his myriad excuses to visit me; she has yet to find out that I'm here.

Usually the maid brings dinner, but he said he wanted to as a peace offering. Silly, really. As if I can make peace with him after what he's said and the pain he's inflicted. I can't trust him, and I only wish that he'd let me go and stay out of my life. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen.

Well, who knows what he'll want to do today to celebrate my legal coming of age. It's currently twelve in the morning, and I can barely keep my eyes open now. I can feel my strength fading rapidly as the days wear on, and I expect that I won't last much longer at this rate.

Since we'll likely never meet again on this earth, I want you to know that I love you. I have since the day you insisted on talking to me at lunch your first day. You're the first to ever care about me, and I'm eternally grateful that you didn't turn out to be a fraud like the man who started this whole miserable affair by crushing my mother's fragile heart. I'm glad that I gave you a chance to show me that not all men are evil or looking to hurt those weaker than themselves. You've shown me what it really means to love and be loved. Thank you for that.

Yours,

Meri

I lean back against the pillows and let the letter flutter out of my fingers to the carpet. Tears drip down my cheeks as the bittersweet knowledge this letter gives seeps into my mind. She loves me. I can't think of anything I'd rather hear right now. I failed to help and protect her in so many ways, but she doesn't blame me at all. Instead, she loves me despite my shortcomings. The part that hurts is the fact that she was in so much turmoil in these letters.

One more slip of paper sits in my lap, and I open it with wet eyes, wondering what it could contain. All four days of her time with Petre are accounted for, so what could this letter include that the others don't?

Milan,

I've asked your father to give these letters to you. Maybe you won't think about me in such a favorable light after some of the things that happened become clear through these letters, but I'll take that risk. You deserve to know what happened, and you deserve to know that none of it was because of you. I hesitated to share some of them simply because the confessions I've made in them may make you feel pressured to feel a certain way about me.

In the end, I chose to share them anyway because I trust you, and I know you will make the right choices. Whatever your feelings or decisions are about me after reading this and my prior letters, I will accept them. In the meantime, I'll focus on getting well.

With hope and high regards,

Meri

I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing and crying at the same time. She thinks I would turn her away after reading these letters? I can't. I never will. Even after everything she's gone through, Meri is still the good, sweet-natured young woman who had to learn how to stick up for herself. She's still the gentle, loving young lady who finally saw that not everyone was going to rebuff her attempts at friendship and love.

And I know that there is no way I could find enough malice in my heart to hurt her for that.

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