"Who was here?" My mom staggers into the kitchen, the smell of cheap beer and vodka wafting off her like a suppressing cloud.

"No one." I duck my head in submission and put her plate out onto the table. The food's only lukewarm since I didn't have enough time to get it fully cooked. I really hope she doesn't notice it in her inebriated state.

"I saw a jacket in the front on the hook."

Heat rushes into my cheeks. He left the jacket? I told him I couldn't take it. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sharp pain explodes in my cheek as she slaps me. I lose my balance and fall back against the counter. More pain splits down my spine as my back collides with the sharp corner of the granite countertop. Stifling my cry of pain, I struggle to catch my balance and keep the tears at bay. I deserve this... I remind myself of that fact. I lied to her. I deserve it.

"Don't you dare lie to me!" She slaps me again, harder this time.

I try to absorb the blow by leaning back, but I just lose my balance again. This time, I land on my behind on the cold floor. Pushing myself back, I stare up at her with teary eyes. But I refuse to let the tears fall. I refuse. I am strong enough to take my punishment like an adult. I deserve this.

"I can't stand the sight of you," she slurs, bending over to peer at me. "Get out of my house."

Mutely, I get up and flee for the door. I know better than to argue with her. If I do, I'll get an even worse beating and no food in the morning. If this is the form of punishment she has chosen, so be it.

In a way, Milan's coat is a gift. At least I'll be a little warmer tonight. But I'll be lucky if I don't die. I can't go to the neighbors. They'll know something's going on. There've been too many times that they've heard yelling and crying from our house. Anyway, they're the mind your own business types. None of them have lifted a finger to help me, and I don't want them to. I don't need anyone's concern. This mess is my fault, and I should be responsible enough to fix it.

I guess that leaves staying out here in the cold. Grabbing my threadbare backpack, I go outside and sit on the steps. My mom always locks the door, so there's no way to get back in once she's asleep. She brings the outdoor key inside too.

Just in case, I check our hiding place. Sometimes, if she's drunk enough, she forgets. My heart lurches into my throat as I find that it's gone. Flopping down onto the steps, I stare up at the darkening night sky in abject silence. Stars twinkle brightly, winking at me from the sky.

Sighing, I shove my hands into the pockets of Milan's coat. The hard shape of a cell phone meets my numb fingertips. My eyes widen as I pull it out. The screen turns on when I press the button, and there's no password. Maybe I can see if Milan will help. What are you thinking? He already knows something's wrong. If you ask for a place to spend the night, he'll wonder. My mind snaps back at me. It's freezing out here. You're going to die of hypothermia if you stay on these steps all night. Trust him. He'll help.

I stare down at the phone, uncertainty quivering through me. Shivers assail me as I breathe out. The exhale sends out plumes of steam. The rational side of me is right. If I want to live, I have to call. It's well below zero out here right now. My fingers are already numb, and my nose is sore from the wind. Flipping the hood of the jacket up, I look through the contacts.

Fortunately for me, Milan's home number is the first one on the list. I select it with trembling fingers and wait for it to ring. Fear spirals through me, dragging my very soul down into darkness as I listen to the dial tone. Pick up... No, don't... I don't know... Just... Pick up. I think, biting my lip.

"Hello?" A feminine voice answers.

"Yes, hi... Is Milan available?"

"Umm... Sure. Who is this?"

"Just... Uh... Tell him..." I stop, wondering what I should have the woman say.

Faintly, in the background, I hear Milan. "Who is it, Mom?"

"I don't know. Did you lose your cell, hon? Because some girl is calling from it." The suspicion in her voice makes a chill slide down my spine. It feels like someone's dumped a bucket of ice down my shirt on a hot summer day.

I think I might have hypothermia. They mentioned that it makes you feel warm when you're really freezing in some book I read. Or at least, I think they did. My stomach growls as my head spins. Foggily, I stare ahead.

"Meri?" Milan's warm, soothing voice streams out of the speaker.

"M-milan?" I stammer, my eyes pooling with tears. "I'm freezing, and I can't go inside."

"What? Why not?"

"I don't know... I... I locked myself out?" Am I making any sense? I don't think I am. Dizziness washes over me, threatening to sweep any sensibility I have away.

"What? But you were just in there... How could you have been locked out?"

"Did I say I locked myself out?" I mumble, uncertain. Maybe I did?

"What happened, Meri? You don't sound good." He clears his throat over the phone. "Do you need help?"

"I guess. I don't know?" Sleepiness blankets me like a heavy anvil pressed onto my chest.

"Hold on. I'll be there in five."

The words don't register. I hear the words, but I'm not quite sure what they mean anymore. My fingers loosen on the phone, and I almost drop it. Icy tendrils of fear dig into my heart, squeezing and squeezing until I can't breathe. A hiccupping sob wrenches out of me, and I drop the phone into the pocket of the jacket before I break it by dropping it on something harder.

Burying my face in my hands, I struggle not to be sick. The exhaustion, hunger, and dizziness sweep together into one gigantic wave, threatening to knock me down and drag me out into an ocean of darkness and unawareness. Terror surges somewhere in that wave, deadly and strong as any undercurrent. I can't hold on for much longer.

***

It seems like an eternity before I see the headlights of a car pulling up next to the curb. I'm not able to tell who the driver is as they jump out and come towards me. I fight back the panic that ensues as they draw closer. It looks like one of my mom's ex-boyfriends. But that's not right.

Squinting, I try to figure out who it actually is. My vision blurs with pain, tears, and something else. Finally, I just give up and sit in silence as they come up the steps.

"Meri?"

I recognize that voice. I do, don't I? But who is it? "What?" I ask, confusion muddling my senses along with the dizziness.

"It's me. Milan." The figure peers at me.

I smile because that name makes me think I'm safe. Only, I can't figure out why? "Okay."

"You don't remember me?"

Shrugging, I hold a numb hand out. Milan grabs it, and I hear a sharp inhalation of breath. The sound is muffled and distorted like everything else. As the person helps me to my feet, I stagger into them, unbalanced.

"You're freezing!" The stranger tugs me closer, rubbing my hands in theirs.

I still can't figure out if it's a guy or a girl. But I think it's a guy because the voice is really deep. Amazing I can figure even that out in this state.

Then we're moving toward the end of the driveway, which spins with each step I take. A blast of heat hits me as the car door is pulled open, and Milan helps me into the car. It feels too hot. Too muggy. Gasping, I try to get back out of the car.

"Meri, don't. You need to warm up or you'll die."

I let the kind voice lull me closer to sleep as complacency overtakes me. Since the stranger seems really nice, I get into the car. A light flickers on, illuminating the face of my savior. I recognize him. Yeah, I do know him. But I'm having a hard time placing everything. I need sleep. Food too. And I might have a concussion. Wait, are you supposed to stay awake or sleep with a concussion... I can't remember.

Milan stares at me. "What happened to your face? It's all red."

"I got hit," I slur, smiling at him numbly.

"And you're okay with that?"

"I deserve it. Every last bit of it..." I mumble, wrapping my arms around myself and rocking back and forth in the seat. He kind of fades out as I start to cry. "I deserve it. I made her crazy... She was happy before I ruined her life. It's all my fault."

A soft touch on my arm brings me back to reality as the warmth of the heating units starts to thaw me out. "Hey," Milan murmurs.

I look at him through tear-filled eyes.

"Hey, it isn't your fault this happened. You didn't do anything to deserve this."

"She's crazy because of me. I pushed her over the edge," I hiss, trying to make him understand. Trying to convince myself that I should go back and let her finish the job. Staring down at my trembling hands, I go quiet. Shouldn't have called. No, I did the right thing. Need help. No... Shouldn't have let him come. Mentally, I scream at myself. Stop it! Stop! Just make up your mind... My mind... I don't know. Just decide.

"Meri, listen..." He tips my chin up with a gentle finger and smiles sadly. "It doesn't matter what you did. It's never right to beat someone else for making a mistake. And it's never right to turn anyone, but especially a child or teenager, out onto the streets at night in weather that's below zero degrees."

"No... No, you don't understand," I croak, my throat going dry.

"I'm taking you to my place. Your backpack's right here." He puts it in my lap.

I clutch it to me, trying desperately to understand what's going on. What have I told him and what should I be telling him? Why am I even in the car? I don't know, and I really don't care anymore. I'm tired, and I want to be done for the day, maybe even done permanently. Wearily, I rest my head on the window and let myself fall asleep as the car accelerates smoothly.