#CTG48 Chapter 48

"Cha..."

Agad akong napa-tingin sa pinanggalingan ng boses. I saw Iñigo who looked like he'd just had the hardest day of his life. Dahan-dahan siyang lumakad patungo sa akin at ibinaba ang briefcase niya sa sahig.

"I've had a long day," he said, sounding so defeated. "Pwedeng payakap muna bago mo ako sigawan?"

Hindi ako gumalaw.

But Iñigo closed the gap between us and enveloped me in his arms. I felt him relaxing as he got me near. I could feel the rising and falling of his chest.

Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang segundo kaming ganon. Walang gumagalaw. Walang nagsasalita. Hindi alam kung saan magsisimula.

I felt how he didn't want to let go... but he let me go, anyway.

"Why?" I asked.

"I had to," he replied.

"No, you didn't have to. You could've inhibited yourself."

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Cha—"

"She's your friend, Iñigo. You saw her earlier. You saw how devastated she was when she saw you."

I saw how his lips trembled.

I saw how his jaw clenched.

I knew he didn't want this... but I needed to understand why.

"I had to. That's my only answer."

I pressed my lips and drew a deep breath. "She's your friend—"

"She's my friend and you're my family, Cha. I chose you and if I had to make a choice again, I'll still fucking choose you, okay? 'Wag na nating pag-usapan 'to kasi tapos na. Nagawa ko na. Tinanggap ko na 'yung kaso," mabilis na sabi niya bago ako iniwan at dumiretso sa kwarto.

My lips parted at his sudden outburst. I quickly had to collect myself and follow him inside.

"Iñigo," I called, but he was ignoring me. "Iñigo, kinaka-usap kita."

But he was ignoring me as he was changing clothes. Muli akong huminga nang malalim. I needed to talk to him. He could still give this up. Hindi lang siya ang prosecutor. At hindi ko alam kung paano nilang nagawa na siya ang prosecutor sa kaso na 'to. But it's the Ramirez. Of course the devil finds ways.

Sinubukan niyang lumabas ng kwarto pagkatapos niyang magbihis, pero mabilis ko siyang hinarangan. He looked at me—frustration was evident on his face.

"Cha," he said.

"Ipasa mo sa iba."

"I can't."

"You can't or you won't?" I asked him.

He looked at me.

I could see the conflict on his eyes.

"Just... just be angry at me, okay? Mas kaya kong tanggapin 'yun," sabi niya bago mabilis na nilagpasan ako. He went to the ref and opened it to look for food. I was starting to share the frustration he was feeling. But I needed to control myself. I couldn't get mad. I shouldn't get mad.

Agad akong napa-hawak sa tiyan ko.

And when I looked at Iñigo, I saw him watching me.

"Cha, I'm sorry," he said, his voice on the verge of breaking once again. "Alam ko magagalit ka... Alam ko madi-disappoint ka... Pero mas kaya ko 'yung tanggapin kaysa may kung ano'ng mangyari sa 'yo... sa anak natin..."

I stood there, watching him battle the tears as they stubbornly form in his eyes.

I'd seen this man cry a couple of times...

But this was the only instance when he felt so utterly helpless...

"What did they tell you?"

"That they know where we live," he said as a tear fell from his eye, pero mabilis niyang pinunasan 'yun.

"I can handle myself. I know what I got myself into. It's part of the job."

"Alam ko," sagot niya. "Kaya nga tinanggihan ko nung una. Dahil alam kong kaya mo. Dahil alam kong ito mismo 'yung sasabihin mo... Pero, Cha, magkaka-anak na tayo. Hindi na lang ikaw 'yan. Dalawa na kayo."

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

I knew he was right.

I knew I was making a stupid decision.

But I also knew that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I leave Jax when he needed me the most.

"Naiintindihan mo ba ako, Cha?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

Lumapit siya sa akin.

Naramdaman ko iyong yakap niya.

"Nawalan na ko ng pamilya dati, Cha... Sorry pero hindi na ako papayag na mawala ulit 'yun... Wala na akong pakielam kahit magalit silang lahat sa 'kin... kahit magalit ka sa 'kin... Basta gagawin ko lahat para walang mangyari sa inyong dalawa..."

I didn't even know that my tears were already falling.

Then, I felt Iñigo trembling.

"I'm sorry," he kept on repeating.

I wanted to tell him that it's okay... that I understood him... but I couldn't bring myself to do that because although I understood him, I didn't feel okay about it...

I knew that when all this was over, he'd then feel the repercussions of his decision. He'd feel the regret. Lalo na kapag nanalo siya. Kapag nakulong si Katherine at siya ang naging dahilan.

* * *

"Cha, ano'ng gusto mong dinner? Oorder na lang ako," sabi niya sa akin habang tahimik akong nag-aayos ng gamit namin. I received a text from Jax asking me to come tomorrow. Kakarating lang daw ni Yago and we needed to plan the defense.

"Cha—"

"Tatapusin ko lang 'to."

I felt him sitting beside me. He began helping me sort the papers. Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

"Yung contracts mo," he said, showing me the papers that I made him sign years ago. "Ito 'yung sa BAR slave contract... iyong sa fuck buddy contract..." Then he laughed a little. "Sana next na 'yung marriage contract, noh?"

I merely looked at him.

He smiled sadly.

"Papa-kasalan mo pa rin naman ako, 'di ba?" he asked, but quickly added, "Wag mo na palang sagutin muna. Tapusin muna natin 'to."

Silence enveloped us once again.

I wanted to tell him that I'd still marry him because my feelings didn't change... but he was right. We shouldn't talk about that now. Not yet. Things were about to get messy. Hindi namin alam pareho kung ano ang mangyayari.

Iñigo ordered food. I was still sitting on the floor, trying to finish this para umayos naman kahit konti iyong apartment namin.

"Cha, kain na tayo."

"Hindi pa ako tapos."

"Mamaya na 'yan. Kailangan mong kumain."

"After—"

"Cha, buntis ka," he said, as though I needed reminding.

Mabilis akong tumayo. I sat there quietly as Iñigo put food on my plate. I felt him watching my every movement. Binilisan ko ang pagkain at bumalik sa ginagawa ko.

After a while, I decided to get my laptop and work in the bed room. I needed to finish my pendings dahil kailangan kong dumiretso agad sa condo ni Jax pagkatapos ng trabaho ko. And I could already see how stressful that would be kapag nagkita sina Yago at Rory.

It's like the calm ended and the storm finally began.

I was in the middle of working when the door swung open. I felt Iñigo watching me, but I didn't remove my eyes on the screen of my laptop.

"Cha, nagpa-check-up ka na ba?"

"I have an appointment tomorrow."

"Pwede akong sumama?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

"Why are you thanking me? You're still the father of this fetus."

Mahina siyang natawa.

Pero sandali lang.

"Ano'ng oras? Susunduin na lang kita sa trabaho."

"Wag na."

"Sabay na tayong pumunta sa clinic," he said.

"I'll drive myself. Magkita na lang tayo 'dun."

"Are you—"

"Kailangan ko pang pumunta kina Jax after," I said, cutting him off. "You're part of the prosecution and I'm part of the defense team. Let's just... separate that from this, okay?"

Naka-tingin lang siya sa 'kin.

"Cha... Kailangan ba talagang kasama ka 'dun?"

"Yes."

Tumango siya. "Okay. Magkita na lang tayo bukas," he said as he turned around and left the room.

* * *

The next morning was different from our usual mornings. It was tensed and silent. Our usual mornings would start with shower sex, but this particular morning, tahimik kaming dalawang kumakain ng breakfast. Walang nagsasalita.

His phone lightened up and flood of texts came in. I read the name Ramirez from one of the texts, and Iñigo quickly slipped the phone in his pocket.

"Mag-e-early out ako, Cha. Text kita kapag nasa clinic na ako."

"Okay."

"Sure ka ba na ayaw mong magpa-sundo? Pwede naman kitang ihatid kina Jax—"

"It's not that. Ayoko na magkita kayo."

Agad siyang natigilan.

"Right..." he said, fixing a smile on his face. "Sige, magkita na lang tayo 'dun..."

"Thank you."

He looked at me. "Alam ko hindi ka naman makikinig sa 'kin... pero 'wag ka muna sanang maging sobrang tapang ngayon, Cha... Kahit ngayon lang... Kahit para sa anak lang natin..."

I pressed my lips. "I'll take care of myself," I said. "I promise."

He smiled—just a little. "Thank you."

After breakfast, I went to work and decided that it was the best distraction from everything. I concentrated on that until it was time to leave. I was still troubled kung paano ko sasabihin na tumutulong ako sa case ni Katherine dahil alam ko na hindi ako papayagan...

But that's a risk that I'd just have to take.

Hanggang hindi pa nila alam, ayoko munang isipin.

Pagdating ko sa clinic, agad kong nakita iyong sasakyan ni Iñigo. Lumabas agad siya nang makita niyang nagpapark na ako.

"Hi," he said, kissing my cheek.

"Medyo traffic," I said because I was a few minutes late.

"Okay lang. Sabi ni Rina 'di mo raw naubos 'yung lunch mo."

I rolled my eyes. Hindi ko alam kung kaninong assistant talaga si Rina. Bakit mas kay Iñigo siya nagrereport?

"Nagtakeout ako ng pares. Dalhin mo na lang kina Jax tapos doon mo kainin."

"Okay."

"May cravings ka ba?" he asked habang naglalakad kami papasok ng clini.

"Wala naman."

"Kapag meron, sabihan mo ako agad."

"Okay."

Pagpasok namin, sakto na kami na agad kaya naman pumasok na agad kami sa loob. The doctor greeted us and Iñigo was fidgeting beside me. The doctor smiled.

"First time daddy?" she asked Iñigo.

"Yes, doc," Iñigo replied, smiling. "Kailan malalaman kung babae o lalaki, doc?"

"Around 16 to 20 weeks. Check muna natin kung ilang weeks na si misis," the doctor said.

Sobrang daming tanong ni Iñigo kaya naman wala na akong naitanong dahil siya na ang nagtanong ng lahat mula sa mga bawal kong gawin o kainin pati sa mga vitamins at gamot. All I did was to answer the few questions directed at me and followed the other instructions.

"Medyo malamig 'to, mommy," the doctor said.

I felt Iñigo holding my hand habang naka-tingin kaming pareho doon sa maliit na monitor. My heart stopped when I heard heartbeats. Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Iñigo sa kamay ko.

"Naririnig niyo 'yun? That's the heartbeat of your baby."

I looked at Iñigo.

His eyes were teary again.

"Ikaw yata ang buntis. Ang iyakin mo," I told him.

Iñigo laughed, wiping his tear with his free hand. He leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips. "Thank you, Cha."

"You're welcome."

He bit his lower lip. There was a hint of amusement on his face.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear. "Mahal ko kayo ni baby."

"We love you, too," I whispered back.

Ramdam kong natigilan siya. Muli niya akong hinalikan.

Iñigo was very focused habang may mga pinapaliwanag sa amin si doc. He even put in his calendar the dates that we're expected to come back for the follow-up check-up. Siya rin iyong kumuha nung listahan ng mga gamot na kailangang bilhin pati iyong mga gatas at vitamins.

"Kung pagod ka na mamaya, text mo na lang ako para sunduin ka tapos daanan na lang natin bukas 'yung sasakyan mo," he said while he's walking me back to my car. Kaka-bigay niya lang sa akin nung paper bag na may pares at rice. Bigla akong nagutom.

"Okay," I replied.

"Uwi ka na ng 10. Sabi ni doc bawal kang mapuyat."

"I'll try."

"Cha," he warned.

"Fine... Uuwi agad ako."

"Thank you," he said. "May gusto ka bang ulam? Dadaan muna ako sa grocery bago umuwi."

I stood there for a couple of minutes, telling him all the food that I wanted to eat. Bigla akong nagutom kaya sinabi ko lahat ng naisip kong pagkain. Iñigo listed all the food down. Ilang minuto rin kaming naka-tayo roon.

"Wala na?" he asked when I was already finished.

"Wala na... Text kita kapag may naisip pa ako."

"Okay," he replied. "Magtext ka kapag pauwi ka na, ha? Hihintayin kita."

I nodded. "Oo nga," I said, getting inside the car. I rolled the window down dahil naka-tayo pa rin siya sa labas ng sasakyan ko. "Iñigo," I called. He looked at me. "Take care, okay? I don't know what they promised you... but you know they can't be trusted."

He leaned in and held my chin, kissing my lips.

"I will. See you later, Cha."

"See you," I said as I drove to Jax's condo, bracing myself because there's another problem named Yago and Rory.