#CTG53 Chapter 53

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko nang buksan ni Katherine iyong pinto ng apartment niya. My nose immediately smelled the familiar smell...

"Hi," Katherine replied, smiling awkwardly at me.

"Welcome to Alaska," I replied, handing her a small potted plant. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang ibibigay. Medyo weird. I invited her here, but I really didn't know where to start. Ngayon lang kami nagkita pagkatapos kong manggaling sa ospital.

I didn't even know what came to me when I suggested that she came here. All I remembered was Gracey telling me that I should go make friends habang nandito ako sa Alaska... And I tried. I really did try... But I sucked at being friendly. Iyong mga kaibigan ko, naging kaibigan ko lang dahil wala akong choice dahil ka-block ko sila.

And Iñigo basically weaseled his way into my life.

So, when Katherine told me that she wanted to leave the Philippines for a while, I quickly suggested Alaska. She's friendly—maybe she could help me become friendly, too.

"Pasok ka," she said, widening the door's opening.

I looked around and saw that she hadn't fully unpacked yet. Ang dami niyang dala. Gaano ba siya katagal dito? Dalawang maleta lang ang dala ko nang pumunta ako dito samantalang siya, lima na malalaki na agad iyong nakita ko.

"I cooked," she said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. I perfectly remembered Jax telling me that Katherine couldn't cook. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya sinabi sa 'kin 'yun.

"Wait, patapos na ako," she continued. "Make yourself feel at home. I'll just finish that and we'll eat."

I looked around and saw all her things lying around... pero kahit na magulo pa ang lahat, agad na nakita ko na isa lang iyong naka-ayos na—iyong picture nila ni Jax nung nasa law school pa sila. I knew that it's from law school days dahil iba pa iyong buhok ni Katherine. And her smile... it's different before.

Ngayon, parang kahit naka-ngiti siya, malungkot pa rin.

And I honestly couldn't blame her.

I wanted to sit on the couch pero ang daming naka-patong kaya naman naka-tayo lang ako sa isang gilid. I was bored and getting hungry dahil sa amoy ng niluluto ni Katherine. I got my phone and saw that Gracey texted me.

"Hi!" she greeted.

"Why?" I asked because she told me sa text na tawagan ko agad siya. I knew that Iñigo wouldn't tell me everything, so I asked Gracey to look after him. And she's very happy to oblige.

"Tinanggap na ni Iñigo 'yung sa Jimenez Law Firm," she said, frowning. "Kausapin mo naman..."

I pursed my lips.

Iñigo and I already talked about it. Because of everything that happened, he's kind of blacklisted from the good firms in the country... Iba talaga iyong influence ng dati niyang frat. Pati sa government hindi siya maka-apply dahil na rin sa laki ng ginawa niyang gulo nang irecommend niya iyong dismissal.

"I'll talk to him," I told Gracey. Ayokong sabihin kay Gracey iyong sinabi sa akin ni Iñigo. I knew how hard it must be for him... He used to be one of the most sought-after lawyers... Tapos ngayon, wala ng gustong tumanggap sa kanya.

"Okay... Pero start na kasi siya bukas talaga. One-year contract lang naman. Sabi niya kaysa wala siyang ginagawa habang hinihintay ka."

I nodded. "I know."

"Sige, may gagawin pa ko. Ingat ka d'yan, okay? Balik ka agad dito kapag okay ka na," Gracey said, smiling before ending the call.

Nang matapos kaming mag-usap ay at saka ko lang napansin na kanina pa pala naka-hain iyong pagkain. I caught Katherine watching me. I put my phone back inside my pocket.

She smiled at me.

"Let's eat?"

I took my seat and confirmed what I'd been thinking the whole time I was here—pares.

"Jax said favorite mo 'to," she began. She pursed her lips as she drew a deep breath. "First of all, I'd like to thank you for everything that you did for me... Na kahit hindi tayo magkaibigan, tinulungan mo pa rin ako. Maraming salamat, Cha."

"No problem," I replied. "But can I ask for a favor?"

"Anything," she said.

"Talk to Iñigo," I replied. Her lips parted. "You were right—we weren't friends then... so, imagine how Iñigo must've felt when he said all those things to you."

Hindi makapagsalita si Katherine. I knew how she felt dahil nakita ko mismo sa mga mata niya nung hearing. Nakita ko kung gaano siya kagalit kay Iñigo nang gamitin nito ang baby niya laban kay Katherine.

But she said it herself—she's a lawyer. And there are things we do that should never be taken personally. And that was included. She knew that her baby would be used against her—Jax repeatedly reminded her... Nasaktan lang siya dahil si Iñigo ang nagsabi. But Iñigo didn't want that. I was there. I saw him breaking down after he said all those things.

"Okay," she said.

"When?"

"When I'm ready," she replied in a manner that stopped me from asking more. She drew a deep breath and smiled. "Kain na tayo? Nahirapan akong iluto 'yan, pero favorite mo raw... Sana magustuhan mo."

I internally rolled my eyes. At least she's back to being a brat.

Nang matapos kaming kumain, Katherine sent me home with a tupper ware full of pares—ang dami pala niyang niluto. Para sa akin daw lahat. Mabuti na lang at masarap dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko rito kung masama ang lasa. I'd be too guilty to throw it away. Mabuti na lang talaga at okay siya.

Ilang linggo rin na pinabayaan ko si Katherine na mag-isa dahil wala ako sa mood na masungitan niya. So, it was a surprise when she knocked on my door.

"What?" I asked. I just finished talking to Iñigo and forced him to send me some of the files he was reading. Nasabi niya kasi sa 'kin na sobrang dami niyang workload... and wala naman akong ginagawa.

"Are you free?" she asked, looking at me hopefully.

"Why?"

"Gusto mong sumama sa 'kin sa mall? May bibilin ako," she said, smiling.

I checked my email first and saw na wala pang sinesend sa akin si Iñigo. I ended up going to the mall with Katherine and was surprised at how... rich she really is. Naka-ilang swipe kami sa lahat ng pinuntahan namin.

"Do you really need all these?" I asked while we're holding a bunch of paper bags.

"Sa 'yo 'yung iba d'yan?"

"Wala akong pinapa-bili sa 'yo."

"I know. But they will look cute on you," she said, grinning. "You're so white and thin. Ang sarap mong bihisan."

What the hell? Ginawa pa akong barbie nito.

I was so confused with what happened the entire day. All I knew was that I ended up with a bunch of paper bags from Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Gucci, and other brands I wasn't that familiar with.

After that day, pumunta ulit si Katherine sa apartment ko. This time, she's asking me to accompany her to buy a new bed frame dahil hindi niya raw gusto iyong nasa apartment niya.

And then the next day, iba na naman ang bibilhin niya.

"Why don't you just live in a hotel?" I asked when I realized that she practically replaced everything in the apartment.

She smiled. "Sorry. Napagod ka ba?"

"Not really."

She handed me another paper bag. "Stop bribing me," I said, frowning when I saw that it was a paper bag from YSL.

"Please? This bag will look really cute on the pink LV pantsuit that we got."

God, she's tiresome!

Habang pinipilit niya akong tanggapin iyong bigay niyang bag, nagring iyong phone ko. She saw that it was from Iñigo. She averted her gaze and stood up.

"Ano'ng meryenda ang gusto mo?" she asked.

"Kahit ano," I replied.

Sobrang bilis niyang maka-punta sa kusina. I immediately answered Iñigo's call and frowned when I saw how long his hair was. Ang pasaway ni Jax! I told him to drag Iñigo to the barbershop. Mukha ng homeless si Iñigo!

Iñigo smiled uneasily nang makita niya ako. He immediately brushed his fingers through his hair. "Sorry... 'Di talaga ako maka-alis. Ang dami kong binabasa."

"I think Rory has haircutting experience. Gusto mo papuntahin ko sa apartment?" I asked because I was seriously annoyed by his hair. Sobrang unclean niya tignan.

He shook his head. "No. Pupunta na ako bukas, promise," he said.

"I'm sure may bukas pa naman na barbershop sa mall," I replied. Alam ko gabi na siya nakaka-alis sa trabaho dahil ganoon karami iyong case na binibigay sa kanya. Because despite his reputation, Iñigo's still a very efficient lawyer. And I extremely hate what's happening to him.

"Yes. Promise. Magpapa-gupit na ako bukas," he said.

"Ang haba ng bangs mo."

He laughed. "Okay na?" he asked when he got a rubber band and tied his bangs. Mukha naman siyang poodle ngayon. Pero at least nakikita ko na nang maayos iyong mukha niya.

Iñigo and I talked for a few minutes before I told him that I needed to go already, pero ang totoo ay kanina ko pa nakikita na nagpipigil siyang humikab sa harap ko. Inaantok na siguro talaga siya.

Nang bumalik si Katherine, I saw that she's carrying a pitcher of water and some bread.

"If you really want to make up to me, just please talk to Iñigo," I said. Alam ko naman na kaya sobrang dami niyang binibigay sa akin ay dahil nagi-guilty siya sa pagkamatay ni Dylan... pero wala naman siyang kasalanan 'dun. I chose to go out that day... at alam ko naman na kahit hindi ako lumabas nung araw na 'yun, I'd still get stabbed if that person's really determined to harm me.

It's one of those things that was out of anyone's control.

"I'll talk to him... I promise," she said, smiling sadly. "I'll really talk to him, Cha... Naghahanap lang ako ng tamang oras... Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ako magsisimula. Alam ko na masakit 'yung mga salitang nasabi ko sa kanya dati. I was so blinded by losing my child and the possibility of spending the rest of my life in prison that I was just so mad and wanted to lash out at the world..." She drew a deep breath. "He deserves an apology from me... Pero hindi sa telepono. I'll apologize in person... Kapag umuwi na ako."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Uuwi ka na?"

"Hindi ko pa alam... Siguro... Miss na miss ko na si Jax," she said, sighing. "Ikaw, hindi ka pa ba uuwi?"

I pursed my lips.

Of course I wanted to come home... pero hindi pa rin nahuhuli kung sino iyong nag-utos sa sumaksak sa 'kin... Papa already caught who stabbed me, but even before he could get to the guy, the guy got shot.

Jax said na tapos na raw... na naka-kulong na iyong totoong pumatay kay Kier... pero kahit na ganon, hindi pa rin ako matahimik dahil hindi ko alam kung sino talaga ang gumawa nun sa 'kin. I'd always be on the lookout. I'd always feel threatened.

* * *

I really didn't know what was the point of buying all the things Katherine buy... I felt like she just did this whole stay here in Alaska as a remodel project para sa apartment niya. O kung hindi naman kami nag-aayos ng apartment niya, I'd drag her to the mall para naman may iba kaming ginagawa... but for some reason, we'd always end up just buying more things.

I was so tired of her spending money that we actually went mountain climbing. At least wala siyang mabibili sa bundok.

"Uuwi ka nga?" I asked when I went to Katherine's apartment and saw almost all of her things covered by white linen. Seriously. What's the fucking point of everything?

"Yes. I told you, 'di ba? Bakit kasi hindi ka na lang sumabay sa akin pauwi?"

Sinabi niya ba? I just remembered her drunkenly telling me that she'll book a ticket dahil miss na miss niya na ang mukha ni Jax... I didn't know she was serious.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yes... At saka kasal nila Joey. They'll kill me kapag hindi ako umuwi," she continued. "Sabay na lang tayo umuwi... Para hindi boring sa flight."

Kung hindi ako barbie doll, shopping buddy, mountain climbing buddy, tiga-kain ng experimento niya sa pagkain na madalas ay hindi edible, ngayon naman gusto niya akong isabit pauwi.

I shrugged.

Naka-ayos na lahat ng gamit niya... Kung sabagay, kung uuwi din ako bukas, wala naman akong masyadong iuuwi bukod sa mga dinala ko rin dati... pati lahat ng regalo ni Katherine na problema ko pa kung paano dadalhin.

I could seriously buy a nice lot in a nice subdivision kapag binenta ko 'to lalo na iyong mga bag.

"Hindi pwede," I replied, remembering that Dad and Chase will come visit me here. The last time, sina Charlie at Ahia ang bumisita sa akin.

"Di mo pa rin kinakausap si Iñigo?" she asked.

"Kinakausap," I replied. Hindi ko na lang kinakausap si Iñigo sa harap ni Katherine dahil nakikita ko iyong pagbabago ng itsura niya tuwing nakikita niya iyong pangalan ni Iñigo sa phone ko...

And Iñigo, too, kapag alam niya na katabi ko si Katherine.

Ako iyong nahihirapan sa kanilang dalawa.

"And?"

I shrugged. "I'm not ready. Yet. I don't know. I'm enjoying staying here..."

"Wala kang balak umuwi?"

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot. Hindi ko masabi sa kanya na ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako maka-uwi ay dahil hindi ako matahimik hanggang hindi ko nalalaman talaga kung sino iyong sumaksak sa akin... Hindi ko masabi kay Katherine dahil kahit pa mga Ramirez o si Priscilla Sy ang may pakana, either way, Katherine would still blame herself.

And I was seriously done with people blaming themselves dahil ang dapat naman talaga naming sisihin ay iyong nag-utos na saksakin ako.

"Meron... Though hindi ko alam kung kailan talaga..."

She frowned. "Fine."

"Di ka na ba babalik dito?" I asked instead.

"Maybe just for a visit... because I'm finally coming home..." She looked at me and smiled—it was a different one. "So... if may gusto kang gamit dito, feel free na kunin... Or better yet, dito ka na lang tumira dahil mukhang empty box 'yung apartment mo, yes offense."

I helped Katherine pack her things—iyong sobrang dami niyang gamit. Sobrang dami niya talagang gamit na iyong iba, dinala namin sa Good Will para mapakinabangan naman. Most of that, bago pa talaga. Ginawa niyang therapy ang shopping sa dami ng binili niya.

"Final answer na ba 'yan?" she asked when I drove her to the airport.

"Yeah," I replied as I was helping her bring out the luggages from the car. God, ang dami niyang gamit! Buti talaga sila ni Jax ang nagkatuluyan dahil iyon namang isang 'yun, walang gamit.

When we finally got all her luggage neatly stacked, she stood in front of me and then quickly hugged me tightly.

"Thank you for everything, Cha," she said.

"No problem," I said, tapping her back.

"Thank you for inviting me to come here. It really helped."

"Nagshopping ka lang naman dito."

She laughed. "Half the things I bought, para kay Jax."

I rolled my eyes. It's true, anyway. Tuwing nasa mall kami, ang maririnig ko sa kanya ay 'Bagay 'to kay Jax!' and then the next thing I knew, her credit card's being swiped.

Katherine got something from her purse and handed it to me.

"My apartment's paid for until next year," she said. "Dun ka na lang, Cha. Mas maayos and complete 'yung apartment ko... Pero mas maganda kung uuwi ka na sa Pilipinas."

I got the keys. "Thanks."

She frowned. "Ewan ko sa 'yo."

"Do me a favor and talk to Iñigo pagdating mo."

She smiled. "I will. I promise."

I watched as she disappeared from my vision. She was smiling so much—halatang excited na talaga siyang umuwi. Palagay ko ay matagal niya ng gustong umuwi kaya lang ay hindi siya maka-uwi dahil hinihintay niya ako... Nagkataon lang na kailangan niya na ring umuwi para sa kasal ni Psalm.

I sighed.

Gusto ko na ring umuwi...

* * *

Few days after I went to the airport, bumalik na naman ako roon para sunduin sina Papa. Nagulat ako nang makita ko na kasama niya sina Chester at Gracey.

"What... the hell?" I asked when I saw Gracey's stomach.

"Surprise!" she shouted, hugging me. "Ninang ka, okay? Kailangan mong umuwi sa Pilipinas para sa binyag!"

"Nagpa-buntis ka ba para kailanganin kong umuwi?"

She laughed. "Maybe..." she said, grinning. "But really, ninang ka, okay?"

Nang maka-rating kami sa apartment ni Katherine, Gracey was taking pictures dahil gagayahin niya raw para sa bagong bahay nila. I swore, may talent si Katherine sa interior designing... o baka masyado lang talaga siyang bored. Pero maganda talaga iyong apartment niya kaya naman napalipat na rin ako.

"Di ka ba matutulog?" I asked Gracey dahil tulog na sina Papa at Chester dahil sa pagod sa byahe.

Gracey shook her head. "No. Tulog lang ako sa plane, e," she said. "Yung dalawa uminom lang kaya masakit ulo," she continued. "Kailan balak mong umuwi?"

I continued trimming my plant. Never in my life did I think na mag-aalaga ako ng halaman. Kung si Katherine napagtripan ang pagsa-shopping, halaman naman ang sa 'kin.

"Di ko pa alam," sagot ko.

"Di mo namimiss si Iñigo?" she asked.

"Of course I miss him."

"E bakit ayaw mo pang umuwi?"

I sighed before I told her the real reason why I couldn't come home... Iyong dahilan kung bakit hindi ko masabi kay Iñigo dahil alam ko na malulungkot siya sa dahilan ko... Alam ko naman na sarili ko lang iyong kalaban ko... And I was seriously just waiting for the day na magiging maayos na ulit ako.

Nakaka-punta na ako sa mall mag-isa.

Ng hindi kailangang tumingin palagi sa likod.

Nakaka-tulog na rin ako ng isang beses lang chine-check kung naka-lock na ba lahat.

"The same thing happened to me before," Gracey said.

"I know," I replied. And she's been so strong. Paano kaya 'yun?

"Ang tagal kong natakot..." she said, smiling sadly. "Naging okay lang ako nung nagdu-duty ako sa hospital," she continued. "Every day, I witness people dying. Doon talaga nagbago iyong perspective ko, Cha. Na pwede pala na 'yung araw mo ngayon, huling araw mo na. Na iyong paggising mo ngayon, huling gising mo na. So, I pushed myself to go out again... To live... Kasi swerte na nga ako na nagising pa ako, e... Kaya ayokong sayangin 'yung chance na binigay sa 'kin... Kasi iyong iba hindi kasing swerte ko, natin na nagkakaroon ng pangalawang buhay..." She smiled. "May mga malas na nagfa-flatline, Cha."

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

"I'm just scared," I almost whispered.

It didn't feel real to be this scared.

I'd always been brave my whole life.

Hindi ko alam kung paano maging takot.

"We're all a little scared," Gracey said. "But sometimes, we have to be brave."

"Hindi madali."

"Hindi talaga. Pero hindi pwede na nandito ka lang at nagtatago. Your life's in Manila, Cha... Nandun si Iñigo, naghihintay sa 'yo... You can't hide here forever... May chance na hindi na natin malalaman kung sino iyong talagang may gawa... Ibig sabihin ba nun magtatago ka na lang dito?"

Hindi ako naka-sagot.

"Iñigo's waiting, Cha. He won't tell you, but he's really sad and alone," she said, tapping my shoulder before standing up and leaving me with my plant.

After Gracey left me, I grabbed my laptop and was about to book a ticket when I noticed a message from Katherine.

From: Katherine Arellano

I'm getting married!!!!!!! You're invited! You're one of my bride's maids! Attendance is a must! Send ko yung ticket mo, okay? Roundtrip 'yung pero feel free na yung one-way lang to Manila ang gamitin mo x

I downloaded the ticket she got me and smiled to myself. I'm coming home.