The stench of pee was an insult to my senses. There were five other guys in the waiting cell with me. One was on his knees  in the corner crying out to God, saying he would never do it again. Another was taking a shit and singing a random tune.

This wasn't where I belonged, but it was where I ended up after getting drunk in public. At least that's what the police told me. The last thing I remembered was going into a liquor store and buying some Hennessy. I sat outside on a bench, opened the bottle, and the next thing I knew I was in handcuffs in the back of a patrol car.

"Christopher Jones," a cop called out.

I walked up to the bars and looked down the hall. The old man who was coming to release me couldn't walk any slower. It was about time for him to retire. I wanted to scream at him to hurry up, I wasn't in a rush to go back to my broken home, but I didn't want to be in here a second longer than I had to. 

When the cell opened, I stepped out and followed the officer to a desk. They handed me my belongings and told me that my wife was waiting for me just outside the door. Her eyes were watery, and her clothes were disheveled. I hate that she had to come down here to get me. I was only adding to the stress that she didn't need.

She ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck. I could feel her body relaxing in my arms. There was no need for words at the time.

Once we were home I turned on all the lights in the living room and told Vanessa to have a seat at the dining room table. It was time for us to let everything out and decide if we would continue with this marriage or not. I refused to turn into an alcoholic like my father. I felt my life spiraling out of control. 

I sat across from her at the table, staring at the woman who I thought could do no wrong. Maybe that was the problem. I held her up on a pedestal from the day that I met her. She was an angel in my eyes. Now the image I had of her was tainted and I'm not sure if it could be fixed.

"I need to know everything," I demanded.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"With Fred."

"You know everything."

"But I don't know why."

"Why, what?"

"Why would you have sex with my best friend of all people?"

"I don't know."

I slammed my fist down on the table. She jumped and told me to calm down.

"If you want me to calm down you need to give me more than that."

"OK, he was there for me."

"And I wasn't?"

"You were always working late, making me think that you were cheating...you didn't have time for me."

"So that means you go and fuck my best friend because you're lonely?"

I stared at her. I wanted an answer but there couldn't possibly be one.

"Just divorce me Chris," she said as she threw her arms up in the air.

"Don't try to make me feel bad! I work my ass off at work to pursue my dream and provide more for you! Instead of being grateful for the shit I do you tear me down, accuse me of cheating, and then go out and cheat! Does this shit make any sense to you?"

"I don't tear you down Chris! I just make enough money where I can support myself. I don't ask for a lot. I only wanted your time. Not the money or the gifts."

"Why didn't you just sit down and ask like a normal person would? You can sit up here and act like you don't want to be wined and dined, but you and I both know that you can be very high maintenance!"

"Now you're just sounding crazy! I'm far from high maintenance! Why can't I treat myself from time to time?"

"Because I am your man! I'm supposed to spoil you! Every time I try, you beat me to the punch. I've told you this so many times before and you keep doing the same thing! You knew I wanted to buy you that Infinity for your thirtieth birthday and instead of being patient and waiting you decide to go buy it on your own! Really? Do you know how much that shit hurt me?"

"Why would I make you buy me a car that you would be paying off for years, when I could buy it myself?" she leaned forward "I did it for you. You wanted to save money for your own shop, so I figured I would be helping you out."

"Don't try to help me out! I'm a man! If I need you for anything I would ask!"

"OK."

"Is that why you fucked him? Because he makes more money than me?"

"Chris, are you kidding me right now?"

She started crying but I didn't let it faze me. Every few minutes I fought to block out the images of the two most important people in my life having sex. I hurt her by sleeping with Kim, but it wasn't the same to me. It was just sex with someone who had become a friend. Friends with benefits is what we were. What Vanessa and Fred had was much more than that, feelings were involved and that's when shit got real.

I calmed down.

"Are you in love with him?"

"No!"

"But you love him."

"Yes."

She held her head down and continued to cry.

"When was the last time you two had sex?"

She stopped crying and began to rock from side to side in her chair. After a few more minutes of silence, I got frustrated.

"If you're going to play the quiet game we could end this shit now!"

"No!"

"Talk!"

"A few days ago."

"Where?"

She went mute again.

"Vanessa, I swear to you that I will leave and you'll never hear from me again!"

"At his house!"

"Wow! I can't believe this!"

"You ask me for the answers and when I give it to you; you act like you can't handle it!"

"So, you're acting like I'm supposed to understand you having sex with Fred? I was just at his house!"

"What do you want me to say Chris? I'm sorry! I really am!"

"I don't believe that."

"What about you? Are you sorry for what you did with Kim?"

"Damn right I am! I was depressed for days!"

"Were you ever going to tell me about her?"

"That same night she showed up at the hospital!"

"Why?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does because you're not all innocent either!"

"I was going to cut it off because she started catching feelings and acting crazy."

"So, if she kept acting right, you would've kept screwing her?"

"In all honesty I don't know...I just knew that it wasn't going to last forever."

"How do you know that?"

"Because it was just a fling. I never loved her. It was just sex."

"So why did you have sex with her to began with?"

"She was attractive and the night I met her, I was really vulnerable...Fred knows the type of women I get stupid over. I'm sure that's why he hired her."

"I'm going to kill Fred!"

"Not if I do first."

My mood lightened. I was so mad at her that I didn't care about the pain I caused her. Or why she cheated in the first place. I got comfortable and thought that she'd always be there. The miscarriage and death of C.J pushed me away and I neglected her needs. I was immature. I blamed myself for her cheating, but I was still upset about who it was with.

"Why did you have to have unprotected sex with him?"

"It just happened that way."

I let out a deep sigh. An image of her riding Fred and calling him daddy bombarded my brain. I shook my head.

"Did you like it?"

"Chris please..."

"Just answer me."

"Yes....I did."

Before I could ask another question, she flipped the script.

"Did you like having sex with Kim?"

"I did."

"What did she have that I didn't?"

"Nothing at all. She was just convenient...we didn't argue or fight."

"I see."

The birds chirping outside let us know how late it was.

"Don't you have your appointment in a couple of hours?" I asked as I stood up from the table.

"Yeah...I feel so overwhelmed."

"Well we need to get some sleep, I'm coming with you."

"But what if...."

"The baby isn't mine?"

"Yeah."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

As we walked to the bedroom I thought about what I would do if the baby wasn't mine. I loved Vanessa more than life itself, but I don't think I could take it if she was having Fred's baby. She loss the babies I tried to give her, and it would crush me to know that she was able to have a baby with someone else.

Holding her in my arms felt different than ever before. We were less than a centimeter apart, but I felt so far away. I haven't prayed in a long time, but today I did. More than anything I wanted this baby to be mine. I hope that God heard me.