a/n omg this is going to be so sad like no.

and btw this is four days after, so you know, yeah.
no more cute moments.

uGh!
p.s i already knew i did this song, but there is a reason for it.
a little bit of foreshadowing aye!
but please listen to the song if you can,
it'll make you feel more into it. :-)

=================

her;

     "Tell me when my heart
        stops, your the only one who knows.."
    

      - Lykke Li, Possibility

      I pushed my foot into my boot and tied it tightly. My parents had wondered off  and Maddie was gone with her friends, leaving me home alone. And I had already spent a whole week of  not seeing Lucas or Matilda. I was getting lonely to put in other words and I wanted to get out of the house.

      Walking from the couch, I hopped to the front door. Throwing on my purple zip up, I threw my hair up and out I went. Locking the door behind me, I shut the door and began to walk. I pulled out a flashlight and shined it brightly into the paths I was walking towards.

     Turning the flashlight off as I stood in front of Matilda's house. It took me a good twenty minutes to get from my house to hers, but we were always too lazy to ever walk to each others houses. I went up to her door and rang the doorbell, only to hear her dog begin to bark. I opened the door and began to pet Charlie, having her no longer bark.

       "Matty?" I questioned, only have it come back at me. "Matilda?" I walked up the stairs and into her bedroom where she was not any where she usually sprawled out. Her window though was wide open, the drift of the night wind swaying her curtains.

     I walked over towards it, where a note was scribbled upon. I took it off the window pane and folded the tape over the other side, reading it to myself.

       Dear who ever would love to read this,

                         hey its matilda. and the first one to this will probably be my mother or anna, and i believe so because at this point, you guys are all that matters. i ripped my heart out and put it on a platter for this dumb boy and he ended up tearing it apart. i shouldve known better, with the way that my mother and dad are always, i knew that boys were horrible people. but this boy, he dragged me in and stole my heart and i shouldve listened to you anna. he was a heartbreaker.

               dont even try to find me. im not worth the find. my life is miserable and youd think i was happy and prancy on the inside as well. oh such lies a smile can tell.

                   i love you anna. i love you mom. i love you dad. i cherished the times and moments we spent, but its time to forget about all them and finally be happy.

                    happy and peaceful.

                                                      Matty.

         I dropped the note and ran towards the window. Hoping on to the roof, I began to scream. "Matilda! Matilda! No." I screamed at the top of my lungs, my heart beating fast. My veins bulged from my skin as I inhaled and let out a loud cry. "No!" I slammed my hands on to the roof top. "No, no, no."

            I jumped off the roof, since it wasn't that high, and ran where I knew she would be. It was our secret hide out when we were younger and I new she had to be there. I ran as fast I could, jumping over logs and other items sticking from the ground. I'm pretty sure I was running faster then when we were getting hunt down by the elder man.

          "Matilda!" I shouted, the tears tickling down my cheeks and flying behind me. "Matilda." I whispered as I came to the cave. "Matty, please be here." I cracked. "Please be okay."

           Crawling around the corner, I found Matilda sitting there in the corner, slowly blinking her eyes. "Matilda." I cried, grabbing her. I wrapped my arms underneath her as she tried to breath. "Why -- why didn't you tell me?"

         "Because -- cause, " she coughed and I tried to hold back the tears. "you were so happy with Lucas."

           "No, no." I whispered. "Don't you dare tell me this is Lucas' fault!"

       "I'm sorry, Anne." she tried to crack a smile. "Anna Rose Berry." she said, making me cry harder.

       "Please, don't go. I need you Matty."

       "Tell my mom I love her. Tell Benjamin I love him." she muttered. "And let yourself know it's not your fault."

      "Matty no!" I shouted. "No." I cried as she began to mumble. I put my ear next to her mouth, being able to hear a lot better. My tears began to fall on to her. I never wanted this to happen.

       "I love you Anna." she mumbled. "Never forget me, please."

       "Never." I grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. "Never."

       With that she took her last breath. Her stomach stopped slowly going up and down. Her frame was becoming paler than she usually was. Her eyes were wide open, staring up at the carvings we had dug into the dried mud when we were eight.

        I slowly pulled away from her hand and shut her eyelids. My hand shook as I was holding my best friend. My heart was the only sound besides my little cries. Tears soaked the ground below me and I knew that this was it.

         The flower snapping, the guy chasing us. Every detail I tended to ignore was leading to her, not Lucas. And I was too damn selfish that I wasn't even paying attention to her after Luke began to notice me. She died and I had regret and guilt built up in me.

        Because my best friend is dead and so is my world. The flowers that bloomed in my rib cage around her were slowly falling into nothing. Memories of us flashed past my eyes like a film. Shared words whispered into my ear.

          My best friend just died and I allowed it.

       Matilda just committed suicide in my own hands in a place that we shared so many secrets with.

        I let go of our promise and now there is no way to fix it. I broke it, all the pinky promises and acts we shared, I ripped them to shreds. Just like Benjamin did to her own soul.

         "Hey wanna promise me something!" Matilda cheered as she held out her pinky.

                                                                           "Never, ever let me go."

          "I promise to never, ever let you go Matty."

                                          "And I will always do the same for you Anne." she giggled.

          "Always." we singed.

============================

a/n do you hear me sobbing!???!?!?!?

and that picture to the side I JUST IFHSF

omg what have i done!

- A