"How's he doing?" Hiruzen asked.

Asuma stood in front of his father's desk, his hands stuffed in his pockets. It had been a week since he'd last had a meeting with his father. A week since he'd learned about Ryu. A week since he'd started watching the boy from the shadows, not wanting him to know how he and the Hokage were worrying about him so strongly.

"You know how he was so distant before? How he would only hang out with Naruto and kept up barriers?" When Hiruzen nodded, he continued. "He's worse now. Naruto can't even get in. Ryu is around people all the time, but when you look at him, you would think he was in an empty village."

The elderly man looked down at the desk, a sad look in his dark eyes. "And he locks himself in his room after school, correct?"

He nodded. "It's strange. The only way I can compare looking at him is by saying it's like watching the living dead." Asuma searched his mind, trying to figure out what he'd thought while he'd watched Ryu. "He reacts slower to new things, so I think he's more doing what his body knows. He's trapped himself in his mind."

Hiruzen raised his gaze to look at Asuma. "You seem to have taken an interest in Ryu to think so deeply into this," he noted. "I've never seen you this involved with part of one of Konoha's children's life."

What the Hokage said was true - Asuma usually didn't get so involved. He wasn't even sure what drove him to help the young boy so much. The only thing he could come up with was that dead look. When he wondered why, that was what he saw. He couldn't even sleep because of it about half the week. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop wanting to rid that dead look from Ryu.

In the end, Asuma just shrugged. "You asked me to keep an eye on him, so I am," he said.

"That is true," Hiruzen admitted There was a short silence between the two males, both of them waiting for the other to say something. It ended up being the Hokage who broke that silence. "Now there's one more thing I want to ask you to do, Asuma."

He raised an eyebrow. "What is it?" Even as he asked it, he could guess what it was.

"I want you to do me a favor next time you watch him," his father said. "Have you ever really looked at his eyes?"

Asuma was caught off guard. It was nothing like he had expected. He had expected him to ask him to approach the boy or something similar. "No, not really. I've never gotten the chance to get a good look. His head's down a lot of the time or he's facing the wall. The only time I do it's not that great a look."

"What do you see?"

"I told you. He looks dead."

Hiruzen sighed, obviously disappointed. Asuma felt a bit of annoyance at himself, knowing he'd disappointed his father, but he pushed it away. He may have hated it, but he'd grown used to it. "Next time you see him, Asuma, I'd like you to look deeper. Either that or ask him to come to me," the Hokage instructed. "I want to know something."

Asuma still wondered what in the world his father was wanting to know, but instead of asking, he nodded. "I'll try my best to look at his eyes and find whatever it is you want to know, but if I can't find it, I'll send him to you," he said.

****

Ryu stared down at his red hands, trembling as he looked back up. He saw Shiro standing there, rips slowly repairing themselves along his body. Rips that he had created with his own hands. Then Ryu reached forward and grasped his arm.

"Please! Please, stop," Shiro begged, throwing his head back and screaming when Ryu started pulling the arm off.

"He wants to die," a voice whispered in Ryu's ear. "Then give him death."

Against his will, Ryu brought his arm back, something materializing between his hands. He thrust both arms forward, the hands almost so close they could be mistaken for being together. As they did, something formed from them - a short sword. Its blade pierced through him, coming out the other end. Shiro tensed, his eyes clouded by pain. But then something changed. He became someone else. Someone completely different. "No!" Ryu screamed-

And jerked up into a sitting position. Tears were streaming from his eyes, a pain building within his chest. He thought it would explode within him, tearing him apart from the inside out. "No," he murmured. Ryu closed his eyes, trying to rid himself of the images that now bombarded him. He clenched the sheets around him, his body trembling just as his hands had in the dream.

He hated it, but he replaced the memories that were coming forth with different, yet not as scarring, memories. He thought back to a little more than a week ago. The memories were no better, but they didn't hurt as much. "I'm sorry," he murmured, but to which person he spoke to, he wasn't sure. As the more recent memories replaced the older ones, the pain began to dwindle, though it never completely left him. He didn't think the pain could ever leave him completely. It just made itself better known.

The ten year old curled into a ball and laid back down, knowing that it wasn't time for school since it was still dark outside the window. It wasn't until the sun first started peaking over the horizon that he arose from his bed. Walls, Ryu reminded himself as the pain began to creep over his body. It was a method that only worked with the recent pain, the pain from before completely destroying the walls. Put up the walls. It wasn't the best way of dealing with the pain, but it was how he dealt with it. He just blocked out everything. He trapped himself within. Ever since the last day in the cave, he'd felt like all the happy parts of his mind had disappeared. Lately all he could feel was pain. All he could think about was what he had done. All he could do was what felt normal. Otherwise he'd be crushed. Otherwise he'd give in just to get away from the pain.

He lay there, staring at the wall, pushing down the pain and all his other feelings. Like every time he woke up, Ryu tried to bring forth happy memories. The moment he tried to get any memory, though, he'd feel himself ripping Shiro apart. It was best to just forget completely.

When a soft light began to fill Ryu's room, he forced himself to rise. Feeling more like a robot than a human being, he went through his usual morning routine. The emptiness of the apartment was something that Ryu was grateful for. Most would find it agonizing since there was nothing to distract him, but instead it helped him remain calm. The simplest of things could bring about strong, recent memories. Just the sound of a door opening and closing made him think of the boulder when Daichi had come and gone. Seeing food brought him back to his internal war with the body's needs. He had to fight the pain the most then because he had to eat. The first day he'd avoided it because of what it brought with it.

Ryu stared out the window, feeling slight comfort in the sight. Konoha was beautiful during sunrise and sunset, when the faint golden glow bathed the village in its gorgeous light. He didn't understand the comfort, but it slightly decreased the pain. There was only one other thing that could do that, but he rarely ever saw her. He even tried to avoid her. It was his fault that she had been kidnapped. If she had never known him, she never would have had to go through the same torturous experience he had.

The image of the pinkette flashed through Ryu's mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the sadness drag down on him again. He reached toward his ring, twirling it around his finger. Drawing strength from it was something he'd had to do a lot lately, but it was becoming harder to prevent it from bringing forward past pain as well.

He placed his head against the window, feeling his shoulders shake as tears overcame him. He had to let the tears out then and there. Ryu refused to do so when he was around other people. His chest ached painfully, feeling a greater pain than anything any human could inflict on him. He doubled over, sobbing as he let out the pain. He'd held it in for the past couple of days, but at times it would slightly show. Now, however, he was releasing it all before it found a way out during the Academy. And Ryu continued crying until the time came to go to that very place.

****

"What are you looking for?" Ino asked after watching Sakura look around the room for the tenth time.

Sakura turned to the blond, her worry obvious in her eyes. "Ryu isn't here." She bit her lip as she glanced at the door again, wondering who would be next to walk through it- Iruka or Ryu?

Ino's eyes softened greatly, a gentleness replacing her usual fierceness as they came upon that touchy subject. "I'm sure he's fine, Sakura."

As if on cue, the door opened. Both the girls looked back, and Sakura felt her heart drop as she got her first good view of Ryu since their return. He had always been there before she arrived, facing away and sitting with people around him so that she couldn't sit by him. It was because of this she got her first good look of him that day.

"Ryu," she murmured. His outward appearance hadn't changed at all. It was the eyes that drove her crazy. He didn't seem at all like himself. In fact, he seemed like he was a mere piece of the old Ryu, missing the pieces that held all light and pure emotions. Instead all she saw was pain clouded over with nothingness. And that was just the surface. What could he be feeling deeper down?

The black haired boy walked to an empty seat, his eyes falling to the ground. When he sat down, he put his head down, almost like he was trying to block out the world.

Sakura remembered the first few days when they'd returned to the villagers. They'd had her talk to some counselors(she had to go to them every Monday and Thursday until they deemed her alright), which had helped a lot. She remembered seeing two try to talk to him, but they never got a single word out.

After a few minutes with Iruka not walking it, Sakura got up and began walking toward Ryu. Before she could, though, someone walked down the steps that she wasn't familiar with. He had spiky black hair and a beard, a blue Konoha headband, and a chunin/jonin outfit.

"Sorry," the man said, taking a step back when he almost ran into Sakura. He paused, examining her. He gave her a sad smile. "Hello again, Sakura Haruno."

Sakura was surprised that he knew her name, but after a few more seconds of looking at his face, she concluded that she did know him from somewhere. His brown eyes peered down into her emerald ones, momentarily searching for something before glancing around.

"So, this is Iruka's class, correct?" he asked. "I'm Asuma and will be taking his place today because he's sick."

Asuma! As he announced his name, she remembered where she'd seen his face. He'd been apart of the team who had gone to save them. It was Asuma who had carried Ryu back from the terrible place.

"Well?" Asuma asked, looking around when nobody told him whether or not this was Iruka's class. Then his eyes fell on Ryu. "Never mind." He stared at Ryu for a moment longer, and for a moment, the Sarutobi boy looked like he was about to sit up. That moment quickly ended, though, and he simply leaned against his arms again, refusing to look at the world to even discover who was staring at him. "Would you mind taking your seat, Miss Haruno?" the bearded man asked, regaining Sakura's attention.

"Yes, Asuma-sensei. Sorry." Sakura hurried back to her spot, Ino trying to contain her giggles from the fact that Sakura had just been in the middle of all that. Ino insisted that all eyes had been on them, but for the first time ever, Sakura hadn't noticed.

And also for the first time, Sakura couldn't pay any attention to class, which was one thing that could usually take her mind off the rest of the world. Instead she was too focused on the fact that Asuma was continually looking at Ryu at every single move, as if just waiting for him to get up. Before Sakura knew it, Asuma was announcing their break time, something the other kids smiled at since whatever they were talking about must have bored them.

Asuma glanced at Ryu, and for a moment, Sakura thought he was going to walk toward him, but then he turned abruptly and walked toward her. He made his way to her desk, glancing at Sakura when he noticed she'd been watching him.

"How're you doing, Sakura?" Asuma asked, leaning against the desk on the other side of the aisle. The kid who had previously been sitting there had moved to speak to another friend, meaning nobody was there to stop him from doing so.

Sakura smiled sadly, knowing just what he meant when he asked that. "I'm doing fine." The ten year old girl spoke the truth. She was slowly but surely healing within, both her family and friends helping her get through the terrible event. Sakura hadn't been the only one greatly affected by the event, though. She glanced back, her eyes widening when she saw that Ryu had sat up. He was fiddling with something in his left hand, staring at it and nothing else. "I think it's Ryu who's having a hard time with all this. Out of the two of us, he went through a lot more than I did. Those mind jutsus couldn't have been easy on him. Not only that, but he protected me the best he could through everything even if he knew what it would do to him."

Asuma sighed. "Yeah, Ryu sure is having a hard time." He pursed his lips, trying to figure something out. "Has he tried to talk to you at all?"

The pinkette shook her head in answer. "It's almost as if he's staying away from me." She watched the boy sadly. "The best look I've gotten of him was today and I don't really think it was a good look at all."

"Have you tried to approach him?"

Once again she answered with a shake of her head. "I've thought of it, but I was told to give him some space by my counselors." She'd wanted to go to him the very first day, but the counselors had stopped her immediately and advised her against it. Now she watched the fragment of the Ryu she'd grown to know from a distance, wondering if there was any way to help.

"So you haven't gotten a very good look at his eyes?" Asuma asked, sounding disappointed.

Sakura was beginning to wonder just why Asuma was so curious, but she never got the chance to ask. Instead the man walked down the steps and to the other side of the room.

****

Asuma stood before his father's door, his hand raised to knock on it. Before he could, though, a familiar voice said, "You may go on in, Asuma." The bearded jonin turned to see that his father was walking toward him, coming back to his office after whatever it had been occupying his time. Asuma nodded, walking in. After Hiruzen walked through, the younger Sarutobi closed it.

"So, did you enjoy teaching Ryu's class?" the Hokage asked as he sat down behind his desk. "Iruka was really surprised when I asked him to take a day off so you could sub for him."

Asuma nodded. "I'm sure he was. It would be an odd request to someone who didn't know what we were doing."

The elderly man leaned back in his chair, staring at his son as he waited for him to speak again. When he didn't, the Hokage inquired, "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I did," he replied. He remembered it clearly. After he'd walked up to Ryu, he'd asked him the same he had the young Haruno girl. Ryu had looked up to meet his eyes, and with just that one time getting a good look at his eyes, Asuma had known instantly just what his father had wanted him to see. There was something under the pained and deadness that one could only see if they truly looked for it, going past what was in the front.

"What did you see?"

"I saw guilt," Asuma replied. "That wasn't all, though. Beyond that, he looked like he was being haunted with some memory."

Hiruzen sighed. "That's what I was afraid of."

Asuma met his father's eyes. "He's not just feeling guilt over Sakura, is he? Killing Shiro has torn him open, hasn't it?"

"Along with other things," the Hokage responded. "I believe that he's also remembering what happened in his past."

Asuma saddened, remembering the tale he'd been told about a week before. A silence fell over the room, the only noise coming from the Konoha villagers going through their regular afternoon routines. More than once Asuma considered breaking the silence, but it seemed as if something had turned off his voice box.

His past was a hard one, Asuma. I believe that it was harder on him than he's willing to admit.

Hiruzen finally broke the silence, his eyes distant as if he was seeing something not in the round office. "Asuma, there's something I must ask you."

Just like every time his father said something similar, Asuma thought about the same question he'd been expecting since their first meeting. "Yes?"

"I wanted to know if you wanted to help Ryu."

Asuma nodded. "I'll do whatever it is you need me to do."

The elderly man sighed, shaking his head. "That's not what I asked you, Asuma. I asked you if you wanted to help Ryu. It's not a mission I'm giving you," he said. "It's a mission I'm letting you give yourself."

For a second, Asuma almost said that if it wasn't a mission, he'd rather not. After all, why did he need to waste his time on a matter that didn't concern him? Why did he need to get involved in Ryu's life? But he paused, truly thinking about it. What had driven him to watch Ryu the past few days? That the Hokage of Konoha was telling him to? Or was it because he wanted to? He hadn't felt like he was on a mission. He hadn't felt like he'd had to do it. The more he thought about it, the more he began to wonder if he would have done the same thing if his father had never even asked him to. He knew that he wanted to help Ryu, but he hadn't known just how much. And the thought of not helping the young boy made him sick.

"Yes. I do want to help him," Asuma admitted.

The Hokage smiled, nodding in approval. He hadn't decided for him, but Hiruzen had been worried that his son would refuse. Asuma could see that. What would he have done if he had refused? "Then do as you wish."

"So I just do whatever I think will help him?" Asuma asked, needing reassurance.

He nodded. "That is correct, Asuma. Whatever you think will bring him back to the living will do," Hiruzen replied. "If you have no more questions, you are dismissed."

****

Sakura climbed the large hill before her, wondering why the stupid thing had to be so steep. By the time she got to the top of the hill, her legs were complaining to her. The pinkette wasn't sure anyone could walk up the hill without somehow being affected.

The view, however, was enough to knock the tiredness out of her. The sun was setting, casting a golden glow on the world. The hill was high enough that Sakura could see the entire village, the sun peeking over the mountain. Pink leaves drifted down from a sakura tree by them. There was little to no noise on the hill, making it seem like the entire place was at complete peace

Ryu sat in the middle of the entire place, leaning against the sakura tree as he gazed out over the village. For the first time since they'd returned, he seemed at peace.

"Ryu," Sakura murmured, the boy at the tree tensing. Before he could say anything, Sakura walked over to were he was and sat by him. Ryu didn't look at her once, instead continuing to look at the village. Sakura tried to meet his gaze, but the Sarutobi made sure to avoid her emerald eyes. "Ryu!"

Ryu sighed, closing his eyes for a second before resuming his endless watching of the village. "What do you need, Sakura?"

Giving up on trying to meet his eyes, Sakura followed Ryu's lead and stared at Konoha. "I wanted to see how you're doing. Every day you've locked yourself up in your room, so I haven't gotten to talk to you."

For a moment, Ryu didn't seem like he was going to say anything, but then he said, "I'm fine, Sakura. You're the one who was attacked by Shiro in the middle of the night."

Sakura's eyes narrowed as she remembered the pain of that night. For a second, she thought he was right. He would be fine. Ryu was stronger than she was.

No, Sakura told herself. Ryu had taken pain that otherwise would have been delivered to her. He had held off Shiro until the other got to the cave and killed him(1). He'd suffered, going through the mind pain jutsu the first time. Every time she'd looked into his eyes, it seemed like he was seeing something other than what was around them. And whatever that thing was, it seemed to hurt him.

"You suffered more than I did," Sakura said. "There was only a couple times Shiro hurt me, once when he took us and another when you saved me. But that's just it. You saved me, Ryu."

His head snapped toward her, sudden tears streaming from his eyes. "It's my fault you were even there!" he snapped. "If I hadn't chased after you that day, you wouldn't have been kidnapped. If I had only fought back harder, you could have escaped. If I wouldn't have woken up, you would have died!" 

The Haruno girl flinched, surprised by his sudden outburst. That, and the sudden rush of emotions after seeing him so dead for the past few days. She stared at him, seeing his internal struggle to force the emotions back. The only problem was there was a great flash of pain in his eyes before he managed to force the emotions down.

****

Ryu clenched his fist as he forced the walls back up. He didn't know what had made the feelings break the dam completely, but they had. Just looking at Sakura had made something in him crack. But it had brought about something else as well - a sense of peace that he didn't quite understand. It was the same feeling that looking at the village caused, reaching past his shields and drawing out the emotions he thought he had lost: peace, happiness, love. It was only fractions, but they were there somehow when he gazed at the village or looked at the pinkette.

"Sakura," Ryu said, his voice calmer than moments before, "I'll be fine, okay? Just leave me alone for a little bit."

Now it seemed like Sakura was the one getting angry. Ryu stared at her, hating the way she was acting. She hadn't acted that way around the others at the Academy or before the kidnapping. It was those events that had forced this side of her out. And it was all his fault. Because of him, they were both ten year old kids going through things not even all advanced shinobi went through. 

"No you aren't," Sakura said. "Please, Ryu, tell me what's wrong."

Ryu could feel the emotions start to boil up as he looked into her eyes. Just something about them made that peace fill him, but at the same time, they made the emotions want to rush forward and crush him. "I'm fine," he repeated. For the first time since he'd met Sakura, he wanted to yell at her to shut up and leave. He turned away, refusing to meet those emerald eyes that reached past his shields.

"It wasn't your fault, Ryu."

There they were again. Those words that totally made him crack. "You could have died!" He didn't know what it was about them, but those seemed to touch closer than anything else she could say. Was it because of how strongly he blamed himself?

"But I'm not dead! Why don't you realize that?" Jeez, the two of them were acting so mature for ten years old. "You saved me, Ryu. Yes, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gotten kidnapped in the first place," Sakura exclaimed.

Ryu's face paled as he turned to look at Sakura, feeling like she'd just stabbed him in the chest. Tears were streaming from her face, and it seemed like she was letting out something she'd been wanting to say for a long time. How long had she been thinking of a conversation like the one they were having?

She spoke again before Ryu could speak. "But Ryu, without you, I would have died. Heck, for all we know, Shiro may have hunted down me or someone in my family because of his past with Aunt Hana. There's so many possibilities here, Ryu. I could have ended up in the exact same situation later on."

When Sakura finished, her breathing was hard and her face was red. She stared at Ryu, almost like she was searching for something. For a second, Ryu wondered if she could see what was going on in his head, because what she said suddenly connected some lines.

Although Sakura brought forth those unbelievably strong emotions, both she and Konoha brought peace to him. Even though there was a lot of ifs with Sakura and the fact she'd been kidnapped because of him, he had saved her. And he had saved Konoha by not giving in to Shiro's mental torture. Both of them he saved. Despite all the crap he'd gone through and all he put Sakura through, he had achieved that. He'd protected two of the things closest to him - his home and Sakura. He was her friend, and he also promised to protect her. He had done so.

Even though he hadn't noticed it before, he felt like there was a bit of a huge weight taken off his shoulders. His guilt over Sakura had been unbelievably strong, being one of those crushing feelings. It was like that weight was all those emotions pushing down on him, making sure they were known but not as terrible.

****

Sakura watched Ryu, seeing the change going on with him. It seemed as if there was a faint candle in the darkness, lighting it up a bit. A part of the old Ryu that she'd gotten to know. She'd only known him for a few days, but she found that she really didn't want that Ryu to disappear. She wanted that part back.

And she could see part of him within the darkness that now glazed over his pale eyes. It was strange that such pale eyes could look so dark. His eyes were the perfect example of an oxymoron.

Ryu stood, and for a moment, Sakura began to protest, but then she saw a light smile on his face. He looked down at her, that light growing slightly stronger. "Thank you, Sakura." Without another word, Ryu walked away, going down the hill.

As Sakura watched him, a huge smile spread across her face. She may have not done much, but she'd accomplished something. Not only that, but she'd seen a piece of the old Ryu. That meant he could be repaired. Piece by piece, he could be put back together.

****

"How long have you been standing there?" Ryu asked as he descended down the hill, not having to look back to know the Sarutobi man was behind him. He'd glimpsed him through the corner of his eye as he'd passed the tree. He'd done very well at concealing his chakra, but he hadn't been trying too hard to keep himself concealed after Ryu passed him.

"I came just around your outburst," Asuma replied, catching up to Ryu so he was to his side. "It was quite unlike you. It seems as if Sakura touches those feelings just like food did at first, huh?"

Ryu hadn't thought of it, but what he said made perfect sense. It would explain why those green eyes had such a strong effect on him. Sakura and his promise to her had given him more strength than his village after the first time Shiro delved into his mind. After that it seemed more like he was protecting Sakura because Shiro hadn't tried it again. He shrugged. "I'm fine now."

Asuma snorted. "Yeah right. You're definitely not fine, Ryu."

Ryu sighed, trying to think of something to get him out of talking to the jonin. "What is it that you want, Asuma?"

The man surprised Ryu by saying, "I was wondering if you could come to my house for a little. I understand that you live by yourself and often eat anything that's easy to make for dinner. I was wondering if you would want to eat an actual dinner." He smiled. "My father says that your love for Soba is a match for my own."

At the mention of Soba, Ryu's previously sleeping stomach woke with a tremendous growl. "Soba?" he repeated, glancing at him through the corner of his eye. "You like Soba?"

"Why else would I say your love for it rivaled my own?" Asuma asked, a small grin on his face. "I was thinking afterward I could show you an interesting game that I'm sure you'd love."

Ryu didn't really care about the game, but Asuma telling him that there would be Soba made it impossible for him to resist. "Sure, I guess," Ryu finally agreed.

*~*~*~*~

"That was delicious. Thank you, Asuma," Ryu said after he finished the Soba, Asuma just finishing his fourth plate.

He laughed. "Thanks. It's nothing compared to what my mom used to cook, though," Asuma remarked. "Your taste buds would have overloaded from hers if you enjoyed mine."

Ryu felt a slight tug on the corner of his lip, but even if Sakura had taken off a bit of the weight, he still felt that overwhelming pain that he had to keep at bay. Otherwise it would destroy him. Even letting out happiness would release other emotions. He refused to do so.

"So," Asuma said, meeting his eyes. There was a bit of worry mixed with the thoughtful look in his eyes. "How about I show you that game I was talking about?" Before Ryu could respond, the man rose and made his way to a door that led to an outside porch. Deciding not to be rude, Ryu rose as well and followed Asuma out.

Ryu glanced at Asuma to see him taking a seat on the opposite side of a wooden board, a line of wooden pieces taking up two lines on either side. It looked familiar, but Ryu couldn't place where he'd seen it. "What is this?" Ryu asked, following Asuma's example and sitting on the other side of the board.

"It's a game called Shogi. It involves a lot of thinking and strategy." With the name of the game out of the way, Asuma began to explain the way to play and every rule of Shogi. Ryu didn't understand why the other Sarutobi wanted him to know how to play Shogi so well, but he seemed intent on making sure Ryu knew how. He went as far as playing himself and showing him all the things. Ryu listened with part of his mind while the other half was still locked away in his mind, so Asuma had to explain a lot of things twice. It was almost dark when Asuma and Ryu played their first game. It ended quickly, though, with Asuma reigning as the winner.

Ryu's eyes narrowed in annoyance. How had the other person beaten him so quickly?

"You're distracted, Ryu. You actually have to focus if you even want a chance of beating me," Asuma advised.

****

It was their eleventh game when Ryu finally managed to say, "I got you for real this time!" He stared down at the board, his eyes gleaming. Asuma watched him, a small smile on his face. His plan had worked. The more frustrated Ryu had gotten, the more he'd tried to win, causing him to actually think instead of remaining in the torture zone in his mind. With each and every game, he'd been drawn out more and more.

Asuma looked down at the board, feeling surprise slap him in the face. The way that the pieces were played were the same as something he'd only seen one time in his life - during the war. It had actually been inspired by Shogi, but it was based a lot on chance. The other person had to react the way the other wanted. And Ryu had done just that, recreating the same battle strategy as then. Had he meant to? Did he know was it was? How was he supposed to, though, when he wasn't around when the plan had first been made?

He felt himself slightly relax when he saw one flaw in the plan. He sighed, shaking his head. "Sorry to tell you, but you're wrong, Ryu." He moved his knight to destroy Ryu's knight, which had been in perfect position to take out his king. "Checkmate," he stated, leaning back.

Ryu stared at the board, his mouth open ever so slightly. "How? I had that perfectly planned! How'd I mess up?"

Asuma chuckled, staring at the perplexed boy. "You know how the move before you moved your other knight back to ensure protection for your king?" he asked. When the black haired boy nodded, Asuma resumed. "Well, if you'd left it where it was at, you could have taken out my knight and you would have had me in checkmate."

"You're kidding me! I made that simple of a mistake?" he exclaimed, glaring at the board.

Asuma couldn't stop himself from smiling bigger. Not when he was seeing all that life now in the young boy. Then he saddened ever so slightly. "You need to stop trying to fight it on your own," he said.

For a second, Ryu's confused expression returned, but then it turned slightly angered. "I don't want to talk about that, Asuma."

"Your wants and your needs are totally different things," he pointed out, "and this is something you need to talk about." Before Ryu began to protest again, Asuma went on. "Could you have felt any better without talking to Sakura? Without having someone there to help lead you, would you have found peace when it comes to your guilt to Sakura?"

Ryu looked down at the board, and for a second, Asuma thought he was going to fling the board to the side. Instead he sighed. "Please, don't make me talk about it."

"So you'd rather have Sakura and your grandfather worry to death about you?" Asuma questioned, watching the young boy. He shifted to get up, refusing to look Asuma in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Asuma, but I just don't want to," he said. "They won't worry for too long." Ryu began to leave, but Asuma speaking made him stop.

"Please, Ryu." There must have been something in his voice because he turned his head to meet Asuma's dark eyes. "Ryu, I don't even know you. Despite that I have nightmares at night sometimes because of you." Ryu's eyes widened at the new knowledge, turning completely around so he was facing Asuma again. "Just think of how much they must worry about you."

"Why?" His voice was barely over a whisper, almost like he actually was imagining it.

"It's because of the way your eyes look." As Asuma spoke, Ryu reached up and touched the spot under his left eye. "You may be able to keep the emotions off your face, but you can't keep them from your eyes. The first time I saw you, Ryu, I thought you were dead inside."

The young boy stared at him, trying to see if he was lying. Apparently seeing what he needed, he sighed. "Fine, Asuma. I'll talk to you."

He sighed mentally in relief. Finally Asuma would be able to help the young boy. He smiled on the outside. "How about you come to my place after school every other day to play Shogi so we can talk?"

Ryu nodded. "That sounds good," he said, and this time when he went to leave, Asuma simply watched, trying to figure out what he would speak to Ryu about in a couple days.

****

It was slow, but piece by piece, Ryu was beginning to return to himself. Through the next two weeks he sat next to Sakura and would occasionally talk about the guilt during break. It was mostly about nightmares he had about the what ifs happening, and both Sakura and Ino helped him through it. Every other day he would spend playing Shogi and talking about the two(2) deaths that tortured him. He still remained withdrawn from the world, usually escaping to his rooms on the days he didn't meet with Asuma. The rest of the time he went to the hill beside Konoha to look out at the peaceful scene. Sakura helped him, but it also hurt him to be around her. It was completely different when it came to just looking out at his village. At his home.

Today was the first day since he'd talked to Sakura on the hill that he wasn't sitting by her. He needed a break from the overwhelming emotions and the only way he could find to was to isolate himself as best he could from the world. She understood and simply glanced at him a few times at his corner by Naruto, a place nobody else ever sat. That was another person he would occasionally talk to, becoming slightly more open with him every time they talked. But just slightly. It was during his mental review of the past couple weeks that he was spoken to.

"Ryu, would you mind coming down here for a moment," Iruka said from the front.

The young boy was slow to reply, forcing himself out of his mind. "Yes, Iruka-sensei." He got to his feet and walked down the steps.

As he passed a red haired boy he believed was named Kaoru, the said boy snickered. "Look at that. Zombie boy finally joins us."

He shut his mouth when Iruka glared at him. "Seeing as you seem so compelled to get attention, Kaoru, why don't you join Ryu up here for the demonstration I need you two to do?" he suggested in a nice tone, but it was obvious to everyone that it was an order.

Smirking confidently, Kaoru got to his feet and strode down the steps. "Whatever you need, Iruka-sensei!" He followed behind Ryu, grumbling, "Even walks as slow as a zombie," when they were almost completely down the steps.

Instead of snapping at him to shut up, Ryu walked to the side of Iruka, waiting for his instructions. "Now boys, I was wondering if you two would mind giving us a demonstration of what a pure taijutsu fight is. That means no weapons and no ninjutsu," the scarred shinobi said.

"Okay." Ryu turned to the other boy, who was already in a fighting stance. "So just anything that's taijutsu?"

Iruka nodded, walking around the edges of the fake ring around the boys. He glanced at both of them, stopping between the two. "Begin," he said, and instantly Kaoru charged.

Ryu knew that Kaoru was one of the weaker kids in class, so he didn't anticipate much and just went to block. Which was why he was so surprised when the other boy's fist collided with his face, his own hand too slow to catch the fist. Ryu yelped, stumbling back. His nose throbbed painfully and he felt something wet running down his face.

Growling in annoyance, Ryu jumped at the boy. He struck at his face as well, but Kaoru was faster than Ryu had been and hit his elbow so that his arm rose, leaving his left half vulnerable. Once again Ryu was too slow to block, the kick delivered to his ribs sending pain rippling across his side. He even felt a bit of breath leave him.

Before the boy could attack again, the young Sarutobi got out of range, glaring at the boy as he tried to figure out what he was doing wrong. He was doing everything he normally did. When had Kaoru grown so strong?

He laughed. "Is that all you've got, Ryu? Jeez, even that lazy bum Shikamaru could beat you!" Kaoru exclaimed. "Where are these amazing powers that you used to hold back the infamous Shiro Yamanaka?" He began laughing, and Ryu felt his face redden. "You're so slow it actually makes me laugh, Ryu. Is that your plan? Make me laugh to death from how pathetically weak you are?"

"Kaoru, enough," Iruka barked, glaring at the red head until his laughter ceased.

"What? Everyone here has wanted to see these great skills that he used to hold off Shiro. Yet here he is, not even putting up a good enough fight to beat a newly entered eight year old!" Kaoru looked at Ryu. "Do you ever even train?"

Ryu was about to snap back that he did, but then he paused. When was the last time he'd practiced at home? When was the last time he'd sparred with Naruto? For just how long had he been relying on his old training to get him through the Academy? And how long ago had what Iruka been teaching surpassed what he already knew?

Crap! Ryu mentally exclaimed, mentally kicking himself in the butt. Kaoru was right. He was getting his butt handed to him. All because he'd slacked off. He'd relied too much on the past.

How would events have differed in the cave if he'd simply trained more? Would he still have been as weak? Or would his body have grown stronger? Then another terrible thought came to him. If he had been stronger, would he have had to use that terrible power? Would he have had to resort to killing Shiro, or would what Sakura had been made to believe be true?

It was that thought that burned in Ryu's mind through the rest of the Academy and what guided his feet to his destination after school. He stopped when something wooden blocked his path, raising his hand and knocking on it. After about a minute, the piece of wood opened to reveal the man that had been playing Shogi with him for the past two weeks.

"What are you doing here, Ryu?" Asuma asked. "I thought I told you every other day? After doing it for two weeks, I thought you'd remember that."

"I'm not here to play Shogi," Ryu informed him. "I'm here with a request."

The elder of the two Sarutobis raised an eyebrow. "A request? And what exactly would that request be?"

Ryu paused to think how to word it rather than just bluntly asking. He would rather quickly explain himself first. "You know of my past, so you know how hard my teaching was. I've relied on this ever since I got to Konoha," he explained. "But with how little I've been able to pay attention at school, I haven't been able to notice that all my classmates are ahead of me."

"So what do you want me to do?" Asuma asked, already looking like he knew.

"I want you to help train me, Asuma," Ryu said.

He gained a wary look. "Ryu, I'm sorry, but I don't think I'd have time," Asuma said. "I have missions and other jonin stuff. Why don't you just ask Iruka to catch you up?"

"Because I want to surpass being caught up."

"What? You aiming for number one now, Ryu? That doesn't seem like you," he pointed out.

Ryu shook his head. "That's not what I want." He reached down and touched his ring, hearing words that would stick with him forever ring in his head.

Promise me you'll do whatever it takes to protect the ones you care about.

"What I want is to be able to protect those I care about no matter what." Before he spoke again, he looked down at his ring. He squeezed it once and then released it, meeting dark eyes with his pale ones. "I want to be able to do it without calling up my curse."

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(1) Remember, as I said in the chapter notes, her memory was tampered with.

(2) Yes, I meant to put two deaths, not one. But you guys don't find out about the second death until later.