Chapter 29

"Alys! Alys!"

What again? Ang aga aga pa, e.

"Why?" I asked Tofer. Nandito ako ngayon sa shop ko, trying to keep myself busy. Ilang araw na akong walang ginagawang productive. 

Tumakbo siya papasok sa office ko at sinara 'yung pintuan. What's with him?

"Alam mo na ba? Alam mo na ba?" he shouted.

Tinakpan ko yung tenga ko. Ang lakas niyang sumigaw! "Hindi ako bingi, goodness! Isang beses mo lang sabihin, maririnig ko!" sabi ko sa kanya.

Ano ba kasi ang meron at parang sobrang excited siya? Don't tell me magcoconcert ulit si Riri sa Philippines? Yun lang naman ang nagpapa excite dito e!

He beamed at me at nilagay niya yung mga kamay niya sa table ko. "Umuwi na si Tripp!"

What?

He snapped his fingers in front of me. "Earth to Alys? Umuwi na si Tripp! Aba galaw galaw din!"

Wait... umuwi na si Tripp?!

Napatayo ako bigla at hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang balikat niya. "What? When? How? WHERE?! Nasan siya ngayon?" I asked him.

Hinawakan niya yung kamay ko na nakahawak sa kanya at tinignan ako ng mabuti. "Kalma, Alys. Breathe in, breathe out..." he said then guided my breathing. "Ayan, okay ka na?" he asked and I nodded. "Now, si Tripp, nasa bahay nila. Galing kasi ako dun kanina tapos bigla siyang dumating. Puntahan mo na siya dali! Ang gwapo lalo ni Tripp!"

Psh. May hidden desire pa rin siya.

I wanted to see him pero natatakot ako. Ano yung sasabihin ko pag nagkita kami? Hi? Hello? Kamusta ang New York? Damn. Ngayon lang ako naubusan ng sasabihin kay Tripp. Dati rati, hindi kami nawawalan ng pag-uusapan. Time really did change us.

"Hindi ka ba pupunta sa kanya?" tanong ni Tofer sa akin nung umupo ulit ako.

I shook my head. "Baka bukas na lang, Tofer."

"But why? Ang tagal mo siyang hinintay! Nandito na, oh!"

Smiling at him, I said, "Hindi dapat minamadali yung mga ganitong bagay, Tof. Mag-uusap din kami, okay? Let me do things when I want to do my things."

He sighed and then shrugged. "Fine, sabi mo, e." He sat on the couch then crossed his legs. "Anyway, san ka ba napunta nung isang gabi? Bigla ka na lang nawala nun, a!"

Ah, that night. Kung pwede lang sanang ibaon sa limot lahat ng nangyari, sana ginawa ko na. Pero sabi nga nila, there are things you could never undo. Kumbaga, once na nagawa mo, permanently etched na siya. The only thing you could do is to think that soon, things will get better.

I slumped back on my chair and closed my eyes. "Nothing, Tofer. Nothing."

Hard as I try to deny it, masakit pa rin, e. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ako nasasaktan. I feel like a slut. Sinasabi ko na mahal ko si Tripp pero bakit nung nakita kong nakangiti si Drake kasama si Fier, biglang sumakit yung dibdib ko? What has became of me?

I remember asking him nung mag-isa lang siya sa booth niya. He looked really drunk but he wasn't. He's still Drake. He always knows his way with words. 

"Drake," I called out his name. Kahit na malakas ang tugtog, alam kong narinig niya ako. He looked at me and then closed his eyes. Ayaw niya ba akong makita? 

I tried smiling even though I was hurting.

Ganun pala yung feeling? I wonder how he felt seeing me with Tripp? Did he feel the same way? Ako kasi, I felt like my insides were crushing. Ang sakit pala sa feeling na makita mo yung tao na gusto mo na masaya kasama ng iba. Yung tipong mapapaisip ka kung bakit sa iba, kaya nilang maging masaya. Yung ano ba yung wala ka para maghanap pa sila ng iba para sumaya?

So many questions left unanswered. 

I was staring at him... and he was ignoring me. Pakiramdam ko, bumalik kami sa high school. Pero ang kaibahan ngayon, he was ignoring me because I made him do it. I made him hate me. And I hate myself even more because of that.

Everything felt unreal. Ang gulo gulo na. Hindi ko na alam kung paano kami umabot sa ganito.

"S-Sino si Fier?"

He chuckled at my question. 

"B-Bakit ka tumawa?" I asked. Hindi ko alam pero natatakot ako sa isasagot niya. 

He shook his head. "Why are you here, Alys?" he asked me while looking right at my eye. Hindi ko mabasa yung mata niya. Dati, kapag tumitingin ako sa mata niya, alam ko yung nararamdaman niya. Alamko kapag galit siya, kapag naiinis siya, kapag masaya siya. Pero ngayon? Hindi ko na alam. We've really broken up. The connection was long gone.

I tried to smile but I could not. 

"I asked you first..." I whispered.

He sighed at my response. "Goodbye, Alys," he said and then he stood up. Bago pa siya makalayo, hinawakan ko yung braso niya. 

"Drake naman..." I said and my voice broke. It sounded like a plea... and I guess it was indeed a plea. I looked so helpless. I used to have everything but now I felt like I have nothing. Everything was gone.

Tumingin siya sa kamay ko na nakahawak sa kanya and then at my face. "Let go."

His words pierced through my heart.

Let go.

Two words but I felt like I've been stabbed a million times. Bakit ganun? Di ba sobrang ironic naman ng kasabihan na 'you'll only know the value of someone when it's gone?' Bakit ganun? Bakit kailangang mawala muna bago mo malaman yung halaga? Hindi ba parang ang sama naman nun? Ano pa ang silbi na malaman mo yung halaga kung hindi naman babalik sa'yo? Wasn't it all bullshit? Para maramdaman mo lang yung sakit at hinayang sa pinakawalan mo? Ang unfair. Sobrang unfair.

"Drake..."

That was all I could do. Call out his name. 

He muttered, "Tripp." Napatingin ako sa kanya. "Tripp. You gave me up for him, Alys. Go to him. Stop bothering me."

He ruthlessly freed himself from my grasp and walked away. Was I being a masochist? Bakit ko siya hinahabol? Bakit ko siya sinusundan kahit na sinabi niya mismo sa akin na ayaw niya na?

"Drake!" I shouted.

Lumapit ako sa kanya nung huminto siyang maglakad. "What's your deal?"

He looked at me. "What's my deal?" he asked me back.

I nodded at him, tears falling from my eyes. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umiyak. Maybe because I have been acting tough but inside I was already hurting. Ngayon lang ako nagpakita na nasasaktan ako. And damn, I was hurt so bad.

"Sino ba si Fier? Siya ba yung pinalit mo sa akin?!"

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako sumisigaw. Was it the alcohol talking? Hindi ko alam. Basta ang alam ko, ang sakit sakit na.

"You're drunk."

Tinalikuran niya ako at nagsimulang maglakad.

Damn it, Palma!

Hinubad ko yung sapatos ko at binato ko sa kanya. Kahit na lasing ako, natamaan ko pa rin yung balikat niya. Ugh! Yung balikat niya na kinapitan ni Fier kanina!

Napahinto siya sa paglalakad at pinulot niya yung sapatos ko na ibinato ko sa kanya. Humarap siya sa akin at huminto sa harapan ko.

"Stop it, Alys."

Lumuhod siya sa harap ko at sinuot sa akin yung sapatos ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umiiyak. 

"Drake..." I called out his name. "Drake..."

Natapos niya ng isuot yung sapatos ko sa akin pero hindi pa rin siya tumatayo. Nakaluhod siya sa harap ko pero hindi siya nagsasalita. He was quiet. He was being... Drake.

Nagulat ako nung tumingala siya sa akin, smiling. 

"Alys?"

"Hmm?"

He was still smiling. "Don't be jealous. I think you know I still love you, right? When I said I love you to the moon and back, I actually meant I think I won't be able to love anyone after you. I love so a great deal, noob. You drained all my love."

He stopped for a beat.

"But that was it, Alys. We had our time. I'll always love you but please let me live a life. Don't worry about Fier, she's nothing compared to you," he said. He stood up and cupped my face. "You let me go. I let you go. We let each other go, Alys." He kissed my cheek and smiled at me. "Take care of my cousin..." he said.

His touch lingered, like I was supposed to savor every moment. Na para bang hindi na mauulit.

"Best wishes."

I snapped out of my reverie and saw Tofer drinking a cup of tea.

"Hey! Kanina pa kita kinakausap, a! Okay ka lang ba talaga?" Tofer asked.

Nodding and smiling, I said yes. Tama si Drake. We had our closure. Siguro it was just my ego talking. Hindi lang ako sanay sa idea na may ibang babae na nagpapangiti sa kanya. We let each other go. Siguro dapat tanggapin ko na na wala na talaga kami. 

He's right.

We had our time... And it was done.

"Let's go to Tripp!" sabi ko bigla kay Tofer. Bigla naman niyang binitawan yung cup niya at ngumiti siya sa akin.

Mas excited pa yata siya. Siguro may crush talaga siya kay Tripp. 

He clapped and beamed. "I'll drive! Tara!"

Before we went to Tripp's, namili muna kami ng dadalhin na cake and champagne. After all, sort of welcome back party ni Tripp 'to!

Today was the start of something new. Finally, nagkaroon na ako ng closure kay Drake. Dapat magfocus na ako sa kung ano ang meron ako ngayon kaysa sa manghinayang ako sa kung ano ang dapat meron ako.

Dumating kami sa kanila after 30 minutes of driving.

"Si Tripp po?"

Tinuro ni Manang yung garden. Nauna na ako since nagpark pa si Tofer. Ang arte kasi, ayaw na lang iwan sa driveway. As if naman may mangcacarnap sa kanya sa kalagitnaan ng araw sa loob ng posh village.

I was counting my footsteps when I heard some laughter.

"Shut up! I look good blonde!"

I heard his voice saying, "No. Who said that? Niloloko ka lang nun. Naniwala ka naman sa bola."

And then I heard some more laughter. The voices were familiar.

Lumakad pa ako and then I finally saw them. The girl who was laughing with my boyfriend stood up and hugged me.

"Alys!" she said.

I hugged her back. "Kei..."