I woke up, sprang out of bed, and raced through my routine. As soon as I was downstairs, I watched for him through the window. I was so focussed I forgot to eat breakfast. My entire body was shaking with the prospect of seeing him, hearing his voice...

I decided I was definitely too agitated for my own good, and made myself sit calmly on the couch.

I immediately scampered back to the window, embracing the nervous excitement and counting the seconds.

The silver Volvo finally pulled up. I sprinted out the door, through the rain, and got in.

We locked eyes as soon as I was settled. His irises were a darker gold than I was used to — still destructive in their beauty. I would have fallen if I wasn't already sitting.

"Hi," he said — his sweet, distracting voice in maximum effect.

"Hi," I said back. My morning had felt like an eternity without him.

He backed out of the driveway and zoomed toward school.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Why don't you tell me? I was asleep while it was happening."

"It's cute, actually." He smiled, and I grimaced. "You get too warm, so you pull the blanket up until you're just two disembodied feet. I don't know how you don't suffocate with your head under the covers like that."

I blinked, self-conscious. And intrigued.

"Do you think I'll ever get to watch you sleep?" I asked. "Or, um, lie somewhere with your eyes closed? I swear I'm not a lunatic."

His eyes darted to me, but his head stayed still. "I don't know."

"Was that a promise?"

"It obviously was not."

I sighed. "You said you were going to think about us. Come up with anything yet?"

"Give me two seconds, Minho, jeez," he said, a hint of a smile on his face. He turned off the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt. It was annoying how fast we got to school; our private conversations never lasted as long as I wanted them to.

"I'm just excited." I was staring at him, smiling. He met my eyes, and looked away quickly. I looked away, too.

"You had last night," I said. "What were you thinking all that time?"

He wasn't in the driver's seat. My heart took off pounding, nearly painful, slamming into my ribs like it was trying to break me in half.

Then my door opened, and I saw he was holding it for me.

"Um, thanks," I said, getting to my feet. My heart was still racing.

He closed the door. "You're welcome. And I was thinking about it, actually. But I didn't... decide anything. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I mumbled.

He walked me to my class, and we parted ways. The rest of the morning was near unbearable. I would yearn for him every time he left, and have trouble restraining myself every time we met again. After Trigonometry, I was so desperate for any kind of contact that I pretended there was a thread hanging off his sleeve. I got to touch his wrist, and it was amazing, but he saw right through me.

We were still arguing about the fake thread when we arrived in the cafeteria. I was hungry, so I bought a sandwich. He followed me through the line, shadowing me like my own pint-sized personal bodyguard (I knew he would square up if I said that out loud).

We sat down across from each other at our table. I took a bite of my sandwich. I hadn't realized I was starving until then. I stuffed way too much into my mouth.

"Please don't choke yourself," he said. His voice was teasing, but his posture was tense like he was afraid he'd have to give me the Heimlich at any moment.

"We'll see what happens." It was incoherent because of the food in my mouth. I swallowed. "What would happen if you had to eat human food?"

He grimaced. "I do eat sometimes — to keep up the ruse. I have to cough it up later."

I set down my sandwich, pushing it away.

"Sorry," he said, smiling apologetically.

"No, I wanted to know. I'm still hungry — can we talk about something cute now?"

"Koala fingerprints are so similar to human fingerprints that they can be confused at crime scenes."

I picked up my sandwich again, pondering that. "Why would a koala even be at a crime scene?"

"Because the koala did it!" he shouted, slamming his hands on the table.

I laughed, cringing on his behalf. He seemed to realize how loud his voice had been, and looked profoundly embarrassed. He sunk down with his chin on his arms, discreetly watching me eat. I didn't mind.

It was a moment before he broke the silence.

"Minho, how would you feel if I had to leave early today?"

I looked up, eyes wide, and chewed in a panic — unable to speak quickly enough.

"I would respect it," I said first, "but I would be really disappointed."

His mouth tilted.

I took another bite of my sandwich and munched forlornly. I'd spent the last few days with him — almost exclusively — yet it didn't feel like enough. Like we'd only scratched the surface.

"I'm sorry," he said, pulling himself up straight. He nudged my foot with his under the table. "We'll drop your truck off for you."

I had two questions, and I didn't know which one I wanted to ask more. "Who's 'we'?"

"My brothers and I," he said. "We're going to, you know... eat."

"Oh," I whispered. "Of course. But how are you going to get my truck here? I don't have my keys."

"I can get your keys — if that's okay?"

"Sure. They're in a sock, under the lamp on my bedside table."

He seemed confused by my instructions, but nodded.

"What time will you come tomorrow?" I asked.

"Up to you. Do you want to sleep in?"

Sleeping in sounded like hell. I just wanted to spend time with him. "No."

He smiled. "The usual time, I guess. Will Charlie be around?"

"Nope. Fishing."

"Did you tell him about our plans?"

"Nope."

"But you will."

"Maybe." In that moment, I realized I'd already told Jessica about Seattle... This would be a great opportunity to mess with him. If he thought I would go on a road trip with someone I honestly thought could kill me, then he had exactly that coming. I smiled villainously before I changed the subject.

"How much does your family know about me?"

"Um, a lot. Not too much," he added when he saw my expression. "Felix knows the most, but the others don't really care. I mean, they care, but they don't disapprove or anything."

"Disapprove of what?"

He stopped, mouth hanging open. "Our friendship."

I snorted. "Nice save."

He harrumphed.

"Will you be there tonight?" I asked.

He shook his head, staring down. "We're going to White Mountain forest, so we won't be back until morning."

"But that's so far — why are you going that far?" It made me anxious, the thought of him being so far away. Of being so alone.

"Felix is the precognitive — the fortune teller. He saw that we would end up going there."

My lower lip stuck out. "You said the futures he sees change based on the decisions people make?"

"Um, yes."

"Then how did he see that he would decide to go there if the thing that made him decide was having the vision?"

His head ticked to the side, confusion casting a shadow over his face. He shrugged once, his lips pursed. I smiled, having fun with the idea that I stumped him.

Felix — beautiful in a whimsical way, with freckles and peach-coloured hair swooping to either side of his face — was suddenly standing behind Jisung.

"Bro?" Holy hell, his voice was deeper than the goddamn ocean.

"Yeah," Jisung said. "Felix, Minho — Minho, Felix."

"Hey, Minho," Felix said. There was something about his eyes — they flashed warmly like he'd known me for years.

"Um, hi, Felix." I was totally overwhelmed, just praying to god that there weren't any bread crumbs on my face.

"Are you ready?" Felix asked Jisung.

"Give me a second," Jisung said briefly. Felix patted him on the shoulder and left without another word. His walk was lithe and uninhibited, like he had no bones at all.

I leaned toward Jisung and spoke in a whisper. "Did I have crumbs on my damn face?"

Jisung laughed. "No, you're good."

I sighed. "So you're going now?"

"Yes." He sounded blue.

"See you later, I guess. And be careful," I enunciated. "I won't be there to protect you."

He laughed. "Yeah, you and your doe eyes and sweater paws. And crumbs on your face."

"You said I was good, jerk!" I screeched, rubbing my sleeve over my mouth.

He shrugged, smirking playfully.

We lapsed into silence. The anticipation of his leaving felt like he was already gone. My heartache must have been showing in my expression; he got to his feet, walked around the table, and sat down next to me. He picked my hand up in both of his, turning it around, squeezing gently. My arm went limp and my brain went dead.

"Am I doing this right?" he asked quietly, meeting my eyes.

"Doing what?"

"Touching."

I smiled. "Yeah. You're good at it."

"I was hoping it would make you feel better."

"It did."

He smiled, but it faded. "See you tomorrow."

"Hurry," I said.

He patted my hand a few times more, and then got up. He grabbed his bag from the other side of the table, and headed for the doors. He looked over his shoulder, waving, and I waved back. He disappeared around the corner.

I folded my arms on the table, sinking down until my chin was rested on my sweater's scratchy sleeves. My appetite had fled again. I cleaned up my stuff and swung my backpack over my shoulder, making my way to Biology.

I realized — with a twisting in my stomach — that tomorrow was the day everything was leading up to. The fork in the road. Jisung was thinking about our relationship, I was going to ask him to explain the 'other factors,' he was going to show me something that had to do with the sun and himself. Our non-relationship was a balancing game, a boulder resting on the point of a toothpick, and I hated not knowing which way we were going to fall.

I couldn't pay attention in Biology. Everything Mr. Banner said went in one ear and out the other. (It didn't help that Jisung's chair was right there, painfully empty.)

Once the school day had ended, I skittered to the parking lot, and saw my truck parked in the same space Jisung's car had been earlier. I got in and buckled up. My keys were in the ignition.

When I got home, I immediately curled up on the couch, brooding. I imagined Jisung was there with me — instead of across the country, drinking whatever the hell he could find in a national park.

At some point, I dragged myself to the landline, dialling Angela's house. She picked up. I puttered in the kitchen — making soup for dinner — while we spoke.

"Goddamnit," I muttered into the phone.

"What happened?" Angela asked.

"I put way too many chilli peppers into the soup. I guess Charlie's gonna die tonight."

"Is it a special dinner? Is Jisung meeting your dad?"

His name was like a fire poker to the heart. "Nope."

"You're spending so much time with him. It's like you're attached at the hip."

I smiled. "Mmhmm. It's amazing."

"Jessica told me you two were going on a 'romantic road trip' to Seattle."

"We'll see if it's romantic. I don't think we're even going to Seattle anymore."

"You don't know where you're going?"

"Sometimes I forget to ask specific questions around him. If I don't spell it out, he'll just rattle off some vague half-answer."

"So he's secretive."

"Really secretive."

"And yet you still like him. Why?"

"Therapist much?"

She laughed. "Yep."

"His secrets are just one part of him. There's so much more. And I think he... opens up to me. It's kind of what I live for now."

"You mean that literally, don't you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do."

We both sighed.

Angela was drafted to set her table, so we hung up. Charlie came home thirty minutes or so later. He was distracted while we ate dinner, which was okay with me. I stared into my bowl, pondering what kind of soup Jisung would like — if he wouldn't have to cough it up later.

After dinner, I folded laundry like a robot. Half my mind was buzzing with delight at the thought of an entire day with Jisung — out of school, out of the public eye. I wondered what could happen, regarding my hand and his hand and holding hands... The other half was anxious with anticipation. How drastically would our relationship change after tomorrow?

Finally it was late enough to go the hell to bed, and I crawled under the covers. It was a moment before I realized I was definitely too keyed up to sleep. I adjusted the pillow under my head and hummed to myself.

I eventually fell asleep, missing him like he was my very heart.