I tried to fall asleep hours ago when it was still light out. I felt like I needed it, yet every time I attempted closing my eyes, all I saw was blood splattering behind my eyelids. I got my revenge, I got my justice, for me, for Sage and for every other fighter who was stuck in that cave like I was. So why was my killing spree haunting me when it felt so liberating at first? Maybe it's because one of them got away, she got away.

It was dark out now though, the only thing giving light was the small candlelit lantern on the desk I was sitting at. Theo came in earlier to give me some new clothes, he asked for details about the mission and I gave him minimal information. Even though he was annoyed I didn't tell him every detail, he let it go after I snapped at him to drop it. They weren't a problem anymore and we got our food, that's all that should matter to him. Besides, I'm pretty damn sure Maggie already gave him all the details he wanted to know, so I don't know why he even needed to hear it from me.

I was doing nothing at the moment, I considered drawing but with the state of mind I was in I was scared I would spiral on paper like I have in the past. So I sat here, in this chair, roasting in a flame that consumed my entire body.

Footsteps stomped towards my door and I heard the hinges creak open, but I made no move to turn and see who it was. I knew exactly who it was. I heard once that recognizing someone by their steps stemmed from trauma, I would agree with that now. After so much time listening if steps were walkers or humans, my mind chose to also identify which human matched the steps. These were clearly Daryl steps, he had two sets of them. One when he was somewhere safe, those were heavy like his feet were bricks and they didn't drag unless he had a limp. That's what I heard right now after he shut the door behind him. The other set was when he needed to be quiet, light as a feather, but those dragged a little when he crept around corners.

There was this smell that followed him into the room, something salty, probably a soup or some sort of broth. There was something else that added to that, it was doughy and sweet, maybe some bread. His tatted hand set the tray of food on the desk my eyes were glued on, I saw that my nose was right. There was a small bowl with soup, a piece of warm bread and an apple. I did that tattoo during our time in the woods, I had to get crafty with a sewing needle and pen ink. I'm surprised how long it has been since I did that and it had hardly faded.

"You ain't eat a thing since before we got back," Daryl's voice was gentle. That ticked me off more than I thought it would. It was like he thought everything was okay.

"Not hungry," I answered shortly, keeping my eyes locked on the tray of food. I was telling the truth too, I had no appetite.

"You gotta eat," Daryl urged with the same tone.

I suddenly stood up from my seat, moving around the chair as I now faced him. "Don't tell me what to fuckin' do," I spat at him while I attempted to storm past him and out the door. I didn't make it that far though and I should've seen his grip on my bicep coming, but I didn't and it got a reaction out of me that I didn't really like. I spun around from his tug, yanked my arm back, then extended both arms out to shove him away from my body. "Don't."

He stumbled only a step, but it hardly fazed him. Daryl took that step back, now his face looked down at mine as I huffed out a harsh breath. He didn't look mad, or upset, fuck, his face was blank. I hated when it was blank, he was playing defense. I couldn't press harder on whatever emotion he was feeling when I couldn't pinpoint what it was and he knew that.

He spoke up next, "this 'bout Leah? Hm? Cause you ain't said shit to me since we got back." There. It was in his voice, not on his face. He was angry too.

"About the girl you decided to fuck in the woods when you thought to let me just walk my ass back to our family by myself? No, Daryl, it's not about that bitch at all. It's not like she was a part of the group that kidnapped and tortured me," my tone was anything but calm. It reeked of wicked sarcasm.

Daryl let out grating breath of dudgeon that escaped between his teeth and bottom lip. "This is what you fuckin' do every damn time, Aspen. Sayin' stupid shit when you coulda just asked me about it. It ain't play out the way you think it did," Daryl pressed back to me. He was teetering on the edge of yelling at me, I guess that's what I was going for because that's what I felt like doing. If he was gonna bring out this part of me, then I was gonna bring it out of him too. Even.

"I didn't know there was anything to ask about!" I screeched at him, not caring that Judith and RJ were also in this house. I didn't know if other people were either, probably Lydia and Sage, maybe Maggie and Theo were, but I don't think they'd get in the middle of what was going on here. "What am I supposed to think now? You came back to Hilltop because she left you? Is that it? You get Dog from her too?"

Now my last question I shot at him was genuinely a joke from my end, but the look on his face told me that it was actually the truth. His lips were pinched tight and the line between his eyebrows deepened. The fact that Dog was from her really set off bombs in my head and questions. Did he always want a part of her with him? I hated that theory, but I couldn't think of anything else. Flames of rage burned behind my eyes, the last time I must've punched Daryl was when we were at the prison. At least that's the last time I remembered me doing that. Until now.

The tears dripping down my face was like fuel to my fist. I swung out as hard as I could, landing my knuckles across his cheekbone. It shocked him just as much as it shocked me. My mind made a split second decision to do that, it processed to the rest of me what I did while I was mid swing. It wasn't enough time for me to stop from following through. Daryl's hand reached up to the side of his face where I'm sure it was throbbing, but only for a millisecond. I was going at him again, moving to shove him away from me even further.

His hands landed on both my shoulders before I could make contact with him again, he pushed me back. My back slammed into the wall behind me, but not hard enough for me to lose my breath. More tears kept coming as his hands stayed planted on my shoulders, keeping me from escaping the position I was in.

Daryl's expression was twisted with more emotion than I've ever in my life had seen him show, he looked angry and hurt. Just as how I probably looked. "You left me, Aspen! You went back without me! Not the other way around," he yelled in my face as our eyes bore into each other.

My fist hit at his chest repeatedly as an unintentional sob left my throat. It was a weak attempt to get him away from me. I was tired, starving and frail. If getting away from him was for my survival, adrenaline would have kicked in enough for me to gather any strength I had and punch at him harder. But it was Daryl and my mind knew that. I associated Daryl with being safe, not a threat. I had no physical strength against him, all I had was my hostile mouth and I never shied away from using that.

"You didn't follow me!" More embarrassingly sad hits landed on his chest. Pieces of my hair fell in front of my face. "It took you two years to come back to me! Two years! You replaced me and when she left you came back. You didn't come back for me, Daryl. After everything, you didn't come back for me."

I didn't even have the energy to pound on his chest anymore, my arms dropped to my sides as I tried with all I had to not let more tears pour down my face. I felt my brain crashing in on itself, I never thought a situation like this would happen. Not to us.

Daryl's firm hold on my shoulders loosened, one of his hands stayed where it was while the other one gently reached up to brush away my stray strands so my face was free of their feeling. I kept my eyes on his face, it morphed out of it's fury. He looked at me with complete guilt, "I didn't follow you cause I thought just some more time and I coulda found him. It turned into two years but I ain't mean for it to have been that long. I did come back for you, Aspen. I'll always come back for you. Two years... it was a damn big mistake."

"And her?" I breathed out, my voiced was calmer but it was still snippy.

Daryl huffed out a sigh, but never looked away from my eyes, "she ain't the person I thought she was. We ain't know each other well, just someone I could talk to out there. She ain't been around people inna long damn time. Nothin' else. Told her she could come to Hilltop, that Theo woulda taken her in so she didn't have to live on her own. Next day she was gone, left Dog back. She found those people and called 'em her family. When I saw she was with 'em, I used that to get in. It ain't nothin' more."

I sniffled in a rough breath before saying more. I eventually nodded when I took his words in, the thing is there was more on my mind than Leah. Yeah, she was part of it, but there was more. Daryl didn't lie to me, never has, so there was no reason to think he was now. I still had this anxious feeling in my chest though and I had to let it out. "I believe you, Daryl. But, ever since you came back to Hilltop, those two years we spent apart... I thought we could just continue where we were. I don't know anymore. Me and you... it's not the same since all that time passed. I want it to be. I wish it was. But shit happens constantly. Two years is a long time in this life. Maybe me and you just, fuck... maybe we just need to reset."

Immediately I could tell Daryl didn't like my words. He didn't want a reset, he wanted me as he grew to know me. There was a weirdly warm feeling in my heart from his reaction, to me it proved what he previously told me to be true. Leah was nothing and I was everything. But this conversation shifted. It wasn't about Leah anymore even though that's how it started. Now, it was about me and him. The thought of restarting to him was incomprehensible, "nah. You wanna reset? Do it with someone else. You and me have been through too much shit together. We gone through everythin' together! I ain't restarting shit with you, Aspen, took me too damn long to even understand you. I ain't gonna figure you out all over again."

I nodded to him slowly, I had already regretted what I said, "I don't wanna reset. But... we go somewhere new. The Commonwealth. With the kids."

Daryl's chest relaxed when he let out a long breath, his hand reached up to cup my face. For a moment, he just looked at me, then he leaned in to connect his lips to my forehead with his arms wrapping around my waist. "Alright," he mumbled against my skin. "You, me and the kids."