"I don't know if you can hear me, Mrs. Hart but if you can, I need you to send you're granddaughter some sort of sign and get her to forgive me ok?" I asked Naomi's grandmothers corpse.

They say that when people are in a coma, they can still hear what you're saying to them so I was taking the chance that this was also the case when that person is dead. It's pretty similar right?

We were currently catering the funeral for the "Horny old lady's" dead husband but I had snuck away to discuss my important matter with Naomi's grandma.

Suddenly, I heard the den door opening so I sat up straight and pretended to look busy.

"What you doing through here?" Tom asked.

Things had gotten better between us all since Christian's visit the night before. All it took was a few episodes of Frasier in the morning before the funeral and everything was back to normal.

"Just getting a break is all" I lied. "How's it going through there?" I asked.

"Depressing. So we're doing a good job. The old bat's only touched Aaron's ass three times which is actually pretty low" Tom sighed in disappointment. He had made a bet with Steve and I about how many times she would cop a feel but the low number meant that we were all wrong.

"Life is full of surprises" I observed.

"So is death" Tom smirked. "What's your future dead grandma in law saying?" He asked.

"Is that even a thing?" I chuckled.

"It is now" He shrugged.

"Do you think Naomi will forgive me?" I asked him.

"Probably. Vanessa let Aaron off with it and she's a whack job. Naomi seems pretty chilled so you should be fine. She's about to be a teacher for Christ sakes, she better get used to stupid little boys"

"Why do you hate Vanessa so much?" I asked, deciding to ignore his "little boy" comment. It was still a touchy subject for me since I still wasn't over Naomi seeing the junk in my front trunk. "Is it just because it meant that Aaron wasn't your wingman anymore?"

"Do you really think I'm that petty?"

"Yes"

"And you would be absolutely correct. But that's not the only reason. I just don't see how he can be happy when he spends all his free time being bossed around, you know? I'm sure she's friendly and a decent fuck but is that enough for our boy?" He said this with a completely straight face, which I once again had to give him credit for.

"Maybe he's happy though? Isn't that what's most important?" I suggested.

"Maybe. It just confuses the shit out of me" He sighed.

We got back to the funeral and finished up. Thankfully, Aaron's ass didn't receive any more attention, but he still wasn't happy.

"I hope she never remarries" He said in a traumatised tone.

"Don't worry dude, she'll be dead soon too" Tom smiled.

"I wouldn't be surprised if her body still groped me. Or if her ghost follows me home and watches me shower" Aaron shivered at the thought.

As usual, Steve was very quiet. While we were tidying up (funerals get surprisingly messy), he was sat down reading the newspaper.

"Anything exciting going on Steve?" I asked, trying to involve him. I knew he was still stressing about the takeover.

"There was a double murder in town last night" He told us, his eyes remaining on the paper.

"Holy shit!" I cried.

"What happened?" Aaron asked. All of our jokey tones had vanished into thin air.

"Two people were decapitated apparently. They've caught the guy but it's still a scary thought" He replied.

"Are we getting it?" Tom asked. It took a minute before I realised he meant the funeral.

"No, Christian is" Steve sighed. "I would've thought you guys would have figured that out by now, seeing as you haven't had any severed heads to use for your shuffle game"

"You know about that?" Aaron gasped.

"Of course I do! Do you think I'm that stupid?" Steve asked.

"Well you haven't fired us, so kind of yeah" Tom shrugged.

I thought that Steve would maybe lose it again, but he didn't have the chance to. At that exact moment, we were interrupted by the sound of shattering glass coming from the front foyer.

"What the fuck?" Aaron asked, standing up as if he were ready for a fight.

"You closed all the coffins, right Frodo?" Tom tried to joke but his voice still wavered with fear.

The four of us crept towards the disturbance, all equally on edge about what we might find. I was immediately transported back to our late night invasion of Christian's funeral home. Aaron led the way up to the door before stopping and raising his hand to halt the rest of us.

"1 . . . 2 . . . " He whispered before yelling "3!" And pulling the door open so hard that I was amazed it didn't fly off the hinges. What was more amazing though, was that there was nothing there.

"Well that's even scarier than the living dead" Aaron sighed.

"Ssssh!" Tom hissed. "It could still be walking around!"

"Uh guys?" I hated to break up their Scooby and Shaggy moment but I diverted their attention to a huge red brick that lay at my feet. There were shards of glass all around it, solving the mystery.

"What the hell!" Gasped Steve. "Who would do this?"

"If you haven't figured that out, then I really do think you're stupid" Tom laughed. Steve looked at him in frustration but remained cool.

"We better call the cops" Aaron said, taking out his cell phone.

"What's the point?" Steve asked. "Even if Christian did do this, we have no proof. I have no cameras remember"

"Yeah but he threatened us" I reminded him. "This is harassment"

"But there's still no evidence. If you three can get away with forging his documents then he'll get away with this. I'll just call the insurance company in the morning" Steve said firmly before going off to retrieve a sweeping brush to clean up the mess.

"We have to do something" Tom whispered as he left the room.

"Oh no" I laughed. "We promised Steve that we would stay out of trouble"

"Yeah, but that was before we were attacked!" Tom argued. "This is an act of war!"

"Slightly exaggerating" Said Aaron.

I didn't want to entertain the notion, but I kind of agreed with Tom. This paled in comparison to what we'd done to Christian so I strongly doubted that this was the end of it. Tom decided that just in case Christian tried anything else, he would stay in the funeral home overnight. I would've offered to stay with him and keep him company but quite frankly, I was shitting myself at the thought. Besides, I had bigger things to worry about.

I still hadn't heard from Naomi even though she said that she would call me that day. I was slightly comforted by the thought that she perhaps knew I had a funeral and couldn't really talk on the phone until it was over. Although if she did call, I would probably have answered anyway.

I got home and waited for what felt like forever. I was honestly ready to cry into my pillow and listen to Bruno Mars on repeat before my phone finally rang. I dived across the room to get to it and answered on the second ring.

"Hey Naomi!" I said cheerfully.

"Hey Sam" She said not so cheerfully. This was going to be awkward.

We danced around the elephant in the room with small talk and the like, talking about how our days were and how her grandmother was doing. Finally though, I recited my pre-planned monologue.

"Look, I'm really sorry about lying to you. I know it was stupid, and I knew it was stupid when I was doing it but I just didn't want you to get scared"

"Why would I be scared? It's not like you're the one killing all the people is it?"

"No, that's not really my scene" I said, smiling when I heard her let out a small laugh. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yes. I can forgive you but only if you promise me that there aren't any more lies you're telling me"

"None, I swear! From now on I'll tell you absolutely everything. Nothing is off limits"

"Good. Because I really like you Sam. And I could really use a friend right now"

As it turned out, she was somewhat relieved now that she knew where I worked and that I'd be working the funeral. I could console and be there for her, whilst still getting paid by Steve. I wouldn't say it was perfect because that would be insensitive but it was certainly a relief. I should have known that the good feeling wouldn't last.