Incredibly I managed to get Naomi to give me her number and we began messaging each other every day. Obviously it was nothing too exciting because it was me that was involved but she never seemed to lose interest in our conversation. The only thing that I didn't like about it was that it meant I had to put up with Aaron constantly telling me "I told you so". Small price to pay really.

I was slowly getting used to funerals too. If anyone else starting saying that then you'd certainly feel sorry for them but with me it was a little different. I was even getting used to Tom's inane ability to talk badly during our procession but remain undetected. Better yet, whenever someone approached us to congratulate on the job we did, he would be able to act like the consummate professional. I swear he was being wasted here; Hollywood needs to see this guy. One such incident was the last funeral that we catered before it all went to hell.

It was yet another old guy that had died, this time at the age of 86. I was amazed to see that his grieving widow was definitely in the under 30 category. She was actually really attractive and could have any man she wanted. Everything about her was long, long blonde hair, long eyelashes around her blue irises and long legs protruding out from her tight black dress. The dress being the only thing that wasn't long.

"What do you think of the wife?" I whispered to Tom.

"Looks or personality?" He asked.

"Looks" I answered. The only thing I'd seen of her personality was that she was upset that her husband had died.

"She's hot, but I wouldn't go there" He muttered.

"You wouldn't?" I was shocked. This was the same Tom right? Where was the smutty comment?

"She's a gold digging whore". Ah that was more like it.

"Just because she was married to an old guy?"

"First of all, that's like me going out with the foetus of a foetus", I didn't really want that image in my head. "And second, this is the fourth time we've cremated her husband" He continued.

"He looked pretty good for a guy who'd been turned to ashes three times"

"It's a different one each time you idiot!"He hissed. "She must just go out looking for desperate old men to take advantage of. I don't know who I feel more sorry for, the dudes for being so stupid or her for being so tragic. One thing's for sure; I can't wait to play Casket Shuffle with her"

"Gentlemen!" The women called to us. We had been so engrossed in our conversation that we hadn't even noticed her approaching.

"Hello there Mrs. Booth" Tom casually greeted her.

"Hello Tom" She then cast her eyes to my shaking form. "I don't believe I've met you before". She was probably the hottest person to ever talk to me and I was terrified. Especially when you added in what we'd just been saying about her.

"I'm new" I offered. "I hope you've had a good day" I was on autopilot.

"I'm at my husband's funeral" She reminded me.

"Oh yeah. What I meant was, was the cremation ok?"

"He burned didn't he?" She asked.

"Yeah. . ." God I hoped so anyway.

"What I think the little guy means is, we hope you are pleased with our services today" Tom finally saved me.

"Aren't I always?" She winked conspiratorially before leaving us to it.

"Yes you are you bitch" He whispered, reverting to his ninja like ways. It was just as well he did too, because almost as soon as he'd spoken, an old woman approached us. It was like his insult had magically made her appear.

"That was a lovely service, boys" She croaked.

"It was our pleasure ma'am" Tom smiled as he shook her hand. I simply nodded as I shook it too. I was still trying to calm down from the terror I'd recently experienced.

Once the funeral passed without any more awkward conversations we retreated back to our den to relax. Whilst myself, Steve and Aaron sat on chairs like normal people, Tom sat on top of a coffin.

"What a day" Aaron sighed.

"Are we going out again?" I asked. I was now starting to really enjoy my nights out with these guys. When I wasn't doing the toilet on the floor anyway.

"I'm game" Aaron nodded.

"As always" Was Tom's answer.

"I might go too" Steve stunned us all.

"Who are you and what the fuck have you done with Steve?" Tom asked.

"Hey, I can have fun too you know!" Steve laughed.

The laughter was interrupted when there was a knock at the door, once again surprising us all. The only rooms that were ever used in the home were Steve's office, the bathroom and the greeting/reception area. At least by the public anyway, this room was our inner sanctum, not to mention the "Body Station" as Tom once named it. No one in their right mind would even want to come in here. But this person wasn't in their right mind at all.

In walked a man who looked like a rat. I honestly have no problems saying that. He had a long nose, puffy cheeks and two enormous teeth sticking out from the bottom of his jaw. They were so big that I couldn't tell if he had any more teeth hidden in there, but with the size of these ones he didn't need any more.

"Hello gentlemen" He sniggered as he approached us.

"Aw shit" Aaron whispered. I wanted to ask who he was but I decided to wait and see what happened first.

"Christian, how can I help you?" Steve asked, making no effort to hide his disdain for the man.

"Hello Steve. I see you haven't changed this place at all" The man known as Christian observed.

"Why fix what isn't broken?" Steve asked.

"I've been wondering that myself lately" Christian answered, not really making much sense.

"What do you want, asshole?" Tom asked.

"Boy, I haven't missed you" Christian sniggered before turning back to my boss. "I'm here on official business. I'm here to make an offering" He handed Steve an envelope which he cautiously accepted. Steve opened it and read the letter that it contained. The room seemed quieter than usual as we eagerly awaited his next move.

"You want to buy this place?" Steve asked in confusion. "Why?"

"Business, Steven. You should understand that better than anyone. I'm just trying to expand my brand and you're in the right place at the right time. I think you'll agree that this is quite a substantial offer. I'm being very generous here" Christian only stopped talking when Aaron interrupted him.

"You're being an ass here. So why don't you just get out of here?"

"No problem" He raised his hands in surrender. "You have a month to decide but I'll need to know by then. This is the best offer you're going to get so I would seriously consider it"

"Fuck off Christian!" Tom shouted. The rat-man nodded in amusement before turning on his heels.

"I'll be in touch" He snivelled as he delivered one last parting shot to us.

"Who was that guy?" I finally asked. They all took turns to explain it to me but here's the gist of it.

Christian Goldstein was the owner of a chain of funeral homes (Christian Goldstein Funeral Care) and he had at least three parlours in the Kent area. He was also an asshole. Apparently there had been a number of incidents where he'd stolen customers from us by spreading false rumours about Steve or just being a general Douchebag before they'd come to some sort of agreement where he would leave Steve alone in this little corner of the town. Apparently now though that agreement was out the window.

"Why does he want to buy you out?" I asked Steve.

"Because he's an asshole" Aaron reinforced. Steve's answer was much more helpful.

"If he buys us out then he has no competition. Kent is his for the taking. He already gets 75% of the custom in this profession. If he takes us over then he gets everything"

"Asshole" Aaron once again repeated. I had to agree with him.

"Why didn't you just tell him to shove his offer where the sun doesn't shine?" Asked Tom.

"It gets worse" Steve sighed in response.

"Cut the shit Steve. How does this get any worse?" Tom cried.

Steve had been reading the letter that Christian the ass had given him the whole time we'd been talking. He pointed to a section of it and told us "He's bought a vacant building across the street to use until we sell. Basically he's already taken over and just wants to see us give up"

"Fair point. That is worse" Tom sighed.

"I don't understand" I said to the room. "What difference does it make? You've survived so long against this guy already. How can he have so much power all of a sudden?"

"He's like the Wal-Mart to our corner convenience store" Tom answered. "People know his name better than ours so now that there's one closer here, they won't think twice about jumping ship"

"That guy is an asshole" I finally firmly believed what they'd been telling me all along.

"Exactly. Even his name just makes me hate him more" I could literally hear Tom's teeth grinding as he spoke.

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Christian. He thinks he can use Jesus against us, but we all know what happened to him. He got crucified!" He barked.

"And then he came back to life" Aaron reminded him.

"Details, details".

Steve had been silent for a long time, and everyone noticed it.

"You aren't actually thinking of selling are you?" Aaron asked.

"I don't know. It's a good offer, I have to give him that" Steve sounded defeated already. "And like Tom said we're basically dead in the water anyway"

"I actually don't think those were my exact words" Tom said regretfully.

"Maybe it's for the best. I'll get a payout and I don't see why he wouldn't keep you guys on after he took over"

"He might take Sam on but not us" Aaron mumbled. "We practically told him he's a piece of shit like ten minutes ago"

"Well he is!" Cried Tom. "Fuck that, I'm not working for him! Come on Steve, lets hit the bar, have a few beers and think of a plan" it was potentially the most intelligent thing that Tom had ever said. I hadn't been working for Steve that long but I could already tell that I'd rather work for him then Christian Goldstein. He'd rubbed me up the wrong way as soon as I saw his stupid rat face.

"You guys go on ahead" Steve reverted his attention back to Christian's letter. "I don't really feel like going out anymore anyway"

I tried to think of something to say to change Steve's mind but I had nothing, and I could tell that the others were having the same problem. We telepathically agreed that we'd leave him alone to think about his future.