Tyler

I was going out of my mind. It had been two days since I had heard from sad lonely girl, and Piper hadn't shown up for class in the same amount of time.

I wondered if it was coincidence, but more I wondered if they were both alright. I had been by Piper's dorm several times over the course of the two days, each time finding the door locked and the room seemingly empty.

Today, I begged the guard to open the door just to make sure she wasn't dead, laying in a pool of her own blood. At first he refused, but when I offered him a hundred dollar bill he quickly opened it. Money always seemed to talk around here.

The room was dark and empty. I told him to leave, flashing a second hundred so he would walk away. I flipped on the lights. There was a pool of dried blood on the floor, and the comforter had several blood spots on it. It was tossed carelessly in the floor like it was an after thought.

Panic coursed through my veins, but I quickly calmed myself. If something had happened it would have been spread around campus by now. I would know. They couldn't exactly hide a suicide around here. Besides, there wasn't enough blood for a death.

She probably just needed a vacation. She is probably embarrassed to show her face knowing I know.

I kept telling myself that so that I wouldn't go to darker places. Places that only made me worry more.

I spent an hour in her room, tidying up the mess and scrubbing the floors. I didn't want her to return to a memory of that, if she even returned at all. Her things were still here, so surely she would return for them.

She would return and I would get a chance to apologize again, to make things right. I didn't have the right to do what I did, and regardless if it came from a good place, I never should have forced my hand. Forcing my hand was the worst thing I could have done. I knew that now.

If ever I owed Piper an apology, it was now.

On my way out the door, I grabbed the comforter, balling it up and tucking it under my arm. I didn't want to get rid of it, because it smelled like her, but I also didn't want her to see the blood stains and have the urge to cut herself again. I didn't want her to ever do that again.

I had wanted to take her box, to take it far away, but it was already gone. Probably with her where ever she was.

I considered for a moment she hid it somewhere else, knowing I knew about it, but I wasn't going to search through her things to find it. That would be bordering on creep. What I was doing now was bordering on creep, so I didn't want to cross the line further. At least this part had come as a result of good intentions.

As far as I'm concerned, she'll never even know I was in this room. She'll notice the changes but hopefully she will dismiss them as someone else having done it.

When I made it back to the penthouse, I lifted the comforter to my nose and inhaled, trying to commit her scent to memory. It was floral, with a vanilla undertone.

I realized I seriously was a creep, so I shoved it into the top of my closet. I didn't know who I had become since all of this started, but I knew I was no longer the man my reputation said I was.

I didn't care anymore about that stupid shit, or even what people thought of me. I hadn't bedded a girl in almost three months, and I hadn't even wanted to. All I wanted was her. And her.

In my mind, somehow I had formed a single person between sad lonely girl and Piper. If I could just put them together, it would be the perfect girl for me.

I didn't know sad lonely girl, and I probably never would. She had stuck true to her word that this was it. I couldn't help but think I was an idiot for never responding. I should have just said something. Maybe if I did things would be different.

I feel back on my bed, for once laying in the stupid thing, and closed my eyes. All I could do was hope that Piper would be in class tomorrow and that I could somehow make it right. Because I didn't know how much longer I could stand the guilt that I had somehow pushed her away from here with my idiotic actions. That I was the reason she left.

*

Piper didn't show up to class again today. I went by her dorm right after, disappointed to see it still empty and dark. I paid the security guy again and just sat on her bed for a while. I had brought with me a new blanket, the girliest one I could find. It seemed like the right thing to do since I had stolen her old one. Winter was approaching fast and I didn't want her to freeze.

I didn't even know who she was, so it wasn't like I could pick out the right one. All I could hope for was that she at least liked it, or at the very least let me buy another if she didn't. It wasn't like I was hurting for money anyways. I'd rather spend it on her than on more meaningless shit I would never use.

Meaningless. I was meaningless to her.

Clutching her pillow tightly to my chest I thought about all the things I had ruined over the course of my life. I was a failure, just like my dad had always said. I ruined everything I touched.

I hadn't felt this low in days, adrenaline and worry moving me forward. But now I felt lower than low, and there was nothing I could do to make it better. The things I clung to, to make me dismiss these thoughts, they were gone and again I was left alone.

Alone was how I spent most of my life. You would think I would be used to it by now, but it still felt heavy as ever. The silence was maddening, loud in my head. I thought back to that case file, about the girl who was just like me.

The case files were still on Piper's desk, exactly where they had been left when I walked out. I wondered if she left that night. I wondered if she was ever going to return.

I stood, tracing my fingers over her writing in the margins, wishing I hadn't argued with her that night. Wishing I hadn't kissed her and yanked her pants down to see those scars. If I could just take it all back, maybe she would still be here. I took a pen from the drawer, peeling off a post it note and scrawling out a simple I'm sorry on it. Then I stuck it to the case file and stacked them together with my note hidden from view. She would find it when she went to pack her papers away, and not a moment sooner.

I walked a little further, over to her dresser to stare at myself in the mirror. I looked like a real wreck, and my eyes held so much pain. I didn't know if I could put on that mask anymore, I didn't know if I even wanted to. My reputation seemed meaningless now that my life was so different. It seemed like something in the past, something I had walked away from long ago.

A small silver perfume bottle, glittering in the light, caught my attention resting just underneath the mirror. I lifted it to my nose and inhaled.

Without even thinking I sprayed it in the air, letting her scent surround me and cling to me like a second layer. It wasn't her normal scent, but I liked it even more. It smelled of vanilla, with the hint of something else. This must have been the undertone I had smelled on her blanket. Her second choice of perfume.

All of a sudden I was hungry. I wanted to eat a box of cupcakes that smelled just like this perfume. That's when it hit me. It was vanilla spice. My favorite flavor of dessert.

Piper might just be my soulmate. If only I could find her.

I sprayed it again, this time aiming more at the room than around myself, knowing that if she came back she would know I was here. I would do the same tomorrow, and every day until she returned. Maybe she wouldn't know it was me, but at least she would know someone cared enough to take care of things while she was gone. That was good enough for me. This wasn't about me anyways, this was about her.

I walked out of her room, switching off the lights and closing the door behind me. I couldn't stay in there forever, despite how much I desperately wanted to.

As soon as I made it back to my penthouse, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Could it be?

I yanked it free, swiping the screen in a hurry.

I realized it was now or never. She wouldn't text again after this so I had to respond. I was afraid it would scare her away, but I had to try. I had to or I would never forgive myself for letting her slip away twice.

She probably wouldn't respond, but regardless I was going to reply.

My fingers hovered over the buttons, thinking of what to say. Thinking of anything that didn't sound stupid as hell. I finally settled, typing it out and re-reading it over and over again.

There. I did it. I made my move. Now I just had to wait. And if she never responded, at least I tried. I would always know that I made an effort and that was enough for now.

I didn't wait by my phone for an answer, I didn't want to feel the disappointment when it didn't come. Instead I busied myself with cleaning up the mess I had made in the past week, and setting up for another round of poker with the guys.

This time I wouldn't be distracted. This time the game would be like old times. I wasn't obsessing over some girl, or trying to calculate ways to get into Piper pants, it was just me and the guys, and a clear conscious because I had done everything I could for now with both girls.

When I heard the knock at my door, I smiled. I set the twelve pack of beer down on the table and went to open it.

"Yo man!" Matt said, yanking me in for a half hug. "It's party time!"

"More like lose all our money time." John muttered, earning a shit eating grin from me.

"I'm feeling lucky tonight!" Jake said, punching my shoulder as he pushed his way inside.

"That'll change Jakey." I teased.

Things felt somewhat normal again, despite the fact it was far from it. The one thing I could always count on was these three guys. They might not always be the greatest friends, but they always came when I called. I didn't care what their intentions were, just that they were there.

"So Ty, had any ladies over lately?" Jake said, wiggling his eyebrows at me in a tease.

"Nah. I'm trying this new thing. It's called my hand and a bottle of lotion." I laughed, knowing it was pathetic, but I didn't care. I didn't want the whores who only wanted me for my status. I wanted someone who wanted me for me, regardless of if I ever found her or not.

"Dude that's sad." John said, cutting his eyes at me. "Why? Women literally throw themselves at you."

"I'm just tired of hooking up. They don't want me, they want my status. It gets depressing after a while. You guys get in on that, take them off my hands."

"I will most definitely take them off your hands." Matt said, smacking his money on the table. "Now let's play poker!"

We mostly talked about the game after that, and thankfully no one mentioned sad lonely girl. It used to be our main topic of conversation at the poker table, but I was glad they seemed to have forgotten. I didn't want to talk about her anyways.

In the end I took them all to the cleaners, just like I always did when we played. They moaned and groaned and handed me their shit, whining about how it wasn't fair.

It wasn't that I was good at poker, I just knew them well enough to know when they were bluffing and somehow that always helped me win. If I could tell they were lying I'd up my ante until they either bowed out of the game or lost. Somehow it always worked in my favor.

Matt suggested we call over some girls, and I obliged, only to help them. I wasn't interested in anyone that would show up here tonight anyways. My mind was made up on one of two girls.

When the girls arrived, I talked up my friends and kept the beer flowing, but in the back of my mind I wished I was sitting in a quiet place with Piper, or texting with sad lonely girl. The party scene just wasn't my thing anymore. I smiled at how much I had changed over the course of a few short months. It was as if I was a new person. The person I had always yearned to be.

If a girl tried to hit on me, I always sent her to one of them. They were all drunk anyways, they didn't know the difference. Besides, those guys would give them just as much status as I could. They were my best friends after all.

Around one in the morning, everyone left and I was again all alone. This time I didn't mind it though, this time it felt different.

I laid back across my bed, swiping my phone open to re-read all the messages from sad lonely girl.

At least I would always have these.