Piper

"What? It's not like she is special or anything. Everyone around here knows your reputation."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had been right all along. Ty was nothing but a player. I wasn't going to stick around to hear the rest. I stood from the table, knocking back into a chair. The guys didn't seem to notice though. I ran for the back door, eager to get the hell out of here and away from his games.

I can't believe I had even fell for it. I was such an idiot.

There was something about the shake in his voice, the evidence of pain I knew all to well that made me say yes to this stupid idea to begin with. The inner psych major in me wanted to fix him. To mend what was hurting him just like I used to do for people with Jack. I thought it would somehow take my mind off my own pain and guilt by focusing on his.

Tyler had noticed my pain and he had wanted to be there for me. It threw me for a loop because I wasn't expecting something so deep from a guy like him. I figured he would unload on me instead of asking me to unload on him.

When he said he'd rather listen to someone else's problems, I had thought we had found some common ground finally; but that guy walked in and saved me from making a stupid mistake.

Playing into his game any longer would make me hate myself even more than I already did.

As I walked around the corner of the coffee shop, making my way back to the front, I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into agreeing to go on that stupid tour that he had obviously made up just to get close to me. Now I was sure he wasn't going to leave me alone when all I wanted was to keep my head down.

As I rounded the front to make a clean getaway, I heard the chants of drunken frat boys, egging on someone to fight. I glanced back in the window and realized it was Ty and that guy.

A rush of worry came over me and I turned and walked back in the shop. I didn't want him to get expelled.

Without thinking I grasped Ty's arm and pulled him right out the door.

"Don't be stupid." I hissed as soon as we were out of view. "You might not care about anything but this is stupid."

Ty just stared at me with indifference on his face.

God I've really done it now. Now he surely won't leave me alone. Why didn't I just walk away?

"Why do you even care? I think you made it pretty clear you don't give a damn about me." He said, snatching his arm from my grip as his expression turned to a sneer.

Is this guy bipolar or what? He's like a freaking switch that flips from one emotion to the next. What the hell happened to him?

Flustered, I searched my brain for words.

"You're right its your life not mine. Go ahead and fight him if it's so important." I snapped.

I did care. I didn't want him to ruin his life. I wanted to fix him. It resounded within me like old times and I felt a fraction of who I used to be. I was a fixer. It was a part of me. I had thought that part died with Jack but I was starting to see it didn't. It had just been deeply suppressed.

It ran deeper in me than any other part and I had accepted it as who I was. Jack had accepted it too, in fact he helped me turn it into a talent. It was the reason for my majoring in psychology.

"Are you always such a bitch? Maybe I don't want to get to know you." Ty said, that creepy smile tinged with a vicious tone scaring me enough to snap me from my thoughts.

"No. I reserve that for people like you." I said equally as vicious.

I didn't know why I was such a bitch to him, he just brought out the worst in me. He brought out the side I had tried to hide away long ago.

"Good to know." He retorted. "Don't worry Piper, I'm not dumb. I can take a hint."

He turned, walking back towards the coffee shop and I reached out to grasp his shoulder. My fingers dug into it, refusing to let go and let him make this stupid mistake. I don't even know what I was thinking, it's not like I can hold him here all night.

Before I could even register what was happening he had turned and pressed his lips hard to mine. His shaking hands were holding my head steady as if he was afraid of me pushing him away.

Something hot and unfamiliar rippled through me, burning me almost alive. I realized I was returning the kiss with just as much need, moments too late. I jerked away, pressing my fingers to my lips to wipe them in confusion.

"That's not-" I started. "You can't just do that."

He looked irritated as he sighed and dropped his hands to his sides.

"Make up your fucking mind. This back and forth is giving me whiplash. Either you want me to stay or you want me to leave. Regardless, I just don't care anymore." His tone was short and clipped, he was on the defense with me. I wasn't even sure what the hell had happened anymore but I knew I needed to get out of there.

I turned, running as fast as I could from the situation. I refused to think about what had just happened, or how it made me feel. Instead I focused on my feet hitting the pavement.

Left, right. Left, right.

I didn't dare turn around, afraid he might be following me. I couldn't handle him yet. I needed to get a grip on my own reality that was crashing down on me with every step.

I cheated on Jack. I kissed Tyler, and worse, I liked it.

Technically I hadn't cheated, because Jack was gone, but it didn't feel anything less than cheating. My heart still belonged to him, yet I had returned the kiss of another man, even if it was only for a few surprised moments. My lips had moved against his and I had hungrily accepted it.

I was beyond confused, and I was even more angry at myself than I had been earlier. I pushed it all from my mind, again forcing my mind to focus only on my feet hitting pavement.

Left, right. Left, right.

My hands wrung my hair, my feet slowly losing momentum. I stopped all together and leaned against a wall of some random dorm before sliding down and taking my head in my hands.

I wasn't one for public emotions, but I couldn't stop the tears from flowing if I tried. So instead I embraced it and fell apart.

"Hey you okay?" A girl said, squatting down to my level.

I quickly wiped my tears. I looked up and recognized her as the goth girl from the first day here. The girl who had given me a friendly smile but hadn't spoken. The blue streaks in her hair were calling out to me, a distraction from my thoughts, so I reached out and touched one.

She didn't move or flinch as my fingers ran down her hair. I must have looked psychotic curled up against a building crying, then reaching out to touch a strangers hair without a single word. She didn't seem to mind it though. It was almost as if she were used to it.

"You like the blue?" She asked, falling to a sitting position beside me.

I shook my head, letting go of her hair and turning my face away.

"Piper right?" She asked.

I nodded again, unable to find words.

"I remember you from psych. You sat beside me your first day. Do you wanna talk about it? People say I'm a great listener."

She exuded nothing but kindness. Everything about her felt real and genuine. Yet I couldn't just spill my heart to a stranger.

"No." I said, finally finding my voice.

"It's okay, I understand. I'm happy to just sit here with you. Sometimes it helps to just have someone there. I'll do all the talking." She glanced back at me and smiled.

The little piercing in her lip bounced as she spoke and I found myself mesmerized by it. Entranced as if I were under a spell. I wondered if it hurt.

"My name is Mindy. This is my third year here at Clemson. I have two sisters, one brother, and a dog named Astro." She reached out her hand and I took it in mine, admiring her firm grasp as she shook it.

"Piper. I transferred from Duke. I'm an only child, no pets."

She looked at me in shock, before regaining composure and smiling.

"Then why on earth did you transfer here? Not that Clemson isn't great, but it's definitely not Duke."

I swallowed hard, wiping the nervous sweat from my forehead.

"It's a long story." I said.

I ran away from my old life. I do that a lot actually. I am a runner. I always run when things get hard.

"Well regardless, Clemson is glad to have you. Has anyone showed you around? I'm sure it's confusing being in a new place." She was nothing but friendly to me. I wondered what her motives were. People weren't this friendly.

"Um, Tyler Scott did." I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. It seemed to get bigger and bigger every time I thought of him.

Mindy laughed, clutching her stomach. I just stared at her wondering what the hell was so funny.

"Oh shit you're serious. No. Stay away from him. He doesn't even know where his own classes are, much less the best areas of school. Come on, I'll show you." She stood, offering me a hand.

I took it and let her help me up, wiping my face again before we started walking.

"So over here we have Fort Hill. It's where Thomas Clemson, the founder of our school lived. When he died he left the estate in his will to become a college. It's pretty neat history actually, I could go on for hours about it. Did you know it used to be an all white male military school? Or that in nineteen fifty five it became co-ed? Sorry, I'm a history fan. I'm not even sure why I'm taking psych." Her eyes lit up when she talked about the school and I too wondered why she was taking psych.

The building was old and looked sort of creepy. The rows of white columns on the front reminded me of the governors mansion I had once toured in middle school back home.

"That's pretty neat. I don't really know anything about Clemson except that it was a four hour drive from Duke. I wanted to go further but I couldn't." I didn't want to divulge anymore than that, because I barely knew the girl and I didn't want to feel her pity.

I had come here to avoid the pity. To start clean where no know knew me except Johnny. Johnny was the one who told me about Clemson in the first place, and he knew nothing about Jack's death. As far as I told him, we had separated due to different interests. It wasn't like they were close enough for him to check into my story. Johnny was just another guy from high school that I had befriended. And if anyone would feel sorry for me, it was Johnny. He knew first hand just how much I loved Jack. It was hard looking him in the eye and lying, but it had to be done.

"I feel ya. Four hours is a pretty good distance though. Wanna see some more lovely history of Clemson?" The way her eyes lit up at just the mention of history had me wanting to follow her around all damn night. Hell I had almost forgotten is was the middle of the night.

She was nicer than I had ever known a goth to be, and she didn't have that dark dreary outlook on life. She almost reminded me of myself before I lost everything. It was easy to be around her. Easy to forget the pain for a moment and smile. Her optimism was contagious and I found myself laughing with her.

"One more then I need to get myself back to my room. I will hate myself if I fall asleep in class tomorrow." I laughed, thinking how the professor had called out Ty that first day for sleeping.

Why are my thoughts centering around him? He's taking up too much space in my mind. Delete. Delete. Delete.

"Over here we have our stadium. It's actually nicknamed Death Valley after Cemetery Hill, that once overlooked the field. The cemetery is where eligible employees and leaders are buried. In fact, one of the greatest athletes in Clemson history is buried in there. It's kinda strange isn't it, a cemetery at a college. Well actually wait, you had one at Duke so this probably isn't strange to you." Mindy went on and on about the place, her fascination procuring my attention readily.

"Even with having had one at Duke, it's still strange to me. It's like the ultimate class reunion. I'd never be buried at a college." I had always been skeptical, but then again I was never really a die hard fan of my college.

Come to think of it, I was never really a die hard fan of anything other than fixing people. As I thought about it, sadness struck me at how boring I actually was.

"That's funny. The ultimate class reunion. I'm so gonna use that. Which way is your dorm? I'll walk you."

Mindy was so nice, I almost felt bad about my no friends policy. Maybe I could bend the rules for her. I could easily see myself being friends with her.

"Just up ahead on the left."

We had been walking the whole time, and I hadn't realized just how close we were until I saw the building. I was almost sad this little walk was over.

As we reached the building she pulled her backpack around to her front, unzipping it and pulling a sheet of paper out. On it she wrote her number.

"Text me sometime. I'd be happy to show you around more. There's plenty to see." She said as she handed it to me. "See you around Piper."

"See ya."

I walked back up to my room, kicking the door shut behind me and falling onto the bed. I took my phone out of my pocket, swiping to texts and feeling the pang in my heart as I realized I still had Jacks thread open.

I clicked off of it and opened a new message.

I hit send and went back to Jack's thread.

I hit send and thought for a moment. I still felt guilty for kissing Ty and I wondered if I should tell him. If he was watching over me he already knew, but if he wasn't, was he even getting these messages anyways?

I threw the phone down on my desk, laying across my bed and staring at the ceiling. If I was lucky I'd get an hours worth of sleep, but it didn't seem like luck would be on my side today. It hadn't been so far.

As my eyes closed, I saw Ty and that kiss replayed in my mind over and over on loop. I wanted to forget it, to put it behind me and never think of it again. My mind refused to allow me.

I almost wanted to claw my eyes out, just so the image would go away, but I knew that I would never go that far. I wasn't exactly new to the concept of self-harm, but I would never actually gouge out my eyes. Besides, I had stopped cutting when I met Jack. I didn't feel the need to anymore because everything I was trying to forget by cutting went away when I fell for him.

It was almost freeing, replacing my razor knife with a guy, and every night he would kiss me, telling me just how much he loved every single part of me, quirks, and all.

I hadn't started back after he died, simply because I still felt he was with me and that need was no longer. I had a sinking feeling though that if I kept creeping down this path I am on, that those needs would return full force.

I thought back to Ty, and the way that kiss made me feel inside, and somehow I couldn't shake the feeling that he was going to be the death of me.