warning : i'm celebrating my return with some smut so read at ur own risk

"and who are you to say that when you've been a fucking slut?" blue eyes are guarded with rain clouds of unabashed anger, phil's breathing unregulated and hot against dan's lips and his fingertips still pressed against the soft skin of dan's neck. he watches as the most embarrassing shade of pink flushes down dan's cheeks, earthy eyes looking away from his own as dan goes completely pliant under his grip.

"aren't you gonna say something now dan?" phil pushes, his brain muted for the night as he steps closer, their bodies pressing flush against each other and he doesn't miss the sharp intake of breath from dan's mouth once he tightens his grip around the younger boy's throat.

"phil," dan struggles to breathe, but his stomach is tightening with the way phil has him trapped, and his heart is racing as he cranes his neck and rests his head against the scratchy bark. phil doesn't respond. he simply watches how dan's chest rises and falls without a definite pattern and how the colour on his cheeks deepens with every passing second, and just how long it has been since he has marked the pale surface of dan's neck and watched him squirm under his touch.

phil is aware that what he's thinking about doing could make this situation so much worse, he is aware that he cannot blame this on anything today, not even the alcohol. it is all him right now, all his heart and all his brain and all his actions and this mess of a man in front of him who has his thoughts going haywire.

but he can't stop himself from getting closer, from loosening his grip on dan's throat and sliding the palm of his hand heavily down the younger boy's chest and watching as he inhales the cold air slowly, his eyes dropping shut as if he too, is aware of what phil is doing. phil's conscious is yelling at him, knocking at the closed doors of his brain to make him snap out of this trance but phil is too far gone--his hands are already sliding around dan's waist and gripping his lean hips tightly between his fingers.

it's wrong, it's so pathetically wrong, yet, phil lets his mouth close over the soft skin of dan's neck, his tongue cascading over the flesh and his teeth sinking in just slightly to leave a mark to remember this mistake. dan doesn't protest, he is completely under phil's mercy and the way phil's body is pressing his against the tree harshly.

"phil," it's just a small whisper of his name before dan tangles his fingers into phil's hair, his back arching slightly when phil's lips lock on a sensitive spot at the base of his neck.

the air around them has a stench of carelessness and the ground beneath them is cracking from all the weight of the mistake they are making, adding more and more pressure with every tick of the clock. and when their mouths collide it's far from beautiful--tongues are dripping chaos and lips are chapped with urgency, fingertips drawing fallacy down each others body and heavy breaths that are full of lies.

the exchange is a typhoon of emotions, phil's touch marking possessiveness into dan's skin, and dan's body unbelievably compliant with apology. it's so much more than a kiss and so much less than love, it is a desperation so powerful that it overrules all common sense and it's an adrenaline so reckless that it ignores all mistakes but it is still just, a pathetic excuse for two pathetic lovers trying to find what they had lost a long time ago.

"please," dan whimpers, his hands pushing against the hem of phil's jumper clumsily and the older man just grabs his wrists and pushes them above his head, pulling dan's lower lip sharply between his teeth before letting it snap back into place.

"not here," he mumbles, pressing his lips against dan's swollen ones once again, letting the slight bulge in his jeans come in contact with dan's as he pushes his thigh between dan's legs, grinding softly. dan makes a mumbled noise of pleasure against phil's mouth, and phil releases dan's hands from above his head, only to press his right palm back against dan's throat.

"fuck," he separates his mouth from phil's and his breathing becomes constricted, his already blurred mind becoming even more fuzzy as phil applies a slight pressure at his throat, phil's hips grinding torturously slow against his. the thin sheet of sweat on his forehead glistens under the gently moonlit sky, and his flushed cheeks and uruly curls make phil want to bend him over and take him right here.

"please," dan isn't sure what he's asking for, but as soon as phil's fingers leave his throat, he turns them around and pushes phil's back firmly against the bark, pressing his lips fervently against phil's. dan pulls off the jacket phil gave him and lets it slip from his shoulders before letting his hands travel down from phil's chest to the waistband of his jeans.

"dan we can't--"

"shh," dan presses his lips firmly against phil's to swallow his protest and before phil can stop him again, he drops to his knees and pulls down phil's jeans and boxers in one swift motion.

"dan what--fuck," phil steadies himself against the bark once dan's mouth closes over the tip of his member, and his fingers disappear into the overgrown mess of dan's hair, pulling at it slightly. dan moans softly from under him, swirling the tip of his tongue sinfully along phil's shaft and bobbing his head painfully slow.

when dan looks up at him it's almost unbearable, and phil throws his head back for a moment before gripping dan's hair tightly between his fists and thrusting slowly in his mouth, dan's jaw slackening with submission and his hands falling down by his sides to let phil use him whichever way he likes.

the way dan submits completely under his touch makes the heat coil tighter in phil's stomach and he increases his speed, his breathing heavy and groans slipping from his mouth, and when dan hollows his cheeks and sucks him in further, he swears he is on the edge.

"fuck, so good," he pants, and dan whimpers once again, tears dotting the corner of his eyes but he loves this almost as much if not more than phil. he presses his tongue against the base of phil's shaft and he tries to open up the back of his throat as much as possible to take all of phil in, and just one particularly rough push from phil later, phil has his entire length stuffed down dan's throat.

"oh god fuck," phil swears loudly before pulling out and pushing in again, pushing all of himself inside dan's mouth with each thrust and the feeling is so inexplicably good he cannot even think about anything else but the way dan's mouth is stretched around his thick cock. (forgive me for using this word)

phil pushes in one last time before releasing inside dan's mouth without warning, and dan swallows it whole because he can't really make a mess in a public park at midnight. he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand once phil pulls out, and stands up, while phil still leans against the tree, his chest rising and falling heavily and his eyes closed shut.

"come here," phil breathes once he notices that dan is up and he pulls the younger boy towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing a soft kiss against his lips. dan lets his head rest in the crook of phil's neck and somehow this hug is better than everything that happened prior to it. it's comforting and reassuring and atleast dan knows that phil means this hug unlike when he kissed him.

"want me to help--did you come already?" phil pushes dan back by the shoulders to look down and all he sees is a wet patch in the front of dan's jeans. dan blushes profusely out of embarrassment and attempts to get away from phil, but phil just giggles softly, pulling him back and pressing a kiss against his forehead before picking up the fallen jacket and handing it to dan.

"come on, let's go back,"

--

listen to me im screaming apologies for all the wait

im actually really sorry u had to wait this long uGhhg but i swear i wasn't procrastinating, i was and am genuinely really busy

and this was a considerably long chapter so hopefully it keeps u satisfied for atleast a week ?? love u