So as years passed that continued and right now im in 9th grade and let me tell you. I thought i was done. But then i remembered haha....depression doesnt go away forever. It stays with you. And you shove it into a grand canon but you forget that it doesnt matter how deep the hole is. Depression can climb back up. Sure it might take a while but it still can climb.

Anyways

Ive experienced depression this year and...it hit me so bad. Yeah i ummm i cut myself. And i wasnt proud of it but the pain was the only thing i could use to keep the depression down for couple days. Sadly.

...

It didnt go down for a couple days.

It went down for... maybe a couple hours.

I cut my wrist first.

I liked the pain.

I was sick.

I needed help.

And i couldnt tell my mom.

After i used all the room on my wrist.

I cut my hips.

It hurt like hell.

I eventually ran out of room.

I moved to the tops of my arm.

I told my friends.

To see if they could help.

But they tried and im sorry but i didnt help.

I talked to my brothers.

And that didnt help.

I want help.

I want to go tk a therapist.

I want talk to my mom about it.

I want to stop.

....

But i cant.

Im to much of a pussy.

I cant stand the thought of my mom crying....because me.

....

I gave my brother my pocket knife.

Thats what i used.

I regret it.

Me not cutting makes me want to kill myself.

Im an idiot for thinking this.

Im an asshole for telling people this.

Im the wrost daughter ever because i cant talked to my mom.

....

I

Cant

But

I want you to know.

You can. I might not be able to. But ill get over it. And you will to.

I might still cut myself its an option in my life. And its not a wise one. But it works.

One day it will go away.

And then it will.

Come back.

And it will hit me harder then before.

And im okay with that.

I can wait.

Because hopefully.

By that time i will ve able to controll it.

So this is a message to my depression.

Dear depression

Yeah i hope you come back please. Visit as much as possible. So that i can get use to you. And when i do. You wont be able to do SHIT... i hope you leave soon. And come back again.

Love,
Victoria

  Thank you for reading i just.... thanks.
🙂