My father used to say joy can not be as everlasting as happiness. I who thought, and still think, they are the same paid attention (because i hadn't seen him in a while), hand pillared to assist my jaw as though I understood what he said.

I will not say I now understand but a certain realization dawns on me. I haven't been sad for a long time but I can not remember when I do not feel an infelicitous hollow burrow in me.

It was not the detachment from Tonia, the first person I called friend, on our first move. I still have vivid memories of Tonia, of the umbrella that shaded her albino skin.
It wasn't the death of mum, the second, third, or fourth move, or even Dad's news.

Although, they all contribute to furthering it. Empowering it. Feeding it.

I may feel this infelicitous hollow but I am not sad or pondering anything that would make me sad. At this point, Itika fills my mind.

I draw the notification-bar and reduce the brightness of my phone. Then, my thumb hovers over Itika's number, contemplating whether to dial it for the seventieth time. I become aware of the continuous tap of the tip of my toes. I hold it in place, but inadvertently as my mind wanders back to Itika, I continue tapping it moments after I stop.

I tap the number and hang up before it starts ringing. I am usually not this tense about a boy or anybody for that matter. Even without being told, I know I take after dad's composure and ability to speak under pressure. But Itika doesn't put me under pressure, he puts me over it. There is a certain calm I experience around him. A non-Judgemental, nature-like kind of calm. Even though he says the wrong things which once they leave his mouth, doesn't sound wrong anymore.

I tap the number and press the phone to my ear. It starts ringing. It rings until it stops. I am grateful he doesn't answer. Again! I drop the phone on my thigh and return my eyes to the movie.
Hanna sits on the long couch beside me and Chimdi cuddles beside her, both covered with a blanket and engrossed in the movie as though it is the first time they are watching Titanic. On the TV, the ship breaks into two. People and objects are sliding down the slowly tilting surface.

"Yeee!" Hanna yelps, in reaction to the collision of a man's head and an immovable metal object.

The phone on my thigh vibrates and my heart increase pace when I see the expected name bounce on the screen. I stand and walk out of the sitting room. Maybe, Hanna spares me a glance or does not even tear her eyes from the tv, but I feel the heat of Chimdi's eyes on my back. I push the glass aside and step out to the balcony. I am looking at the stars and crescent moon when I answer.

I even feel calm knowing that he is on the other end of the line. "You have grown wings ehh, you will see my call and not answer."

"I am scared." His tiny voice switches the mood, steals my smile, and even though lamp poles are strategically mounted to illuminate the compound, I feel dread in my heart because of the night around me. It is as though whatever is making his voice so low creeps around me.

"What is the problem?" I hold the railing.

"Just come. Come. Come." The line cuts before I could ask where.

I turn around and move to the sliding glass but stop in my tracks. I take another step, stop again and continue, still unsure of my next action.

Hanna sleeps faster than a child listening to a lullaby when she watches TV, so she is already dosing but jolts when I enter.

"What is it, ehh this girl, you want to give me heart atack, ehh?" Hanna worries more about her sleep than what she is saying.

"Ermm, nothing. Nothing."

Chimdi probably sees the plea in my eyes because she removes the blanket over her legs and stand, then assures Hanna, with a look, that she has it under control.

I do not say anything until we reach the footing of the stairs.

"See, Itika called... Itika..." I stammer.

Chimdi is patient and does not speak or pressure me as I try to recollect myself. She just reclines on the banister and crosses her hand over her powerpuff girls night gown. I inhale deeply, hold it in, and exhale; a technique Chimdi taught me after our third move.

I tell her what Itika said over the phone, trying to match the plea in his voice as i dramatically mimic his voice, "come, come."

"Come where? His house?"

I remind her the line went dead after that.

"Did you call him back?"

"No, no, not yet."

She smiles. "And your first thought was to find your big sister. Right." She deftly dusts her shoulder like a classic woman.
I can not lie or fake sarcasm, so I remain quiet. She wouldn't be sarcastic if she heard his voice, almost as though it wasn't him.

"You really care about this boy," she states.

I shrug and remain defenseless to the arcing of my lips. The smile vanishes as quickly as it appears, yet it confirms her suspicion.

"Call him... At least let us know where he is."

I dial his number and he picks after the third ring.

"Itika, what is happening?"

The phone is on loudspeaker so Chimdi hears his response. "Happening where?" he says.

We look at each other and think the same thing. Prank. "You told me you were scared, i should come..." His chuckle trails me off.
"What are you talking about? Where are you?"

Relief washes over Chimdi's expression but the knot is still tight in me.

"Itika, what type of joke is this?"

We share an uncomfortable silence before he says, "Can't... Can't I joke with you again? Just forget about it, okay..."

"I should forget about it? What type of joke was that?"

"Sorry. Sorry. I have to go now. See you tomorrow. He hangs up.

And by that, he means when we walk to school, outside the shade of the pedestrian path because the morning sun is rich in vitamin D.

D E S I R E S

Next episode on the 6/3/22

May love find whoever taps that little star below.