One of those days Francis flirted with Bible passages, I asked him if he had kissed a girl before and he said, yes, but she kissed me.

"Just one?"

And he replied, how many were you expecting? And when he asked how many I had kissed, I lied and said none. Later that night, I relived each one, from the first, in order.

Tonia's pink umbrella shades us from nothing under the stairs. We smile at each other and as casually as we chase each other around the park or play with snow, we join lips but do not suck on them. We do it a couple of times. Afterward, we run out and continue chasing each other around.

Hanna would say, "So you remember Tonia but do not remember when I act like a horse and carry you girls on my back?"

This time, my tangerine-sized breast pokes my singlet and I wish to start wearing bras like Chimdi.
Chinaza is three classes ahead of me and even before he kisses me under the mango tree in his backyard one can stretch to pluck its fruit, it is all I think. He is the alpha male, every girl's dream. We kiss a couple of times that year but two days after our first kiss, I kiss Eugene in school, inside the housekeeper's closet. Even though I crush on Chinaza, I still crush on Eugene.

And until I meet Sammy two years later, the movement of Eugene's lips plays in my head when I touch myself in the shower or under my blanket.
Sammy's kiss wakes something in me. It is not fast or slow. It is not wet or dry. Neither do I get tired nor does it, after hours, hurt as we suck on each other's lips. For a long time, there is no label to what we do until he asks me to be his girlfriend. I start noticing girls hang around him. Why wouldn't they? I used to be one of the girls mesmerized by his angelic voice. But now, I am more, I am the girl whose nipple he sucks, the one whose blood rubbed his penis on his first time, the one whose thighs he places his head on when he cries.

I meet you, Itika and in a bid to forget like I forgot Tonia by kissing Chinaza and Chinaza by kissing Sammy, I kiss you. But it does not feel right. Even after we try the second time. This time, I break out and say, "No, no no," While shaking my head, "Something is not right." and you agree with a nod.

Now, I have no memory of the kiss Francis talks about. All I remember are his deep thrusts and his hand that muffled my scream. Or moan.

Another text follows.

I will like to do it again.

The sex, I mean.

I sigh and lock my phone.

You still haven't replied to my calls and your WhatsApp doesn't double tick. Yesterday, I found your mom on Facebook and I texted her. She hasn't replied and each time my notification beeps, I hopefully rush to it but it is either Uche from bolt...

My notification beeps and I stop writing in my diary and rush for my phone only to see another text from Francis.

Can I see you now?

If I do not reply, he would keep texting.

I type, In the kitchen... But tap backspace for the cursor to eat the words black. Indecisively, I type, I am sleepy. See you later. The other time it was, in the kitchen. And the time before that it was, Why do you want to see me?

He replies: May angels guide the four corners of your bed as you sleep.

I wonder if they are the same fingers that had gone in and out of my dry vagina that type.

I want the next notification to be a text from your mom or, better still, from you saying, I am fine. I think about you all day too.
I want to hear your uncontrollable laughter and maybe video call to see that one-sided smile.

I can't wait to kiss you. Another text comes again.

Trying to remember the kiss Francis speaks about is like looking for something that doesn't exist. Apart from his thrust and shielding palm, I recall again that he came into me and it makes my heart skip a beat.

I remove the duvet over my body and stretch my legs down until they reach my Dunlop. I fit my feet in the comfy slippers and pad to Chimdi's room. I do not knock before turning the knob. She jolts immediately I push the door open.

"So, you can not knock ehh!" She ends the video call before grabbing a wrapper to wrap her body.

"Who are you showing your body? eh, Chimdi?"

She blushes and waves a dismissive hand. "What are you doing here?" She places a hand on my shoulder to lead me out.

"Wait. Wait. I came to tell you something." I brush the hand leading me to the door. My face can not take back its worried form after what I have seen. She is equally mortified and it makes me comfortable to say, "I had sex... And I am sure he came in me."

"Who?" her eyes that couldn't hold my gaze now hold it with equal comfortability.

"Does it matter? Who is the person on the phone?"

"So, what happened to a condom, why didn't he use one?"

"Can you help me get the post-pill from a pharmacy? Or not?"

"If you can't tell me who, when did he cum in you at least?"

It happened a day before yesterday but because I do not want her to panic, I say, "Yesterday night."

She tightens the duvet around her chest and moves to her bathroom, the hem of the duvet sweeps after her. "Come." "Next time don't wait that long." She enters and stops me from entering. "Wait here."

She opens the door enough for her hand to pass the card.

"Next time, use a condom oo, it will not be funny if you get pregnant."

"Why?"

The space between the door increases enough for her to protrude her head. "Which one is why?"

"Nothing." I grab the card and make my way out. "You can continue with your video call. Make sure no one uses it to blackmail you later."

She chuckles and even without turning back, I know her face doesn't resemble the chuckle.
She should weigh on that while I try to moderate the spike of my heart rate anytime I imagine a baby growing inside me.

D E S I R E S

Next chapter on 10/4/22
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