you sit down on the last seat available on the table, your family is here along with the rest of your relatives. its been a long time since you all have gathered together to have dinner, and to be honest you just want this night to be done and over with, you have been dreading this day for too long.

not wanting to catch anyones eye, you pile on food onto your plate so that you can blend in with the rest of the people sitting around the table. everyone eats their food while you silently play around with yours, totally unaware of your surroundings as your thoughts begin to cloud your mind.

why cant you just keep a conversation going? why do you have to be so awkward and unapproachable?

you hear your name being called and you immediately wish that you had pretended like you didnt hear them but you look up anyway.

youve gained weight.

why arent you on a diet? i heard boys like skinny girls these days.

your parents told me about your grades, i thought you were good at studying.

you feel like just standing up from the table and leaving, you want to run away somewhere, where you can be alone. some place where no one can judge you, then you wont have to waste your tears on stupid opinions.

but instead, you fake a laugh and tell them what they want to hear.

youll work out.

youll stop eating so much food.

youll study harder.

but you know you cant do any of those, you have no energy left in your body. they dont know that your body is constantly aching and your mouth is always running dry. they have no idea why you take so long in the shower and why all you wear is long sleeved shirts.

they dont notice the way that your hands shake when you hold your utensils or apply your lipstick to cover up your pale lips. they dont understand the reasons why you cry yourself to sleep every night, and still end up not sleeping.

theyll never understand.