As red burst before my wide eyes, debilitating me, blinding me, I couldn't tell that I was awake. . . .

I was trapped in the darkness with tears in my eyes. And I felt an oppressive weight on top of me. I bucked it off. Then came the clunk and the "Ow!"

It took the lights and Skylar standing over my cowering, pathetic self, for me realize it was all a dream. But it stemmed from some very legitimate fears, so my terror was stubborn and would not subside. 

I placed my interlaced fingers at my forehead as if that could somehow shield her from my shame and humiliation. When I glanced through the watery blur and my finger gaps, I saw that her temple was bleeding. My fault, of course. I also expected to see anger or amusement on her face—I'm sure I deserved both—but there was only concern, and that made me hate myself even more for what I had to do.   

"You should go," I whispered with barely any willpower.

"I'm not leaving you like this."

"Sky, you should go and . . . never look back." She rested her hands over my ears and kissed my head. And I shrunk away from her affection. "Just go!" I blurted.

Her hands dropped. After a tentative moment of deliberation, she dressed and left, surely for good. I hoped for her sake that she could forget the night ever happened.

I should have been relieved, but I was devastated. I immediately transformed, believing that if I was small the pain would be less. But I quickly figured out that it was just as overwhelming. So I disappeared beneath my bed, balled myself into the darkest, dustiest cranny, and self-destructed until there was nothing left in me to purge.

~~~

The Who. Behind Blue Eyes (1971).

https://youtu.be/dMrImMedYRo