By @silenttomorrows

The Reverend Cuthbert Smidge prided himself on being normal, just like his parishioners.  So he was often seen supping in the local pub or taking cocktails in the Tiki bar.  And parishioners were generous;  leaving allotment vegetables on his doorstep, or a poached rabbit, brace of pheasants or maybe some goat.  

Cuffy was well rehearsed in weddings funerals and christenings and he had a face for every occasion.  That side of things ticked over nicely, donations and the collection box paid for extra little perks.  Last year it had been a visit to Amsterdam.  The hole in the church tower was annoying but the insurance would pay for that and he was on good terms with the Bishop, who basically left him alone. 

However Edenville didn't need the CIA poking it's nose in.  The police kept a quite eye on the Edenville going's on and didn't usually interfere, just some odd tickets and warnings so no one could say they were not doing their job.  At least this Inspector Earnest Fellow, fellow was focused on the bridge and the strange canon ball phenomena. 

Mary had finished the flower arrangements down the nave and said her goodbyes.  Cuthbert locked the door of the church with him still on the inside.  3pm on a Monday.  Cuffy smiled to himself and made his way to the door of the crypt.  He lit a candle and descended. 

The crypt was a cold but familiar place to Cuffy.  Many bodies of the noble and good of Edenville were laid to rest down there.  He knew they would have approved of his little venture. 

He made his way to the tomb of Cordelia Fudge and pulled hard on a wall mounted candle stick holder.  A stone door in the tomb swung open.  As Cuffy descended he heard the familiar sound of water.  The stairs turned round a corner and there amongst candlelight and the fluorescent glow from the caverns minerals sat old Tom Fiddler.  Cool as a cucumber, his family had been smugglers for centuries. 

'Hello Tom', Cuffy said with slight echos quavering around them.  He rubbed his hands with glee when he saw the two barrels of Caribbean rum.  Some for the mayor, some for Breem and don't forget Edward who would sell it bottled and make a fortune for them.  Just like in that film, what was it. Yes, "Whisky Galore" Some would go to the hotel, Corky would have a bottle and some would be for Cuffy.

'Cuffy, you olde rascal, give me a hand there's tother one in boat and tide will turn soon'.  Cuffy eagerly helped the third barrel onto the small jetty.  Tom, grabbed Cuffy's arm, I got some specials this time.  I got a poodle creamer for Bessie and Turkish bandana for Japonica.  Oh and Ive got some silk stockings for you Cuffy.

'Thank you Tom and Bon voyage.  He watched as Tom rowed off, the tide just right for slipping under the stone shelf.

Cuffy whistled as he ascended the staircase and made his way back into the main part of the church.  He would seek help to move the barrels later in the week.  He left the church and locked the door behind him. 

Entering the rectory that was situated on the other side of the graveyard that adjoined the church he saw that the kitchen was empty of people.  However, his house keeper had the radio on. 

There was a news flash and Corky's voice rang out, 'Eminent writer suggests Edenville has gone Bananas, Mayor Maynot demands an enquiry.  Meanwhile Fudges shop is selling good rum and raisin ice cream this week with a 80% authentic Caribbean kick.  Buy some if you dare!'