Osvald could not say he knew how to describe his feelings regarding the situation with Regulus. 

Late that night after he and Partitio arrived back at the inn, Osvald found himself staring up at the ceiling with a frown. He knew he needed to get as much rest as possible so that he would be able to prepare himself for the boat ride to the western continent the following morning. He would be able to rest once he was on the ship, and the journey would take a few days, but Osvald knew better than to try and go into any situation truly exhausted. His body had taught him just how poor of an idea that was when he was still living on Frigit, and Osvald had learned his lesson a thousand times over after what he had faced there. 

Even so, Osvald couldn't seem to coax his eyes into closing for the night. He continued to stare up at the ceiling long after Temenos had already somehow managed to drift off, and that was certainly impressive. Temenos had always been a night owl, seemingly fueled by the lateness of the hour with each minute that passed by. Osvald couldn't say he entirely understood how Temenos was able to stay up so late so effortlessly. Even when he was staying up all night as a student or as a professor, Osvald needed to pace himself to ensure he did not crash when morning arrived. Temenos didn't seem bothered by any of it, and Osvald found himself almost interested in studying the stranger habits of his cleric companion. 

Not even Temenos' natural inclination for the nighttime hours had been enough to keep him up with Osvald that night though. Now, Osvald was truly alone, staring into the darkness with a frown on his face and tension in his chest. He wanted to be able to push all of this out of his mind as soon as possible, to think about anything other than all that was trying to press itself against his mind's attention. Osvald needed to rest. He had been able to teach himself to sleep easily when he was on Frigit. It was a requirement if he wanted to survive. Going into a day of work without resting enough was the perfect way to end up in an early grave, and Osvald couldn't let that happen so long as he still had to leave to kill Harvey. It shouldn't have been an issue for him to force himself to rest. He should have been able to do it without a second thought. 

But instead, Osvald couldn't stop thinking about Regulus. He should have been glad to see his old friend again. He should have been happy to know there were still traces of light in the rest of the world even after it had turned its back on him. He should have been glad to see there were people from his old life who had managed to thrive in his absence. Regulus was the same as always, Osvald supposed, and he should have been happy about that. If Regulus was the same, then that meant Osvald wasn't going to have to confront the idea of there being a gaping hole where the last five years of his life were meant to go. 

Osvald found himself bothered by the fact that Regulus had not changed though. In the last half a decade, Osvald had been forced to live through hell, and he had come out of it on the other side with his body nearly frozen and his spirit all that could keep him moving forward. Regulus was the same as he always had been, but Osvald could not afford to follow in that same path. If he had stayed the same when he was on Frigit, then he never would have survived. He would have caved in beneath the weight of the torment he was put through ages ago, and there would have been nothing he could do about it. If Osvald had let himself stay the same, then he would have died. 

Osvald didn't know how to describe the emotion that rattled against his ribcage when he thought of Regulus. He should have been glad to know that his old friend had not turned on him. Regulus could have easily known the truth of who and what Osvald was. In fact, Osvald was willing to assume that Regulus most likely did know with how quickly the news had spread through the academic world that he was a murderer. But Regulus had not chosen to turn him in. Instead, he had smiled at Osvald and pretended that nothing had ever happened to pull them apart to begin with. Osvald should have been happy to have the chance to take in a brief moment of normalcy even if it was not fated to last. Regulus' presence should have been a blessing he did not want to ignore any time soon. He should have been happy. 

But Osvald found himself filled with something deep and dark instead. He didn't feel as happy as he knew he should have about Regulus having stayed the same for the last five years. Osvald didn't have that luxury. He had been forced to work his fingers to the bone, ignoring his injuries by detaching himself from his body just enough to ensure he was able to continue breathing while remaining alert to take care of his needs. Osvald had to teach himself the art of survival because it came naturally to no one and nothing on Frigit Isle. He had been forced into a position he would never wish on anyone, and his only choice was to deal with it anyway. How could he make his peace with that? How could he ever come back from something that had been forced upon him when he had never wanted it? 

Osvald stared at his hands, only barely able to make out their silhouette through the darkness of the room. Was he... Jealous? Did he envy the fact that Regulus had been able to live in peace and happiness for the last five years? Even if Regulus struggled with his money occasionally, it was a problem he would be able to solve with enough grit and determination. If Regulus applied himself in a slightly better way, then it never would have been an issue in the first place. His problems felt so mundane, so easy to ignore, and Osvald... Osvald didn't have that same luxury. His situation on Frigit Isle had been too dire for him to ever think of pushing through it with brute force. He had to plan for five years to escape, and even then, it had been a close call. Nothing had come easily to him in that time. The world wanted to destroy him, and so, it almost had. 

In a perfect universe, Osvald never would have had to deal with any of this. His life had been changed not because of his own decisions but because of the choices of others. Harvey had decided it was in his best interests to ruin Osvald's life, and there was nothing Osvald could do other than watch it happen. He was not given a choice to set things right. He was not given a path to follow that would reverse this or otherwise stop it. Osvald was forced to stand up on his own and face a situation that never should have been his to endure in the first place. Horrible people had done horrible things to him, and Osvald had no choice but to be brutal in return if he wanted to survive it. He had to change. He could not have stayed static in a world that demanded he morph into a corpse. 

Regulus' issues felt so small and inconsequential when compared to the monstrosities that Osvald had been forced to deal with over the last five years. Regulus had the room to be poor with his money. He was allowed to make bad financial decisions because he had not been punished for it so harshly. Perhaps it was strange for Osvald to be so fixated on such a thing, but he couldn't bring himself to stop thinking about it. Why was it that Regulus was able to think about things through such a casual lens while Osvald had been forced to fight for his life in a world that he had never asked to face? Neither one of them should have been put in a situation like that, and Osvald would agree with that wholeheartedly if anyone pressed him on the subject, but it stung regardless that they were in this situation. 

No... It wasn't something they were dealing with together. This was his burden to bear alone. Regulus did not understand the difference that had appeared between them. Regulus seemed to live on the other side of the world when compared to the last five years of Osvald's life. They had once been close, but now, it seemed as if they could not have possibly been more different. Osvald knew there was a reason for the stark shift, but it stung in ways he could never hope to put to words regardless. Why had he been forced to deal with so much? Why couldn't his life have been simple enough for him to be worried about acquiring funding for his next research project? Osvald couldn't blow all of his money at the tavern when he was fighting for his life, but Regulus... 

Osvald sighed silently. He wasn't getting anywhere with thinking about this. He hadn't been given much time to imagine what the world was like outside of Frigit when he was on the island though. Osvald had been so dedicated to living to see another day that thinking about what other people could have been up to felt inconsequential and pointless. That was a waste of his time when he was trying to survive impossible circumstances. There was a world beyond the limits of the island, but he couldn't think about it too hard when he was so focused on trying to keep himself alive. He would be able to see the world beyond Frigit's walls when he was able to find a way to escape. 

And now that he had, Osvald didn't know how to feel about any of it. So much had happened in the last five years. The world had changed drastically, and yet, he didn't know if he would ever be able to recognize the weight of it. He remembered his time on Frigit in excruciating detail because it had been necessary for him to mark out the details of his escape... But the rest of the world had been out of his reach in all that time. He knew things must have changed, but he didn't know how to track all of the details. He didn't know how to process what had moved on without him. He should have been there to see it, and yet, he had never been given the chance. 

Within the last five years, the steam engine had risen to prominence. Osvald had heard about it in loose terms during his time in Conning Creek just before he was taken away from his life, but he hadn't ever seen it for himself. He hadn't been given the chance to learn more about it prior to the day Harvey tore his universe apart. There had been countless other developments in the rest of the world too. Regulus was working on his telescope, and Osvald hadn't been there to see him develop the earliest stages of his research even though he would have been without Harvey's cruelty pulling him away from the life he had once known and loved. There was so much Osvald had missed out on, and he was never going to be able to get it back. 

In some ways, it felt like the entire world had been put on pause when Osvald was pulled to Frigit Isle. He didn't know what the rest of the world was up to, and so, he didn't have much of a reason to think about it beyond passing interest. He couldn't see it for himself, so why would he waste his time concentrating on something he would not be able to understand? And yet, Osvald was going to have to think about it now. He couldn't bury his head in the sand forever. He was out in the world once again. He had to look at everything that had changed without him, and he wouldn't be able to turn back the hands of time so that he could experience it for himself. The world had kept moving forward, and Osvald couldn't ignore it for even a moment longer. 

Perhaps the truth was that Osvald had not just lost Elena and Rita when his house was burned to the ground. He had grieved for them above all else, but he had lost his life along with theirs. He may have still been alive, but he did not have a life in the way that he had always wanted and needed to have one. He had been doomed to spend the rest of his days on Frigit, and it was only through strategy and smarts that he had been able to escape. He had been taken away from everything he could have ever loved about his life. There had been no coping. There had only been Frigit, and the island had tried to bury him beneath the snow alongside so many others before him and the many others that would come after him. 

Osvald let out a slow breath, pressing one hand against his chest to feel for his heartbeat. When he closed his eyes, he could have sworn he could feel the heat in his ribcage that burned as a desire to kill Harvey and everything he had ever stood for once and for all. None of this should have ever happened, and yet, it had anyway. Osvald would never be able to forgive Harvey for this. He was still uncovering new things that he had lost on the day his house was burned to the ground. Harvey had taken away his wife and daughter, but he had robbed Osvald of everything else he had ever treasured too. There was no peace to be found as long as Harvey was still the one who had control over Osvald's life. There was only agony, and Osvald had no choice but to face it if he was to take his future out of the hands of the man who had once ruined him. 

The cruelty had been the point from the start. Osvald had been able to see it in the way Harvey laughed and smiled on the night he burned Osvald's family into ash. Whatever Harvey wanted... It was not enough to simply take it by force. He needed to make sure his rival never had the chance to see a glimpse of sunlight ever again. He needed to push Osvald as far into the ground as possible, but he could not kill him. Harvey just wanted to make sure everything hurt in every way he could possibly imagine. Osvald would hate Harvey forever for what he did, and even there in the darkness of the New Delsta inn, he looked forward to the day that he was finally able to rip the man apart. He wanted to tear Harvey to pieces and to lay the past to rest once and for all. It was the least Elena and Rita deserved. It was the least Osvald deserved too even if he didn't know how he was meant to put that yearning into words just yet. 

In a strange way, Osvald felt almost like he was... Grieving. He would forever mourn for the world that could have been but never was because Harvey decided to steal it all away from him. In another world, Osvald was still in Conning Creek with Rita and Elena. He never would have had to face Frigit Isle, and he never would have nearly died from the trauma his escape had left behind on his body. Osvald wouldn't have forced himself to grow resistant to the cold because he would have died if he had not. He would still be safe and warm in the love and the arms of those he admired most. He would wake up each morning with a smile on his face instead of creaking deep in his soul. Harvey had taken so much from him, and Osvald didn't know if he would ever be able to get it back. 

Osvald had known for all this time that he was grieving for Rita and Elena. How could he not mourn the people who he had loved most dying right before his eyes? There was no other path for him to take. Still... He knew now that he was mourning for the life he had lost as well. He would not be able to make his name as a scholar again as long as Harvey was still out there to spread false accusations about him killing the members of his family. The world believed Osvald to be dead, and if anyone found out otherwise, then they would have him arrested and put to death for real this time. There would be no escape, and Osvald could not rely on anyone to come and rescue him after he had been convicted once before. The other travelers believed in him, but what good would that do him when the rest of the world was certain that he needed to die for his past sins? 

Osvald was glad he had found a group of people who had been willing to give him a chance when they found him in the snow. He never would have imagined anyone would want to look at him twice after what he had been accused of doing years prior, but there they all were, smiling at him with so much care that Osvald didn't think he would ever be able to see again after his arrival on Frigit. They wanted to be with him. They wanted to do what they could to get to the bottom of all Harvey had done. Osvald was glad to have them on his side, but... He couldn't help wondering how differently his life would have turned out if he hadn't needed to ask them for aid in the first place. How different would his path be if he hadn't ever been sent to Frigit? He never would have met the other travelers, but the version of himself from that other world certainly would have been content in the life he had always loved. 

Osvald forced himself to close his eyes. Thinking about all of this late into the night wasn't going to help anyone. He had to get some rest so that he would be able to board the ship the following day. He and the other travelers had to get on the boat so they could make it to Canalbrine and then... Conning Creek. Maybe that was the reason he was so worked up all of a sudden. Osvald knew Conning Creek was waiting for him at the end of this journey, and he was bound to think about his home as long as he knew he was walking toward it. He couldn't say he liked that this was the situation he had found himself in, but he didn't have any other choice. This was what it was going to take to see Harvey destroyed, and so, Osvald would have to do it. 

Whether Osvald liked it or not, he was going to have to return to Conning Creek to investigate the husk of his former home. There was nothing left but a pile of ash as far as he was aware, though he hadn't been given the chance to investigate it after being arrested by the town guard five years prior. Osvald would have to look around the remnants of a place he had once loved, and he knew it wasn't going to be easy. He had been doing his best to not think about it, but now, he was sailing to the other half of the continent. He wouldn't be able to avoid this forever. He had to learn as much as he could so that one day, he would be able to see Harvey destroyed once and for all. He had to do this. Rita and Elena needed him to keep pushing forward. 

Osvald's eyes were suddenly drooping at the corner, and he took that as a good sign. He wished he still had the ability to force himself to sleep instantly like he had developed on Frigit, though he supposed that his body not following his mind's whims immediately was likely a good thing. It was no longer a requirement, so with the world pressing down on him a little bit less, perhaps he would start to recover... As much as he ever could recover from a situation like that. Osvald knew it wasn't going to be that simple. Nothing was ever that simple when he was faced with so much. 

He was going to be fine. He may not have known how to believe it at the moment, but he was going to make sure it was true. One way or another, Osvald would find Harvey, and he would see him destroyed for all he had done to hurt Rita and Elena. Osvald would never be able to get his old life back, but he could at least rip apart the man who had taken it all away from him. It was not enough to truly bring justice upon his tormented soul, but at least it felt like a step in the right direction. 

Not for the first time and certainly not for the last, Osvald wished revenge was enough to bring back the dead. He was sure he would think about it for the rest of his life, and he hoped Harvey regretted what he had done in the final moments of his own life too. 

~~~~~

The morning arrived much too quickly for Osvald's tastes, though he was used to it by now. Back on Frigit, he would have preferred to sleep away every single day so that he never had to even think about forced labor, but that hadn't been an option. He had dulled out his response to having to wake up early and drag his body through the motions of mining for phosphoal, and Osvald found that it came in handy now too. He may not have been on Frigit anymore, but at least he still had access to a few of the coping mechanisms that had kept him alive back then. Some of them were leaving him behind, but if he had a handful even now, then he was willing to consider that a victory. 

Osvald hauled himself out of bed and on the road out of New Delsta toward the anchorage. The other travelers were tired just like he was, and only Ochette was in high spirits on their way to the ship. She had gotten more rest than any of them on account of having fallen asleep on Castti the night before, and it was clear in the way she skipped with each step she took. Osvald was glad at least one of them was able to muster a good mood after the night before. He had barely slept, and he didn't think his morale was going to improve until after he was able to get a bit more rest on the boat ride. 

Paying for tickets to Canalbrine was a thankfully painless affair that Castti and Temenos managed. After that, the travelers boarded the ship and took up residence in their rooms belowdeck. Very few people would be traveling on the boat this time, meaning they were able to maintain their previous plan of splitting up into groups of two for resting throughout their journey. Osvald should have seen this coming. Very few people would want anything to do with waking up that early to get on a ship that had the chance to make them feel nauseous. 

Osvald was entirely unbothered by the swaying of the boat, and he laid down on his bed without any issues the instant he was given the chance. Temenos was setting up his things on the floor, sorting through all of the notes he had managed to gather about the murder of the pontiff. Osvald was admittedly curious about the death of Temenos' adoptive father, and he was looking forward to learning more if not for his sake then for the cleric's peace of mind. It weighed on Temenos heavily even if he did his best to hide it behind the same smile and shrug combination he showed to the world on a daily basis. 

Osvald should have tried to rest a bit more, but he instead found himself distracted with watching Temenos sort through his things. "What do you think you will find in Canalbrine?" Osvald asked after he had been staring at Temenos for a handful of seconds. "Do you believe the killer is waiting for you there?"

Temenos shrugged and hummed, his trademark smile finding an easy home on his lips the same way it always did when someone tried to press him about anything related to the pontiff's death. "I am hoping so," he replied. "Lucian the theologian will be in his home in Canalbrine if all goes according to plan, and I am hoping to ask him what he knows about the incident. He was in Flamechurch very briefly before the pontiff's death, and given when he disappeared..."

"It certainly seems like he is the killer," Osvald agreed with a nod. Temenos nodded for himself and then went back to reading through his notes. Osvald's lips slowly slipped downward into a frown. In a way, he and Temenos weren't all that different. They had both been torn away from their regular lives because of a sudden tragedy of murder neither one of them could have ever hoped to prepare for. They couldn't think much about the future when they were still caught up in everything they had lost the instant another human decided to turn hatred against those they loved. Temenos would never be able to return to the joyful days of living with his father in Flamechurch, and Osvald would never be able to return to the peace that he had once known so well in Conning Creek. 

It was agonizing, yearning for the past but knowing they could not return to it. Osvald wanted nothing more than to look at his beloved wife and daughter one last time. He wanted to hear their voices somewhere other than his dreams... But such a thing was not possible. He lived on for them, but he did not know if it was really living at all when he was haunted by the screams they must have let out in the final moments he was not there to witness personally. Temenos had not been there to see what happened to his father either. He had only found the aftermath, and now, he would have to sort through the pain that came with that loss for the rest of his life. It was not their fault that they had been put in this situation, but they were the ones forced to deal with the pain of the loss anyway. 

Osvald was almost tempted to ask Temenos how he was feeling. He wanted to know if the cleric was feeling the same empty way that he was, the same dark misery that seemed ready to swallow him the instant he let the flame of vengeance in his chest bend for so much as a second. Did Temenos also ache for something that was long gone and would never be brought back again? Did the cleric understand what it was like to miss something in a way that ate away at the soul and threatened to tear it apart? If so, he certainly knew how to hide it. Osvald had been forced to stow his grief so that he was able to survive his time on Frigit, but Temenos... He should have had the option to be more open about it. In theory, he was far freer to express himself than Osvald. 

But in practice, Temenos' shoulders remained guarded as he flipped through his log of notes on the case. He would never dare to show the world what he was truly thinking, and anyone who tried to press him into talking about it would be in for a notably rude awakening. Temenos was struggling in his own way, but he would not speak of it out loud. He was afraid of showing weakness in very similar ways to Osvald even if the circumstances behind such anxiety could not have been more different. Osvald and Temenos felt like mirrors in grief, forced to spend time with the pain of the past since they would never be able to run fast enough to escape it. 

Osvald forced his eyes to close. He doubted Temenos would be willing to talk to him about all of this, and even if Osvald wanted to, he didn't think he would know how to find the words to bring it up. There was no point in going around in circles like this. What he needed now was rest. Hopefully, seeing Temenos work on the case in Canalbrine would bring him at least a little bit of peace. Hopefully, it would do something to distract him the same way that helping Regulus had gone so far to distract Partitio from his own woes. 

For the last five years, all Osvald had felt was rage, but now... Now, he feared it may have been grief he should have been trying to bury instead. 

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God, I love this chapter so much. 

Since I've been so focused on Partitio for quite some time now due to his chapter two and then his crossed paths, I wanted to take a brief break to slow down and think about Osvald. I couldn't just neglect him, so for the third chapter dedicated to the merchant and scholar crossed paths, we're looking at Osvald. I really enjoyed doing this deep dive study of his character, and I think it's fascinating to think about him from this lens. Poor Osvald has been through so much, but I don't think he even processes how much it all hurt him until now. 

I've always been interested in thinking about how Osvald's life seemingly just stopped for five years. He was still alive on Frigit, of course, but it was a very different situation than what his life would have been like if he was outside the island. It's something to mourn for in its own way, and I think Regulus is a perfect trigger to make him think about that. I really like how this chapter turned out, and I'm excited to think more about Osvald's character through this lens going forward. 

Next time though, we're going to transition into something new: Temenos' chapter two. Until then, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Feedback is appreciated as always. Have a nice day, everyone!

-Digital