A/N - Get ready for a wild ride! Featuring some of the best-worst jokes you've ever read, all-around awful characters, witty dialogue and the baddest hallway fights in town!

Also featuring racist parents, homophobic Rainbows and a love triangle that's not unlike a circus performance- it will horrify you beyond belief (the cringe is truly disastrous), but is so compelling that it's hard to take your eyes off it.

Oh, and there's a pale, weird dude who may not be a dude, or even a human for that matter, and a lot of douchy basketball guys, and more closeted characters than the entire Republican Senate.

READ ON - IF YOU DARE

- Lucy and Eva

"So, when's the big night going to be, Mex?" Barbara-Ann asked from across the table with a wink. It was a beautiful day for a conversation about awkward teenage sex, the sky tinted as pink as the hearts on Jeikeh's 'manly' boxers.

Mexico grimaced, slamming her tray of food down on the table with unnecessary force, her face tightening in an expression of discomfort. "I don't know what you're talking about." She muttered. "Hey, did you hear about Bluebell-Rose's new piercing? Apparently she got one on her-"

"Mexico, don't change the subject!" Barbara-Ann exclaimed, grinning at Alisha and RJ conspiratorially . "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about, so spill the beans, gurl."

"The big night isn't going to be anytime soon, Ann, and you know it too, so you might as well shut up about it." Mexico replied stubbornly. "I wish it would. You have no clue how much."

Mexico shifted her weight, glancing lustily over at Jeikeh Dheives, the one and only love of her life and king of mediocrity and bad spray tans.

"What's going on?" RJ leaned over, a curious expression on his face. "What're you talking about, Mex?"

Mexico merely shook her head in a just don't kind of way. Alisha stuck her tongue out sassily "I know what you're talking about", she sang, nudging Mexico and smirking.

"How the heck do you know about this?!" Mexico turned to her in disbelief. "Who told you? Jeez, does the whole school know?"

"Know what?" RJ pressured. Both Barbara-Ann and Mexico ignored him but Alisha leaned over. "Sex!" she hissed in his ear.

"Oh my god! Mexico!" RJ's voice shot up higher and louder than Hillary's shrieks on the 9th November.

"Shhhh!" hissed Mexico and Barbara-Ann at the same time.

RJ lowered his voice. "What happened? Who was it?"

"No one." Mexico sighed. "That's the point. My dear friend here-" she cast Barbara-Ann a look. "Is reminding me of my inability to get laid. Not that I'd even want to!"

She paused, then "Society's pressures have no impact on me." She finished with a sense of superiority.

"Aw, come on, there's only you left!" Barbara-Ann exclaimed. "And then we'll all be impure and ready for college!" She nudged Mexico's shoulder, chuckling. Alisha giggled.

"Yeah..." Barbara-Ann's face lit in hope but fell as Mexico shook her hand with a glimmer of a smirk. "No."

"Come on, Mexico, everyone's done it."

"I actually can't believe my best friends are pressuring me into sex." Mexico shook her head, rolling her eyes.

She knew that everyone had had sex, she'd heard all the details at lunch, Ann didn't need to remind her again that she was the only one who hadn't.

Mexico tried to ignore her internal monologue, instead continuing with a weak smirk. "I thought that was the job of sleazy sixteen year old boys."

Barbara-Ann laughed nervously. "Well-"

Mexico shook her head decidedly. "I'm done talking about this. It's not my fault society want us all to be as sexually active as Bluebell-Rose."

The last word was said with a pointed eye-roll and a glance over at the infamous creature, who was seated on the very edge of her seat with her arms around her boyfriend. When she saw Mexico looking at her, Bluebell started giggling uncontrollably and whispered something to one of her unnamed mindless skanks, probably called Ashley or Micayla, who laughed and cast a contemptuous glance over at Mexico, then looked back at Bluebell-Rose for approval.

Barbara-Ann was beginning to look more and more uncomfortable at having even brought up the topic.

"Whatever." she said, waving their discussion away like Trump might wave away scientific facts. "Some people don't even kiss anyone till they're... er, older than you." She finished feebly.

"True, but the only time I've ever kissed someone was when we were playing spin the bottle in fourth grade and that was Matthew.. he wasn't even cute." said Mexico in a disheartened tone.

"He glowed up though!" hissed Alisha. "I saw him in Norfolk recently and almost didn't recognise him! He has perfect skin!"

Mexico pursed her lips. "Yeah, and would he want me? Exactly." She threw her hands in the air theatrically.

"Dios mío, Mexa, you're being so dramatic!" RJ rolled his eyes. "Alisha's just trying to be nice for once!"

"What you mean, for once?!" Alisha asked in mock rage, pretending to aim a punch at RJ's head. He ducked, laughing. Mexico sighed loudly as if to remind them the seriousness of the situation.

"Don't worry about the getting laid thing, it's overrated anyway. You'll find someone!" Barbara-Ann tried to sound motivational and upbeat, but her effort just made her statement sound like a question. Alisha and RJ nodded eagerly- maybe a little too much so.

"I don't know." Mexico wrinkled her forehead. She lowered her voice. "I've liked Jeikeh Dheivis for years now but when has he ever noticed me? I'm gonna end up alone." She whined as the realisation sunk in that her fate now was to be a single cat lady for the rest of her life.

"Well, just be the modern version of the Virgin Mary and give birth to the new and improved son of God! Then I'm sure you'd get laid!" joked Barbara-Ann in attempt to cheer her up. Mexico pouted and rolled her eyes but her friend saw a small grin form at the corners of her mouth and sighed in relief.

Bluebell-Rose and her boy toy Jock started making out noisily. The group could hear the slurping noises from where they were sitting, which was the other side of the cafeteria.

"Hoe-my-God." said Mexico, flicking her hair back. "Isn't she just embarrassing?"

Barbara-Ann raised her eyebrows skeptically, both at her friend and the two thrashing fish in front of them.

"True." She agreed, then noticed Alisha staring at Bluebell and Jock unashamedly, a somewhat dreamy look on her face.

"Alisha! Stop it!" Barbara-Ann waved a hand in front of her face, causing her to snap out of her trance. "You're being too obvious."

"What's too obvious?" asked Mexico, exiting her internal monologue about her virginity with fresh determination to know all the goss.

"She wants them to get married." said RJ with a smirk. "She ships them more than people ship fucking Drarry, and all that crap. Whatever it's called."

Barbara-Ann cast him a suspicious look, almost 100% sure that RJ was a little more experienced with this shipping thing than he made it seem. They had caught him writing Larry Stylinson fics in 8th grade, but he'd assured them all that he was super over it.

"Ah." Mexico nodded, sighing and picked up her lunch tray. Then she turned to her group of friends."Apart from Jeikeh, there are no hot boys at this school anyway." she stated, regaining her posture.

When there was no reaction from the other three, she turned to gaze directly at Barbara-Ann with an expression of disbelief. "Or are there any boys that you find spicy?"

It was hard to tell because of Barbara-Ann's cappuccino complexion but it looked like she was flushing slightly.

"Mhhh." Is all she said. "Definitely. Boys. Love boys."

⁂

"Mex! Mex!" Barbara-Ann called. "TEX MEX!" She shrieked.

Mexico spun around angrily to wait for the blur that was Barbara-Ann, who was clutching her books firmly under her arms as she bolted towards her. She was wide-eyed, her hair was all over the place and her expression could only mean one thing: shit had really hit the fan.

"Don't call me that!" hissed Mexico, completely disregarding her friend's wild exterior.

"Aww, come on, it's a cool nickname." Barbara-Ann laughed, then assumed a serious expression again.

"What's happened?" Mexico sighed as Barbara-Ann pushed her against the lockers and leant closer to whisper to her.

"That bitch Bluebell-Rose has been saying shit again." Barbara-Ann whispered. "It's not pretty."

"Don't call her that." Mexico replied simply in an annoyed tone.

"Mex, it's awful. She's saying you're a prude, that you've never so much as kissed anyone, that you're a loser and the only reason you're still a virgin is because no one would even go near you."

"And?" Mexico replied after a moment of fearful hesitation. "Let her. Most people can't stand her anyway."

"Yeah, but she's got her loverboy Jock Primrose on her side and he's confirming everything."

"Well, let them say it, then."

"Seriously, Mexico? You're just going to let this happen?" Barbara-Ann snapped at her friend, shaking her head in disapproval. "You can't be this stupid."

Mexico turned her head just in time to see a barrage of freshmen rolling down the corridor, shouting and pushing each other.

"PRUDE!" Someone shouted out as they passed her. Someone else told them loudly to shut up, but other people had now localised Mexico and there were a couple more shouts of "fatso" and "loser" before they rolled off again, leaving the floor strewn with papers and a few pencils. One had even dropped a whole textbook. Did they even realise how much money those things cost? The tattered mangle on the floor would probably be around 20 dollars second hand, so Barbara hopped over and shoved it into her bag with the efficiency of someone stealing breadsticks from a restaurant.

"See what I mean?"

"Jock doesn't have that big of an influence." Mexico said. "Who cares about some freshmen? They know they're the losers here."

"Mexico, honestly, we can't let this happen. Just speak up or something, go see Jock... this could destroy you!"

"It's our last year, Ann, let them." Mexico replied, now a little more feebly. "I don't care anymore and neither should you."

"Exactly, it's our last year! It's as much the year of doing well in school as making friends and having a fucking blast. It needs to be fun. And any chance you might have with- " she lowered her voice. "You-know-who" she hissed, then spoke up again in a steadily more agitated tone. "Will be completely RUINED!"

Mexico considered this. Of course Jeikeh seemed unreachable at the moment, but that could always change? And she didn't want to be the school virgin when -if- that ever happened.

"I'll have a word with Jock, then." Mexico looked resigned.

"You can try, but he'll just deny it!"

"I don't give a shit." said Mexico. "You're right. This is my last year and I want to live life to the fullest. That also means losing my goddamn v-card, eventually." She sighed. "But my hopes of ever doing that are fucked forever if Jock and Bluebell keep spreading bullshit. I need to talk to him."

"So you'll go and say something to them?"

"Yeah." Mexico assented. "I'll pick a good time, and just mention it casually." Barbara-Ann frowned. Casual for Mexico meant awkward, seriously awkward! The chat would be awful if Mexico vouched to just mention something in passing.

But Barbara-Ann simply pursed her lips, and didn't argue, despite the fact that she knew that the confrontation was going to be epic. Epic for all the wrong reasons. Mexico was terrible at locker room fights.

She had once picked a fight with a guy who bumped her in the hallway, yelling at him until he got so mad he started retaliating. Barbara-Ann shuddered, remembering how that had gone down. After a few regular insults ("Snape called, he wants his hair back!/ "Your face makes the motherfucking trash look worth taking out!"/ "Your Dad had intercourse with a Ferrari!") the guy (his name was Nathan, Barbara-Ann seemed to recall) had called Mexico a "fascist zit-faced whore drawer" and she had started sobbing, thrown her backpack at him, causing him to trip and break his arm. This resulted in Mexico being suspended for two weeks and attending mandatory aggression therapy classes after school.

Barbara-Ann hoped that this confrontation would not go like that one. Since she had a first-aid badge, she decided to stay close by, in case there were any casualties.

A/N - Hope you enjoyed this chapter! We will post Chapters on Wednesdays and Sundays without exception.

What did you think about the characters? Did you like Mexico and Bluebell-Rose and all the rest of them?

Thanks for reading!