I kept on pacing, while Esse's gaze was still fixed on me. I didn't know what expression she had on, because I was too scared to look at her. I was scared of the look of disgust or pity she might give to me. I didn't need any of those looks, at that point in time.

So, I continued. "Walking in is one of the worst mistakes I've made in my life. Each and every day ever since then, I hated myself more and more."

"What did you see when you got in?" she asked quickly and curiously before I could even get to that part.

I smiled, still trying not to look at her. "I saw cool, calm, and coded. They were all dressed in wine suits and trousers, with white t-shirts. Their outfit made the room so pretty. They didn't even wait for me too savor the victory and feel happy and calm, one of them rushed to me. We called him VictheMeek. I'd like to dive into more about him, but there's no time to waste," I said in a quackery voice, failing at hiding the pain I felt.

Esse cleared her throat. "I can clearly see why you're trying to avoid the topic. Is he dead?"

I nodded gently since my throat was feeling blocked, itchy and dry, and my mouth wasn't interested in speaking. I could feel my eyes began to itch too, as tears threatened to come out."It's best you talk about him. Sharing sometimes is really helpful."

I didn't reject or protest. "Vic was the friendliest of all of them. We had the chance to talk one day, and he told me he likes me best cause he's shoe is same as mine. He had parents who were always busy and was forced into doing what he normally wouldn't do. I didn't fully understand him then, until after his death."

My words only seemed to interest Esse more. She tucked her legs in more. "And what do you mean by, until after his death?" she asked curiously.

"How about we continue with my story?" I quickly replied to her, chuckling.

She laughed. "Alright, ride on."

As she requested, I rode on. "Vic guided me to an armchair. There were three chairs, two boys were already on two, it remained one. The two boys were Ethinosa and Collins. We were told to recite an oath that said,

"
Today we unite,
to the brothers of the light.
As we drink this blood,
we become one blood.
We promise to stand with each other, for each other,
no matter the order.
One we become,
no matter what may come.
"

I had a lot of questions in my mind as we recited the oath. But, we weren't allowed to speak. Anytime any of us tried to say a word, we were immediately shushed by Jerry. I began to think, it was probably a friendship oath, only to keep us guys together. It was a foolish thought, because every member cut their palm and dropped their blood in a cup, which we drank from. I still carried the thought that, it was a brotherly and friendship thing. Ethinosa, Collins, and I became best of friends. Just as we had promised each other, be stood by each other always. We fought by each other, no matter the situation. But then, the request started coming in. Each member had their own part to play. I was to bring a girl, per semester. That was the time Toyosi and I was dating. It wasn't like I didn't like and cherish I, I did. But, I had to sacrifice what I cherished the most. The first time the asked to bring Toyo, I ignored them and tried to hide from them. But then, Vic happened. They went on a mission without protection, because they were desperately in need of an amount of money Vic and I couldn't produce. It was on that very mission, that Vic got caught and was sentenced to death. He was sentenced to death because of the person Jerry shot during the mission. They blamed seriously for his death, saying if I had given them Toyosi, they'd have had easy access in and out of the bank they went to rob. I was so hurt by Vic's death, that I didn't know when my heart began to harden and I took Toyosi for the group for the sacrifice. It was one person that was supposed to carry out the intercourse, but to my disadvantage, the remaining guys couldn't control themselves. Up till today, I still can't forgive myself for what I did to her. I might have never really loved Ebun, but I also still feel pain whenever I see her. And every day, she still wears a bright smile, and look like nothing happened. And, that makes it hurt more. I regret every breaking their trust. I don't know how to reach them, but I realm hope you can apologize to them for me." I got down on my knees and I crawled to her bed, reaching for her legs as I keep on begging. I didn't know where tears began to flow until I began to feel my nose run. I could literally feel pains in my chest, I was truly sorry. " Please beg them for me, let them know I'm really sorry. I never got the chance to tell them how sorry I am. And I never had the balls to approach them and talk about such topic." Her countenance began to soften, as she stared deep into my soul. "And to you also, I'm deeply sorry. Esse," I said in a calm voice, as I tried to grab her hands. She didn't hesitate, instead, she starched her hands to me. I took them and continued, "I really like... In fact, I don't just like you. I love you. I can't stop thinking about you and all the moments you made me laugh. I really am sorry for what I did, I was acting blindly. I know there's no reason for you to consider me, or look at me again, but I want you to find a place in your heart to forgive me. I love you, and can't get over you. Please forgive me."

She sighed and bent her head, as tears began to escape her eyes. "You almost ruined me and you tarnished my emotions, how can I forgive you? Every day, I'm still tormented by the memories of that day. How I was beaten, and almost raped. How do you even expect me to forgive you?" Her voice cracked, as her tears began to increase.

I could feel her pain. I continued begging her, promising myself I wasn't going to let her go until she forgave me.

And, I was so sure she was going to forgive me and accept me back. It was in her eyes. She still felt the same for me.