Imagine the one person in this world that has made you feel worth it. Not your mom, not your dad. A friend.

You meet this person over some horror movie that they didn't realize didn't come out for two more years. You always wanted to talk to this person. They seemed so cool and funny.

You start to hang out. They become your closest friend. They're so kind and understanding. They're the opposite of what everyone makes them out to be.

Fast forward.

You've been friends for a few months now. You start to notice weird stuff. Every time they venture a little to close to you, you get these butterflies in your stomach and every time they say 'i love you', like friends always do, you wish it to mean more than it does.

But you ignore these things. You don't know what they mean. You don't want to ruin what you have.

Fast forward.

You both have this app. You write on this app, and you love it. You're a big writer. You know that they have one, they talk about it sometimes. But they never would give you're their username.

One day, they do.

You find this book.

They are writing about someone.

This person they are writing about seems familiar.

But you refuse to get your hopes up. You still read it though.

Fast forward.

This person asks about something you wrote. (It was about them, and they knew it). They asked 'who is this about?' You're tired of lying and suppressing how you feel, so you ask back 'do you really wanna know?'

They say yes.

You tell them.

Fast forward.

They tell you 'I can't stop reading what you wrote.'

You say 'why? Because you know it's about you?'

They say yes.

'I know the feeling.' You say. You're tired of pretending like you don't know who their book was about. By now, you know.

They're confused.

So you tell them.

It feels nice to say it out loud.

But they ask to keep it between you all for a while.

You helplessly agree, because you realize that you're so in love, you can't say no.

Fast forward.

They're with someone else

Fast forward.

They don't want to be with this someone else. He is mean.

Fast forward.

They leave for a month. By now, you're kissing. You're cuddling. You're almost a couple. You're a couple behind someone's back, but he wouldn't let them leave. They tried, trust me. But he wouldn't.

You're person leaves for a month. They go back to their home state. You joke about them eating dirt, because that's all that's out there. They loved that joke. It made them laugh.

They kissed you goodbye in a bathroom stall.

Fast forward.

They've been gone for a few weeks.

You're growing increasingly lonely.

You're always texting them. You're always checking in. They're very accident prone.

Fast forward.

He found out.

Fast forward.

They thought you told him.

Fast forward.

But you didn't.

You both fought and you both screamed. You fought alot until they came home.

Fast forward.

You got to pick them up from the airport. The car ride there is when you really started liking their mom.

They text you 'I see you' .

You almost cry.

You look until you find them, but you let their mom get first hug. Common courtesy.

They hug you tight. They cry into your shoulder. Your shirt is soaked.

You didn't care though.

You got to spend the next two weeks with them. They broke up with him during that time.

In those two weeks, you realized something.

You realized that you were so in love with them, you could barely let them leave the room and not miss them.

That was when you felt it.

Love.

Fast forward.

You're back in school.

They tell you, 'I want to come pick you up. I don't want to walk in alone.'

You go with them.

You're so happy. It's unreal.

Fast forward.

They move the relationship further. Trust me when I say, you weren't complaining at all.

Until they text you when you get home.

" I'm unsure of my sexuality. I don't know if I can be with you."

You cried alot.

Fast forward.

That is not the end.

Fast forward.

You try to make it work.

Fast forward.

You prolonged it for two weeks. They broke up with you. On your two month.

Fast forward.

They got back with him.

Fast forward.

You were still friends.

Fast forward.

It was the hardest thing you've ever done. Not letting your arm drape across their body when you stayed over.

You started sleeping at the foot of the bed.

Fast forward.

You're kind of together again.

Fast forward.

And then you're not.

Fast forward.

You fought.

They called you 'suffocating'.

So you blocked them on everything.

Everything except that one app where you both wrote about each other.

They cussed you there too.

You said fine.

It was fine.

None of it mattered.

Fast forward.

They apologized.

They said they were dumb.

You agreed.

They said they still loved you.

Fast forward.

You were having a hard time believing it.

Fast forward.

You feel like they're avoiding you.

Fast forward.

You confront them.

Fast forward.

It doesn't work.

Fast forward.

You're crying in a shower because you feel so worthless. Your source of that irresponsible happiness is gone and it feels like they've taken everything. All your happiness. So you do what you can best.

You write.

You wrote about how you met this person. You wrote about how amazing they are. You wrote to explain to those who call them 'toxic', that they are so far from toxic. They're all that gave you life.

You can't fast forward anymore.

This is where it leaves you, at the bottom of one of the longest pieces of writing you have.

You just want them back. You want to feel them resting peacefully in your arms again. You beg to remember how that feels. You beg to hold on to those empty promises. You beg to hold on to those 'I love you's and those 'I'll marry you some day's. You beg to have the way they smell, the way they breathe, they way they feel, etched into your mind. But you feel those slip slowly, but forcefully under the surface of forgetfulness.

You cry alot.

But you feel nothing much, much, more.

You wish you could fast forward.

But you cant.