Three new holes in my bedroom wall. Four in total.

For the past four hours I had been sitting down, pacing, and jamming my fist into the paint. I was in a state of fury that overcame my senses and dominated half my brain. As hard as I tried to focus on the mission, which was in mere minutes, I couldn't do anything to distract me from the looming tragedy that had occurred.

It was him. The boy that I had spent the last couple months developing a relationship with. The boy I had kissed. The boy I had broken things off with to protect.

I scoffed at the concept now. Because now he was the boy I despised. The boy that had lied. The boy that needed to mean nothing to me.

I had been throwing my knives at my wall over and over when I noticed the clock. 7:50. Go time.

I stood up, putting on a stoic expression and heading for my door. I extended my fingers towards the handle before stopping. My eyes had caught my dresser, and I stepped away from my door before hesitantly opening my sock drawer and digging around until my hand closed around cold steel. The pistol I had used at Joey's. I could still picture Sandy's face when she saw it; terrified, staring at me as if she no longer knew who I was.

I had a feeling about today.

And so I added the gun to my belt.

I made my way to the training room, where everyone was grabbing extra gear to bring. They all looked in business mode, hiding their fear as I was hiding my anger. I felt Robin's—or Dick's— eyes on me, but I didn't even glance his way.

No one spoke as we made our way to the Bioship, and the tension layered itself like falling snow as we flew across Gotham to the abandoned warehouse we knew was littered with Bots. The silence stretched on like an overused elastic band, and it was only when we left the ship, having landed a little ways away from the building, that Robin spoke to me.

"Do you know what time it is?" He asked casually as we walked out of the ship. I didn't look his way.

"Yes."

I caught up with Aqualad as Robin — no, Dick, I reminded myself — sighed behind me, exasperated with my lack of cooperation but undoubtedly knowing why he deserved it.

"Okay," Aqualad said as we all circled around him, "you know the plan, team. Be safe, be smart, head out."

"Good luck, guys," reassured M'gann, heading into the skies as Connor vaulted onto the roof.

"If I die, donate all of my organs," I ordered, walking away from the group and to the front doors, "except for my middle finger, you can give that to Robin."

No one other than Dick knew why I was angry, but I didn't care. My fury was palpable, forming a thick, lard like layer around every other emotion inside of me.

I made it to the doors, and Robin came up beside me, about to open them when I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Trip wire," I mumbled, nodding at the threshold before hopping over the thin string and entering the building.

Rule #8 of Being a Criminal: always look for booby traps.

"Thanks," he muttered back, but I didn't acknowledge it, just examining the interior hallways that we had arrived in. I grabbed a flashlight from my belt and turned it on the lowest setting, carefully examining the floors and walls in the dim lighting. I could hear distant noises deep inside, and I suddenly felt a jolt of what could only be anxiety as the anticipation of what was to come really weighed down on me.

I took the lead, and we wove around two empty hallways before coming across a rickety staircase. My light flickered and then shut off, and I swore under my breath.

"Here," Dick said quickly, holding out his own light. I stared at him for a moment in the dark before rolling my eyes and grabbing it from him. I shone it on the staircase and began upwards, holding my breath as we came up in another hallway. My feet paused at the top stair, my ears hearing nothing except the soft steps of the boy behind me.

"Hershey, I really want to talk--"

"Now is not the time, Robin," I muttered, continuing to walk as annoyance bit at my professional exterior.

"When is the time?" He asked sharply, "After one of us is dead? I don't want to leave things on a bad note."

"None of us are gonna die," I said with a simple wave of my hand as he struggled to keep up with my now faster pace.

"You don't know that. You can't--"

"Can't what? Be mad at you forever?" I asked sharply, turning and glaring at him. He stopped abruptly so as to not collide with me, looking in disdain at my warning scowl, "Watch me."

"No," he said firmly, grabbing my arm and pulling me back.

"No?" I narrowed my eyes and clenched my jaw as I looked into his masked face and could feel his sharp blue eyes piercing into me even through the fabric.

"I couldn't tell you, Hershey. I couldn't tell you who I was at the beginning," he began to explain, "I hated you, remember? And you hated me. I didn't think I'd end up . . . look, the point is that I tried to tell you at the end. On the rooftop, I was going to tell you, but then you left. I was going to tell you after I got my math homework, but then you left. You never gave me the chance--"

"You had plenty of chances!" I cut him off loudly, "You could've told me millions of times that you were actually a freaking vigilante! You chose to keep it from me, and that's not my fault. I was nothing but honest with you, Dick. I was honest to you about everything. I was more honest with you than I have been with anyone in my entire life! Don't you get that? Don't you understand how difficult it was for me to feel things?! I've spent my entire life not feeling anything! I've spent my entire life living in a mental abyss of apathy and self hatred, and then all of a sudden I like some stupid boy! I was honest with you, and you lied right to my face! Think of how I felt when I found out the one person I thought I could trust more than anyone in the world turned out to be just as much of a liar as everyone else!"

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his hand still enclosed around my wrist, "you're right. I was scared to be as honest as you because I didn't know if you would still feel that way about me if you knew who I was. I was going to tell you, I was just scared."

I stared at him, suddenly overcome with the urge to just give in and fall into his embrace. He was just scared, I could understand that. It explained it, but it did not excuse anything.

"I'm sorry too," I said, quieter now, "because you were the first person I let see the real me, and you had to ruin that."

I began to walk away, and he let my arm go, but still spoke.

"You can't just end it," he croaked, and I heard the sadness in his voice. Genuine disparity, "You can't turn off your emotions again. You opened up to me, Hersh."

"I know," I shrugged indifferently, shining my light around the corner before stalking down it, "and the next time I'll be doing that for anyone will be at my autopsy."

I heard him sigh, but I was already gone. I needed to focus on the mission now, not him.

Dick and I explored the halls for about five more minutes in silence before we ascended to the next floor. I stopped at the top step, hearing a soft clanking coming from somewhere nearby.

"Shh," I whispered, and Robin halted next to me, frowning as we both fell silent.

"What is that?" He asked softly, narrowing his eyes.

"I've got a few ideas," I muttered, taking a tentative step forwards and shining my light on the corner, where I heard a soft thump.

Dick mirrored my movements, and a loud creak sounded as he stepped off the final stair. He stopped abruptly as I sucked in a breath, and we listened, waiting. All of a sudden, an eerie silence had fallen, and I felt my heart pound against my rib cage.

Then, a loud screeching noise erupted from around the corner, and before either me or Dick could even take a breath, a herd of Bots was barrelling towards us.

"Shit!" I shouted, grabbing Robin's arm and diving over the banister in time for both of us to hang onto the outside of the railing while the Bots raced down the stairs. We looked down to see—much to our horror—that there were dozens of metal men ascending behind us. Robin hoisted himself back over the banister before helping me over as well, and then we began to run.

"Where the hell did they come from?!" I yelled over the sound of the clattering.

"No clue!" He shouted back as we rounded a corner, saw more Bots at the end of the hall and turned in the other direction.

*Guys!* I said into the mind link, *We're surrounded in here!*

*Us too!* Yelled Wally, *They're everywhere!*

"Crap," I muttered, vaulting over a broken part of the floor and skidding to a stop when I saw more Bots coming from the north side.

"This way." Robin grabbed my hand and dragged me down another corridor, pulling me to run faster as we dodged holes in the ground. As we got deeper into the building, the hazards became more abundant. Multiple times we were forced to reroute due to fallen in sections of roof or massive holes in the floor. The Bots seemed to be closing in on us, and there were too many for us to fight.

"Where the hell are the rest of them?!" I shouted as we slid down a thick chain to a lower floor only for a crowd of Bots to clank their way around the corner.

"I don't know!" He said, and we turned to another hall only to be faced with ten airborne Bots. I swiftly grabbed Dick and tackled him to the ground, feeling the hood of my cape get snagged by one of the metal men. I got pulled off of Dick, and he grabbed my hand as the rest of the Bots flooded over us.

"Dick!" I yelled with slight fear, eyeing his determined look as he yanked me free — ripping my cape in the process — and helped me to my feet.

"We have to keep moving!" He shouted, whacking an oncoming Bot in the face and tugging me down another corridor. I fended off a couple of metal arms that barely missed me before breaking into a sprint. The Bots were hot on our tail now, their thumping footsteps drowning out the instructions Robin and I were trying to convey. We eventually gave up on the verbal direction and opted to shove each other through doors in the dark, both of us grasping desperately onto one another to make sure we didn't get split up.

Eventually, we ended up in a dead end, and Robin pulled me into a room, closing the door behind him and shoving a nearby broken pipe through the handle. We both backed up, looking around for an escape. It was soon made clear there was none. There were no windows or doors or even vents to crawl through. We seemed to be trapped in some sort of closet, and after no time at all there was banging on the door.

I scanned the walls, running my hands along every inch in hopes of finding some handle or latch. Robin pulled me away as I kicked a chair in frustration.

"There's no way out," he stated what I already knew, and I tore my eyes away from the peeling wallpaper to look at him. It was quiet, and I felt his hands still on my biceps, keeping me steady. I felt myself calming down a little, my breathing evening out as I scanned his face. I didn't know how I didn't see it before; it was so obvious. The same sharp cheekbones, the same hair, the same mouth I had kissed.

I reached forwards, my fingers brushing the edge of his mask before gently pulling it away. Two bright, electric blue eyes stared down at me, a mix of wonder and worry reflecting in them even in the dim glare of the flashlight still secured around my hand.

"How can it be you?" I asked quietly, but I had no doubt that he heard every word, even over the loud crashing outside. He didn't answer, but his hands moved from my arms to my face.

"Can you really look at me and tell me that you've lost everything you've felt?" He asked as the banging grew louder.

I tried so hard. I tried to hate him, but it was impossible. This was the boy that I cared for so much it hurt my head. This was the boy that had tied my heart into a mess of knots that I couldn't undo even if I tried. Even if I wanted to.

"But I'm so mad," I said feebly, and he grinned.

"Oh are you?" He asked coyly, leaning in, "I couldn't tell."

And his lips crashed into mine. It was a desperate, goodbye sort of kiss. Neither of us knew what was going to happen when the door came down. Neither of us knew if we would survive, and so it seemed pointless to hold grudges. I didn't know if I forgave him, but in that moment it didn't matter. He was there, and I couldn't stop how I felt.

We pulled away just as we heard the pipe crack. It slipped ever so slightly, and Dick pulled me behind him, both of us breathing heavily and watching in horror as the doors flew open. He wrapped his arms around me, protecting me, and both of us closed our eyes in preparation for the oncoming storm, but it never came.

All at once, the whirring stopped, the clanking ceased, and the screeching halted. All at once all that could be heard were two sets of lungs hard at work, and I tentatively opened my eyes, expecting to see the Bots waiting, looming over us.

Instead, they were frozen in place, as if time had stopped. The lights in their eyes had died, and they all returned to a neutral position as if they had suddenly run out of battery.

"What happened?" I asked quietly, scared that any sound might trigger their renounced consciousness. Dick shook his head.

"I'm not sure."

*Guys?* I asked the mind links, *Is everyone all right? Why did they stop?*

*We've got him!* Said an ecstatic sounding Aqualad, *The Botmaster! We have him outside.*

Dick and I shared looks before immediately rushing out the door and heading through the maze of hallways. He put his mask back on as we weaved through the hundreds of stationary Bots, both of us still cautious as we examined them in suspicion.

We made it out soon enough, breaking into the cold night air that felt like a breath of life compared to being trapped and surrounded in the abandoned warehouse behind us. It didn't take long to locate the rest of the team, as they were gathered in a circle around a hunched over figure.

"So you work alone?" Connor was asking, standing over the guy angrily. I couldn't see his face quite yet, as Wally was in the way.

"I wouldn't say that," said the man, and Connor growled, clearly impatient.

"Tell us who you work for!" He demanded, and Aqualad stepped forward.

"If you give us the information now it will make things a lot easier," he spoke directly to the man, and I moved closer, "for the both of us."

Suddenly, the man's face came into view, framed by a mess of brown hair. He was staring blankly into Connor's eyes with his own hazel ones, which sat on heavy bags and more wrinkles than the last time I had seen him. The moment I saw his face, the moment I recognized him, I rushed forwards and pulled Connor away.

"Stop," I said firmly, and the man fell to the ground once more, his eyes finding mine and widening.

"So it's true," he said softly, "you're alive."

"What the hell are you doing, Fabian?" I said angrily, "I let you go! You could've left!"

"You think he'd let me?" He asked viciously, "You think anyone can get away from the Joker?"

"You know this man, Fawkes?" Aqualad asked, but I paid him no attention. I was too busy shaking my head at Fabian.

"So what? You're working with him now?"

The expression on his face was difficult to read. It was angry, sad, and above all, accusing. There was something he blamed me for.

"He'll win." He shook his head, "He always wins. Who'll be wearing black for you?"

It was a hard question, I'll admit. I had no family left to mourn for me, but then again, I never really did in the first place.

"No one." My voice was a whisper, and Fabian's expression changed. For a moment I saw his old self, his understanding self. Then he tore something out of his pocket and pressed a button, a manic sort of glare on his face.

There was a crash, and before any of us could see where it was coming from a Bot was flying from the nearest window and straight at me.

"Hershey watch out!"

I had no time to react, covering my head and bracing myself when someone tackled me to the ground. More Bots came at us, and I looked down at Robin, whom I had landed on.

"You okay?" He asked, and I stared at him, suddenly seeing him in a whole new light. I suddenly saw this whole team in a whole new light. It was stupid that I hadn't seen it before.

Because they would wear black for me.

"Yeah, I'm good." I grinned despite everything, "You know what? I think I forgive you, on account of when we get out of this you dye your hair pink."

He looked up at my own head and laughed in a relieved sort of way, "Deal."

I pushed myself off of him, kicking a Bot in the face as Connor tackled Fabian to the ground and forced him to drop the switch. It clattered across the pavement, and I stepped on it, crushing it into two and causing the metal men to all freeze once more. I walked up to Fabian, all business now.

"What about your wife?" I asked, "What about your kids?!"

He laughed harshly, thrashing against Connor, "What do you think happened? He killed them."

I stepped back in shock, "No."

I thought back to four years ago, standing in this man's apartment and staring at a photo of two children, ages eight and four, happy with their parents. I still remembered their names. Claire and Delano.

"Don't you get it?" Fabian asked, glaring at me, "It's your fault they're dead! If you had just killed me, he would've spared them!"

Connor dragged him to his feet, and I shook my head.

"I'm . . ."

"You're what? Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it!" Fabian shouted, eyes suddenly blazing with a haywire anger I had no doubt he had been holding in for years. He began to struggle against Connor's hold, trying to get to me. "SORRY DOESN'T BRING THEM BACK!"

My nose began to sting. I felt as if someone had dropped an anvil onto my chest. I felt myself deflate. He had no one left, and neither did I. The difference was, just like I had killed my own family, I had killed his too.

"Where is he?" I asked, suddenly furious, and he struggled once more against Connor's hold.

"You want to find him?" He spat, "After everything he's done to you?"

"Hershey, this isn't the mission," M'gann said.

"I don't care," I snapped, looking to them, "This is something I have to do."

There was silence, and M'gann looked uneasy as I turned back to Fabian.

"He killed your family. Don't you want revenge?" I asked slowly, "He's hurt so many people."

"So have you," he pointed out, and I nodded.

"You're right. Which means I know how it's done." I leaned in and spoke through grit teeth, quaking with unchecked rage, "So tell me where he is."

For a moment, there was a small smile on his face, and I knew he was thinking of the first time we met. When I had taken out a group of what I thought was my crew mates and then proceeded to spare his life. My one moment of light in a childhood of darkness. The one thing I had to show that maybe I didn't used to be as terrible a person as I thought I did. And yet now it was tainted. Ruined.

"He's in Old Town Gotham library," he answered, and I nearly laughed. That was one of the places the Justice League had on the map. I guess maybe I didn't know his style as well as I thought I did.

I whirled around, stalking away in fury.

"You can't go alone!" Robin called after me, and I stopped briefly, turning back.

"You think I care?" I asked, "I can't let him hurt anyone else! He's taken too many lives, and it stops tonight. You're either with me or you aren't, but I'm going."

There was silence, and then--

"Count me in," said Artemis.

"Me too," agreed Robin.

"Yeah, I'll bite." Wally was suddenly at my side. We all looked to Kaldur, Connor and M'gann, who seemed uncertain. Aqualad stared at me for a moment before sighing.

"The Joker has put Hershey through enough," he said finally, "and if one of us is fighting, we all are. That's what this team is for."

"Hear hear!" Said Wally, and I nodded at Aqualad, who returned the favour.

I turned on my heel, marching straight to one of the moving trucks that was parked in the lot and breaking the window with Dick's flashlight. I hopped in, and Robin took the passenger side, the rest piling into the back as I skidded away.

My foot hit the floor as I sped through the streets, taking the roads I knew would be empty. I heard crashing and thumping behind me as I swerved around corners and ran over trashcans.

The image of the Joker remained prominent in my mind, fuelling my anger. I pictured him killing Fabian's family, and I drove even faster. He would pay for this. I didn't have time to wait for Batman or the Justice League, someone needed to end this before any other innocent lives were lost.

"Do you even know how to drive this thing?!" Dick shouted over the rev of the engine and the honking as I tore through a red light. My teeth were clenched and my hands were in a white-knuckled grip around the wheel.

"Normally I'd lie and say yes," I began, "but considering I just took out two park benches, I'm assuming you already know the answer."

I heard screaming and shouting in the back as I ripped through a mailbox.

"I'm gonna throw up!" shouted Wally's voice.

"Then get away from me!" yelled Artemis.

I turned another corner only to come across a massive line of traffic up ahead. I scanned the road, speeding up and leaning forwards.

"Hershey!" Robin shouted, "Don't you think you should slow down?"

"Hold on!" I yelled, driving straight for the gap between the two lanes. There was barely enough room for me to fit, but I was going too fast to stop, so I did my best to position myself between the oncoming vehicles before plummeting through.

There was a cacophonous scraping sound as we slid between the rows of cars, skimming every single one of them. They were all pushed sideways, honking and shouting. I paid them no attention, speeding through the red light and swerving around the oncoming traffic before weaving my way through the cars that I now rode alongside.

I glanced at Dick, who looked rather green, and reached down to grab a plastic bag that was on the trash strewn floor before chucking it at him.

"Not on my dash, Grayson!" I shouted, and he gave me an incredulous look.

"This isn't even your truck!"

I shut him up by veering around another corner, drifting about ten feet before gaining traction. The sounds of the tires skidding across the pavement drowned out Dick's yells, and there was a loud thud in the back.

"Hershey!"

"Not now!" I yelled at Dick, who had luckily not thrown up and discarded the bag to his side.

"No, you need—"

"Seriously not now!"

"THE LIBRARY IS RIGHT HERE!" He shouted, and I glanced to my right, swearing loudly just as we came across the parking lot of the abandoned building. I cranked the wheel all the way, the back of the truck completely sliding across the concrete as the vehicle performed a pivot and swayed dangerously. Everyone was yelling, the tires were screeching, and there was honking still coming from the distance.

And then we were in the lot, and I slammed on the breaks, sending Dick flying into the dash and everyone in the back undoubtedly banging into the front wall.

For a moment it was silent, our heavy breathing filling the air and my hands still clutching the wheel.

"Well," I then said hoarsely, "our destination is on the left."

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January 25th, 2021

Word count: 4383.

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