Sometimes he wonders if Jaemin sleeps. This morning, when he got up, the boy appeared to be sleeping, but the moment he stepped out of the shower and was ready to go, Jaemin was standing near the door, a nervous look on his face. The entire ride to his friend's place, Jaemin seemed jittery. He asked one question after another, trying to piece together where they were going, but Renjun didn't respond. He changed the topic.

When they reach the apartment, Renjun knocks. It's a long wait, a repeat of knocking and waiting on his part. When it seems that his friend isn't going to answer the door, he reaches for the spare key. As he stands, he catches the look on Jaemin's face. Like he's just seen a ghost.

"What are we doing here?" he demands, but there's a tremble in his voice.

He doesn't bother glancing at Jaemin as he replies softly, "Visiting my friend. I told you yesterday." He unlocks the door and tucks the key back in its hiding spot. He's faintly aware of Jaemin calling out his name consistently, but Renjun isn't listening. He doesn't consider there to be a good enough reason. The entrance alone is a mess. Shoes scattered by the entrance, an umbrella stand knocked over, the umbrella on the opposite side of the little corridor he finds himself in.

"Renjun," Jaemin starts again, but Renjun cuts him off.

"Jaemin, wait a second please," he interrupts, waving a hand dismissively. He doesn't notice the shock in Jaemin''s eyes or the mix of surprise across his face. He doesn't notice the panic in his voice. All because he isn't quite paying attention; Jaemin's entire state goes over his head.

"But—"

"We can talk after, alright?"

"Renjun—"

He ignores him, making his way down the corridor. Just as he turns the corner into the living room, he stops. In the doorway stands his friend, but it doesn't look like him. His once smiling eyes have darkened over, a cloud of sorrow hanging high above his head. A peak behind him, Renjun sees just how much of a mess the living room is. As messy as he seems to be. Which means he's hurting. For as long as he's known him, he's always been clean and kept everything neat. Cleaned up after himself as if on autopilot. Seeing how tousled his hair was, the bags under his eyes and getting a whiff of him from where he was standing, Renjun knew something was extremely wrong.

Jaemin has gone exceptionally quiet, but before Renjun can glance over at him, his friend whispers hoarsely, "R- Renjun?" The sound of his voice reminds Renjun of what effort would sound like. The way he has to force the word between his lips. He can hear the hidden whimper, as if he were about to cry at any given moment. He was fighting it off, more so now that Renjun was there. It was a bad habit of his, trying to hide his pain when others were there. 'Didn't want to worry them' was always the excuse. Renjun called it bullshit.

"Hey, Jeno," he murmurs softly, trying to hide the worry away from his voice. "You weren't answering so... Guess you never thought to move the spare key, huh?" he tries to ease the tension in the air, but he has a feeling it doesn't work the way he wanted it to.

He feels a breeze near his sleeve and whips his head around to look at Jaemin who, in the heat of the moment, seemed to be trying to tug his sleeve frantically. His eyes were wide with panic and he looked about ready to puke. Renjun wondered if he could puke. "R- Renjun, I need to—"

"Jaemin, not now, okay?"

His face pales; Jeno looks like he's just been told the worst of all bad news. He appeared ready to puke and Renjun didn't miss the quiver of his bottom lip, eyes frantically searching Renjun's own. His hands are pressing tightly into his shoulders and shit—he can feel the way Jeno's hands are trembling, barely able to grasp onto him for that long. He has absolutely no energy.

"Jaemin?" Jeno asks and there's an ache in his voice that Renjun didn't notice before. For a moment, it startles him. "Did you say Jaemin?"

"I did," he stammers, unable to comprehend what was actually being asked. The unspoken words that linger in the air. Jeno's eyes are full of desperation.

"Ren," Jaemin says softly. It's the first time Renjun is listening to him since they got there. The first time he glances over and fully takes in the pain in Jaemin's eyes that elicits an ache in his own chest. "This..." He trails off mindlessly, eyes seemingly glued to Jeno. "This is him. It's him."

He doesn't need to be told anymore to know what Jaemin means.

"You mean you and Jeno—" His voice catches, so he tries again. "You two" This time, there's a lump in his throat that the words can't seem to get passed. The idea that one of his best friends had dated his soulmate had never occurred to him. The possibility had always felt impossible and yet here he stood, in front of one of his best friend's, who just so happened to be the person his soulmate died saving. It hurt. A lot more than he would ever tell either of them. He slides his hand up to cover the left side of his chest where he clutches the material of his jersey tightly, knuckles whitening in the process.

"Y- You're speaking to him?" Jeno forces out. One moment, he's still gripping onto Renjun's shoulders and then the next, he's fallen to his knees. In a panic, Renjun kneels before him, gently placing his own hands on Jeno's shoulders. His own hands tremble slightly, but he has to get a grip of himself. Jeno's a mess as tears fall from his eyes and he's close to sobbing, but that doesn't stop him from speaking. "I- I was waiting," he sobs out, lifting a hand to swipe at his face. Or perhaps that was the intention, because he barely gets his arm to his eyes before it's dropping right back to his side. "I was waiting for him. Jaemin. But he just wasn't coming and then I thought he was mad." It's a blubber of incoherency, but Renjun is able to get the gist of what he's saying. Which is why he's able to tighten his grip on Jeno's shoulders and shake him gently. Handle with care.

"Now why would I be mad at you?"

"Now why would he be mad at you?"

Renjun and Jaemin startle, glancing at each other for a brief moment in which they share a small, polite smile. Their words echo together, mirror images of each other. Or rather than that, an almost-exact-clone of each other. It makes him want to smile more, but he fights it off.

"B- Because it's my fault that he's gone," Jeno blubbers, practically wailing. His brows pull together as he watches Jeno. Jaemin watches them with this painful expression.

With a sigh, and not quite sure what else to do, he wraps his arms around Jeno and pulls him into his chest. His hand strokes along Jeno's back gently as the boy wails loudly, sobs muffled into Renjun's chest. It's not perfect, but this is the most comfort he could ever provide Jeno right now.