Chapter 5

Swept Away

I walk all the way home, alone, after parting ways with Damon.

The thunder claws closer, and after a while the rain starts to pour down. I take shelter under some scaffolding. As I watch the rainwater stream through the gutters, I'm petrified by guilt. I feel so guilty that I can hardly breathe.

Now that I've finally recalled sneaking out the night of our disappearance, I can't stop thinking about my sister following me out the window.

Until now, I hadn't realized that I'd left the apartment willfully.

And the last thing my sister had wanted was to follow me down that ladder.

Whatever happened afterwards, then, is all my fault. And now Shanna is gone.

Because of me.

At home I strip off my soaked clothes. The rain has only made the evening feel hotter, and even after I shower and change I don't ever really feel dry. I tell my mom I'm not that hungry and that I have a ton of homework to do, which is a lie because I finished all of it in study hall. I go into my room, close the door, and watch a tv show on my phone in an attempt to force my mind away from my newly-found memories. But it doesn't work. I can't stop feeling shipwrecked by the guilt of being responsible for my sister's disappearance.

And I can't stop thinking that maybe Shanna is still alive. Maybe I'm just in denial because I don't want to be responsible for her death.

But a hope that she's out there somewhere, and that I might somehow find her, is growing.