This is for the amazing DeecravesBEANS!

Happy late birthday, Dee 🤧💕

Things to know: Borrower!Remus, Human!Janus, Demus, no trigger warnings, fluff

Janus yawned, stretching his arms. He had just spend the entire day working on some stupid documents for his boss, who didn't seem to understand that Janus actually had a life.

Now, he was starving and needed a snack immediately. "What's quick and easy?" He asked himself quietly. After thinking about it for a bit, he stood up from his desk.

Toast it was.

He lazily itched at his stomach, running his other hand through his hair. He really wasn't in the mood to make anything more complex than toast, so he would settle for toast.

He opened his cupboard, and immediately frowned.

"What the actual fuck?"

Janus had been having this problem recently.

Food would randomly go missing (as well as his deodorant, for some reason.) It was never a lot of food, though. Usually just a packet of crackers or something.

His entire loaf of bread was missing.

"Wha--Okay, this is ridiculous." Janus growled. "I know for a fact I bought bread yesterday."

Maybe there was a thief?

What the hell kinda thief only takes food and deodorant?

"Well, there goes the toast plan." Janus grumbled bitterly, thoroughly pissed off. "What's another breakfast food I can make?"

His eyes landed on a box of cereal.

That'll do.

Janus grabbed the box, placed it down on the counter, and turned to grab a bowl and spoon.

This was really such a pain in the ass for Janus. All he had wanted to do was eat some toast and then pass out on his couch with a bottle of vodka. Now, here he was, making cereal.

He heard the box fall behind him, and he spun around.

Small sounds (that vaguely resembled swear words that were too vulgar to be repeated) came from inside the box. Janus slowly furrowed his brow, cautiously approaching the cereal box.

He slowly reached a hand over, and peeked inside the box.

A small man that was holding as many cereal pieces as he could physically carry was staring back at him. He was wearing what looked to be clothes from children's toys.

The cereal pieces fell out of his hands, and a look of horror settled itself on his face. "Oh shit."

Janus quickly dug a hand into the box and grabbed him by the back of his shirt.

"Hey!" The little man screamed, flailing wildly in Janus' grip. "Let me go!"

"What the fuck are you?" Janus asked, looking at him in wonder.

The little man pulled what looked to be a paperclip (that had been straightened out and sharpened) and held it like a spear.

He jammed it into Janus' hand, causing him to hiss and drop the tiny man.

The second he hit the counter, he began running at top speed.

"Woah--wait!" Janus exclaimed, trying to grab him again.

The little man turned around, blew a raspberry at him, then began running again.

Janus watched in fascination as the small man parkoured up Janus' shelves.

"Oh my--" Janus hastily grabbed onto the little man again, yanking the paperclip out of his hands.

"Get your dirty paws off me, big guy!" The man screamed. Janus silently grabbed a glass, put the tiny man on the counter, placed the glass over him, and used a nearby cookbook to hold it in place.

"Hey--Hey! What the fuck?!" The small man screamed, banging on the glass. "Let me out!"

"Who are you?! What are you?!" Janus questioned, examining the small man carefully.

"Fuck you! Let me out!" The small man screamed, kicking at the glass now.

"How long have you been in my house?!"

"Long enough to know that you're fucking disgusting! Do you know how many cockroaches have tried to kill me?!" The little man screeched.

"Well, er, I'm sorry..." Janus trailed off, not sure how to complete that sentence.

"Remus." The little man huffed, finally giving up and sitting on his butt. "My name is Remus."

---

"Remus~?" Janus called, going up to the small hole in the wall that Remus lived in.

He peeked in, finding the small man asleep, curled up underneath a napkin, with a cotton ball as his pillow.

It had been a week since Janus had met the little man that lived in his walls. He supposes he could forgive the little guy for stealing from him, he probably needed to in order to survive, after all.

It had only been a week, but the little guy had already begun to grow on him. Don't misunderstand him, he still found Remus annoying as hell. Still, he was simply too tiny to stay mad at. He reminded Janus of a mouse (maybe a rat, actually).

Remus' eyelids fluttered, and he groggily sat up, rubbing at his eyes. "Oh, good morning, Jan-Jan." He yawned.

"It's afternoon." Janus informed him. "I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?" Remus asked, waking up a bit more.

Janus held his hand out, and Remus got up and stood on his hand.

Janus gently placed Remus on his shoulder, where he made himself comfortable.

"Ooh, you wore yellow today." Remus commented, patting Janus' shoulder like he was fluffing a pillow. "It looks nice, suits you." (IT AUTOCORRECTED TO "shits you" AND I'M SCREAMING)

"Yeah? And you're wearing...a Ken doll's clothes?" Janus teased, smirking slightly.

"Jokes on you, Ken's clothes are too big for me." Remus gave him a stupid grin.

Janus laughed at how triumphant Remus sounded when he said that. Like Janus' argument had been reduced into nothing by that rebuttal.

"Close your eyes." Janus told him, and the little man narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Why?"

"Just do it!" Janus laughed.

When he did, Janus took him to the garage.

"Open them."

Remus opened his eyes, and blinked at what was in front of him. "A dollhouse?"

"It's not a--" Janus sighed. "It's a replica of my house, I felt bad about you living in a hole in my wall."

"No way! This is for me?!" Remus exclaimed, eyes lighting up.

"Yup." Janus grinned, reaching his hand up so Remus could get down.

"Thanks, Jan-Jan!" Remus exclaimed. He sighed, smiling. "Maybe giants aren't so bad after all."

A/N:

I'm cutting this off here because I genuinely do not know where else to go ✋😩

This was lowkey terrible, but I hope you liked it!

Happy (again, late) birthday!