i cut myself for the
first time last night
i liked it more than
i thought i would

it didn't feel wrong
and it didn't feel right
but in a way, i knew
i deserved it too

just as all the pain
you've put me through
i'm ugly and undeserving
of your love that i beg for

i starve and i hide
myself in the dark
can't bear to exist
i'm just a stupid whore

all i'm good is
fucking and giving head
but it's still not enough
to make anyone love me

if that's all i exist for
and you still hate me
and you still want her
then why am i here?

i cut myself for the
first time last night
and it felt so good
it almost felt right

i want to stab my
heart a hundred times
physical pain hurts less
than what's inside my head

everyday, i wake up crying
i imagine how you fuck her pussy
in your mind while you're inside mine
and i wish i was fucking dead

'cause i'm the fucking problem
i'm the one who's never good enough
i'm the person who gets in the way
of everyone else's true love

i'm a rebound, i'm a dipshit
i'm a distraction, i'm a fucktoy
i hurt nice guys and i fuck fuckboys
'cause i hate myself, and i'm scared to love

the people who might
actually love me
who might never replace me
who might truly see me

i want you like my grandmother
wanted my grandfather while
he beat her up and fucked other women
and she stayed at home crying to herself

and i keep telling myself that
maybe you love me, truly
but maybe we just hate ourselves
that we can't love each other properly

but i don't know
i'm twenty-one and i
never learned from my
fucking mistakes, have i?

always chasing
men who hide shit
who replace me
and think i'm not worth it

who are hung up on their fucking exes
who don't care about them
i beg dipshits for a small amount of love
and blame myself when i don't even get it

i'm so stupid but
love is stupid
so i cut myself
just to stop feeling it