Chapter 11 – Present:

After different tests and examinations, as well as spending about a week with my family in their hotel, I was finally going home. The Florida house looked so different, and yet it hadn't changed at all. I wasn't allowed to drive yet, though I felt fine and could walk just like I did before the accident. But hey, better safe than sorry, right?

As I got out of the car, getting my stuff from the backseat and waving my parents off, the front door was flung open, Jerome, Ryan, and Lachlan bursting out and rushing towards me. I was soon engulfed by friendly hugs as comments came from here and there, though I couldn't really focus much on it. I just hugged back, or, hugged Jerome back.

"Guys, can't I walk through the door?" I quietly asked, not letting go of Jerome. My bags were slipped from my hands, Lachlan and Ryan taking them inside and to my room. I yawned, placing my face into Jerome's mop of hair and inhaling deeply. I can't remember much of what happened and all I know is what my family told me. A car crash and whatnot. I don't remember much of what happened when I woke up either, or the in-between. I just know I had a really weird dream... and I don't think it was a dream at all. But I'd never tell anyone that. In fact, I know it wasn't a dream. It couldn't have been...

"Mitch...?"

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"Why are we still hugging?" Jerome asked, still whispering.

"Because we can." At that, Jerome laughed merrily, breaking away from the hug and smiling up at me. I returned the gesture, smiling back. We went inside, Jerome shutting the door as I looked around, a yawn finding my lips once again, though I didn't feel tired, just weary.

"Do you want to take a nap? We're working on dinner; we can wake you up when we're done cooking." Jerome suggested.

"Sure, why not..." I mumbled, rubbing at my eyes as I made my way back to my room, Lachlan and Ryan passing by and smiling at me. I smiled back, going into my room and shutting the door. I didn't even bother to strip of my clothes, just crawled into my bed, getting comfortable. As I reached over the bedside table to turn off my lamp, I paused, seeing the small journal for the first time. Sitting back up, I slipped it into my hands, opening it up as I let it rest in my lap.

Doctors think you should keep a journal.

<3 Jerome

I smiled, opening to the next blank page and going to my desk. I grabbed a pencil, laying back down as I started writing. It was like; I could express myself on the pages. I could talk to myself. Talk to the book that wouldn't respond back. I ended up writing for about 5 minutes about pointless, random shit that happened to be on my mind, but by then grew wearier than I already was. I dismissed myself within the journal entry, as if the journal were living, and set it aside. I pulled the covers up to my shoulders, falling asleep quickly.

I felt someone gently shaking me, groaning as I fluttered my eyes. I smiled lazily as a slightly blurred Jerome chuckled down at me.

"Have a nice nap?" He quietly asked as I sat up, stretching.

"Yeah..." I mumbled, standing up and following him out of my room. Lachlan and Ryan were already at the table, waiting for us. I sat down, all of them starting to talk and trying to get me into the conversation as much as possible, catching me up in a way. I was glad to talk; it'd distract me from the food. I didn't touch the food even once as we all went on about this and that, everyone else nearly finished as Jerome glanced to me. He frowned, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Mitch, eat." He basically ordered. I blinked, surprised as Lachlan and Ryan looked to me, confusion written on their faces.

"Oh... uh, I'm not really hungry." I informed him with a weak smile. He huffed.

"Mitch, you're underweight, you need to eat." Jerome insisted.

"I'm not hungry-."

"Bullshit Mitch, just eat." Jerome snapped with a pleading look on his face. I just stared at him, eventually picking up my fork and slowly beginning to eat. "Thank you." Jerome added. "Now, what were we talking about?" I didn't want to speak, staying dead silent the rest of the meal. Why would Jerome snap like that? Why at me? I'm not hungry- how could I be underweight...? I'm fat- I'm not hungry... I ate. Jerome would give me looks if I made a move to stop eating again. I tried my best to ignore the looks and put the fork back down, but anytime I did put it down and stopped eating; Jerome just called me out on it again. Eventually, I finished my plate, everyone else having been done for a while now. Jerome smiled sweetly at me, to which I didn't return, frowning slightly. "What's wrong?" Jerome questioned, tilting his head, his smile faltering for a split second.

"Nothing." I quickly assured, smiling. He didn't seem convinced, but remained smiling and nodded slightly. "I'm tired though, I think I'm going to go to bed." I yawned, Jerome nodding as they all said goodnight.

~Jerome~

"Oi, what was all that about?" Lachlan softly demanded after Mitch disappeared upstairs, lightly smacking my shoulder.

"Yeah, Mitch doesn't have to eat if he doesn't want too." Ryan added. I huffed.

"He's gaining weight whether he likes it or not- he needs too." I argued. "You heard what the doctor said- he's 21, somewhere around six feet tall, and weighs 87 pounds- that isn't healthy!"

"Yeah, but forcing him to eat won't help him Jerome, that might just make him upset." Lachlan snapped. "From all the cuts they found on his chest and the razor blades that we found in his room, he very well could be depressed-."

"And did you even see the way he started acting after you forced him to eat? Dude, he went dead silent!" Ryan continued. I sighed, rubbing my temple.

"Look, I'm sorry, ok?" I mumbled, closing my eyes. "I just want him to be Mitch again. Hell, I grew up with him and he never had problems with how much he weighed, he's never been depressed before now apparently, so when did allof this start and why?!" I demanded, placing my hands on the table.

"Boys, look, it doesn't matter what caused it or when it started, all-."

"Shut up." I stood, making my way over to the archway that leads to the hallway and living room.

"Excuse-?"

"Shush!" I hurriedly whispered. Lachlan gave me a dumbfounded look, as did Ryan, but I motioned them up and pointed to the hallway. I could hear him from here. Vomiting. None of us said anything, just listened. I leaned on the wall, covering my face with my hands. Lachlan ran a hand through his hair while Ryan crossed his arms, all of us glancing to each other. I hurried down the hallway, stopping by Mitch's door and knocking on it loudly and repeatedly, causing his room to fall dead silent. "Mitch, I know you're awake!" I informed him. "Please open the door!" Eventually, the door slowly cracked open, Mitch standing behind it, not letting me in the room and barely opening the door at all, only his right eye visible through the crack.

"Yes...?" He murmured.

"Why were you vomiting?" I demanded. His expression didn't change, and he made no move to answer me. I sighed. "Mitch, why? I just want to know why."

"... I wasn't feeling good." He mumbled so quietly I barely heard him. After that he just shut the door on me and locked it, not waiting for my response. I huffed.

"Bullshit..." I stated under my breath, going back into the living room, where Ryan and Lachlan were. They looked to me. "He wasn't feeling good." I informed them with a sarcastic tone, sitting down with a thud. They rolled their eyes.

"Maybe he wasn't." Ryan argued.

"BULLSHIT- he's perfectly fine!" I yelled.

"Don't talk so loudly!" Lachlan reminded quietly. "And hey, we don't know how he's feeling; all we know is that if we don't handle this carefully, we'll drive him away. Is that what you want?" Lachlan slowly added. They were both staring at me.

"Why are you looking at me?" I demanded, offended. They didn't respond, still staring at me. I sighed, looking away as I crossed my arms over my chest. "No, I don't want to drive him away..." I murmured.

"Then start acting normally." Lachlan ordered, flipping through the many different TV channels. "Meaning, stop acting like an overprotective bacca." Ryan snickered, but I didn't find what Lachlan said amusing in any way, shape, or form. Maybe I'd rather be an overprotective bacca then act like I don't know what he's doing to himself...

~Mitch~

The next few days weren't very eventful. Ryan left to go back home, Lachlan acted like he normally did, and Jerome... Didn't leave my side. He was nearly literally, stuck to me like glue. Anywhere I went, Jerome was nearby. After every meal, which he demanded with a sweet tone that I consume, he would sit me down and watch TV with me. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere else until the food had digested... or... until it was to the point I couldn't vomit it back up again at least. He was driving me insane. But...

"What are we watching again?" I calmly asked with a faint smile on my lips, snuggling closer to him.

"Castle, we started watching it while you were in the hospital." Jerome informed me, most likely for the tenth time today. I hummed softly, nodding.

"Right..." Jerome was being obsessive with me. I wasn't allowed to leave the house without his knowing of it, and he insisted on always coming with me. Even if I was just taking a walk around the block. It was almost as if he didn't trust me being by myself. Sometimes he'd even sit with me until I fell asleep, depending on how troublesome the day had been. Sometimes he's too tired too. He was acting like a nagging old fool and treating me like a child. But honestly...

It was comforting. And annoying at certain times. He won't tell me why my closet had been "rearranged". It was a mess and I swear it was clean before the accident. My closet was always organized. He won't tell me why, neither will Lachlan. Every night, I made a new entry in my journal, as the doctor had requested. Jerome asked one time if I'd seen the journal. I smiled and nodded. He smiled back and left it at that, no more questions, no strings attached. The journal entries varied in length, but tended to be about 5 front and back pages, more or less at times, but still. I'd question my journal as if it were a real person, always satisfied with the fact I received no answer in return. I'd ask questions I'd never ask any of my friends.

Why does Jerome love Alanna? Why won't they tell me why my closet was rearranged? What happened to all of my blades?

General things of that nature. I haven't posted any videos on my channel yet. Jerome's posted a few, but Lachlan's been on track and on time with everything so far, video's coming out every day as usual. I didn't really feel like recording. Jerome wanted to spend every second with me- I don't know why, but I'm not the fool to question it, so that's why he's been falling behind on his videos slightly. Lachlan is always asking me if I want to record with him. I just shrug, not sure. Honestly, I'd rather just sit here more than anything; make the most of my time with Jerome while he wants to hold me close like this.

The sound of the front door opening rang throughout the quiet house, Jerome and I both looking in its direction as an all too familiar voice called out to us all. I felt my heart shatter. Jerome smiled brightly, getting up, leaving me, and embracing his fiancé, kissing her passionately. My stomach started turning, my body aching as nausea swept over me.

"I'm so glad you're back!" Jerome cooed, Lachlan upstairs, recording and currently unaware of Alanna's return. I swallowed the lump in my throat, seeing her look to me and smile brightly, hurrying over.

"Mitch- I'm so glad you're ok!" She stated, delighted. I didn't respond, just forced myself to smile at her, hugging back slightly. She pulled away, smiling happily down at me. "And as always, you can always talk to me, just ask, ok?" I nodded, not speaking. She turned back to Jerome, kissing him again before they both sat down with me. Alanna between us. She always was. Always will be...

"I, uh..." I cleared my throat. "I'm going to go take a nap." I announced, faking a yawn. Jerome gave me a slightly confused look, but nodded, concern in his eyes.

"Have a nice nap, sweet dreams!" Alanna called as I made my way to my room. Opening the door, I faintly caught that Alanna had decided to make us all lunch, shutting my door quietly as I let a shaky breath escape my lips. Leaning back against the door, I felt my throat close up and my eyes begin to water, my vision blurring as I brought a hand to my left eye, as if it'd stop the tears from rolling of my cheeks. It didn't. I slid down the door, pulled my knees to my chest, and just quietly cried pointlessly. Funny, I knew it'd happen sooner or later. But then there was always that sliver of hope that Alanna'd get hit by a bus. Or shot in the head. Or pushed off a bridge. Or eaten by wolves. Or hunted down by assassins. Or... I should stop.

I got up, pounced onto my bed, grabbed my journal, and just started to write. To pour out my heart, but at the same time not being too specific about things. I didn't use anyone's name, just the general idea of it. Let's just say I'm paranoid someone will read it. I don't know why, I just... After deciding I'd wrote enough about my feels, about my heart and mind, I set my journal aside, the tears having dried, staining my face and spotting the pages. I slipped out of my bed, going to my bathroom and opening up the medical cabinet. I just stared. Where'd all of my pills go...?