_Chidinma_

I woke up to the harsh but gentle ray of light emitting from the semi-closed curtains covering the French windows in my new bedroom. My eyes quickly adjusted as they took in the sight of the beautiful room. The bedside clock read;
                               

8:30am

The house was eerily quiet. I was almost transported to my normal routine of life, before I remembered.
I sighed. My parents must have left earlier. We had said our tearful
goodbyes yesterday. Although we could video call and the ilks, there was nothing like being able to talk to and hold your loved ones in person.

Friend and Family. Gone.

Heaving a sigh to pursue that thought, I climbed out of bed, and saw the sight of my pillow which had definite drool marks. That sleep must have been one of the best I had had all week.

May be because you talked to him last night.

Stiffing a smiling laugh at my inner irrational self and catching a whiff of my horrible morning breath in the process, I did a quick toilette.

With nothing to do, I took another quick tour of my new temporary abode, something I had not had the chance to do yesterday, I discovered some places I had not seen before. In all, the place was astonishingly beautiful. Maybe, just maybe, I could get Rex to give it to me. Just maybe.

Smiling at the thought, I proceed to do a little 'Environmental' of my own. I cleaned, mopped, scrubbed and took out the thrash. By ten o'clock, I was done with cleaning every nook and cranny. Clapping my hands and smiling in self accomplishment, I went to the room to retrieve my laptop.

As I sat on the comfortable sofa in the living room, my smile suddenly dropped like a dead fly. I couldn't do this. I couldn't just wake up, clean, bathe and eat everyday until my trial which by the way, was God knows when. Groaning in frustration and anger, I pried open my laptop in a huff.

I needed to keep myself busy. I didn't want to think. To think about it all.

Too late..

"You drugged Miss Chioma. You put cocaine in her drink.."
"Are you sure you want to have this party?"
"We found drugs in your house... cocaine...into your bed pillows.."
"Are you sure you want to have this party?"
"Blood was just pouring out of her head. Jesus!."
"Blood."
"Blood."
"The blood you caused."
"Friend, Family, gone. Gone. GONE!."

"Why don't you just end it? End it and join her? Wouldn't you be happy? You'd be both happy."

The menacing voice in my head was speaking to me. Speaking filthy, degrading thoughts. Pure Evil. I knew it was evil. I knew. But that last thought sounded tempting. Sounded so right, yet infinitesimally wrong. Sounded very tempting. Nobody would miss me. They would be okay with Kelechi won't they? Won't they?
I could pull the noose. I could end it. Just end it. End it.

I would be happy.

I hadn't noticed that I had moved an inch. I was trapped in my own mind. I didn't know when I went to the kitchen to take the knife. When I sat at the feet of the couch with the knife to my throat. Didn't feel the knife's cool steel blade press too deeply into my skin, drawing rich red blood in the process.

"I know my Ada she loves and she cares...I know you didn't do it."

As I heard my Mum's voice, light in darkness, I quickly jerked the kitchen knife out of my hand in horror, like it was a poisonous snake. Putting my hand to my neck, I felt the wetness of blood beneath my fingers.

Chocking on a sob, I quickly got up, toppling the side table in the process, and flew to the bathroom. Using some towels that hung on the bath rail, I frantically dabbed at the cut.

I heard myself chanting words as I did, words I could hear clearly, but we're ambiguous all the same.

"I tried to kill myself."

"I tried to kill myself."

"Kill myself."

"Myself."

Pulling at my hair, I screamed at my reflection in the mirror, as I watched it contort and grimace, making my tear stained face look absolutely horrifying.

I cringed at the sight, my entire frame still racking with sobs, till I curled myself into a ball on the cold, hard, desolate tiled floor of the bathroom. I felt alone. So alone.

"I'll be with you every step of the way."
"I couldn't ask for anything more in life. I love you."
"I love you Dinma."

Chioma's voice. Chioma's words. She was with me. She loved me. I am not alone. I am never alone.

I prayed to God for strength.

~~~~~~

Filler chapter.

Suicide, is a definite no-no. No matter how alone you feel, it's never enough to take your own life.

Find Hope. Faith. It's there, you just have to look harder and longer.

I'm glad we have such a strong heroine-protagonist.

Sorry for the super late update. School.

💓💖