Note:
Hey, hey, before you read. What do you think about the cover above?
I made it by myself!
It seems I have some graphic designing skills. 😊😊

Now read away!

••••••

The first week of school in a new year was always the same to Ruby - stressful. All the registrations and introductory lectures usually drained her soul further.

She let Catherine, who had come back the day before, drive her to the campus and she got on with her work for the day, ticking them off on her phone planner as they were being done.

Grabbing a cup of coffee in the cafeteria, because she could never get it wrong with coffee, she headed to the balcony in her faculty that overlooked the beautiful grounds of the campus. The snow-covered landscape was a beautiful sight to behold, but Ruby managed to view it as average. She did not take it in, nether did she soak it in. Winter had a way of numbing her creative mind and sight. The cold made her nose red and puffy, so she sipped the hot liquid to warm her up and managed to enjoy the serenity.

"Oh look what the cat dragged in," drawled a voice to her left. She didn't remember seeing anyone else when she entered.

She turned swiftly to find a smirking Andrew. Automatically, her arms folded over her chest and she braced herself for his snide remarks.

"You look sad," he said. "Oh wait, you always look like this every winter season."

He gave out a cold laugh and looked her dead in the eye.

Her facial muscles ticked and she longed to both kick him in the shin and run away crying.

Luke's words from the night before echoed in her head. He had smiled at her and said, "In order to fully believe in yourself, you need to learn how to block out people's negativity. And remember, believing in yourself is one of the keys to overcoming your SAD."

Of course she'd told him about her disorder. She could not lie to him after what had happened. The guy had found her in a messed up state, it was only fitting that she confessed her dark secret.

Andrew snapped her out of her daze by saying, "Don't try to kill yourself this time, huh? It's just two more years before college is over."

She felt an invisible slap, clutching on the coffee cup and squeezing it hard in order to stand upright. In order to feel a lifeline to reality. She felt the memories resurfacing, and she blinked to clear it - to push it all out. She saw red, she saw his face, she saw the both of them, lips brushing against each other. She saw their crew when there were still one, before that day, before Andrew left them - all because of her.

He started to leave, but Ruby placed her hand on his brown duffel bag and moved close to him. She felt the tingles run down her hand like electricity, but it was not like she remembered it. She was way past that feeling, way past the stupid high school crush. But she released him all the same, her touch had already done what she wanted it to do.

He turned, electric blue eyes holding a glint of pain, of the past. That was the Andrew she could remember - the one with feelings. But his eyes turned cold as swiftly as they had turned warm. All that she looked into in that moment was blue, frosted walls - the new Andrew.

"Just because I did something once doesn't mean I'll do it again," she began, her tone soft, gentle. "A Christian - at least my kind - never makes such decision twice. "

"Ruby, you tried to kill yourself and you keep saying that Christianity is good to you. If God really loves you why would he let you do that? Why would he make you depressed? I stopped being friends with you because of that incident. If you were going to kill yourself, I couldn't save you and I couldn't bear to watch." He rambled at a go.

"You thwart, we had a solid friendship. You should be ashamed." She almost yelled, but reduced her voice to avoid drawing attention. She continued, more gentle this time, "I am yet to find answers to your question, but I know that I'll be fine." She was reassuring herself too. Anything to keep her going.

He covered his face and stayed still, trying to make his breathing even. It had always been his coping mechanism. She couldn't forget that so easily. She watched this action for a brief moment before she continued talking softly, all the anger she'd been feeling towards him for years seemingly dissipating.

"You know your name is in the Bible. You were a follower of Jesus. But look at you. You're not living your name."

"To hell with that!" He spat.

His hands left his face and he straightened. "Well. . . it was nice talking to an old friend."

"God still loves you no matter what. No matter how foolish you may act," she said one last time. And as the words left her lips, she wondered why she could not seem to believe it for herself.

"Says the girl dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder." Those were his last words to her for that day as he turned to leave, slamming his hands together. It would've been the perfect walking-away thingy if it was a movie and if it was in slow motion.

As she watched him leave, she hunched her shoulders and let her weary mind wander. She was still grasping and trying to fully believe in God. Being born into Christianity had not given her automatic faith, just an urge to know God more. So in the middle of the balcony, she internally cried out to God, asking him to increase her faith. She needed Him to be able to go through her season of depression. She needed to see the sun shine on her.

But to Ruby Grayson, it felt like He wasn't listening. And she heard no voice speak to her either. So she decided to ask Luke Hawt about it. She truly needed advice from him and she would not risk letting her trust issues or pride hinder that, she'd already thrown them in the dust too many times when it came to him.

"Ruby!" Daisy came right into her face as she stepped out of the faculty building. She'd been avoiding her for hours, but it seemed the girl had caught up to her. She sighed.

"Oh hi, Daisy. Happy New Year." It was nice to be the first person to say it in their conversation.

"You too! Isn't the snow lovely? The cold is awful, but I just love me some winter season." Daisy - ever cheery Daisy - said, somewhat oblivious to her friend's mood. But Ruby did not fault her to it, rather she savored her lively presence for the first time in a long time.

"Really?" Ruby said in a disinterested tone.

"What's up with you, Ruby?" At least she picked up a little.

"What is?" Ruby fired back, unable to hold in her growing frustration.

"Whoa. . . it seems like you're in a bad mood. I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way," Daisy said, eyes wide and blinking. She liked her friendship with Ruby.

"You didn't do anything."

"Then what is the matter?"

"You won't understand."

They got to Daisy's car and drove off, silence creating an invisible curtain between them. Ruby stared at the steering wheel for a moment too long. Her treacherous mind reminded her of the time she used to love driving. Still did. But she couldn't. It had caused destruction once and she could not risk that again. It had caused her Andrew's friendship, and it had almost cost her life.

That night as Ruby laid on her bed, the familiar arms of sleep carried her away. But instead of seeing her world of dark, sad things, she was transported to that day two years back.

*****

"Andrew!!" She called out to him as she horned repeatedly in front of his house, the one on the modest row of houses with peeling white paint. She'd agreed to drive him to school and she did not like waiting too long. After all, it wasn't her fault that his truck had broken down. And out of their five - man crew made up of three girls and two boys, he had chosen to ride with her.

She had to admit though, her stomach was filled with those familiar butterflies, the one only Andrew seemed to bring out. Her mind went back to the party they'd attended last, to the brush of his lips against hers. And she smiled. He had been too drunk to remember the day after, but she did. She remembered every single detail.

"Sorry Ruby. I woke up late and my little brother is sick," he said, entering into the car while munching on a piece of buttered bread roll.

She inhaled the scent of him - leather and spice - and smiled, but she quickly hid it with a frown.

"Well that's not my fault. Now let's get to school on time!" She hollered at him.

A wave of dizziness washed over her, but she put it off. Then her hands began to shake, and she remembered that she had skipped her antidepressant drugs. Well, shit! She could not go back to her house, so she buried back the feeling.

She began driving. The dizziness she'd been feeling intensified and Andrew noticed it.

"You alright Ruby?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." But she wasn't. She had been to her therapist and been given a new diagnosis. Coupled with her major depression that she'd battled since she was fifteen, she had seasonal depression. Plus, she had skipped her drugs.

She watched the road, trying to clear her head, but she could feel the shaking increase, the stabbing ache.

Had she not been smiling moments ago?

"To hell with that. I don't feel all right." She blurted out.

Andrew threw her a cautious look and said, "Park the car and let me drive okay?"

But her foggy mind had other plans and she swerved a little, hitting the tree off the side of the road.

"Shit!" Andrew shouted as his head hit the headboard. The airbags activated and Ruby felt the numbness seep in. She let the darkness take over as she closed her eyes.

That was the beginning of her dwindle. That was the last day Andrew talked to her until college. That was the reason why she had taken a drug overdose and tried to kill herself few months later.

Most of all, the last time she ever drove a car.

A/N:

This chapter is just...😩

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QueenofQeciverse here's the update I promised you.

Mackenzie the 2nd. . .Out. . .