What is that feeling when you know, you snatched someone's happiness for your joy ? What is that feeling when you know you stripped someone's privilege , because you had higher authority ? 

Is it accomplishment ?

 Is it worth the joy? Will it be joy anymore?

Is it guilt? If not , then what is it? If yes , then how do you live with it all your life? What if the person whom you snatched of their privileges, where you left them empty handed , is your closed ones, perhaps blood? How can you be happy ? You can never be unless and until you are welcomed in your grave and the secret is safe with you in your grave.

 Here , the narrator is the antagonist . We have always read stories from the point of view of protagonist , lets see what is the story of an antagonist. The antagonist is a fool fighter who fought a foolish battle.

 I am Akshara , the second child of my parents . I have an elder sister Aathira and a younger sister Anashwara . We three lived with our parents in a two storrey building in the suburbs of New Delhi . We are not from Delhi to be exact, but since my parents marriage we are here. 

As a kid , I was a happy one with my sisters. As we started growing up, when I look back now, that's where everything started changing. But since , we , sisters never fought for anything , it was okay.

 My first problem with Aathira was that she was the perfect daughter who never disobeyed parents, who always helped us in our studies , a perfect one in every aspect.

 My second problem with her was that everyone liked her , be the family, neighbours , each and everyone had a liking for her.

 The list of problems would go on and on . If I had gone to a nearby shop , the shopkeeper Aunty would ask for her. The kids in the streets would ask for her . I was slowly starting my hostility towards her. 

But these were all just some small incidents when we were kids. One fine day, when we three were back from college and office , Maa informed us about our new neighbours . They were just like us , bought the home a month ago and before that were living in Laxmi Nagar . They were a family of five. Their elder daughter and son were married. The Aunty and her elder daughter-in-law became friends with my family soon.

 On a day to the visit to their home to deliver kheer made by Maa , I came across their younger son , a cheerful young man , and that is the day when I got to know about the family having an unmarried man. I never bothered to befriend anyone from the neighborhood. I never made friends to be precise . 

Little did I know, I was in a battle to destroy lives of people who loved me. We three girls had only an year difference in our ages. After an year or some, when I was working as an intern in a company was early to arrive home , overheard Maa and Aunty talking about Athira's marriage and Aunty asking if they ( my parents) were ready to marry off us into the neighborhood. I concluded, Aunty was asking for Athira's hand for her younger son . It was the starting for the green eyed monster in me to wake up. I, on that day, pretended as I heard nothing and greeted her with a fake smile. My thinking were like Athira had everything in her life , loving parents ( not that they didn't love me , I was jealous), desired job , good salary and going to have a good family. I was in a state of mind to break her. Little did I know , I was going to be broken. I wanted to make her a pawn in my game, but destiny overpowered me .I started noticing things that I never paid attention to , Athira visiting neighbor Aunty 's home regularly , going to shopping with Maya bhabhi ( daughter in law of neighbor aunty ), talking to Jai ( Aunty 's younger son ) and the last nail in the coffin was my own family discussing about our marriages . Papa decided to marry three of us together . Athira was 25 , I was 24 and Anu( Anashwara ) was 23, a one year gap in ages . I was adamant not to get Aathi married to Jai at any cost. I have seen the sparks in her eyes when she talked about him and his family. 

I decided to be the game changer . On a Sunday, when three of us were home alone , Anu asked Aathi , if she was happy with getting married now or has she anyone in life as a love interest ? I knew she would answer in negative sentence . Anu confessed about having a crush on one of her colleague. She works as a business developer, I am a HR and Aathi is a data scientist . I took it as an opportunity to confess having a crush for the boy next door. They were bewildered , I knew they will be, I wasn't a mingling one of the family , an introvert . Little did they know I was a fox in the pretext of a sheep . I carefully analysed Aathi's expression , her face was gloomy ( I had no problem if she married anyone else I never wanted her to be married in neighbourhood) I was not affected by that , I was perhaps happy.

 Aathira was quiet for some days like someone snatched her right of living. I was that someone , I was being happy , no remorse , no regrets.Papa announced over a dinner one day that Maya bhabhi's cousin has sent a proposal for Aathi and the family would visit on Sunday. I was over the moon. I failed to notice Aathi for the first time in my life , which was a grave mistake.

 I was happy because Jai wasn't marrying her and I just wanted that . I neither wanted to marry Jai nor was having someone in my life. I never wanted her to marry her love of life . And it happened , Aathi wasn't being married in neighbourhood. The Sunday arrived soon , the said family liked her. She didn't oppose too ( I doubted first but then our papa would never listen to us so I let that slide) I had no problem with that which I didn't know why still now .

And then our life were decided too. I will be married off to Jai . When I came to know about it, I was shocked . I opposed at first and Papa's one glare was fair enough for me to back off. We never had any say in that , whatever he decides is final . Even Maa can't say a word against Papa. In my mind ,Jai and Aathi love each other and I broke them . I never cared about my life . I was behind Aathi's destruction. Anu was liked by my father's friend and his family ( I wonder how easily she got over her crush ). 

But this was all the beginning of my end. In my ego, I destroyed my own life. I married a man whom I can never love . But the irony is hard to digest. We three were married off with a tag of "Happily Ever After". Aathi with Dev jiju who was the cousin of Maya bhabhi . Anu with Rudra , papa's friend's son , she was happy to marry him, we knew him since years , a close acquaintance for me, that's all. And finally, me with Jai.

 It was difficult to act as a good wife and daughter-in-law. I was in a loveless marriage . The result of my ego. But what made me feel guilty was that day when I and he had a long conversation with each other since our marriage. We were in a park nearby, sitting on a stone bench facing the children playing . Jai was an exception , he was busy in his phone. I was looking at him ( a moment when you look into space thinking something). Suddenly , he turned to me and told me something which shook me. He confessed his undying love for me . I was shocked because I was in the belief that he loved Aathi. But he never did. He loved me since the first time he saw me, which I don't even remember . As Aathira was friendly with him , it was easy to strike a conversation with her regarding his feelings for me. And this guy is thinking I love him because Aathi informed him that I have a crush on him.

Karma hits badly. I had visited Aathi in the pretext of knowing about her well being to just clarify my thoughts. The harsh reality was Dev Jiju had seen Aathi once with Maya Bhabhi and fell in love with her at first sight . When bhabhi asked Aathi, she told to talk to papa. Hence, Aathi was married to her love. And the idiot , jealousy myself, I was so into the plan of destroying never existed things.

 I wished if I could go back to the past and notice Aathi's reaction when papa said over the dinner about the proposals. 

Can I undo anything? NO. I can't confess my wrong doings and imaginary scenarios I created to anyone. She is happy. Am I ? No. And the man who married me don't deserve me, he deserves better. And this thing irritates me to the core. Never try destroying someone, especially those who love you unconditionally. 

At present, Aathira is in Mumbai with her husband and kids. Anu is in Delhi with her husband and she has triplets who somewhere looks exactly like our papa. And I. I have a son who is seventeen years old and my husband who loves me like I am his world. Do I love him ? I don't know , I want to but I can't look at his face without feeling guilty. I am happy that he love me and sad at the same time that I destroyed his happy life. I am living with this guilt since twenty years. Twenty years to our marriage. I was fighting a battle where I was the opponent and I was defeated . He might have forgiven me but I couldn't . Even if I confess my love he won't believe. 

Life has changed. But for not so good.